| Recovery Humor |
| 12 Promises For Beginners |
| (origin unknown) |
| 1. You will know your full name and address. 2. You will be able to shave yourself. 3. You will be able to dress and undress yourself. 4. You will know the town, state and country you live in. 5. You will be able to find socks that match. 6. You will be able to smoke without burning yourself, your clothes or the furniture. 7. You will loose the fear of food. 8. You will spend less time in the bathroom. 9. You will be able to walk a straight line and pass the balloon test. 10. You will loose the fear of police cars. 11. You will be able to answer the door without looking through the little hole. 12. You will realize what a mess you've been and thank God for your twelve step program. |
| The top 9 indications your family may be dysfunctional! |
| 1. A new bill to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your families name. 2. Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA. 3. Your mother and your preteen sister are always fightng over the last beer. 4. In the middle of a family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch. 5. Bikers next door always complaining of the noise. 6. Holidays are usually celebrated by sniffing glue and kicking toasters around the house. 7. Family discussions usually begin with put the gun down. 8. Instead of saying grace before dinner, father reads a passage from Penthouse Forum. 9. Thanksgiving dinner usually consists of Wild Turkey instead of roast turkey. |
| Jokes |
| What's a slip in Alanon? A wife has a compassionate thought for her alcoholic... |
| Service is like wetting your pants.... Everybody sees it but your the only one who feels the warmth... |
| A new definition of 13 stepping.... Steps 1+12, "My life is unmanageable and I want to share it with you." |
| How can you tell two alcoholics are on their second date? There's a U-Haul in the driveway. |
| How can you tell your at an alanon meeting? Someone spills their coffee and everyone gets up to clean it up. |
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