Disclaimer: Everything BtVS and AtS is owned by Joss, ME, and all them over there. Everything Anita Blake is owned by Laurell K. Hamilton

Chapter 6

Willow tapped her fingers on the desk and tried to ignore the fearful looks that Percy was giving her. It made her want to laugh that the biggest jerk and jock in the school feared her�well not actually her but the demon version of her- oh wouldn't Spike get a kick out of that. She was anxiously waiting for his next letter and in the meantime she was still tutoring Percy in History.

�That's enough.� She said with a smile as he jumped a mile in the air.

�S-sure.� He said and then delved into his bag and handed her a Hershey's bar.

�You don't have to keep giving me presents you know.� Willow said with a soft smile

Percy shrugged �You're helping me and all.�

Willow just grinned and gathered her stuff and left the class room. Things were good these last few days, well as good as they could be knowing that� well it didn't do to dwell on what she couldn't change.

She sighed as she made her way home, her parents still away and Buffy was spending all her time training just in case Faith decided to make good on her threats to kill them all. She wished she could talk to Spike but there hadn't been a letter� as she opened the door her foot kicked the pile of mail that arrived after she had left for school and there in amongst the bills and junk was a tattered white envelope with the words RED scrawled in red ink.

Willow gave a little squeal and picked it up tearing off the envelope.

Dear Red

I haven't replied in a while because I have been searching, sorry about that. First up when you wrote I was in Columbia which is not Brazil, what do they teach you in school pet? Ok now I am actually in Brazil, looking for Dru. I have heard several reports of an insane Vampire, but to be honest that isn't exactly news. Most Vampires are nuts� present company, that's me, included. You have to be to survive eternity, any way I will keep looking.  This Faith chick sounds as crazy as any Vamp and you be sure to stay far away from her, I don't want you hurt at all love. As much as it pains me, and it does, keep close to Slutty and my Sire, they'll take care of you until I can get back. Although not too close to my sire. Of course it hurts that she slept with Harris, you may not be in love with him anymore but you were, and love never really fades, especially when it has been nurtured for that long. I should know me and Dru are a case in bleeding point. I love her I know I do, I think, but sometimes I wonder why, anyway it still kills me that she'd up and off with another. You loved that moron for 18 years or so there is bound to be feelings still there and you are not a bad person for hating her. It's natural, she taken what you always wanted and she's trying to destroy what you have. I'll eviscerate her for you when I get back, give you her intestines on a silver platter. With garnish.

What's this Prom thing? Can't say I heard of it In England, I'm guessing it's a big dance where you get your ya-ya's out for graduating? You don't need a date, go alone and sod �em all, you'll be the best one of the lot anyway.

Now when I read that bit in your letter about you toasting marshmallows over corpses I was right proud. That's my girl! Screw feminism, you belong to me! My girl, beside I'm sure feminism was invented by thin wimpy women who were scared of real men. I have plenty of respect for today's women, in my day they were all pretty useless, just there for decoration, now you gals do all sorts. But don't fool yourselves into thinking that you don't need men, coz you do. That's the way it should be, just as we need you. Do I have ways of finding Dru? Yeah but they mostly involve gore and terror, a way of furthering my name. I heard a few rumours about a chaos demon and his girl so at least I have somewhere to start. And I will do it. I'll make her love me. Make her crawl. Teach her to walk out on me. The only thing is pet I was enjoying the singleness I was having these past few months, don't mean I don't want her back, just saying it was nice, is all. Anyhow I gotta go, got an insane Vamp to find and torture. Wish me luck.

Spike

P.S Ponce�ask the Watcher.

Willow grinned as she put down the letter on her dresser and pulled out her new stationary to write back to him.

Hey Spike

I was waiting for your letter, was beginning to think you didn't want to talk to me anymore. But I was really pleased to get your letter this morning. Its been another month on the Hellmouth and a sucky one at that, honestly when am I ever going to just be able to hang out an do things that a normal girl would do, shop (although I'm not into that much), go out, worry about homework and tests and my future instead of apocalypses and saving the world from unspeakable demons, when am I going to get time to hang out and dance, date, kiss. I feel I am missing out on so much, don't get me wrong I love hanging around with Buffy and doing something so important as what we are, but I have lost so much as well. The reason I'm waxing lyrical is I had a reminder of what could have happened had Buffy not come to Sunnydale and I was killed, it's made me want to live life to the fullest and I feel a little cheated that I can't actually do that.

This world isn't all that much fun. Ok I'm going to stop whining now.

