Disclaimer: Everything BtVS and AtS is owned by Joss, ME, and all them over there. Everything Anita Blake is owned by Laurell K. Hamilton

Chapter 1

Willow drifted through the bookstore slowly. Her mind was everywhere else. Walking through the aisles, she took in the quiet as if it was unknown to her. It had been three years since that fateful day. Three years since everything had changed. Three years since he burned to dust.

After Sunnydale was destroyed, she moved to the next town with Xander and Buffy with hopes for a semi-normal life. Buffy left shortly after they moved in, to find all of the new slayers. The girls had the strength but they still needed someone to train them.

Three years felt like forever. Buffy had the life she always wanted. She wasn't the only chosen one anymore, which meant she could have the semi-normal things she always dreamt about. She had settled down in a serious relationship with a guy and they have now been dating for two years. Xander concentrated on his work a lot. He had dated a few girls but she knew he would always compare then to Anya. He had confessed to her one night how he felt that there was a wall between him and the life he was supposed to have. On one side he had his memories of Anya. On the other side, he was without. On that other side he had moved past his love. He wasn't ready to do that yet. He still loved her with all of his heart.

Then there was Willow.

After Sunnydale was destroyed, Willow wanted to climb within herself. Not because of the town or the battle, but because of Spike. She never knew why he stayed. Why he helped. Why he chose to die. She still longed for him. Now, on the outside, she seemed perfectly fine. On the inside was a different story. She ached for him, for his presence. She would never hear his voice again or see the sexy smirk he always gave. She missed him in a way she never expected. She regretted never getting to know him like she wanted to. And now the chance was gone. She hadn't wanted to date anyone since that day. Buffy had tried to set her up with someone but the only thing that registered in her mind was that he wasn't Spike. Not that she actually ever really knew Spike. But in her mind she could pretend.

About a month ago, Willow knew she needed to get away. Away from the things and the people she knew. She needed to find herself. To find out who she is now and what she wanted out of her life. She made a decision that day to seek out that knowledge. Willow packed two duffel bags and boarded the bus. She didn't care where she was going as long as she was leaving. Besides, it was only a break. Only temporary.

Spike was sitting in an uncomfortable chair in the corner of the bookstore, flipping through a random book. His thoughts drifted to his life and how much it had changed in three years. Everything had changed about him except for one thought. Willow. He still thought about her. He still dreamed about her. There were so many things that were never said. So many chances that were passed up. And now he would never know. He would never hear her voice again. He would never feel her skin under his touch, not that he ever had in the first place. He would never see her smile or hear her laughter. Spike missed her so much.

As he glanced up from his book, his body froze. He thought he was imagining things. Spike closed his eyes and opened them again but saw the same thing. Willow. He slowly got up from his chair and started to walk towards her. He watched her for a moment. Then suddenly she turned her back towards him and picked up another book. <What am I supposed to say? What if it's not really her? How am I supposed to tell her how I came back? Would she even care?> By this time he was standing right behind her, her back still faced him. "Willow?" he whispered, wondering if this was real or not.

Willow's body tensed as she heard her name whispered. She recognized the voice even after all these years. <It can't be. He's dust.> Slowly, she turned around and her eyes widened. She felt her fingers lose their grasp on the book she was holding and it tumbled to the floor.

Chapter 2

Spike bent down to catch the book before it hit the floor. He stood back up and handed it to her, not knowing what he should say first. "You alright?"

"Spike?"

"Hey, luv. Missed me?" he asked, only half joking.

Willow took a step away from him. "You're dead," she whispered.

Spike frowned as she stepped back. "I was always dead, luv."

"Yeah, but you were the walking dead and then you were dust dead and...I think I need to sit down."

"Alright." Spike took her arm and led her to a nearby table. "Do you want something to drink? To eat?"

She shook her head no. "I just want to sit."

"I know this is a bit of a surprise."

At that moment they heard the intercom. "Attention customers: We will be closing the store in five minutes. Please take your final purchases to the front and have a good night."

"I guess I should get going. With the store closing and all."

"Right," he said sounding defeated. "Do you live around here or are you just in town for a visit?"

"Just visiting. Had to get away for awhile."

"At least let me walk you back to where you're staying."

Willow stood up from the table. "Ok."

