Disclaimer: Everything BtVS and AtS is owned by Joss, ME, and all them over there. Everything Anita Blake is owned by Laurell K. Hamilton

Without You

Willow lay on her bed as the sun shone down outside.  She had pulled the thick curtains closed so that the sun wouldn't shine in.  She didn't want to see how sunny it was, for her, it was always raining.

I've sure enjoyed the rain
But I'm looking forward to the sun
You have to feel the pain
When you lose the love you gave someone
I thought by now that time
Would take away these lonely tears
I hope you're doing fine all alone
But where do I go from here 'cause

He had left, just left.  He'd packed up his stuff as she stood there crying, begging him to stay.  Willow never begged, she had always had enough pride not to beg but when he started packing she threw away all thoughts of pride.  He had said that he loved her, that he would never leave her but there he was, packing his bags.  He said that Dru had come back for him and that he was going with her.  Said that Willow had been fun but really, she was human.  Why would he stay with a human?

Without you I'm not okay
And without you I've lost my way
My heart's stuck in second place
ooh, without you

Willow felt like dieing, there was no life without him.  She had trusted him more than she trusted anyone else.  When Oz had left her, she thought that she had felt pain, but that was nothing.  Nothing compared to what Spike had done.  Nothing compared to the hole in her heart, he soul, her being.

Well I never thought I'd be
Lying here without you by my side
It seems unreal to me
That the life you promised was a lie
You made it look so easy
Making love into memories
I guess you got what you wanted
but what about me 'cause

She had bought a king sized bed for them, for their big apartment.  They'd made a home together.  She remembered how he used to hold her and read her poetry.  Most of it was by his favorie authors but sometimes he'd read her some of his.  He'd hold her by their fire place and tell her how much he loved her.  They'd go out to the movies and go to dinner.  He'd taken her dancing and made her feel like a queen.  He'd told her of his life, before and after he was turned.  He said that someday, he'd turn her.  She'd even found a spell to make her soul permanent

Without you I"m not okay
And without you I've lost my way
My heart's stuck in second place
ooh, without you

What was the point of going on?  Without Spike she had no one.  When her friends had found out about them, they'd disowned her.  They couldn't believe that she could love an evil, soulless monster.  They'd told her that he'd hurt her.  That he'd either leave her or kill her but she didn't believe them.  She'd told them that she was staying with Spike and they could either deal with it or not ber her friends at all.  They'd chosed the later.  Even Giles, the man she consitered her real father, had turned his back on her.  Buffy hadn't even threatened to stake Spike, she'd just slapped Willow on the face.  Xander had told her she was an idiot and not to come running to them when he hurt her.

Somebody tell my head to try to tell my heart
That I'm better off without you
'Cause baby I can't live

So now here she was.  All alone in a home that was full of memories of her and Spike.  Of their tender words and loving touches.  The bed she lay on smelled of him, it smelled of their love making.  Her whole life had become Spike and now she was alone.  It ws worse than when she was a kid and was abandoned by her parents.  Now she didn't even have Xander.  She had told Spike once that she couldn't live without him and now she knew that it was true.  She'd waste aways here, on the very bed that he had promised his undying love.

Without you I'm not okay
And without you I've lost my way
My heart's stuck in second place
ohh
Without you
Without you