d r a m a t i c i z e

1) Good Evening.

            a) I’m very pleased to meet you.

            b) Do you have a light?

c) May I have some razor blades?

d) Call an ambulance. Call the police. Quickly.

e) What’s a pointless quiz like you doing on a desk like this?

2) What do you think about the title of this quiz?

            a) It makes me question my place in the universe.

            b) It makes me wanna sing a verse from “Doctor Midnite.”

            c) It makes me wanna eat a Meatlong (or Football).

            d) It’s a statement and a question.

            e) It questions my statements.

            f) It states my questions.

3) If you could be any food, which celebrity would you like to eat you?

a) Angelina Jolie                                   b) Mario Andretti

c) Hayden Christensen                          d) The Flash

e) The guy who plays the bum in all those commercials

4) But why a bum?!

a) ‘Cause he won’t scream if he’s on fire.

b) Yellow sock must find a foot.

c) Without the bum your hands would be full of meat and cheese!

5) Why not?

            a) Different Midsections.

            b) Different Colors.

6) If you had to be run over in a Semi, who would you want to do it?

            a) The Incredible Hulk                          b) Tony Randall

            c) Some Guy In A Helmet                    d) Midnight Pimp

            e) Bigfoot                                             f) Sasquatch

7) What’s the curviest line between two points?

            a) A zig zag                                          b) A straight edge

            c) A razor blade                                   d) A circumference
            e) A tangent wave                                 f) A chord

            g) An arpeggio                                      h) An Arsenio (as in: Hall)

8) What should you wear to your next job interview?

            a) What should I wear?

            b) What should I wear?

            c) What should I wear?

            d) A bag of fruit.

            e) McDonald’s Uniform.

            f) Ronald McDonald Uniform.

g) The Business Card Shirt.

9) Now I’m curious. What was your last job interview like?

            a)    b)   c)

10) No, I didn’t mean: How did it go? More like: What kind of questions did they ask?

            a) Whatever they were, they were better than these.

            b) They made me read NOTE:s for an hour or so.

            c) They shushed me whenever I tried to speak.

            d) Name. Age. Blood Type. Favorite Cartoon Character.

            e) Reason for my jail sentence.

11) What would be the most useful button on a person?

a) Panic  b) Sleep  c) Reset  d) Power  e) Guide  f) Slash  g) End

h) Delete (like on Freakazoid’s finger)  i) Mute (like Freakazoid’s mute butler)

12) Hey Shplave, what you did today?

            a) I got new game.        b) I ate Khlav Khalash.     c) I danced with a mop.

13) What’s the coolest tattoo someone can get?

            a) All Level 3 Yakuza

            b) A heart

            c) “Delete” on your index finger

14) What is the commander-in-chief trying to look at?

            a) The growing deficit.

            b) Where Baghdad used to be.

            c) Hula girls.

            d) A deer. “Goin’ huntin’!”

            e) A kaleidoscope.

             f) 3-D photo of White House.

15) If this is hell…

            a) I must be dead.

16) Note: Am I allowed to write a note? Note: to self. Ask Jerry about Note:s. I’m starting to wonder what the purpose of a Note: is on a Pointless Quiz, or any quiz for that matter. I also wonder why Jerry produces so many yypos – ahem – typographical errors. I guess he isn’t a typographical kind-of-guy. I suppose he’s more of a sensory person. I should make Note: of that. So, the purpose of the Note: is still rather elusive. Perhaps it’s just to fill up space. That doesn’t sound too optimistic though. Because, come on, the glass is full of blue M&Ms. Maybe it’s the new color. I can’t believe Blue isn’t the guy. I guess the new color wanted to be the guy too. I’m starting to wonder why Jerry has such Neanderthal lexical abilities and malformed syntax. His written expressions are fragmented sentence fragments at best. Open your eyes! Take heed! Nay! Take Note:! Don’t be fooled! Watch for supposed conceits and run-ons such as: “Ahem, anyway, this is not a question, what it REALLY is is just a super long Note:, I mean a REALLY SUPER long Note:, with no real point to it at all.” Now, I’m depressed. End Transmission.

17) Sonomabitch.

            a) Maybe there’s a reason you’re not allowed to write Note:s.

            b) Ever heard of Xanax?

18) Have you ever felt like you’re just having a conversation with yourself?

            a) Yes, you have.

19) Who was President Wilson's worst enemy?

            a) Magneto

            b) The Kaiser

c) Dennis The Menace

d) Some guy in a helmet

e)   f)   g)

20) Now for a mathematics problem: Why am I such a hack?

            a) arctan 4 ln 15           b) f’(x) = 3x²                c) 49

d) 12                            e) 10:27                       f) 42

21) I’m still depressed.

