Willow hadn't been able to stop thinking of him. Ever since she had seen him in the basement he had not left her thoughts. There was something different about him. Besides the insanity. Something in his eyes that had driven her back to this spot.
Willow stood looking at the basement door of the school. She knew it was crazy. She knew what he had tried to do to Buffy last year. Still, something inside of her called out for him. Willow had to go back. She had to find him, had to try and help him.
Willow pulled on the door and it slid open, presenting her with the dark depths of the basement. She knew if she was going to back out it had to be now. If she walked into the darkness there would be no turning back. Willow took a step forward and a smile slipped onto her face. She wasn't backing out; her curiosity was too strong. Spike had touched her hand that day she and her friends had been unable to see each other, and Willow had felt something inside of her awaken at the touch. She knew that she had to find out what it was about him now that had drawn her to him.
This was the very thought that had kept her mind occupied while she had recovered from the skin eating demon. Willow had noticed that her friends were unsure of her. She had made them unable to see each other without even meaning to; that combined with her ‘Amazing Scary Willow' act last year led to nothing resembling hugs and puppies. These things concerned her friends; she could see it in their eyes when they looked at her. Those looks were one of the reasons she was doing what she was right now. Sometimes it hurt too much to be the same room with them when she knew she couldn't look them in the eyes . . . when there would be such deep disappointment in theirs. Besides, she couldn't just leave Spike down here in this basement alone. Not when she now understood what it meant to kill. Now she felt like she could understand him better because she knew what it was like to take someone's life.
Besides, a few days after her return she had walked in on Anya and Xander talking about the spell that had made Willow invisible to her friends. Anya had been afraid that Willow would be able to do other spells without meaning to. And that meant that Willow was a danger to the rest of the gang's welfare. Buffy had walked in on the conversation. Xander had asked Buffy what she thought about Willow's magic. Buffy hadn't had the answer Willow thought she would have. Willow had watched as Buffy hung her head and shook her head and muttered ‘I don't know Xan. What if she does hurt one of us? She almost hurt Dawn, remember?' Willow had decided that it was time for her to go. And so she had moved back into her parents' house. With all this time alone, which led to Willow feeling like she had no one to turn to, she found herself thinking more and more about Spike. And in a moment of loneliness she had decided to help Spike.
Once Willow was in the basement, the sounds from the upper floors distorted through the thickness of the floor above her, she closed her eyes. She needed to concentrate if she was going to find him. She knew she couldn't just search the basement's winding pathways. She could waste days in here. It was large and she didn't know her way around.
He would know that she was down here. He would know that there was a human in his space. And with the state of his mind, he might hide from her. Willow raised her right hand, palm up. Closing her eyes she thought of his face: the sharp cheek bones and the blue eyes. These were things that could not be changed and would give her a point of focus. She began whispering soft words of a spell, a small golden ball of light started to glow in her palm. When Willow had finished the spell she lowered her hand and the glowing ball floated in the air.
"Find him," she said as she opened her eyes.
The golden ball drifted to the left and then to the right, before shooting straight ahead. Willow followed it as it drifted farther and farther into the darkness. Willow hadn't planned on using the spell when she had come in, but now she was glad that she did. She hadn't thought of the fact that the basement would be so dark that she wouldn't be able to find her way without a light source. She walked around a corner and found the ball floating in front of a door. Willow reached for the door knob. She was surprised when the handle turned with ease. She kept forgetting that this was a new school, especially since it was an exact replica of the school she had attended. As soon as the door opened the golden ball shot into the room. Willow stepped into the room and gasped. There he was on the floor. His eyes were closed and his hands automatically scratched at his chest. His insanity showed in the string of undistinguishable words he was muttering.
Willow stood still in shock. The gold glow of the ball cast an eerie light into the small dark room. She had never seen something so emotionally distressing. In the distorted light she could make out the discarded rat corpses on the ground. Her eyes drifted back to the vampire who now was sitting up. He had finally become aware of the fact that he was no longer alone.