Glad you have some clue as to how to find Drusilla, I'm sure you'll have her eating out of your hand in no time at all. She's a lucky vamp. Still no luck on the date front for the Prom so I might just take your advice and go solo. It looks like Faith is out of the running to be Xander's date. She's officially evil; she kidnapped Buffy and tried to turn Angel back to Angelus. She attempted to kill both Angel and Buffy and she's been working with the Mayor to take over Sunnydale, with some fancy footwork and some pretty sparkles we ousted her and now she's openly a bad guy. It was a hard time, especially when she was kissing Angel who was pretending to be Angelus, Buffy spent all night crying even though she knew it was fake. But I guess now everyone hates Faith as much as I do. i miss you being here and feel free to call me a sap but I do, I guess I needed your insight on why it hurt so much to see Xander with anyone let alone her. I have loved him since forever, even though he never knew it until that whole Oz fiasco. Still I'm doing better, I guess now Buffy isn't spending so much time with Angel and Faith me and her will get to hang out more so that's a plus.

Oh something I wanted to tell you, you know that Girl that has been hanging around Xander, Anya? Well she's a demon, actually an Ex-demon. But Yay me, I knew there was something about her that creeped me out big time and boy howdy, she's a vengeance demon. She tried to get me killed, that's like the sixtieth time! But we kicked her ass and now she more sorta sulks than plots.

So tell me more about your plan for Drusilla, I'm interested to know how that's going. I hope you find her soon.

Luck!

Willow

P.S Giles asked me how on earth I knew that word, Thanks for that!!

Willow sealed the letter with a small smile and stuck a stamp on it, she hadn't got much to say to Spike this time, for some reason she wanted to keep the whole VAMPIRE Willow thing a secret from him for now.

Chapter 7

Willow sat in the library bored as usual, it never normally got her nerves but today it did. It was a bind to have to sit there and research the latest creature feature when she wanted to be at home anxiously awaiting the post, there had been a letter for her last week from Spike outlining what he was doing to find Drusilla, he thought he was pretty close and she had written back telling him all about her new teaching position within the school, Principal Snyder had put it on her official record that she was  substitute teacher for computer studies, plus she had been accepted into Oxford, she hoped Spike would be pleased for her. Plus she'd had to tell him that Xander had accepted a date for the Prom from that Anya girl who had turned out to be a demon. She still didn't trust her and Cordelia had reverted back to her nasty bullying form and was trying to make Willow's life hell again. She hoped to hear from him soon it was months since they had started writing back and forth to each other and she could recall a time when she had been happier. He was like a best friend, his viewpoint and advice something that she had grown to love and depend upon.

She was looking forward to this letter; she could do with the cheering up, especially today since...

The door to the library swung open and they all looked at each other. They were all here and no students of Sunnydale High actually knew where the library was so they were all wary and curious. It was a teenager dressed in an ill fitting blue overall.

�Uh hey, I'm looking for a,� he squinted at a piece of paper �Willow Rosenberg?�

They all looked at Willow

�Me?� she stood up. The boy sighed, relieved.

�Oh thank you, man I thought it was a joke when I got this at the depot, I mean it was like addressed to the Sunnydale High school library at night, we figured someone was joking with us.� He stood in the doorway and picked up a big package. �Here ya go, sign here.�

Willow signed the slip of paper and took the bulky box, it was huge, almost the size of her body. She staggered with it over to the desk and dropped it.

�Who would be sending you a package here?� Giles frowned �It might be best not to open it just yet.�

�Relax.� said Cordelia who had dropped in to flirt with Wesley �Like Willow is important enough to get bomb by mail.�

Willow scowled at her.

�Who's it from?� Buffy wanted to know.

Willow picked up the nearest knife and dug it under the flap, prying the box open. There were hundreds of those little polystyrene hoops that cushion things during travel and Willow apprehensively dug her hands in until they touched something hard and rough. She grasped it and pulled. She pulled it out and looked at it oddly, it was a large papier-mâché doll with long brown hair and short skirt, and it rattled when she picked it up. There was an envelope attached to its low cut chest. Willow torn it off and opened it.

Pet

This remind you of anyone?? Now you can bash her as much as you want. Happy Birthday love.

S.

A grin broke through Willow's lips

�It's a piñata.� She laughed

�There's sweets in there?� Xander perked up and Giles rolled his eyes.

