Future Hunter Quotes
"He'll be like, 'I'm a god!' And she'll be like, 'I don't care.' And then I'll be like, 'Well, I'm a god's kid, so suck it!'"
"Wait, what happens when you change? Oh my gosh. OH my gosh."
"I'm going to eat a healthy bowl of Lucky Charms..."
"With Mountain Dew on them?"
"I learned it in the Bible, okay?"
"They've gone through a lot of different plans already."
"It's too safe! It's too dangerous!"
"It's too brown!"
"Do I know anyone named Spiff?"
"No."
"Do I know anyone whose name is close to Spiff?"
"Well, you do know a guy named Spuff."
"Grandma, why are you always on fire when I see you?"
"You dog-ear your Bible? Blasphemy!"
"BLADE, PLEASE."
"From now on, Remy stuffs her butt."
"Thank God I'm at a truck stop, where nothing is pretty."
"Ooh...lavatory."
"Why would they want to put the maternity ward on the top floor? Satellites live up there!"
"Take 5 XP."
"Thanks, Mike!"
"Thank you so much for that incredible relevance."
"You can whack them with the duty stick and then make them like it."
"It's cooler to be made out of blood."
"Yeah. Vampires would, like, orgasm."
"Until they drank you and you'd be like [ripping-apart motions]."
"They go off to collect beer and trenchcoats..."
"That's one of the things that would really suck about being a dhampir. For 300 years you can eat whatever you want, and then suddenly you wake up one day and it's all gone straight to your ass."
"A tree pinning evil to the ground just spat out something nasty, and it made the vampire act funny. Wouldn't you be suspicious?"
"Roll Dex + Brawl to make with the flying butt attack."
"Is Haji well-endowed?"
"No, not really."
"Ah, he was compensating."
"What just happened?"
"Apparently, some mages enchant their undergarments so they don't burn
off."
"Wow. This time around, we're being beaten by a dead horse."
"Arguing takes a lot less time than it used to now that we've got the duty stick."
"What does Brett's battle form look like?"
"A giant penis!"
"He's got kind of like a..."
"Mucous membrane?"
"Brett seems to have issues with using his powers."
"Oh, he's impotent."
"In Minnesota, we got rid of the concept of statuatory rape. Now Jane and Joe Tiles can move here. Through the TV, of course."
"If so-and-so is so many years older than so-and-so, and he'll get so
many years of jail time if he has sex with her..."
"How long does it take before his friends come to bust him out?"
"Her boyfriend wears a skirt."
"Her boyfriend could probably blow your head up. But he has to be wearing
his skirt to do it."
"Witness1, I want some pizza! Can I touch you?"
"Don't get into a car with strangers, especially if they're wearing mirrorshades."
"What the hell? This is a search-and-destroy mission, not a fashion show."
"We won't bleach the dog, okay?"
"They're obsessive-compulsive Tremere ghouls!"
"All the amputee children can go to the Charlotte wing of the camp. It's the left wing, you know."
"Yeah, all those kids can sleep two to a bed seeing as how there's not really two entire children there."
"It's a good thing she's decided to cooperate for once, or else we'd have a smoking pile of Hope."
"You're like a human buffet."
"I thought that was the way this whole thing got started..."
"You guys were all off rescuing maimed babies and chasing pierced dogs."
"You're playing the nice Tremere."
"Nice Tremere finish last."
"Or first, in a game of poker."
"Oh, that's right. I completely forgot about the one thing that makes Hope useful."
"Clyde, you son of a bitch. You owe me $2500."
[waves $50 chip] "I can't hear you. I'm off trying to turn this into $2500."
"I just lost all my money."
"And by 'my money' I mean 'the vampire's money.'"
"So no harm done, right?"
"That's why the hunt is so funny. It makes you wonder...Do I get to go to school tomorrow? Will I be dead?"
"...And if they have a problem with that, I tell them to take it up with the governor."
"Give us some speed, my brotha!"
"Dude, Clyde is way too white to be allowed to say that."
"Actually, I was talking to Brett, and I meant that literally."
"You know, that's something we never thought of when we thought about
the Hunter TV show. Haji slash."
"Haji and Charlie slash!"
"No, Haji and Melba fics!"
"They're chock full of S&M!"
"It's just been sitting on this computer for 53 years collecting cyberdust."
"I save the file on one of the disks."
"Okay. You've gotta delete some porn labeled 'Nester' to make it fit."
"Those are some nasty splinters."
"They're making me hungry!"
"Soak 3 lethal."
"In drenched cat and dried-out-frog damage!"
"...And with that, he begins picking up his toads."
"The Book of Marta is all like, 'Me me ME me me!'"
"...So basically, Haji is the Antichrist, and it's funny."
[Iain imitates the gaming style of Mike, one of our past Mage Storytellers.]
"Okay, guys, we've got 50 minutes to wrap this up. So, um, just roll your
Arete. You all have 10 of it now. So you talk to Saigow and then you go to fight
Haji. You throw everything you've got at him and none of it works. Then Saelic
shows up and snaps his fingers and is all like, 'As the piece is, so is the
whole,' and Haji is dead. The end."
"Spiff's the new hunter superhero!"
"You mean antihero."
"Oh no. I am hurt by something."
"I can just imagine what would happen if you turned on Presence in here. 'I'm wrong! Pay attention to me!'"
"They will fight eternally, Haji versus...Haji."
"What kind of tree was it?"
"It was a crossbow tree!"
"We went out and got a VCR and some Cliff Bracer movies."
"Those are old."
"Yeah, but they're classics."
[Remy dresses up like her grandmother in an attempt to piss off Haji.]
"Meet Melba."
"Wow."
"Except she had less of an ass and more boobs than you."
The Characters and Players:
Clyde Baker, the brand-new, and extremely self-important, Scorpio
guardian of the house of passions. Played by Noel.
Hope Sorroro, sarcastic dhampir misanthrope, slacker musician, and daughter
of Charlotte and Charlie. Played by Beth.
Remy Williams, Judge, aspiring astronomer, child of a guardian, and granddaughter
of Melba and Paladin. Played by Nikki.
Storyteller: Iain.