As Willow watched him she saw his face register the fact that she was there. Willow wondered briefly if she had had that same look in her eyes the day she awoke to find she had crossed the line between good and evil. Had the things they'd done finally caught up to them? Was her abuse of magic just something that was meant to happen? She knew that she wasn't the same since she had taken Warren's life, but would what she had done drive her to the edge of sanity? Would she one day walk in the footprints of so many that had come before her? Would she come to look at the world with the same tainted view as Spike? As she stood looking at his half starved body she wondered if anything she did would make up for that one moment of sin? That thought alone drove her to kneel next to him on the floor.
"Spike . . ." She moved toward him. She needed to make things better for them both. Her hand brushed his and he screamed. A small startled gasp escaped her lips when he jerked away. His hands began clawing at his chest again.
"No, no, no touching. I hurt things. No, touching," he rambled.
Willow had not expected him to react to her like that. She wasn't used to dealing with this Spike. She was thinking of the old one: the Spike who had tried to kill her several different times. Something tremendous must have happened to Spike in order for this to be the result. Willow found herself searching his eyes for one sign, any sign, that the old Spike was in there . . . somewhere.
Instead of finding the sure and confident Spike, Willow stumbled onto something more when she dared to look deep into his eyes. There it was plain as day. His eyes were filled with guilt. Not just guilt that he thought he should feel for what happened between him and Buffy, but for his entire lifetime. There was enough guilt in those eyes to drown a man. Willow felt tears in her eyes as she came to the realization that what she saw in his eyes must have been what her friends has seen hers after Xander had stopped her from ending the world and she had to confront what she had done. Now she knew whatever had happened didn't matter. She had to help him and the first thing she would do was get him out of there. It was the hellmouth, after all; maybe things would be easier for him if he got out of the school basement.
"Spike. I want to go, will you go with me? I want to get out of this basement." She closed her eyes. Her time in England had taught her something. Everything was connected. Nothing stood by itself and she had to believe that once outside of these walls he would be better. She could feel the evil swirling in the air around her.
The air in the basement seemed thicker than it had a second ago. She felt the power of the hellmouth seeping into her body. She had known that there was a chance of this. She had once been consumed with evil. She knew that evil always sensed when it was welcomed. And after all the magic she had sucked out of The Magic Box's books she would forever carry the mark of what she had done with that magic. Willow hoped it was working the same with Spike and that once he was free of the magic around him he would be better.
"Good girls shouldn't be here," he rambled as he waved his hands about. "Evil things live here," he concluded with a head shake.
"I know Spike. I can feel it crawling on my skin, but I can't leave you here. I need you to come with me." Willow used her most soft, comforting voice. He seemed to be coming around.
"No!" he said shaking his head. His right hand went back to the wounds on his chest. "I am bad. I am not to leave here. This is where I belong. Not needed. I hurt good girls."
Willow began to panic. He was now digging at his chest again. She could smell blood as he reopened the wounds. The scent would be something she would never again forget after what she had done to Warren.
"Spike look at me," she demanded, her voice sure and strong.
He stopped and looked at her, but left his fingers digging into his chest. Willow could see a flicker of Spike in the confused depths of his eyes.
"Look me in the eye. I am here to save us. Not just you, but me as well. And if you don't leave here with me now then we both will be lost. Do you understand?" She waited for a response from him.
Spike just stood there looking at her for a moment with his head cocked to one side. She knew it was crazy, but with him watching her like that . . . with those icy blue eyes. Willow felt like he his eyes were penetrating her very soul. Then he lifted his left hand and pointed at her.
"You did it too!"
"Yes, I did. Now you know that, you also know that I need to be saved too. And I need you to help me do it. So in order for us to do that, we need to leave here. Do you understand?"
He only nodded and started to shuffle toward the door. Willow felt her body flood with relief when he moved to the door. Now all she had to do was get him back to her parent's house. Willow had known when she had come after him that she would have to take him back there. It wasn't like she could just take him back to Buffy's. Xander would hit the roof. Willow could still hear the hatred in his voice as he told her what Spike had done to Buffy before the vampire had disappeared. Willow was no fool. She knew that Spike could have hurt Buffy that night, but something had stopped him.