�A human Piñata?� Buffy grinned �That's new, who's it from?�

�It's from a friend who's currently in Brazil.� Willow giggled; trust Spike to send her something like this, a way to beat either Cordelia or Anya up without actually touching them. It was inspired. He must have been thinking about it when he was in Mexico, she was flattered. She wondered what he had put inside, maybe all red sweets so it looked like Guts when it spilled. She chuckled again.

�What does the letter say?� Buffy asked curiously.

�Just, hope you like it, Happy birthday.� Willow lied smoothly.

�Your birthday?� Wesley started �Today?�

�No tomorrow.� Willow smiled, �I guess he sent it early.�

�He?� Buffy questioned with a raised eyebrow but it was forgotten as the door to the library opened again and Angel walked in.

�Hi.� he said moodily

�Hey.� Buffy replied just as awkwardly

Willow ignored them and picked up her new toy.

�What's that?�

 Angel asked with a frown.

�Piñata full of chocolaty goodness that Willow might share tomorrow at her mmpgh.� Xander suddenly had Buffy's hand over his mouth and Willow wanted to roll her eyes, like she didn't already know about her surprise party. Buffy may be the Slayer but as an organiser she wasn't any good at surprises.

Angel came closer �It smells familiar.� He frowned

�You spend a lot of time in Mexico?� Willow hurriedly out the doll back in the box hoping Angel couldn't distinguish Spike's scent from her present.

�Yeah I guess.� Angel turned back to the guys �So what are we doing here?�

~~~*~~~

Willow had to get Buffy to carry the heavy box back to her house; it was just too much for her. She loved the fact that Spike had sent it to the school to cheer her up when she needed it. She wasn't planning on talking it to the party tomorrow, she was gong to keep it until Cordelia or Anya really annoyed her and then she was going to bash it! She fell asleep that night with a huge grin on her face.

~~~*~~~

The next morning dawned with the typical bright sun that California was graced to receive and with it a very happy Willow. She sprung out of bed and quickly showered ready for the day. When she got downstairs there was the usual pile of mail in the floor but no letter. She smile fell and she resumed the rest of her morning ritual with less of a bounce in her step. Just as she was about to leave for school there was a knock at the door and she opened it to reveal the postman.

�Hello Miss, I got a letter here for you, it was too big to fit through the letter box so I figured I'd come back when you were awake.�

�Thanks.� The grin returned full force to Willow's face as she took it and saw the lettering on the front.

It was a huge insulated envelope and she heard jingling as she tore it open. She tipped it up and something cold and heavy fell into her palm. It was a necklace, an ornate silver choker with red gems set in a swirling pattern it was exquisite and looked expensive.

Willow beamed as she opened the letter.

Red.

Hey pet, hope you like the necklace, it was something I was given years ago by my grandmother, I thought it would suit you more than it does me.

I had to send the Piñata to your school, wanted to cheer you up pet, you sounded so down in your last letter. Sorry I've not heard much about this ascension but from what I can gather it's a big party�a dangerous party with a load of demons. Be careful okay pet? I'd hate for anything to happen to my only friend in the world.

In your last letter you said I could tell you anything so here goes.

It's been a few weeks since I've found Drusilla. She's still currently tied to that pole in the basement ready for her next punishment, I'm wearing her down, I can see it in her eyes. Normally they just look blank but when I'm hurting her she seems to come alive, she's really a product of her daddies teaching. I know you said I can even tell you the violent things of my relationship as long as I don't go into too much detail, so I'll try to keep it short and sweet. Angelus used to torture her, and when he didn't he'd ignore her. She grew to love the torture because that was the only time he ever paid attention to her. Now me, I hate doing that to her= for all I'm a demon, pain and pleasure I'm all for but pain without the end satisfaction isn't up for much in my world. But I can see it in Dru's eyes, she loves the pain but when I try to make it better for her, she gives me this half confused and half disgusted look. I can't stand it so I leave without making her happy. That just seems to reinforce what Angelus does. But yesterday I think she broke. I used whips and holy water by the end she was screaming the same way she'd done for Angelus and god Red it made me feel sick, which pleased her. I let her down and she crawled towards me. I know I wanted to make her crawl but dammit, I wanted her to crawl for me not because I gave her what Angelus had. It's just so bloody hard knowing that even when I give her what she wants the only one she's thinking of is him. But the thing is Red, and I don't know what to think of this, I'm not sure it matters so much anymore. Before it would have ripped me apart but now it's more of an annoyance.