He stood up after her and placed his hand along the small of her back, leading her out of the store. After walking for a couple of minutes in pure silence, he spoke up. "I thought you would've been happy to see me. I should've just left you alone," he added quietly.

Willow stopped walking which caused Spike to stop also. She frowned upon hearing his words. "I am happy to see you. Don't ever doubt that." Willow watched as he took a step closer to her. "I know we really never got to know each other but I've missed you. A lot, actually. And now seeing you is like having this stir of emotions inside me and I..."

"It's alright. Here I was worried that I didn't even cross your mind. I missed you too." Spike wanted to kiss her at that very moment but was afraid she would try to run. "So...how much farther till we reach this place you're stayin' at?"

"Actually we're here."

Spike looked around and saw the cheap rundown motel. "You're not really staying here are you?"

"It's cheap," she defended.

"You're better than this, pet. Go get your stuff."

"What?"

"You're gonna stay with me."

"I'm not..."

"Staying here. Bloody right about that. Besides I haven't seen you in three years. Go get your stuff and meet me out here."

"Fine," she mumbled as she walked over to her room. She gathered her belongings quickly and walked out the door. She looked around for him and saw him at the curb waving down a taxi. Willow walked over to him, feeling butterflies in her stomach.

Spike opened the door to the taxi and looked up as he felt her approach. "Your chariot, mi'lady."

Grinning, she threw her bags in the cab and climbed in. Spike climbed in after her and shut the door. "Sunset Ridge, mate." As the cab started to drive, he reached over and interlocked his fingers with hers. When she didn't try to pull away, he felt himself relax.

Willow felt his hand and turned her head to look at him. Seeing how close his lips were to hers, she started to blush and looked away.

<Cor, the girl is making it hard for me not to kiss her. I can't believe she hasn't noticed anything different yet.> He looked up and out the window, realizing they had stopped. Spike let go of her hand and paid the cab driver, pulling Willow out of the vehicle.

"Where are we?"
"My place. I have an apartment here. Number 259. Let's go." They walked briefly until they arrived to his door. He pushed the door open and watched her walk into the apartment. A smile crossed his face. He flipped the switch on, noticing the faint glow of light. Spike locked the door and then placed his keys on the side table. "Sorry bout' the light, luv. Looks like the lightbulb is about to burn out."

Willow looked around at the dimly lit room but could only see various shapes. "It's fine. Do you have anything to drink?"

"Kitchen is around the corner. Help yourself. I'll take your bags and put them in the room."

"Thanks."

He returned to find her finishing her drink in the kitchen. "Find what you were looking for?"

"Yeah. Why do you have all this food, Spike? You don't eat."

<Things changed three years ago, pet.> "I like food. It's been a long day. Thought you might want to get some sleep and we can talk more tomorrow."

"Alright. Um...where will I be sleeping?"

"It's only a one bedroom...so my room. Your bags are already in there."

"And you're sleeping..."

"We're sharing the bed, luv. It's a big bed and I'll be a gentleman. Now go on. I'll be in in a bit."

Willow followed the hallway until she reached the next room. Pushing the door open, she found her bag and quickly changed into a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt. Glancing around the room she started to frown. <Something's off.> Dismissing her thought, she climbed into the large four poster bed and under the silk sheets. When she heard Spike come in about ten minutes later, her heart started to race. He was in a pair of back pajama pants and nothing else. <Silk. Bed. Spike. Breathe.>

Spike climbed into the bed and laid his head on the pillow, looking at her. "If the no shirt thing bothers you, I can always put one on."

"No," she squeaked. "I'm fine."

"Get some sleep."

"Spike?"

"Yeah, luv."

"You know how I was always research girl...how I always noticed things?"

"Yeah."

Willow took a deep breath. "Why haven't you vamped out and why do you have food and why don't you have heavy curtains over your windows and why is your touch warm and...and..." She stared into his eyes. "Why is your heart beating?" she whispered.

Chapter 3

"There's a good explanation, pet."

Willow quickly sat up and stared at him. "You're human," she whispered.

"Willow..."

"But how...who...how?"

He reached for her hand but saw her pull away. He frowned for a moment. "Are you scared of me, luv?" He saw her shake her head no and relaxed a bit. "Why don't we get some sleep and I'll tell you all about it in the morning?"

"Ok. Is this real? I mean this isn't some weird illusion or something is it cause..."

"Sleep, pet."

"Right." Willow laid her head on the pillow and watched Spike for a moment. "How long have you been back?"

