| A Relapse |
| August 03 - 9:15pm |
| Why did I think this brightness would last I look forward to the future, but I'm blinded by the past. Why did I think that I'd ever belong? So much later, I'm still singing the same song Why'd I ever think it'd be alright bathed in my tears, I hide in the night. Alternate ending As I lie in my bed, skin uncovered and bare, beaten and desperate I whisper I prayer. God grant me the strength to deal with my life to fight all my battles and look beyond strife. though broken and jaded I must strive for hope, and you, no one else, have taught me to cope |
| Notes: Though in the "bright period" of my life, I found myself falling down the ladder again and being depressed and feeling that self-hatred I thought I had gotten rid of. The reason I don't include the second part ("alternate ending") as a part of the actual poem is because I didn't like the way it sounded together, the general flow had gotten thrown off. The beginning is basically just the feeling of the pain hitting me again, and the ending is how I though my "new" self would be able to deal with this feeling, as opposed to what I would used to do, which would be self-mutilation and getting into drugs and alcohol in a dependant way. The ending also has a bit of truth in it, where I say "and you, no one else, have taught me to cope". Through everything I tried and everyone I talked to, no one could help me deal with life and help me through...until I went to church camp and found Christ again, then my burdens were instantly lifted and the spirit moved through me. So, I would just like to put that out there. This poem isn't really all that great, either, but it did mean alot, so I decided to go ahead and post it. :) |
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