Besides, when she had been ‘Veiny Willow' and had confronted Buffy about sleeping with Spike in Rack's apartment, Willow had used her power to peek into Buffy's mind. The things Buffy had done and said to Spike still echoed in Willow's mind. Buffy had used him to ease the ache inside when Willow had brought her back from heaven. Instead of hating the one who had brought her back, Buffy had fucked Spike with all the anger her body held. Willow knew what had happened between Buffy and Spike wasn't really in any way Willow's fault. After all they were both grown adults. But still Willow couldn't help but to feel guilty about it.
Spike opened the door and held it. Willow moved to follow him. She knew this was going to be a long hard road but together they would make it.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
It had been a week since her midnight rescue of Spike. He had settled into her parents' house well. He was no longer talking in riddles, and the voices in his head had quieted. But there was still something different about him. Willow hadn't been able been able to put her finger on it. He was soft spoken and most times refused to look her in the eyes.
Willow decided she needed a shower. She washed her hair, and when she finished she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She was thinking about the night in the basement when she had gone after Spike. Willow knew it was silly, but she could still feel a tingling sensation on her skin from the magic she had felt there. It didn't matter; she was clean now. Just because she could still feel that power calling to her didn't mean she had to answer it. Willow shook herself clear of that thought and grabbed another towel from the rack. She toweled her hair and then reached up to wipe the mirror off.
When she looked into the mirror her face wasn't the one staring back at her. The eyes starring back at her were from the face she had worn the night she had killed Warren. Willow's hand shot up to touch her cheek. She screamed when her fingers ran along the raised veins on her skin.
"No, no," she mumbled.
She tried to escape the reality tormenting her. She would never be that again. She was past that, but still she could feel the dark energy that surrounded her. Her skin popped and tingled with the magic. Willow watched in horror as her transformation was completed.
Willow's once vibrant hair color turned to blood and spilled over her shoulders, soaking in to the top of the towel, and then leaving behind the familiar and feared black in its place. When Willow looked back at the mirror she could see her towel soaked in blood and her worst fear starring her in the face. It would always be a part of her. No matter where she went or what she did, she would never be able to get away from what she was. This thought made the blood in her veins run cold and she did the only thing she could. She screamed; a long, shrill noise that echoed in the halls of the house.
Spike was in his room when he heard her scream. He didn't think; he acted. He didn't even notice what he was doing until he burst through the bathroom door.
Willow stood in front of the mirror, a towel covering her damp skin. And a look of horror was etched across her face.
"Willow, luv? What is wrong?" he asked
"No, no," she spat as she started to pull at her hair. "Get it out. I don't want to be this again." She turned her desperate green eyes to his.
Spike was at a loss. Nothing seemed to be wrong. She was the same woman that had poked her head into his room minutes ago and told him she was hopping in the shower. But something had set her off. The look on her face was matched only by the repulsive horror that hung in her eyes. He did the one thing he could think of: he pulled her into his arms.
As soon as Willow's skin touched that of his bare chest Spike knew what had happened. She had collected magic from the hellmouth when she had come for him. And in one brief moment he was thrown back into another bathroom, not so long ago. And he had reverted back to what he had been in the basement. All the images were of that night with Buffy. He had been out of his mind with grief. The slayer had done it to him again. She had shoved him away. Told him he wasn't worth her time.
Willow felt Spike's body jerk. She looked up to see his face twisted with agony. Before she knew what was happening he had shoved her away and scrambled backwards toward the door. All thoughts of her pain vanished from her mind when she saw his face. She needed to help him. When Willow attempted to reach for him he had moved away from her until he was in the hall.
Willow moved toward him, which only seemed to heighten his anxiety. Causing him to mummer about how he hurt things. Willow knew this stemmed from what had happened between him and Buffy. But as she stood frozen in the doorway, he looked up at her. And that was when she saw it: his soul.