Spike took a deep breath, not wanting to answer. "They brought me back a week after the battle."

Willow could feel her face starting to frown. "You've been back almost three years?"

"Sorry to disappoint you."

"It's not that...it's...nothing," she mumbled. <Maybe, I wanted to see you.> "So who is they?"

"Powers That Be. Because I sacrificed myself to save the world, I was some sort of champion. They gave me a choice. I had something to come back for. A girl," he whispered.

"Oh," was all she could say. "A girl. How...um...nice."

"Pet, you don't understand."

"You're right, I think sleep would be really good about right now." Willow closed her eyes and hoped that he did the same. After a few moments she opened her eyes and saw that his eyes were still closed. She reached out to him and touched his face. Spike caught her hand in his. "Whatcha doing?" he asked with only one eye open.

"Wondering if this is real. If this is some kind of dream, then I just want it to last a bit longer."

"It's not a dream, luv. I'll be here in the morning. Alright?"

"Ok. I've missed you, Spike."

He grinned at her and then kissed the tips of her fingers. "I've missed you too. There was so much I never told you before. So much I should have said."

"Me too," she whispered.

"I'll see you in the morning," he told her and smiled as they both drifted off to sleep. Her hand still wrapped in his.



When Willow woke the next morning, she glanced at the empty space next to her. <Just a dream.> Suddenly a smell pulled her out of her thoughts. It smelled like bacon. Willow climbed out of the bed and walked down the hallway to towards the kitchen. <Definitely not the hotel I was staying at.> As she turned the corner, she saw him. Spike. Still dressed in his silk pajama pants, cooking.

He heard a sound towards the doorway and looked up. "Mornin' luv. Not sure what you wanted. There's fruit, toast, bacon, oh...and I made you an orange julius." He watched her ___expression but wasn't sure what to make of it. Suddenly he found her arms wrapped around his neck.

Willow was so happy that it hadn't been a dream. Spike was really here, but not Spike. He was human now. And he had cooked her breakfast. Suddenly all of the emotions that she had tried to push away came crashing down on her. She ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him with the emotion that had crashed down on her.

When Spike felt her arms go around his neck, he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her to him. "Cor, I missed you luv."

Chapter 4

When she heard his voice, she realized the position she was in. Willow was so close to him she could smell his skin. Suddenly, she let go and took a few steps back. "Um...sorry about that...I just..."

Spike took a step towards her and reached out to touch her but brought his hand back to his side instead. <She's the one that stepped away from you, mate.> "Don't be. Why don't we have some breakfast?"

"Food would be really good. When did you learn how to cook?"

"I've always known. Just never needed to until recently." They both sat down at the table and shared their breakfast in complete silence. As Spike finished eating, he looked up at Willow. "So, pet...what did you want to do today?"

Willow started biting her bottom lip. "I want to know."

"What's that? Know what?"

"How you're sitting here in front of me. The hellmouth...it burned you. In a literal dusty bye bye way."

"Disappointed?"

"Curious."

"It's like this, luv. I died saving the world. When I was burning...the pain...it was intense. I could feel everyone that I had ever killed. It was a bit of karma, I guess. When Sunnydale was destroyed...when I was dust...I was sent to the Powers That Be. They gave me a choice, pet. Because I was a champion...because I died saving the world, I had the choice to come back as a human."

"For the girl?" she asked him. "You came back for the girl?"

"Yeah, I did."

"And where have you been this whole time? You said you've been back for almost three years."

"I've been here, luv. You're not exactly thrilled," he stated.

"I wish I had known. Why didn't you try to find us? Why didn't you call me?"

"I don't really see that conversation happening. What would I have said? Maybe, hey I know I was burned and saved the world but I was brought back as a human. Wanna have some coffee? I'm thinking that wouldn't have gone over so well."

"Human. Is it hard? To not be a vampire. You were one for so long."

"Truthfully, there's parts about it I miss. I miss the strength. The power I held. Now...I'm human again. When I was human the first time around, I was...nothing. I was a poet and a hopeless romantic. But I don't fancy getting vamped again if that's what you're getting at." Spike closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them again, only to see Willow watching him. "Enough of this. I'm back and that's what matters. Now what to you wanna do?"

"What do you usually do during the day?"

"Well I'm supposed to stop by the gallery today."

"Gallery?"

