You know Dasher and Dancer,
And Prancer and Vixen.
Comet and Cupid and...
Chopper and Nixon.
But do you recall...
The LEAST famous reindeer of all...?
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
This song's for you.
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
This song's for you.
This is the tale of a reindeer that nobody knows.
Shoved down the back, and largely ignored
On account of a nasal disfigurement.
Not unlike Rudolph in that sense,
The hallmarks are almost the same.
But instead of a red shiny nose
That brought Rudolph his fame,
Fabian had... just... a cavity.
No nose at all.
Just a big empty space
In the middle of his face.
Just a couple... of chambers.
("Awwwww, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?!?!")
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
This song's for you.
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
This song's for you.
Abnormal snouts were surprisingly common in reindeer.
Rudolph and Fabian both fell victim
To the elves and their cost-cutting measures.
In keeping their overheads down,
The elves fed the reindeer on... reindeer.
And on top of that,
The poor reindeer were also inbred.
So Fabian had... just... a cavity.
His hooter was lacking.
Bugger all schnoz.
All this because
His Dad... was also... his sister.
...Who he then ate.
("This chicken tastes funny... can I have some of yours?")
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
This song's for you.
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
Tragic but true.
Disliked by his peers,
This disfigured deer was alone.
He watched from afar,
As Rudolph the star
Would lead all the others back home.
But before you get too sympathetic,
There's a little thing you should know.
Sure, his ????
But reindeer are not quite that shallow.
'Cuz Fabian was... a tosser.
Not nice at all.
("Oh WHO RAN OUT ME BATTERIES?!")
An arrogant fool.
("I look good in this, don't I?")
A self-serving tool.
("Awww I write 'Fabian' on my stuff for a REASON!")
An absolute... facehole.
Ahhhhhhhhh....................!
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
No one likes you.
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
Surgery won't fix the vortex that is your black... heart.