As I'm looking through my window,
To the town square.
The snow-covered streets are lonely and bare.
The town Christmas tree winks mockingly at me,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you.
I wrapped my last gift and put the cellotape away,
Checked the answering machine.
And in the distance, a choir sings,
About the joy that Christmas brings.
But it's making me feel blue,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you.
But it breaks my heart,
Cause that's the place I just can't be.
Cause I hate your family.
The day I met you,
I knew you could get me through.
When we're alone,
My world is complete,
You're all that I need.
But when your family call,
They shit me up the wall,
Spending time with them just makes my brain bleed.
And it's making me feel blue,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you.
But I'd rather string my nuts up to a Christmas tree,
Cause I hate your family.
The night I first met them,
The dog was drunk!
And your father threatened me with a knife.
Your sister showed me her collection of eels,
And what she did then will stay with me for life.
And it's making me spew,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you.
But I'd rather drink a tumbler full of walrus wee,
Cause I hate your family.
With your brother doing dick tricks at the table,
I can't believe your mum asked me to play spin the bottle.
I'd rather be enclosed in a box of killer bees,
I'd rather be attacked by giant chimpanzees,
I'd rather wear a suit designed by Jenny Kee.
Your mum is dumb,
And your dad is mad.
That's why I'm so sad.