| Ask the Coach Getting Fathers More Involved |
| Marshall says all he remembers is his father mowing the lawn. He's hired someone to mow the lawn so he has more time to play with daughter, Meg, 3 1/2. |
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| TOP TEN WAYS MOTHERS CAN ENCOURAGE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHILD AND RELUCTANT DAD Make sure you encourage the relationship. Dad may not change a diaper as well as you do, but how will he learn if you don't let him? Don't expect too much at first. Limit the time spent together and make sure it's a time when your child is rested. Outings with Dad are super fun -- McDonald's for breakfast and a play on the playground, a short trip to the park. Pack a bag for outings -- a change of clothing, a snack, diapers and bottle, wipes, things he might not think of. Get some instructions, such as, "If he cries, he likes to be picked up and rocked side by side," or "When she gets tired, she'll start stuttering. That means it's time to come home." Process the outing or experience afterwards, but at a time when Dad and child are rested. Ask each one separately how it went. Take it from there. Before you initiate something major, start phasing yourself out when the three (or more) of you are together. Start backing off and letting the father come more into focus for the child, i.e., if the child asks for a drink of water, look at your husband expectantly, or "be busy" and ask that he take care of that. Think of something you know they both enjoy and put them together. This could be going swimming, lighting a fire in the fireplace, making pudding, drawing with markers, reading, or renting a video. Be sure you aren't setting your husband up as "the heavy." Share the discplining. Nobody wants to play with the person who always enforces time-out. Developing new skills and growing are processes. Enjoy the process. Catch him doing something right and compliment him. Overlook mistakes and pounce on something that goes right. Enjoy watching the relationship between the father and children blossom and grow. EMAIL me with some of your own suggestions! I'll print them to share with others. |
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