What does that even mean? I've been with her forever, or at least a century and I thought I'd be with her forever. I don't understand. So I tied her back to the pole and went out for a drink. So here I am sitting in this demon bar, hoping for a bit of violence and pouring my undead heart out to my pen pal. Actually I don't even know if I'll send this letter I sound like such a ponce. I'll probably just throw this one out and write you a nice one full of how are you and everything's great. Except I can't seem to lie to you, pet. Dammit Red I wish you were here.

Spike.

Willow put the letter down, her heart beating fast and her breath catching. Spike sounded so sad and so alone. She wanted to be with him as much as he seemingly wanted her there. It sounded like he was falling out of love with Drusilla. That in itself was scary, but he had been so confused by it.

Willow looked up at the clock; it was almost time for school. She stared back at the letter and then slowly, deliberately put her bag down and walked to her room and her writing desk.

Spike,

First of all thanks for the necklace and Piñata, the first is so beautiful and I think I know where to wear it and the second made me laugh. I needed that. This week has been so much better, we almost feel like a team again.

Thanks you for sending me that letter, I like to think we have a friendship based on trust and you trusted me enough to tell me what is going on and that means more to me than you will ever know. I'm sorry Spike, so sorry. I don't pity you but I feel bad for what you are going through, sort of like sympathy pains. I think you need to think long and hard about why you are trying so hard with Drusilla, are you just clinging to the past and wont let go because she's familiar? I won't call you afraid because I know you are the big bad and aren't afraid of anything but fear of the new and letting go is one reason why some relationships turn out so bad and drag for so long. All you end up doing is hating yourself and the person you are with. I don't want that for you Spike; please don't hold to something that is over. If what she wants is something that you'd hate to be, then don't mould yourself for her, no one is worth making you into something you detest.

Don't be mad at me for suggesting that, I really miss you and wish I could be there with you even if it is just for support.

Sorry this letter is so short but I will send another soon.

In the mean time take care and think about what I said.

Willow.

She was surprised to find herself crying at the thought of what Spike was going through right now. Willow capped her pen and folded the letter, hoping she could catch the post before it left.

Chapter 8

Red,

I'm not mad but I don't think you're right. I have been in love with Drusilla from the first moment I saw her in that alley and I can't have just fallen out of love with her that quickly, when I love its forever Red. I know that. It's just a rough patch I'm sure. She's finally broken and follows me everywhere, it's just like it should have been in the beginning. Me and Dru taking on the world.

Its right how it should be. We went to this demon bar in the centre of the city and left it like a desolation, it was so much fun, we tore them apart with our bare hands and watched as their insides spilled in a glorious array of gore and then we bathed in the blood of those we killed, it was a right riot.

Then we came back to the lair and screwed like rabbits, my girl can't get enough of me right now. It's the way it should have been all those years ago�

Willow put the letter down feeling sick, she couldn't read the rest again it was full of all the things he had done with Drusilla. The murder and mayhem they instigated before going home to have sex.

She would have been happy for him if it weren't so obvious that he was trying too hard. She could tell by the fact that every paragraph ended with �This is the way it should have been�. It was telling for Spike's letter that he was trying to be what Drusilla needed and scaring off Willow at the same time. Maybe he felt that Willow had gotten too close and it was time that he regained his big bad persona. Whatever it was, it made Willow feel so alone for the first time since that night she had sat on her porch and told Spike to let her know how things went for him.

