2001-05-21 - 10:40 a.m.
mel and i have spent the last several days cleaning house...
it's been long needed, and we're both incredibly achy now... neither of us can believe how much STUFF we've amassed over the years... particulary clothing... particularly mel's =)... i've got my share, but when it comes to mass, mel wins there. besides, a lot of my stuff goes into the "i need to lose weight before these things see the light of day again" box. for mel, it's a matter of letting go... something very hard for her to do... it's hard enough letting go of a pair of tights ragged with runs let alone a perfectly good sweater... clothes are a funny thing in our house... practically members of the family it sometimes seems...
aside from the clothing, we openned up some boxes of stuff that have been packed away since we moved into our apartment two and a half years ago. among the items, we found incense, old letters and notes from eachother and friends and ex-es, pins, jewelry, etc... always fun going through that stuff. we found some letters i'd written to her shortly after we came out to eachother discovering our bisexuality. i'm sure i've got her letters to me boxed up somewhere. anyhoo... there was a girl we were both attracted to. she was in mel's chem dependency group. her name was siobhan, shared my birthday, beautiful. mel was uncomfortable with my atraction to siobhan. mainly because she was insecure and got on that whole you-think-she's-prettier-than-me-and-you-just-want-to-fuck-her trip which was not the case at all. mel is the most beautiful person i've ever known. i'm damned lucky to have found her and to be with her. siobhan intrigued us... but we didn't know how to tell eachother.
one night, we were sitting in mel's parents' backyard with our friend andre... we somehow got into talking about threesomes... he was grossed out by it, particularly about the idea of a threesome including another guy. that whole homophobic idea of third-person queerness ("i ain't kissin' what's touched another man's lips or dick!" heh). anyhoo, mel and i got into an argument with andre and if memory serves me, he ended up leaving in a huff. mel and i talked further about threesomes and more and i told her about bart and cynthia, and i explained to her how theoretically, the ideal relationship would involve two guys and two girls such that each individual could have her or his needs satisfied in every way possible and keeping within a tight circle... a sort of extended monogamy eh? well, during our talk, we did a lot of hinting, but neither of us came out about liking siobhan... all our talk that night was hypothetical and neither of us really admitted anything.
the next day or two, mel and i both ended up writing confession letters to eachother. we both came out to one another and to ourselves... and we both said in our letter that we were attracted to siobhan... that was the beginning of our queer identity...
mind you, my big mouth acted faster than any of us were ready to, and i confessed our lust to siobhan who wasn't surprised by mel but was by me and was flattered and intrigued by the idea, but in the end we settled on being friends and nothing more. that was the furthest mel and i have gone in entertaining the idea of bringing someone into our relationship, but it was a beautiful revelation and really helped to open us up to who we are and how we identify.
we always mean to keep in touch with siobhan, but like most of our friends, we are neglecting bastards. maybe i'll write more about her in a later entry. for now, it's back to work =P