Willow had remembered that look in her own eyes, once the grief had washed away and she was left to deal with what she had done to Warren and had attempted to do to Jonathan and Andrew. Her soul had burned in her chest as she had come to terms with what she had done. Now, standing here with him, she understood what had driven him mad. It was enough to have the mark of one malicious deed scared into your soul; but to have several human lifetimes of them . . . She felt her heart sink as she thought of what it must be like for him when he had so many more marks to bear.
Willow sunk to the floor beside him as the tears spilled onto her cheeks. This was not what she had expected, and the fact that he now had his soul shocked her to her knees. ‘Why had he done it? Had he done it on purpose? If not, what had happened to him?' She wanted to ask all the questions that were swirling in her head. But instead she just simply sat there. Not a word uttered between the two.
Spike was the first one to speak. His voice cracked with emotion.
"You know, don't you?" When she looked at him with confused wonder he clarified. "I saw it in your eyes."
"Yeah: your soul. Wow," Willow said quietly.
"Yeah, wow," he said as he hung his head.
"Spike, you're not ashamed of your soul, are you?" she asked. She hadn't thought of that. What if he hated having the soul?
"No, it is just that . . . I guess I didn't think what a bloody soul would feel like," he sighed as he tapped his chest.
Willow made a move to comfort him, her moment in the bathroom forgotten. She understood what he meant. She had never noticed her soul. Willow knew she had one, but she had never thought about it until she had taken Warren's life. Something about that one single act had awakened her soul and she could feel only empathy for Spike and the trials his soul was putting him through. Now Willow understood the sounds that came from his room at night. He was dreaming of every sin he had ever committed and his soul hung like a shroud above his head to hand him guilt he should have felt when he acted.
"Spike, I know we can do this. We can rebuild our lives despite what we have done." Willow knew it was a weak offer, but it was the only thing she had to offer him.
Spike lifted his head, his brow creased and he looked at her. "Red, you can't think that you and I are the same."
"Why not? Have you seen the way the others look at me?" she said, her voice heavy with the emotion she felt. "I acted without a thought as to what my actions would bring. For one brief moment I became what we all have fought against. I took a human life. And the sad part is that I know what Buffy and Xander know when they look at me: they know that if I could do it all again I wouldn't do anything differently, even knowing what I know now. I would end his life simply because he ended Tara's." Willow let the tears fall. She knew now what was meant when someone talked about an angel that had fallen from grace. She had fallen and it was a long way back up.
Spike reached out for her. He knew that she now understood how he felt, maybe not to the same degree, but she knew where he was coming from and that was a start. He had nothing that he needed to hide from her anymore. Maybe she was right; maybe they could really help one another. He had his soul now and just maybe they could weather the storm together.
Willow felt his arms reach for her and she felt relief. They could do it together. She gave herself over to his embrace and they both found the comfort they were seeking, in each other's arms.
They stayed like that for a long time before Spike stood and scooped her up in his arms. He carried her back to his room and laid her down on his bed. He saw the fear that surged up into Willow's eyes.
"I am only going to hold you," he said as he lay down with her.
Willow could only nod as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled a blanket over them.
"That was me back there, wasn't it?" she asked. Her voice was small and afraid.
"Yeah, I think you must have picked up some magic when you were at the hellmouth," he sighed. He didn't want to tell her, but she had asked. "I know what happened was frightening but, now we have each other and we will make it."
"I think that I knew it was there. I could feel it under my skin. You know, controlling my magic was easier in England. Far away from the hellmouth," she confessed.
"Don't worry, luv. You and me, we will think of a way to keep it under control," he promised.
Willow nodded her agreement as she snuggled closer to him and they both drifted off to sleep.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
Willow smiled as she got herself some dinner. Ever since the night in the bathroom things had been better for her and Spike. They both had finally realized that they were not alone anymore. They had each other to lean on and that was all they would need for them to make it. Well, that and Willow was now doing mediation to keep her magic in check. Plus they had both agreed that, for now, it was better if Willow stayed away from high amounts of black magic until she felt more comfortable with it. Knowing that she was not alone somehow made things better.