She swallowed as she looked back down the letter. She couldn't write back to this person, she didn't know them. She lay down on her bed and cried softly into the pillow.

~~~*~~~

Buffy noticed that her friend had been quiet these past few weeks, almost since her birthday and that was over two months ago and she wondered how to get the girl to confess to whatever it was that had her upset. They were out walking having finished patrol and she was walking Willow home when she decided to brace the topic. She bit her lip as Willow stared at her feet.

�Come on Willow, what's wrong just recently you are so sad its killing me. I'm the mopey one in this friendship, not you.�

Willow smiled softly at Buffy's attempt to cheer her up but the truth wasn't something that she could share with her friend. The fact that she was sad because Spike was out killing and shagging Drusilla wouldn't go down well with Buffy at all. First of all she'd want to know how Willow knew that and that would lead to all sorts of awkward questions.

�I'm fine Buffy.� she lied �I think it's just the end of all things high school ya know.� She smiled shyly and Buffy nodded.

�I know it seems like yesterday when we were sitting in the courtyard just hanging out with Jesse and now it's almost time for the Prom and all.�

�Is Angel taking you?�

Buffy shrugged �I don't know Will, things have been tense since the whole Faith situation; I mean I don't know how he feels about me and her. He kissed her and I know I told him too but it still hurts that he could go back to that you know?� Buffy sighed �Sometimes I wish I knew what he was thinking but I guess then maybe I don't want to know. You know?�

Willow nodded her throat tight, she did know what that was like; only for her it had seemingly come true. Spike had been sweet and kind and she had been so scared that Drusilla would turn him back into scary Spike and it seemed like she had and now Willow had lost her best friend and it was all too much. She swallowed again, fighting tears.

�Yeah I know.�

Buffy had been successfully sidetracked and they finished the walk in silence.

Willow pushed open the door and waved goodnight to her friend.

Her house was dark and empty, her parents probably wouldn't be back until after she graduated and that thought hurt Willow, she knew she had always taken second place in her parent's lives but it still hurt.

She was about to go to bed when she heard the phone ring.

�Hello Rosenberg residence?�

�Red?�

Willow froze �Spike?�

�Yeah it's me.� He sounded subdued and apprehensive.

�A-are you okay?� she was too surprised to ask how he got her number or what he was doing calling her.

�You didn't write back.� He accused

�I didn't know what to say.� She confessed �You sounded too different.�

�What? No longer such a sap?� he almost snarled �A pansy push over?� he barked out derisory laughter �Sorry to disappoint Red but I am a demon and I do revel in death and power.�

�I know.� Her quiet declaration shut him up

�What?�

�I know what you are Spike and that letter; that was the you that Dru wanted. Not the real you. I don't know him and I don't want to.� her voice shook, �You were trying to prove that you were the big bad demon, a killer without feelings and compunctions and congratulations you nearly succeeded. But like you said Spike, I'm a white hat. A good guy and I do have feelings and they were hurt.�

She paused trying to gather her thoughts �I really do wish you happiness Spike and if you are happy then great.�

�I'm not.� He said it so quietly that she almost didn't hear him �I'm not happy pet. Why am I not happy, I have everything I always wanted and I'm sitting here like someone killed my damn dog?�

�Maybe what you want has changed?� she tried

�I missed you.� He confessed ignoring her statement �When you didn't write back, I felt bad.�

�Me too.� She bit her lip and sat on the stairs �but you went away first, Spike.�

�I know pet, I know. Where do we go from here?�

Willow shrugged and then realise that he couldn't see her �I don't know Spike, I don't want to lose you but I can't talk to the guy that wrote that last letter, I didn't like him.�

�Me either pet. He's a twat.�

Willow giggled some of the tension releasing from the conversation �Where are you?�

�In a payphone outside this rancid club in Caracas.�

Willow started �Where?�

�Venezuela.� she could hear the amusement �Don't they teach you geography anymore in school pet?�

�Nah, just how to raise demons and open the Hellmouth.� She teased back �How come you're not in Brazil anymore?�

�Got bored.� Was his answer �Are we okay now Willow?�

It was the first time he had ever used her name and it showed her how serious he was.

�Yeah I guess but no more pretending Spike, if we are friends then we do this properly.�

�Friends yeah.� he had this odd tone to his voice, almost disappointment.

�Give me your address and I'll write you a long letter.� She promised

�Okay then pet, hey you'll never guess what I saw��

Spike,

It was great to talk to you I won't ask how you got my number, I'm not sure I want to know but that you cared enough to call was great and no It doesn't mean you are going soft. No one in their right mind could ever think you were soft.

All is quiet in the land of the sunny right now, I guess that means that something big is a brewing but since we know that the Mayor is going to try this ascension it's not really a big surprise.

Well actually not that quiet.

We had a bit of a hectic few days. You see Buffy fought this demon and he passed some of his demon-ness onto her- no it wasn't horns or a tail. But she could read minds for a while. It got scary, she knew what the teachers were saying and got ace marks in all her tests. Then she pre-empted all the things Giles was saying, which made him do this weird clucking thing with his tongue which he does when he is flustered. (btw is that a British thing?) Then she was reading all our thoughts. She knew about Xander's constant sex thoughts (EW) and also it turns out Wesley (the new Watcher) has some not quite so innocent thoughts about Cordelia! That really pissed Xander off and now he glares more at Wesley than at Angel! She started to read my thoughts but I got out of her range pretty sharpish, I don't want her to know about you. She'll look for any excuse to stake you and I couldn't deal with that.

Finally she tried to read Angel but it turns out that, like reflections, you can't read Vampire's thoughts. But then she could hear everyone's thoughts and the cafeteria lady was trying to poison us all with rat poison in the food (Huh, like that's anything new.) however the thoughts almost drove Buffy crazy and we had to make her drink a potion using parts of the demon that killed her. It was really gross but she's okay now. (Don't be too disappointed.)

Xander asked me what I was wearing for the prom, he's made up with Cordelia after the whole sleeping with Faith thing, Anya wasn't too pleased but he seems happy. Anyway they'll be going together again. It's in a month and I hadn't even thought about it. in fact I'm not even sure I want to go anymore, I'll just end up being little miss wallflower all night. Unless of course Angel doesn't take Buffy, although the chances of that are slim.