"Art gallery, luv. I...well, I own it."

Out of all the things she expected him to own, that wasn't it.

"Would you like to go, pet?"

"I don't really have anything to wear to go to something like that," she stated embarrassed.

"I own the place, pet. You can wear anything you fancy. How about it?"

"Yeah. Just let me change first."

"An hour?"

"An hour."

Conveniently, the art gallery was right around the corner from the apartment. Spike kept glancing over at Willow who continued to smile nonstop. And he couldn't help but to grin at her expressions. He pulled open the door to the gallery, ushering her inside. "What might you be smiling about, luv?"

Willow turned to him. "You. You in the sunlight." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked into her eyes. "I really did miss you, pet. Take a look around. I have some business to attend to and then I'll find you." He watched as she walked off, admiring the various paintings and sculptures.

The truth was, he had only come here to review some paperwork. It was something he could have put on hold but he wanted her to see what he was doing with his life. And he wanted her to become a part of it. About twenty minutes later, he found her staring at a painting. He watched her from afar as she continued to stare at it. He walked quietly behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "See something you fancy, pet?"

"This painting. It's beautiful."

"Why's that?"

"When I look at it, I can feel it. I can feel the color. The intensity of the emotions. The difference between light and dark. You painted it, didn't you?"

Spike was silent for a moment before he spoke up. "How did you know?" he whispered.

"I don't know. I just knew." Willow could feel his heartbeat against her skin. She could feel it beating faster, the longer he stood behind her.

Spike wanted to run his hands down her skin. To kiss her until they both ran out of breath. And to make love to her until they were too spent to move. He wanted to touch her so much and was so afraid she'd reject him. What did he have to offer her? He wanted her but she wasn't his to have. "How about we get out of here? Ice cream?"

"Yeah," she said softly. <How am I supposed to tell him everything I could never say before?>

Chapter 5

Willow and Spike decided to sit in the back corner of the ice cream shop. Willow had chosen Apple Spice while Spike had opted for Rocky Road. They sat in silence, each of them content. �So,� Willow started. �What do you do with your life now?�

Spike looked up at her and raised his eyebrow. �What do you wanna know?�

�I'm not sure,� she replied quietly.

�Well�the art gallery takes up a good bit of my time. And as you know now, I paint. Not sure, what else. I read some. Don't really watch the telly all that much anymore. I guess I just try to enjoy my life.�

Willow nodded her head to let him know she was listening. �And�um�are you seeing anyone?�

Spike let out a low laugh. �No, pet. There's no one in my life.�

Willow was confused. �But you said�you came back for a girl. Didn't she want you after you came back for her?�

Spike looked into her eyes, not sure of what to say. How was he supposed to tell her that the girl he came back for at this very moment was sharing ice cream with him? �Well that's a bit hard to say. She doesn't know exactly.�

Willow couldn't believe she was talking to him about another girl. She knew her heart cared for him so much. She decided she could never tell him how she felt about him and that those feelings were stronger more than ever. �Why didn't you ever tell her?� Willow knew she shouldn't be curious but she was.

�I don't know. Afraid that she wouldn't want me the way I wanted her.�

�She'd have to be a fool,� Willow muttered. When she realized that she had just spoken out loud, her eyes widened and she looked up at Spike who looked equally surprised. �Maybe we should go,� she said quickly.

Smiling but letting her change the subject, he stood up. �Let's go then.� Once they were outside, he turned to her. �Now where to, pet?�

Willow looked around but had no idea where she even was. �I uh�I don't know. I don't even know where I am.�

�We're right around the corner from the apartment. We can do anything you want. What do you fancy?�

�Can we just take a walk?�

�Sure. If that's what you want.�

As they started to walk, the silence between them grew. �So,� Willow started.

�We're not strangers, luv.�

�What?�

�We're walking in silence as if we've never met one another.�

�Well�it's just been so long since I saw you. I don't want to say the wrong thing or do something stupid and then��

�I want you to be you. Just you. That's all.�

�What if you decide you don't like that me. Then things will get even more awkward.�

Spike stopped walking. �Is that really what bothering you?�

�Well, yeah. I haven't seen you in three years, Spike. Three years.�

�Let's head back to the apartment. We can order a pizza in a bit and there's some old horror movies on tonight.�

�That sounds good.� With more of an ease, they made their way back to the apartment.

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