Willow was pulled from her thoughts by the ringing phone. She reached for it.
"Hello."
"Hey Wills," Xander said
"Xand, what is up?" Willow had known Xander long enough to know when things weren't right in his world. She could hear it in his voice.
"Listen, Angel called here for you. He would like it if you could return his call. ‘As soon as possible,' I think were his words. And since it has been a couple of hours since he called you might want to hurry." His voice sounded defeated. And Willow could hear Buffy in the background rambling about how it was a fine time for Angel to just call and demand that Willow go to L.A., which seemed to punctuate Xander's defeat. The blonde slayer was ranting, "No ‘Hi Buffy. How is it going?' Just ‘Send Willow to L.A.' "What is so big in L.A. that he needs Willow and not me?"
"Oh okay, is everything all right there?" she asked. She could just barley make out Buffy's voice in the background, not enough to understand much of what she was saying, but enough to know it was her voice.
"Yeah, I'll handle this end of things. You might want to get going on the calling thing. It did sound important."
"Yeah okay. Thanks Xand," Willow said before she hung up the phone. When Willow started to dial the phone she heard a noise over her shoulder and turned to look at Spike.
"What is going on?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.
"Angel wants me to come to L.A. I need to call and find out what is going on," she said.
Willow dialed the phone and waited for someone to answer. By the fourth ring she was twisting the cord around her finger, and by the time a soft, sugary voice answered at the other end Willow had gotten worried.
"Hello." The girl sounded out of breath.
"Uh, this is Willow." Willow was uncertain of what she should say. By the sound of things Willow had called at the wrong moment.
"Oh Willow, this is Fred."
"Can I talk to Angel?"
"Um, yeah. Just a second."
"Oh, okay." Willow said.
Spike moved to Willow's side. He knew that something was wrong just from her end of the conversation. He wanted to offer her his support and the best way to do that was to go to her. Plus if he moved closer he could hear what was being said on the other end better.
"Willow," Angel's voice sounded distraught. "Willow, we need your help with some research. Do think that you could come to L.A.? We have run across something called The Beast and can't seem to find out anything about it. I thought that maybe you could come give us a hand since things are slow in Sunnydale right now." There was a note of worry in his voice.
"Yeah, I can come, but I am not sure what help I will be as I haven't heard of it either," Willow said.
Angel sighed. "I didn't think you had. I just thought that with your skill at researching and magic . . . you might come in handy." Angel paused, and his silence was filled with dread. "I think we are heading for an apocalypse. I need all the help I can get on this one. Could you come?"
"Yes," she answered.
"Good, how soon can you get here?" he asked.
"I don't know: maybe four hours or so. I need to get some stuff put together," she replied.
"Okay, I will see you then," he answered.
"Fine."
Willow noted that Angel sounded relived to know she was on her way. She hung up the phone and started to mentally compile of list of things she would need to take with her to L.A.
"What did the Poof want?" Spike asked. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to like what Willow was going to say. He had had an overwhelming feeling of betrayal and anger earlier in the day and he knew it had been from Angel. Something major must have happened for the Poof to have let his guard down long enough for the feelings to reach Spike through the bond.
Willow turned to look at him. "Angel wants me to come to L.A. to help get rid of some big nasty," Willow said.
"Why did he call here? You would think he would have called the Slayer." Spike's voiced carried a note of bitterness.
At first Willow was taken back by his tone. Then she thought about him being here at her house alone while she went to L.A. to help Angel. "I don't know Spike, why don't you ask him when we get to L.A." And with that she left the kitchen to start to pack.
Willow heard him call up the stairs. "Okay luv, you pack a bag and the things you need for the job and I will get my bag and meet you at the car in 15 minutes," he said without hesitation.
Willow had to smile to herself as she noticed the change in his voice. They had become good friends in a short time. She was glad that he was going with her. After the night in her bathroom she was afraid to use her magic. What if she couldn't control it? She needed him there as her support.
"Okay, let's hurry," she yelled back.
