Star Wars (Con Game) Quotes

"Damn you, Star Trek, for always cock-blocking the gay sex."

"That's what snarky padawans do. They master-bait."

"So Leia's doing Chewie on the side?"
"I swear, Han, it's just a hairy baby!"

"So there's two hot females and I have two head tails."
"I smell a hentai!"

"Do you want to buy a planet? What's the name of the planet? Um...I'm not telling."

"Motherfucker brand battle plate."

"It could've been worse. It could've been 'not by the hair of my nutty nut sack.'"

"We're totally just bending the Star Wars universe over and having at it."

"I got a natural one to follow the ship."
"You suck."
"It's because you named me Bucky."

"Yeah, we penetrate right between the buttcheeks of the Gamorrean moon."

"If I really liked palindromes, I'd name myself Trebobert."

"Yes, that's right. The Force exists only to jerk me off."

"Yoda was a player!"
"That's why there are so many little green-skinned kids with hairy ears running around Coruscant."

"Who are these people? They're the feng shui Gamorreans."

"The shields are going down! Prepare the feng shui!"

"How much cover does a scrawny Twi'lek provide?"

"His head tails are out there flapping in the breeze. Like a fat bedsheet."

"I'm going to go take a shower."
"That's not a bad idea."
"You can join me if you want."
"I'll pass."

"I'M SEXY! GNAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"Yeah, this planet totally brought it on itself. Gamorr is a muddy puddle of teeth."
"I say we light the atmosphere on fire on the way out."

"Well, I'll be on the ship. Call me if you need anything, like being inspired."
"Believe me, Skit, I'm never more inspired than I am when I'm with you."

[Repeated line, growing more ridiculous with every repetition:]
"We're on a humanitarian mission of peace and justice."

"I'm gonna try and steal a droid."

"I cast detect dumpster."

"I come back with a restraining bolt."
"Don't put that on me!"
"...Where's its mouth?"

"Step one, go to the haunted mineshaft."
"Step two...step three, profit."

"We're traders! We're here to betray...ding."
"Well, it seems like it's a popular line of work. Everywhere we go there are these signs: 'Wanted - Traitors.'"

"I'll let him do the talking."
"Um...we are traitors."

"Hey, slave Spurf who is my loofah. Suck on this body wash."

"The Gamorreans weren't that stupid. They tried to counter-screw us."
"Counter-Screw? Is that like Counter-Strike but with less violence?"
"Yes, and more sex."

"Who tapes sticks to a rancor?"
"I don't know. A Lord of Darkness?"

"It could just turn out to be a big, angry, burning lizard."
"If that's the case do you think we can take it?"
"I don't know, that depends on how angry it is."

"What killed this monkey? It was me!"

"Y'know, when you said 'astromech droid' right now, I totally heard 'Astro McDroid.'"

"Urge to climb building...rising!"

"You see, when mommy and daddy spurf collect just this many crystals..."

[sings] "I see a rainbow alpaca and want to paint it black..."

"No, we're doing it with the Gungans because they have a Wisdom penalty."
"...Please never say 'doin' it with the Gungans' again."

"Are all of the gundam pilots, like, 14 years old?"
"Yes, and they're whining."

"We don't have to forge our own letterhead!"

"It's your turn to empty out the hooker!"

"Omigod, the semen grab bag."

"All we know about your father is that he fucked a robot once."

"Discount sperm from Most Wanted Traders!"

"What's up? We're gonna sell you guns. From our tea party on the ceiling."

"Gungan Roulette: You put six bullets in a gun and go shoot Gungans until they're all dead."

"Ingredients: Gungans and lead."

"We need to go set up some display tables."
"Profession: Wedding Planner is needed."

"These...are the Gun-Gun Hope Guns."

"...And that's how C-3P0 got sold into sexual slavery."

"The Gungan hope guns. For the hope of Gungans."

"I go into a bar."
"You see a man in a cloak."
"I tell him we'll have his adventuring kit ready soon."

"What are Gungan balls?"

"You just snorted a dead Gungan!"
"Yousa so high!"

"Ty-droid Mary."

"The great mother sexbot that gave birth to the universe."

"We wish to catch a virus."
"In the butt!"

"The virus shuts down fleets. The Jedi Council needs it badly, to shut down fleets for the highest bidder."

The name that was given to a program to develop a computer virus that would forcibly shut down the weapons of any ship the carrier hailed:
"Operation Love Your Neighbor."

"You're saying your family might know this guy if we go to Ryl and ask them about it?"
"He's saying he wants to do his cousin."

The group members are traveling the galaxy running various scams and con games under the name "Most Wanted Traders" iin an attempt to earn 2 million credits so that they can renovate an abandoned Imperial mining facility into a top-flight casino, hotel, and pleasure dome.

The Characters and Players:
Carl the tiny dinosaur, a technophobic Tis'shar Force adept/soldier posing as Soryn's padawan. Played by Noel.
Dahni, a hedonistic Zeltron scrounger who originally came up with the idea for the casino construction and the con games. Played by Nikki.
Kikkabukk (Bucky for short), a cowardly Wookiee scoundrel who pilots the ship when he's not hiding somewhere. Played by Iain.
Skitee the Snitch, a devious Twi'lek information broker who provides the group's business and criminal hook-ups. Played by Marco.
Soryn Lull, a laconic human Force adept/scoundrel who poses as a Jedi to cheat people out of their money. Played by Beth.
GM: Eric Z.

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