I want to ask how things are going for you now. I know you were planning on travelling some more, since South America is losing appeal for you. I wish I could see all the great places you're seeing.

Oh, OH. I knew what I wanted to tell you, the acceptance letters have started coming in from colleges. I got into Oxford- like Oxford England. Can you believe it? They want me!! I called my parents to tell them and the answer machine was very polite but I got in!!!  You can't see me now but I'm doing a Xander snoopy dance! I'm still waiting for the others but this was the major one. Just think, I could go to Europe and be a student. Wow, I'm still reeling.

Anyway I have to go. Write back soon.

Willow.

Chapter 9

Red.

Great last letter. Just thinking about the daft Slayer going mad was enough to put me in a good mood. Not really had a lot to laugh about recently. I'm in the dog house with Dru again. She's is such a demanding bitch sometimes. And the talking to dolls and stars? Loony as hell, if anything I think she's gotten worse these past months and is in a totally different plane. Different world? Hell different solar system. Moaning about trees and fluffy candles, if you ask me, she's lost the rest of her marbles.

There, how's that for honesty pet?

Only for you would I be that honest. Why is that? I have been on this earth for 126 years, maybe more- my maths never was much cop- but you are the only person who has ever inspired me to absolute honesty without threat of violence. If we could bottle that, we'd make a bleeding fortune love.

Now, what's this about you not going to your big party and bash? Bollocks, you go and shame them all pet. You'll be the best looking bird there and put all those that never gave you the time of day to weeping. Buncha tossers.

We're just sorta wandering aimlessly right now, here to there. Venezuela, Columbia, Brazil�pretty much wherever the Desoto takes us, although honesty I think that car's on its last wheels. I'll need to have it totally resprayed and undented, (your damn �Welcome to Sunnydale� sign is sturdier than it looks.) it'll cost a mint unless I can� find a decent Vampire mechanic. <evil grin>.

How about that Oxford! Well done pet, and as a special graduation gift, you tell me where your uncaring sods of parents are and I'll kill them for you. I always knew you were the clever one Red, now everyone will know. You can go just about anywhere. As long as you tell me where so I can follow if things get too bad here. You need your big bad to protect you.

I was listening to the radio in the car, Dru was passed out in the backseat, and I heard this song and it just reminded me so much of you. Well, not exactly but it made me think of you. It was by Hootie and the Blowfish, which is a daft name if you ask me. Anyway it was called Goodbye. Find it listen to it, just don't go all sappy and girlie on me okay? I miss you pet.

Spike. (The apparently not-so big bad when you're around.)

Willow grinned as she turned over in bed and hugged the pillow to her. She had the song playing in the background. It was a beautiful, if sad song. About not wanting to say Goodbye. It mirrored how she felt about Spike perfectly; she didn't want him to go anywhere. It was gradually dawning on Willow that she was falling head over heels for her pen pal. In his letters, he was sweet and honest and so devoted it was amazing. She looked over at the thick pile of letters on her desk, she had kept them all. There must have been over thirty letters and they hadn't even been corresponding for a year yet. She couldn't imagine living without Spike in her life, even long distance. He was as important to her now as Xander, Buffy and Giles were. Way more important than Cordelia had ever been. She missed him so much. How odd was that. She had only ever seen him face to face twice and both times he had been trying to kill her and now she would give anything to see him.

The song came to an end and she shook off her melancholy thoughts. Spike had eyes for Drusilla. And that was that, he'd been with her for a century and no matter how unhappy he seemed to be, he wasn't giving her up. She was his dark goddess. Willow thought mockingly. Well she'd been in unrequited love before and she could deal, she'd just have to be mature about the whole thing.

She poked her tongue out at the pile of letters.

Spike

That's it! I am fed up of being everyone's darn hostage! What is about me that has �bait� written in neon on my forehead?

First you and then Angelus and then the other Vamp from the alternate dimension and now Faith???

I'm sick of it. From now on I'm going to carry a whole lock picking kit in my pants and then a knife to cut rope and I bet I'll still get kidnapped! Well we had to do this magic mojo on this box that the Mayor had been hot over and Angel had to go rescue Buffy. Leaving me all alone and Faith came and got me. Thanks a bunch- ponce. (Yeah Giles told me what it meant eventually). Anyway so the bitch threatens me and tries to make me feel bad for her. But I told her straight up that she had screwed up any chance of being redeemed, which pissed her off! And hey I levitated a pencil that dusted a Vampire! He was gonna bite me and I was all hey I don't think you should snack on the hostage and then with my magic I levitated and poof! Instant dust. I really should have gotten out of there but I saw these books that were really important for the ascension so I sat down for a read. I know I should have skedaddled but I manage to tear out some crucial pages that have shed some alarming light on the ascension- anyway this box was full of bugs. Bad bugs.

Still we got out okay and we are all intact- although the Mayor did say some nasty stuff to Buffy and Angel about her future and all, him being a Vampire and her wanting kids and white fences. It was cruel and Buffy did her share of crying that night.

I got into Sunnydale U. I got the letter this morning and I wanted to run this by you before I decided. I have the chance to a major Wicca here. Where better than the Hellmouth but also I want to see the world. Don't get me wrong I love Buffy but I can't be her sidekick forever. I'm not even sure that's what I want. I know she has to stay and slay but me? I want a future is that selfish?

Enough about me. How are you? How's the dog house? Or should that be the mad house? And the car? <big grin> I went and had a look at the Sunnydale sign. They've reinforced it with some metallic backing because some lunatic keep knocking it down� another lunatic keep crossing off the population as well but I don't think that's you. Still never mind. Write back soon okay?

Willow.

Chapter 10

Red

Very very short note. Sorry about that but I'm in the middle of something important right now. I'll try to write more soon. Just wanted to tell you that you should get the hell out of Sunnyhell while you've got the chance, I heard some bad stuff about this ascension and I don't want you anywhere near it pet. Please, for my sake leave.

I'll write back longer soon.

Spike

Willow turned the letter over in her hands. It was dog eared and torn and his words were scribbled on it with what looked like crayon. He'd really been in a hurry�and by the smell of the paper maybe a bar too. There was no return address anywhere so she couldn't even write back and ask if he was okay.

She clutched the note to her chest and worriedly bit her nails. She prayed that he was okay.