Fifteen minutes later she and Spike were in her mother's car on the highway heading toward L.A. Willow noticed that Spike hadn't said anything since they had left her parents' house. She wondered if it was the thought of seeing Angel again that had him so quiet. It had been awhile since Spike had seen his sire. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for him to have come with her. She hated to admit it. Maybe Spike should have stayed behind on this one, but then she would have to face her magic alone and that was not something she wanted. That was when Spike broke into her thoughts.
"Luv, there is something we need to talk about before we get to L.A." His voice held a seriousness that made Willow shiver.
"Okay, you know you can tell me anything, right?" she said as she reached out her hand and laid it on his arm.
"Good. You remember when Angelus lost his soul a few years back?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"There is something you don't know about that time." He took a deep breath before he continued. "See the slayer wasn't the only one Angelus had a thing for. He wanted to go after you too, Willow. He had all these drawings of you sleeping and showering. Somehow, and don't ask me how, Dru managed to talk him out of going after you. She didn't want a sister. One night she told me that she feared what you would be like as a vamp; feared for her well being if Angelus turned you. He didn't just do things half way. He would have driven you mad before he turned you. I know you think that Dru was an exception, but she wasn't. Dru was just the only one to survive Angelus' attentions. She said that the stars told her that if he went after you he wouldn't just burn in the fires of hell he would burn from the witch's fire. Something she said must have gotten to him because he only watched you from that point on. He still drew you when you didn't know he was there, but he never touched you."
Willow couldn't help it she laughed. Her hand slipped off his arm as her body convulsed with laughter. "How could Angelus have wanted me when Buffy was there? And I guess the next thing you are gonna tell me is that he killed my fish just to show his love for me, right?"
Spike just stared at her. Willow had spent way too much time in the slayer's shadow. "Luv, I need you to trust me. And I think that when we get to L.A. it might be a good idea if we pretend to be a couple. That way he knows you're taken and will keep his bloody hands to himself. There is no Dru to keep him at a safe distance this time. I don't want you to get hurt."
"You're joking, right?" she asked.
"No luv, I am bloody well not joking," he ground out. "Look luv, I know that this is a lot to take in all at once, but I have grown to need you. I have had everything I that was ever mine taken away from me. I can't lose you. You may not understand the whole vampire thing, but you have to trust me when I say that vampires are very obsessive. Angelus had a thing for you, so that means that Angel had a thing for you as well. It is just Angel would have let the soul keep him from acting on it. Still, that doesn't mean that his demon doesn't whisper in his ear about taking you. And I am not losing you now." Spike hesitated for a moment and then thought ‘In for a penny, in for a pound.' " Early this morning I felt something threw my bond with Angel. It was overwhelming amount of anger and betrayal. Now I know what you're thinking. It could have been anything, but Angel shut off his body with his family when he got the soul. So it had to have been something major for him to have been so overwhelmed that he let it seep into the bond we share. I just want to keep you safe."
Spike lowered his voice, "I need to keep you safe. There have been so many mistakes in my life . . . I can't let you be one of them. So when we arrive in L.A. we will pretend to be a couple, and then after we get there and see how things are we can go from there."
Willow felt her face flush with embarrassment as she thought about what Spike was saying. He wanted her to pretend that they were together. He didn't want to lose her. She felt something on the inside of her tingle at the idea that Spike wanted her to be his, if only for pretend. Willow shifted in her seat. She was gay, right? So why was it so appealing to her to do this with Spike? Pretending to be a couple meant that they would be close and there would be lots of touching and kisses and other things that couples do.
Spike watched out of the corner of his eyes as Willow shifted in her seat. He was about ready to try and take back what he said when smelled the subtle scent of Willow's arousal in the air. He felt his lungs expand as he tried to capture more of the scent. He wanted to remember what she smelled like. He knew that it was too soon for both of them to start something new. He knew that what he was about to do was wrong and yet he didn't care.