22) No, I don’t feel at least a little better.

23) No! I’m not just talking to myself.

24) Note: to self: Admit to Jerry that your superior command of language doesn’t really make you very funny. It only serves to feed your over-inflated sense of self and provides you with a tool to aggrandize yourself at the expense of the Cro-Magnon man. Damn.

Note: to self: Just throw in some recycled questions and reference answers. No one will know the difference. Not even Jerry. He is as oblivious as he is inarticulate.

…I’m so smart.

25) Who would win in a fight and which weapon would they use?

            a) Aaron Goodnow. NES Gun and Powerglove.

            b) Midnight Pimp. Twenty bitches.

            c) Uncle Joffrey Domino. Tie of Moral Clarity.

            d) Cool Wimp. Pumpkin Pie (=MC²).

            e) Robo The Robosexual Robot. Titanium Allloy Male Reproductive Organ.

            f) Mustadio. Death Ray.

            g) Evil Aibo. Molten Sphere.

26) Christopher Walken lives ______________.

            a) On the moon.

            b) In Melbourne.

            c) On Jamiroquai's moving stage.

            d) In a cage in North Vietnam.

            e) In Joey Chicago's house.

27) Now I feel better.

28) Trust me. That is what you need to do.

29) In conclusion, here's an incomprehensible random picture.

            a) That’s true.     b) You are wrong!     c) I can’t argue with Admiral Ackbar.    d) It's a trap!

(Editor Note: Some punctuation and grammar within this section has been untouched for unclarity.)

30) Section:

            a) Icize

            b) I size

            c) Ice eyes

            d) Yeah…I thought so too

31) SuperPoring is away at 3:24:33 PM.

            a) Ain’t that the truth.

            b) What a bast-rat.

            c) Super!

32) I read Playboy for the...

            a) articles

            b) plays

            c) pictures of naked women

33) What is your tattoo going to say?

            a) “I went to the tattoo parlor and all I got was this lousy tattoo.”

            b) “It’s not what it looks like.”

            c) “Ask me where my other one is.”

     Where is your other one?

            a) On my butt

            b) On YOUR butt

            c) On top of the first one; it’s a tracing.

34) The obvious answer is “c”

            a) the least obvious is “a”

            b) “b” is obviously a loser

            c) obvious

            d) c

35) Where does it hurt?

            a) Right about where the bloody stub that used to be my arm is.

36) Why…back in MY day…

            a) Lions ruled the earth

            b) The world was covered with hills, both ways, that we had to walk barefoot day in and day out

            c) There used to be staring tournaments

            d) Playboy actually had pictures of naked women

37) I DJ with the ____________

            a) fire

            b) water

            c) pros

            d) cons

            e) _________________

38) How does pizza sound for dinner?

            a) Sounds good to me.

            b) Great, as long as you’re buying.

            c) Well…it makes a kinda sizzling sound while cooking…but that’s about it…

39) Pick the best name from the list:

            a) Dan De Lion

            b) Abyssmail

            c) Storm Drain

            d) Surf Borg

            e) Jock Strapon

            f) Arrogant Stab

            g) Doctor Moronic

            h) Gargle Witch

            i) Lady Annoyance

40) Don’t chu wanna Fanta?

            a) Hell…no…

            b) I wanna kick you in your Fanta

            c) Sure, why not?

41) Here comes the Thnikkaman!!!

            a) Techno chocolate

            b) Yeah… Shut up, kid

42) So…how does it taste?

            a) Not bad

            b) but not good either

            c) Like a thousand salty salts

43) That was the best thing since sliced ____________

            a) monkeys

            b) weasel feathers

            c) bastards

            d) ____________

44) You can take all your “nice” and shove it up your:

            a) ear

            b) deer

            c) mirror

            d) cashmere

            e) year

            f) near

45) I’m only going to tell you this once.

            a) I’m all ears.

            b) I’m all rears.

            c) Good, cause I’m only going to listen once.