~~~*~~~

�Willow?� Willow jumped as Buffy touched her shoulder. It had been six days since that letter from Spike and with each passing day she was getting more and more jumpy. What if something had happened to him? What if he was dust? Would she ever know? How could she find out? What if Drusilla had done something to him? Willow gave Buffy a shaky smile

�What?�

�Willow you're heart is beating a mile a minute.� Angel said looming over Buffy's shoulder �Calm down or you'll have a heart attack.�

�Better than a broken heart.� She thought as images of a dusted Spike fled through her mind.

�What is it Wills?� Buffy sat close and touched the redhead on the knee �Is it?� she motioned over her shoulder to where Xander and Cordelia sat pawing over each other.

�No.� Willow shook her head �I-I was expecting something and it hasn't come, you know me, all worry.� She tried to smile but it obviously didn't make a great impression as Buffy's face fell.

�No, you don't worry.� Buffy said firmly �Don't be hold out on me girl Will.�

�I'm worried ab-about something, its probably silly but I am. There's nothing that can be done about it but I cant help it�I mean what if something's wrong, what if he's hurt and I can't do anything about It.� her voice took on the edge of hysteria.

�He?� Buffy was astonished �He who?�

Willow blushed as she realised her slip and ducked her head �I have a pen pal that I have been writing to for a long while. We-we're good friends but his last letter he was almost-� she sighed trying to think of the word �You know when Angel came over all broody and cryptic with end of the worldly news, worried but trying not to let it show?�

�Oh yeah.� Buffy's eyes widened �Oh boy. I'm sure that he's okay Willow, wherever he is.�

�I agree with Buffy.� Giles perked up from behind her �We are so used to nerves or-or bad news being monumental and dire, almost apocalyptical that we forget that other people do live ordinary lives where bad news is nothing more than a sprained ankle or broken vehicle.�

�Well he did say his car was on its last legs.� Willow said somewhat relieved.