For the last few weeks they had offered each other everything, everything but this. They had held each other in a moment of weakness, but neither one had crossed this line. When he had started the conversation he had meant only to prepare her for what was to come, to protect her. Somehow, less than 15 minutes later, he was pulling over on the highway with the intent to ravish her. Spike pulled the car over on the edge of the road and cut the engine.
Willow wasn't sure if she wanted to slide against the door or against him. They were just friends, nothing more she told herself. They had started this whole friendship out of a need for them feel whole. There was no attraction. She didn't want Spike. She was just trying to help someone in need. Willow had just wanted to feel whole again. While Willow was trying to process the whole thing in her head her body had moved to meet Spike half way across the seat.
"We should be close," he said as he pulled her into his arms.
"Yeah," Willow replied and was slightly surprised to find her voice an octave lower.
"We need to carry each other's scents. He has to think that we have been together for awhile." He reached up and brushed a lock of hair away from her face. "That we have been intimate."
The next thing either of them knew, their bodies were close and their lips were closing in on each others'. When their lips touched it was tentative and simple.
Willow had thought that it would be uncomfortable. After all she was gay and Spike was a guy. But when his lips brushed hers she forgot what she was suppose to be and gave into the feelings that the act caused inside of her. Willow had never been one to live for the moment; she had learned that lesson early on. She had taken the advice Buffy had offered one night and it had almost cost her her life. She hadn't done it since. But now, as she deepened the kiss and her tongue slipped into his mouth, she wasn't sure if it was such a bad thing to just trust him.
Spike felt like a born again sinner when her tongue invaded his mouth. A second chance at life; free of sin. Willow's actions burned him far worse then anything he had done before. She was there in his arms kissing him like there was no tomorrow. And for all he knew she was right. Living in Sunnyhell meant that something would always be there to rear its ugly head and muck up what they had going. So this very well could be the last time they had for something like this. They both knew that when the big battle was fought they often won, but some cost would always be paid for that victory. The last time it had been the life of the Slayer. And maybe, just maybe, this time it would be one of them. He decided that he didn't want to think about it right now. The redhead felt too good in his arms to think about what the future held.
Without another thought he scooped Willow up off the seat and settled her in his lap. One leg was on each side of his hips and her skirt was bunched up around her waist. Once Willow was settled in his lap she found herself resting on his hardening member and she had second thoughts.
"Spike?" her voice was raspy but he could hear the concern in it.
"Don't worry luv, it won't go that far. Trust me?" he asked as he searched her eyes.
Willow could only nod. And he recaptured her lips in a kiss that seared both their souls. Neither one fully comprehended what events would be altered by this decision. They had already changed the course of events by turning to each other, instead of turning away from each other like would have been expected.
Spike could feel her warmth soaking through his clothes. Buffy had been human, but her warmth had not been as consuming as Willow's. He felt the redhead's shaking hands pull at the hem of his shirt to tug it from his jeans. He broke the kiss and sucked in a breath when her fingers caressed his skin for the first time. It was like being touched by fire. He tried to clear his thoughts. He was doing this to keep her safe, right?
Willow felt his body stiffen when she reached for his shirt and then a low moan rattle in his chest when her fingers began to explore it. He felt good to her finger tips. His skin was soft to her touch. She ran her finger down his chest and she could feel the muscles flinching under her tender touches. She wasn't sure what was happening so she let him lead.
He just wanted to protect her. He had to keep reminding himself of that fact. In all the days they had spent together he had never thought that they would be doing this: a make out session in the front seat of her parents' car. His hands slid under her shirt, dancing across her tummy and around to her back. Once his hand unclasped her bra he felt Willow bury her face in his neck. His fingers didn't let their new closeness or the confining space of the car stop their movements. They found their intended target and stroked her pebble nipples.
He felt Willow hiss in pleasure. She was grinding herself against his rock hard cock. He almost wanted to laugh. He was well over a hundred years old and was dry humping in the front of her parents' car. He felt like a bloody teenager and didn't care. The car was filled with the scent of her sex and all he could think was that it was all just too perfect.
