Bull in the City (6-2) 92 The Ballbusters (4-4) 83 For the second straight week, Randy Chambers Bull City squad faced a difficult opponent in the prime time game, and for the second straight week, they did just enough to secure a victory. At the �almost� halfway point, City now stands alone on top of the Modano standings and their four game win streak shows little sign of breaking. Once again, it was the outstanding play of QB Drew Brees which powered the City engine. Brees is looking like vintage MVP�s of the past as he threw multiple TD�s on the way to his 3rd 30 point evening of the season. That would be three games: ninety points. (He also has a 28 point effort on his resume.) Brees rebounded from last week�s disappointing 6 point effort to share a gameball with the 12 point scoring LenDale �Big Mac� White whose very late touchdown on Monday night sealed the outcome of this close contest. Brees and Big Mac were given no other reward for their fine play by the miserly Chambers who is clearly trying to keep his players focused on the bigger picture which is the addition of a 4th banner to City�s home stadium. Those two players were aided by the return to form of K Shaun Suisham who booted 13 clutch points and RB Frank Gore who muscled his way to 10 points. But the City D almost let this one get away from them as they managed a mere 11 points between the three of them. And as we know with Chambers, he rarely lets a bad defensive effort go unpunished. Expect some alterations before their next game. A player who did not escape Chambers wrath this week was volatile RB Michael Turner, whose egregious three point performance cost him his commemorative 2002 University of Maryland basketball ticket stubs (at UNC, home vs. Wake) which now decorate the wood-paneled offices of his ticked off owner. Rumor has it that behind one of those tickets is the hidden switch that reveals the secret door which opens upon the rickety spiral staircase that reportedly leads down to the City dungeon where the now officially missing-in-action Brett Favre is thought to be held. Of course, that�s just rumor. But since Favre has yet to be seen since reporting to City practice facilities back in late August, it�s difficult to put these rumors to rest. Attempting to change the subject when asked about Favre�s lengthy disappearance, Chambers brought up Buster QB Peyton Manning, �There's nothing quite as sweet as beating up on the former so-called co-champs. Peyton was sufficiently distracted by the Titan promotional opportunities to throw those sweet picks.� Indeed, after being promised free shots of Tennessee�s own Jack Daniels for every interception Manning threw, the crowd did their best to rattle the golden boy QB of the Busters. Manning did play well enough to throw for an all-pro 20 points, connecting with his new favorite receiver Roddy White enough that White also had 20 points. Sadly for owner Rich Joseph, no other Buster could muster the courage to score more than 9 points. Especially disappointing for Joseph was the play of TE Jason Witten, who cracked a rib but couldn�t man up to score any points, and WR Terrell Owens who for the third time this season yawned his way to 2 points. A dejected Joseph addressed the media only after getting some sympathetic hugs from children. He said, �I apologize for my team�s pathetic play. I�m giving money, lots of it, to Roddy White, but I�m also here to say publicly that Terrell Owens is on the trading block.� When we caught up with T.O., back doing sit-ups in his driveway, he was all smiles as he said, �Hey, I�m a Buster till they tell me I ain�t, but it don�t matter, �cause after those 500 crunches, don�t I just look good? It�s better to look good than feel good man.� That may be so, but T.O. and his Busters now simply look good at 4-4, while City has opened a two game lead over them and are surely feeling good, not just with their victory, but also with their first place position in the standings.