�There you are, perhaps he was at the garage having to pay through the nose for electrical repairs for a piece of engine that may or may not truly exist.�

Buffy tried not to smirk �Still sore about that mechanic hey Giles?�

�Mechanic?� Giles huffed �He should have been a lawyer for what he was charging.�

Willow relaxed her shoulders as Giles had deflected any questions about her pen pal for now- thank goodness.

For the rest of the research session she tried to put on a cheerful face but Buffy knew her better than that.

�Will, I could walk you home and you could see if there's a letter from him.� Buffy offered and Willow jumped at the chance.

�Yes please Buffy.� she grabbed her coat and said a generic goodbye even before Xander could come up for air.

~~~*~~~

For some damn reason the key just wouldn't fit in the lock. Her fingers shook as she tried again and again and Buffy had to finally take the keys from her shaking fingers and open it for her.

�Willow, I'm sure he'll be fine. You need to relax.�

Willow fell to the floor and scrabbled through the mail and sagged when there was no tatty envelope with RED scrawled on it.

Willow stood up, ignoring the scattered letters all over the mat and hugged her arms to herself.

�You don't understand, he normally gives a return address and this time he didn't. What if he's in bad trouble Buffy?� tears pricked the corners of her eyes. �If he died, I would never know. He'd just stop and I wouldn't know.�

To Buffy's horror Willow started to cry and in one step she wrapped her arms around her friend.

�God Will, who is this guy?�

�I love him.� Willow whispered �Please don't let him be gone.�

�I'm sure he'll be fine.� Buffy soothed, running her hands along Willow's back �You want me to stay?�

Willow swiped at her face with her hands and gave a little nod, her lip trembling.

�You can tell me all about him.� Buffy stroked her best friends shoulder.

~~~*~~~

Willow awoke to the sunlight streaming into her window and birds singing annoyingly loudly for this time of day.

�Will?� Buffy sat on the side of the bed holding a hot cup of chocolate and a smile �How's my little angst queen this morning?�

Willow sat up and took the drink. �Better thanks, sorry for stealing your title.�

�Hey!� Buffy pouted �I'm drama queen not angst queen.� She joked

�Mail come yet?� Willow tried not to be too desperate.

�Uh huh.� Buffy said and picked up the stack of papers at her feet.

�Anything?� Willow placed her drink on the side and stared at Buffy eagerly.

�Bills and junk mostly. Lecture tour dates, some Animal shelter thing.� Buffy shrugged and Willow's heart sank.

�And one letter addressed to Red.� Buffy threw it at her and had the unique experience of seeing Willow squeal in delight.

She ripped open the envelope and breathed in the warmth she felt from the paper.

Red.

I wish I could sit down and write a whole long letter, dammit, even a novel for you but I can't right now. I am a busy Vamp and I barely have time to shower and scratch my arse let alone tell you all the things I need to, but I had to let you know I was okay. Knowing you you'll worry about me. Like I worry about you. Something monumental has happened to me pet and I wish more than anything you were right here to share it with me but you're not. I can't even tell you what it is. Wish I could. But I'm sure it'll all be clear soon anyway. Just a few things I had to say.

1) That Faith bitch is as good as dead. For even threatening my girl she will be hurt. Bad.

2) There will be another package for you sometime soon; it's to go with the necklace.

3) Don't make any decisions about leaving Sunnyhell while you are right in the middle of all hell. And I mean that. I know you so I know for a fact you didn't leave when I asked. Just stay safe pet. Please? I don't want a world without you in it.

I can't give you a solid address but I will call soon, promise pet.

Until I can speak to you.

Forever yours

Spike

Willow held the paper to her nose and breathed in whatever scent he had left lingering on the paper.

�Willow?� Buffy had stayed and watched as her best friend's body drained of all tension as she read the letter.

�He's okay.� Willow breathed and hugged Buffy �He's okay!�

�Great, see I told ya.� Buffy smiled at the sheer relief in her friend's voice.

�Buff, I'm gonna stay in today, not in the mood for school.� Willow said hesitantly.

Buffy gaped but recovered admirably.

�Okay. I'll attempt to take notes.� Buffy paused �Or not, it is the end of school on like three weeks. Prom in two!� she gave a happy dance on the bed

�I have the perfect dress.� She looked at Willow �What about you?�

�Not yet.� Willow grimaced �Maybe I'll go shopping today.�

�Willow Rosenberg bunking off class to go shopping?� Buffy suddenly looked worried �Maybe I should be taking this apocalypse thing more seriously.�

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