Spike lifted her shirt over her head and took her bra with it. He just wanted to see her body, taste what she had to offer. He was no longer thinking that he was only doing this to protect her. He now knew better. He knew now that he had only gotten involved with Buffy because Willow had been with Tara. He had been a fool not to see this before now. In the last few years so many things had been in their way. They had been unable to see what was as plain as the noses on their faces. Now, however, along the side of the highway in the darkness of the night everything was so clear that he wondered how he could have been so blind.
Willow noticed that he had stopped moving and was just staring at her. There was a look on his face that she had never seen before. She reached her hand out and touched his cheek. It seemed to snap him out of his thoughts.
"You are beautiful. I have never seen anything like you in all my years of wandering." His voice was husky and weighed down by the emotion this he felt.
Willow leaned in and kissed his lips softly. "Thank you."
Spike had seen the sincerity in her eyes. He knew that this meant something to her. Not just the words, but emotions as well. And he kissed her again. The kiss seemed to take on a life of its own. It ignited a passion inside of them both: something that neither of them had felt in a long time.
Spike broke the kiss and shifted her position so her breasts were closer to his mouth and he attacked them with kisses and nips. Willow's ached back and soft moans were the only signs he needed to know that they were both in moment, lost in one another.
Spike could feel her juices soaking through her underwear into his jeans. He wanted nothing more then to rip the barriers away and sink into her moist heat, but he knew she wasn't ready for that yet.
Instead, he moved his hand down to her panties and started to stroke her clit. He heard Willow suck in a breath and tighten her grip on his head as he nibbled on one nipple then the other. Willow knew it wouldn't take long for her. It had been way too long since someone touched her like this. He could feel her body start to shake as her orgasm started to ripple through it. He looked up as the waves of her orgasm intensified. He wanted to see her face as the pleasure he brought her reached its peak.
Willow had felt him pull away from her, but she was too lost in her own pleasure to notice why. Once her body had stopped shuddering she looked down into his eyes and found her body shivering at the intensity that his gaze held. She had never had anyone look at her like she was the moon and stars in their eyes. And now that she had seen it, she couldn't believe it. The feelings that sprung to life inside her were new and strange.
Spike moved her off him and onto the seat. The pressure inside his pants was almost more than he could stand. He had her so close and yet he knew he didn't have her as close as he wanted, and that made it hard for him to control his body. If she had stayed on his lap he would have been inside her and he had promised her that it wouldn't go that far . . . not tonight anyway. But the glimpse he had seen tonight only confirmed what he already knew. He was in love with Willow, had been for a long time. Why did he always do this: fall for a woman who didn't or wouldn't love him back?
Willow was surprised when he looked away from her and then moved her off him without a word. Then she saw his face darken with an emotion that Willow couldn't place. When he still didn't speak Willow found herself breaking the silence.
"Spike, did I do something wrong?" her voice was so soft he almost missed what she said.
He turned in the seat and looked at her. "No luv, you didn't do anything wrong. I just need to put some space between us or I would be shagging you into this seat as we speak. And I promised you that I wouldn't do that."
"You could have broken that promise and I wouldn't have minded," she confessed as she reached for her shirt and bra that lay on the floor board.
Spike just smiled as he watched her put her shirt and bra back on. For a moment he was disappointed. Then he remembered he would have an opportunity to take them back off later. "Not now. When we shag I want you spread out over a bed and I want to take my time worshiping your body."
Spike smiled as he saw the blush spread over her face. Her eyes dropped to her hands in her lap. Spike reached out and tilted her face up to meet his.
"That is a promise too. And one I look forward to keeping at a later date, but right now we have some business to take care of."
Willow smiled. "I am holding you to that."
"I hope that you do, but I have a feeling I will be the one holding you down as I pump in and out of your heat. And this is a promise I don't intend on forgetting." His voice had taken on that husky tone again.
He pulled her back against his side. "But, right now we need to get to L.A."
Willow smiled and pulled her skirt it back down over her legs as she settled herself next to his side. "Well, then let's get going then. I hear that there are beds in L.A."
Spike laughed and turned back to the road and started back toward L.A. happier then he had been in a long time.