46) Ok, think of a number between 1 and 100…if your number is below 50, double it, if your number is above 50, divide it in half. Take the difference of your original number and the new number, add 10 to it, this is your new number, because I said so. Now, if you are wearing blue, add 5, if you’re wearing green take away 3, if you’re wearing black, add 99.99, if you’re wearing white, take away 45.37, if you’re wearing nothing, and you’re a guy, go put some clothes on, if you’re wearing nothing and you’re a girl, come closer and I’ll whisper a number to you to add. Now……tell me your number.

            a) Holy crap, you actually were asking for a number this time?

            b) Whoa, that totally threw me off

            c) You had me at “OK”

            d) ________________________________________________

47) What famous person said this line? “Hi.”

            a) Aaron Goodnow

            b) Bongo

            c) Surf Borg

            d) Generic Rick

48) Would you take me to Funky Town?

            a) I drove last time

            b) WOULD I!?

            c) I’d rather go to Boogie Town

49) NOTE: This is a true NOTE:, for everyone knows that the true purpose of every NOTE: is to say NOTE: as many times as you NOTE:ably can. Now, it should be NOTE:ed that the creator of this quiz didn’t feel like making 49 funny this time, he’s just not gonna do it. So eat his not doing it. But he also likes fragmints. And typos. Haha…I totally said fragmints, I am such a winner. Ahem, now, it should also be NOTE:ed that it is time for the NOTE: to take a vacation, probably to Alaska, I hear it’s good this time of year. So, you should NOTE: that any other NOTE:s you see after this one will all be fake! You can’t take NOTE: of falsified NOTE:s! Take NOTE: of anyone trying to just hand you NOTE:s out on the street, just say no. Thousands die from these NOTE:s, it can happen to anyone. Guard your children, and read no more NOTE:s! To protect you and your family, please send just $5 to the NOTE: vacation…I mean, foundation, and a sizable NOTE: will be sent to you to protect you from the other grossly inaccurate NOTE:s you may come across. Thank you. End of NOTE:

49 - Mike yells version) Name this quote: “It is my professional opinion that now is the time to panic!”

            a) I’m going to name it Bob

            b) I’ve always liked the name Tim Cruise

            c) Well, I’m going to have to name it Bongo

49 - Maria O. version) Maybe it’s Maybelline?

            a) Yeah, as far as I know, it is.

49 - Robot Carnival version) Asians sold here.

            a) I’ll take a dozen!

            b) Are they certified?

            c) Ninjas?

49 - Amin told me to do this version) Your liecense plate reads:

            a) GETGONE

            b) BYE BYE

            c) IM DUMB

            d) WEEEFUN

            e) OKPICTURETHISYOUHAVETHIS - Wait, wait, that’s too long already.

49 - Bottles of beer on the wall version) What’s your favorite fighting game?

            a) Street Fighter Three 2^nd Impact

            b) King of Fighters Maximum Impact

            c) Impact Fighters

49 - Is seven squared version) Imagine getting more:

            a) port pleasure

            b) the usual

            c) the usual is the best, usually

49 - Pick Up Stix version) Do I know you from somewhere?

            a) I would hope so

            b) Officer, I’ve never seen this man before in my life

            c) Hmm, nope

49 - shameless reference answers version) Yeah, you know the drill.

            a) 49 (answer version)

            b) Bongo eats 49 Lions at the Robot Carnival with Aaron Goodnow…umm…version

            c) Is it somethin' about a V-dog?

            d)

49 - That’s a lot of 49s version) Are you thirsty?

            a) Sometimes

            b) 49 is Notta Dolla

49 - Seriously, stop…version) If you made a game, it would have ________

            a) monkeys

            b) monkey fight

            c) monkey target

            d) monkeys fighting targets

49 - final version) And so, having defeated the nefarious quiz, our hero, Bongo, has won the heart of the lovely Princess Random-ass-crap.

            a) WOOHOO!!!

            b) Princess What’s her name?

            c) Notta Dolla

            d) omg 49s!

            e)Yyeah, as far as I know, it is

            f) I think it goes without saying…

            g) Bongo

            h) Quick! Go slow!

            i) Monkeys!

            j) I love victory!

            k) omg there was no BUTTON!

            l) “It’s a Bonkey; it’s a bear and a monkey mixed. It’s pretty much my favorite animal.”

            m) M is for monkey…oh…shoot…I already did monkey…

            n) Somethin' about a V-dog

            o) I Note: that I miss the Note: already

            p) Shameless reference answers can take a while

            q) So I put in a few filler answers

            r) Yes, I’m a bastard

            s) PCP Barbarian?!?!1111oneone

            t) Aaron Goodnow

            u) _____________________

            v) ::goes to Alaska::

            w) bottles of beer on the wall version was my favorite one

            x) the door is on…

            y) If this is Hell, I must be dead

            z) ok, it’s done, there are no Bonus questions either

BONUS 1) Who would win in a yelling contest?

            a) My mute butler. He’s mute, you know.

            b) Aaron Goodnow

            c) A Bear

BONUS 2) Do you wish to restart your computer now?

            a) No, no I do not ::click:: AHHH WTF!? ::computer restarts:: MY RESEARCH PAPER!

BONUS 3) Accept changes?

            a) Restore to default

            b) Ok

            c) You don’t need to change; I like you just the way you are.

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