Big Bad Bretts (4-4) 113 Wookies (3-5) 107 One of the best games of the Modano season was this week�s 4pm game between two underachieving teams desperate to climb back into the title race. Seeing as both teams scored over 100 points, it�s obvious that both teams played to their best, but where Will Mitchell�s Wookies had a very respectable five players score over 10 points, Steve Johnson�s Bretts had five players go over the all-pro 15 point mark. Incredibly, two of those players for the Bretts were mid-week waiver wire pick-ups. The press, as usual, trailed Johnson throughout the week, hoping to pick up an odd or random quote here or there. So it came as no surprise when, on his way to the Brett practice facilities last Monday, Johnson entered his usual �Three Sisters� coffee shop to get his regular order along with some small talk from one of the wizened old proprietors. No one batted an eye when RB Leon Washington was signed later that morning. But Johnson varied his routine this past Sunday, and entered the coffee shop just an hour before kickoff against the Wookies. It�s not known what transpired inside the brew house, but Johnson walked out with a devilish grin and immediately signed the almost unheard of WR Donnie Avery less than � hour before kickoff. Needless to say, Washington scored an unbelievable 24 points and Avery looked possessed as he dreamed his way to an enchanted 16 points. A calm and composed Johnson gave gameball�s to both Washington and Avery and said simply, �Welcome to the team buddies!� He continued, �Wow, all my guesses turned out right. How often does that happen?� That would be somewhere between never and once in a blue moon, and a sharp eye will be kept on Johnson in the future. When we attempted to go to the �Three Sisters� coffee shop after the game to find out the details of Johnson�s visit, we were more than surprised to find the shop vacated and �For Sale� signs on the door. Still, while the additions of Washington and Avery were quite prescient of Johnson, he did receive solid play from a few of his regulars as well. Jake Delhomme replaced Ben Roethlisberger and delivered 18 points, while former MVP LaDanian Tomlinson looked like he drank some sort of potion to make him feel five years younger as he romped his way to 17 all-pro points. Finally, LB Karlos Dansby lived up to his draft position and tallied 16 points- his best day of the year to date. Virtually the only player not to be bewitched this week was TE Owen Daniels who scored one point- this coming on the heels of a two TD and 16 point performance. Daniels was heard mumbling, �He promised to get rid of my cat� and then he didn�t! I was sooo close!� So close also describes the valiant effort of the Wookies. A team that has been riddled with dysfunction at times this season, they pulled together this week only to lose a heartbreaker when, as Mitchell said with true venom in his voice, �Randy Moss dropped a touchdown pass that would have won it for the Wookies.� If Moss had been able to double his six point effort, then this game would have had a different ending, and virtually everyone watching assumed on the dropped pass that the resin buildup on Moss� hands alone would have secured the game-winning score. As it was, the Wookies wasted a perfect 24 point day from gameball-earning WR Santana Moss who once again presented a serious argument to remove the Mini-Me nickname he has earned playing along Dr. Ganja, Randy Moss. RB Marshawn Lynch and TE Antonio Gates abstained from smoking for 12 points each and new QB Matt Cassel seems to be settling in with another strong outing, this time with 11 points. K G-ski was heard from for the first time in a couple weeks with 11 of his own points while young stud WR Calvin Johnson scored a garbage nine points. A clearly distraught yet remarkably upbeat Mitchell commented after the game, �Tough loss. We put up another solid performance but took the L. It�s a drag to get beat by Leon Washington and Donnie Avery. This is going to be a tough hole to climb out of but we�re feeling good about our play.� As well they should. It�s always difficult to score over 100 and lose, but the Wookies at least know they can put up the points on their good days. The Bretts know that too, though the manner in which they arrived at those 100 points this week has left many in the media speculating at the dark forces surrounding Steve Johnson�s desire to return to the Modano throne.
SF Cubists (4-4) 92 Syracuse 44�s (3-5) 53 There was nothing mystical or sinister surrounding the lead 1pm Modano game between the defending champion Cubists and their perpetually envious rivals from Syracuse. This was a good old fashioned butt-whoopin� administered by a team that used its five championship rings like a pair of brass knuckles as they knocked the teeth out of their inferior opponent. This was the first blowout win of the season for the Cubists and they made it look easy thanks to the inspired play of QB Matt Schaub. Schaub is still filling in for High School Musical devotee Tony Rhomo who remains out nursing a broken heart now that Troy and Gabriella have graduated and aren�t going to the same school together. Schaub threw for 29 points, more than half the 44�s total, but did not get a gameball or even a pair of earrings from his critical owner. RB DeAngelo Williams got the gameball for his �unexpected� all-pro 15 point performance. RB Chris Johnson also hit pay dirt for 12 points, while LB Julian Peterson pressured new 44 QB Eli Manning enough for 11 strong defensive points. A kind Jason Moore commented, �Byes, injuries, and benchings were a problem for both teams. We were lucky and received a surprisingly sub par performance from the 44s.� The Cubists were plagued by some sub par performances of their own, as LB�s DeMeco Ryans and Will Witherspoon each managed only one point and were forced to give their Wii�s back to Moore as a penalty. Rookie RB Jonathan Stewart managed a fat goose egg, which in a normal week might prove crippling to a team. This week it simply offset the fact the 44�s played the entire game without a starting TE. The unusual move was commented on by 44�s owner John Stoer, who said, �First, Cutler, Peterson and Urlacher were on the bye, then LJ and Winslow got suspended and I just didn�t have anyone I could cut, so I said screw it. Why cut someone, like I did with Matt Schaub early in the season, who can come back to hurt you later. It wasn�t like I was going to win anyway.� Regardless of the decision making process, the TE-less 44�s came out flat and produced their worst game since week 8 of a year ago when they scored a mere 43 points. The 44�s have now not won in week 8 this decade, a stat which is simply stunning in its improbability. As mentioned, Eli Manning got his first start of this �08 Modano campaign and produced a gameball earning 13 points. He was also given a subscription to a wine-of-the month club since Stoer has always preferred his QB�s a little tipsy. The only other player to score in double digits was replacement LB Gary Brackett who was last seen in �07 as a founding member of the pop duo Hasselbrackett. That duo had more hits than WR�s Torry Holt and Plaxico Burress had points as the receivers combined for an inept two points- a total matched by ex-Cubist but current 44 WR Chad Johnson. Stoer was so upset by the trio of pathetic receivers that he made them chip in to get him a new King Cobra 3W and Driver. Stoer concluded, �We suck. Congrats to the Cubists though. No Romo or Bush and they still stomped us. Jamo�s just better than me at this. Obviously.� The Cubists now lead the series 12-6-1 and in championships 5-1. Playing without their two best player�s ruins most teams, but the Cubists showed this week why they remain the gold standard of Modano teams. Their quality depth and shrewd waiver-wire management continues to make them one of the teams to beat, and a second half surge, once their stars get healthy, is probably to be expected from this �08 Cubist squad. As for the 44�s, they finally snapped their alternating win-loss streak by losing two in a row, and once again, they look destined for a bottom five finish in the standings.
