WHY MUST IT BE THIS WAY?
Every single day of my life, I conquer the thought of someday telling you that I am deeply attracted to you but something holds me back because I don't know if you'll feel the same way. I am afraid of what your reaction will be when I finally tell you that I have been noticing you for quite a while now. I feel so helpless because I want to tell you and yet at the same time I don't want to. I want to tell you so I can finally free myself of this burden that I have been carrying for quite some time now, probably since the first time I met you. I knew then that I liked you but I just haven't worked up enough courage to actually tell you. It is a hard struggle especially for me because we've gotten close over a period of time and it's so hard for me to pretend that my feelings are not real when in fact I can barely contain myself when I am near you. My heart goes pitter pat when I am even a few inches from you. My glance can never go your direction because our eyes may meet and I just might get lost. I'm afraid these are true as corny as it sounds.
Maybe you're asking what is it that attracts me to you. Sure, you have a nice smile, nice eyes, overall, your physical attributes score a ten in my scale. I am attracted to you because of your personality; of your down to earth attitude, your ability to make other people laugh by laughing at yourself first. You are not afraid to show the world your true self. You are not afraid to show others that you can still be you and people like you for being yourself. I like it that you are compassionate and understanding. I like it when you show me your emotional side because it shows me that you are vulnerable too and you too can get hurt and are as human as I am. I like it that you are caring about others; that you are concerned. I liked the fact that at one time, when I was having a bad day, you asked if I needed someone to talk to. I like you for a whole lot of reasons but I really like you for being you.
I've learned to love the person that you are for the times that we've known each other. Even when the news got to me that you were with someone else, I told myself that I'm going to forget you and turn my attention to someone else but somehow I couldn't. No matter how hard I' ve tried, I couldn't. We even went out a few times and you brought "her" with us, right then and there I said this all has to stop. But it didn't because I can't teach my heart to forget you. I can't teach my heart to drop you out of my life for my good. It is so hard to live with this secret hidden within me. Like I said, I go through each day thinking that maybe I should just come clean. That all this should be dragged out into the open. For I, myself am tired of pretending, when in reality, these emotions are becoming more and more intense. I wonder when the time will ever come when I can tell you face to face how I feel about you. For now, I don't think we are ready for that truth. I can barely face the thought of confessing to you, and yet actually tell you. That is a whole different story. And maybe a whole different chapter.