| Adventures at White Castle.... |
| So, I haven't been myself lately... actually, I have been pissed off as all of my older friends have come to know and love.... or at least know. It's odd because I've been angry and depressed before, I think I was worse off last fall or for the entirety of middle school, and my parents never noticed. Now my previously unconcerned parents are becoming worried about me which makes me worried about me. However, everyone who's worried about me... although since my parents don't read the page, i don't know who that's directed to... never fear. (a) I am usually more amusing when I am angry... or so I gather since people used to try to piss me off all the time and some people still do. and (b) I am 99% indestructible thanks to White Castle. If you've ever been to White Castle, you know that the food-like products there are volatile, and if you haven't ever been to White Castle stop reading this now because you are a fool and I'm amazed that you've been allowed out of your room long enough to grab ahold of the computer. Anyway, at White Castle, everything on the menu board is white on a blue background except for two items: The Cheesy Fries, which are yellow indicating mild death upon ingestion; and the Fried Clam Strips which are in Red indicating a bloody, bloody death beyond reckoning. I came up with a little theory. I theorized that if I ate the clam strips I would die.... because all the food there is kind of dangerous, but there is something a little fishy about clam strips at White Castle. I decided that if i was ever going to commit suicide, it would be by eating White Castle Fried Clam Strips, and yes, I did have to capitalize all of that just to make sure I got the severity across. So, I mentioned this to my friends and Travis challenged me that he would buy a box of clam strips if I did. I can't pass up a challenge like that so I accepted and we went to White Castle with John and Chris Pair-of-Socks. When we got there I tried to disguise the anxiety in my voice as I ordered the fried clam strips. What happened next was unbelievable... Without screaming, or fainting, or making me sign a waiver, or asking the manager to come over with the special pass code, or even looking at the touch screen, he pushed the button and gave me my total. Now, I'm crazy and I'm willing to believe all kinds of things, but I am not willing to believe that enough people order the fried clam strips that the cashier knows where the key is without looking at it. I'm either guessing that the button is blinking red or else the fried clam strips are like a joke at White Castle. "Hey Ortiz, ring me up for clam strips, ha ha ha!" (Ortiz pretends to hit the button as co-workers pretend to swallow their company supplied cyanide capsules to be consumed in such an event.) But we sat down and Travis, John, Chris, and I all ate a clam strip at the same time. ... seconds passed............ and none of us died. I continued eating them. John had some difficuly because if you don't manage to bite through the "meat" the breading just pulls apart and it stretches out and gets very scary. Travis punked out after a few which I don't blame him for, but I set out to eat my whole box. Partly out of spite, partly out of pride, and partly because I still have that "I spent money on food goddamn it I'm going to eat it" thing from when I didn't have a job or money for a year. Eventually, I got so adventurous, some say foolhardy, that I put some clam strips on a White Castle burger and ate that big mess... and you know what? It wasn't as horrible as one would think. Of course, I guess your imagination is your only limitation there. The next day I had work. Work was hard because I had not been able to sleep much the night before because I felt like shit. Now, my stomach has been mad at me before, and sometimes it has made my butt vomit a bit, and sometimes it has made my mouth vomit a bit, and sometimes it just curses at me. I didn't vomit. It cursed all night though, and made damn sure I knew it wasn't pleased with my behavior. But I was still proud that I had eaten what I had eaten and survived... that is until it hit me. It being a picnic table I dropped on my foot. It hurt me. Now, if my theory was correct, I should not have felt pain because I should be indestructible. Maybe being invincible just covers death, but still... then something else hit me. I'm not invincible because I didn't eat the entire box. When Chris Pair-of-Socks ate a clam strip, it came from my box. Which leads me to a question: If I had eaten that last strip would I have died as I originally thought, or would I have become invincible by the principle that whatever doesn't kill one, makes one stronger? If I would have died, Chris might be my hero, but if I would have been made invincible, imbued with powers greater than any man... even the Cat Man... he must be my arch-nemesis merely trying to prevent me from knowing the mysteries that he fears the answers of. And now I know what my fatal flaw is. God, I'm going to make an awesome super hero. |