P-Miss Envy (4-4) 94 Weaselicious Cookies (5-3) 55 If things look bad in Syracuse, then the current state of the Cookie franchise looks like that uni-brow �woman� in the Planters peanut ads. While they remain over .500, they have now lost two in a row for the first time this season and they remain the lowest scoring team in all of Modano. Put simply, they were led in scoring this week by WR Lance Moore who had 12 and K Rob Bironas who had 11. When the undrafted Lance Moore and Rob Bironas lead your team in scoring, it�s safe to say that your team is in trouble. When your next two high scorers, with 7 points each, are TE Tony Fasano and some LB who Mel Kiper Jr has never even heard of named Zac Diles, then it�s safe to say that your team will lose every single time. The Cookies stuck with QB Trent Edwards for a second straight week, but he failed to produce with only 4 points. Their best player, RB Marion Barber, continued his decline with 5 points. Long time Cookie veteran RB Julius Jones scored one point but took to the microphone after the game to discuss the state of the team. He said, �Look I�ve been here in bad times, real bad times, and this isn�t one of them. We�re 5-3 and a game out of first place. Everyone here feels like we can turn it back on and start winning some games again. It�ll be nice to get Anquan back, and me and Marion and MoJo need to start pounding it at people. We need to get back to playing Cookie football and making Dan Weitz proud.� It sounds like a lot of pride is on the line in the next couple of weeks for the Cookies, while for the proud Envy franchise, they�ve lassoed momentum and are riding it hard. They�ve now blown out three of their past four opponents and have won in the past two weeks by a margin of 91 points. The Envy were once again led by the Hall-of-Fame QB Donovan McNabb who fell just shy of all-pro status with 14 points. But McNabb�s amazing leadership isn�t that he scores points just for himself, but he distributes the scoring among his team mates which keeps them very happy. Owner Perry Missner gave the gameball to McNabb, saying, �I appreciate Dallas Clark's coup de grace, but it was Donovan's excellence that put us a leg up. For those who are called McNabb, I salute you.� Dallas Clark was the main beneficiary of McNabb�s generous play as Clark had by far his best game of the season with 19 all-pro points. Instead of a gameball, Clark received a nice new TV which Missner secretly set up at the Clark household right after the game so that when Clark returned home, the first thing he saw was a brand new TV! What a good owner. A pair of Envy WR�s had good days also as Vern Coles and Vincent Jackson each had 11 point afternoons, while the sturdy defense, led by LB�s Jon Beason and Jon Vilma had 11 and 13 respectively. That�s a total of 6 Envy players eclipsing the 10 pint barrier and that was more than enough on this day. A gleeful Missner commented, �That was the league's top team? Wow - it's clear that parity has watered things down. It was nice to see our receivers show up and the defense did a nice job. It looks like the Cookies are headed for another losing season. At least they had a nice start.� Just about the only player who let Missner down was RB Edgerrin James who�s -2 point performance has landed him squarely in the Envy doghouse where he can keep company with the un-cuttable TJ �Hush�manzadeh. But the travails of James and Hush can�t really bother Missner while his team continues to beat up on the low scoring teams of the league. His team is definitely on the rise while the Cookies seem to be slowing down after their blazing hot start.
County Coroners (5-3) 115 Red Herrings (2-6) 97 Poor Charlie Mitchell. The newest owner in the Modano family, he�s just now starting to realize what all the other Modano owners already knew. That the world of Modano football will kick you in the nuts, and then once you�ve fallen down, it�ll kick you again. Nothing comes easy in Modano. You can be a 2-5 team and score 97 points, but the Modano gods will just laugh, and you�ll give up 115 points. To a team playing with 10 men. It�s enough to drive a hardened, seasoned owner insane, and sadly, that is just what has happened to Mitchell. He vowed not to speak to the media until his team won a game, and while that remains the case, his defensive assistant, Mike Singletary, has taken over the reins of the club while Mitchell has excused himself from all Modano-related activity in an attempt to preserve his sanity. Singletary was more than happy to speak to the media and, after showing his bare-ass, he ranted, �You all suck! Finnegan, who let your sorry ass back on this roster? Get the f*&% out of my sight! Now, motherf&^*er! You think that's funny, Haynesworth? You think I can't take you down? Get the hell out of here. You're cut! Campbell, you feel good about your 16 points...well you were playing the f'ing Lions, you should have had 30! I'm putting a Bear at QB next week, and he'll show you what you're supposed to do against the Lions. Nice job going 0-5 as a starter. Watch your ass. I'm embarrassed for you; I'm embarrassed to be around you. Who the hell is Joe Nedney? Screw it, he's cut too. See you all at practice.� Perhaps the Herrings need a little shake-up as about the only player who exceeded expectations this week was the welcome return of superstar RB Brian Westbrook who had a season high 25 point afternoon. Jason Campbell did have the aforementioned all-pro 16 points and he hit TE Tony Gonzalez for 11, but the remainder of the team was merely satisfactory and that was just not good enough this week. The Herrings have now lost three times this year while scoring 97+ points. Ouch. Double ouch. Triple ouch. We fear for Mitchell�s sanity. Still, one owner he will get no sympathy from is Coroner owner Chad Nuss who has seen more than his share of Modano pain. But 2008 is turning out to be a different year for the Coroners as they have now equaled their best start in franchise history, they have won three in a row for the first time since �06, and they are the second highest scoring team in Modano this season. Almost all of that can be attributed to the MVP-caliber play of QB Philip Rivers. Rivers scored 28 this week to run his league leading total to an astonishing 173 points through 8 games or 21.6 points per game. Outstanding. Still, that wasn�t enough to get him a gameball this week. Nuss handed out his gameball to his d-flex for their incredible 41 point joint effort. Led by the vociferous 21 points from DE/LB Joey Porter, the Raider duo of Kirk Morrison and Gibril Wilson added the other twenty between them. Rivers wasn�t left without anything though as Nuss gave him a very nice all-expense paid trip to Bali for Rivers to enjoy while he is on the bye next week. WR Steve Smith scored 19 points this week and will look to be the focal point of the offense in coming weeks. That�s because the ManBeast, RB Brandon Jacobs has been playing more like a �fat boy� and oft-injured RB Willie �Game Time Decision� Parker can�t seem to make up his mind whether he wants to play or not. This week he did not. The flagging rush attack is enough to keep Nuss from getting over confident as he said, �We better enjoy second place. I don�t see this lasting forever.� Perhaps not, but this Coroner bunch is a potent one and if Rivers can keep up his MVP pace, there may not be much that will stand in the way of a Coroner coronation come December. As for Singletary�s Herrings, well, most Modano owners have to feel a slight twinge of empathy, but this is Modano football after all, and empathy takes a back seat to victories so this brutal season may just get even longer for the Herrings.
Week Nine previews - With one exception, every vote for the week 9 prime time game fell upon the battle of surprise 5-3 squads as the County Coroners finish off this one-hit wonder week against the Weaselicious Cookies. For the white hot Coroners, they will be without the services of QB Philip Rivers but JaMarcus Russell has stepped in to fill the void. As Nuss said, �I�m thinking about taking some coaching risks this week.� The addition of Johnnie Lee Higgins has to fall into that category. But the return of WR Brandon Marshall and RB Ryan Grant will help lower the risks. The Cookies on the other hand welcome back QB David Garrard and WR Anquan Boldin, while DB Antoine Winfield makes his Cookie debut along with RB Kevin Faulk. The Cookies swept the Coroners last year but the Coroners own an 11-7 series edge. The 4pm game sees the league�s best team, Bull in the City, take on one of the league�s hottest teams, the P-Miss Envy. BC leads this series 10-9 and the two teams have split the last two years. Since this will be their lone meeting this season, it�s interesting to note that they go into this game as the top two teams in terms of margin of victory- BC at a whopping 14ppg while the Envy are at 8.9ppg. A confident Missner said, �Time to knock another supposedly top team off the ranks. Of course, Randy's team has actually earned his place at the top of the heap (100 ppg - sheesh), but both of his QB options are really shaky and we'd relish the opportunity to hurt either one (or both). LenDale White is sure to have another big game, so we'll have to see what we can do to control the others, especially with a second shift defense on board. I like Donovan's match up.� Yes, with City QB Drew Brees also on the bye this week, Chambers has a choice to make between Pecker Aaron Rodgers and POW Brett Favre. Chambers commented, �We'll have to figure whether we throw Duck or the Inbred Hillbilly Moron at Perry. Either way, we'll drive him batty.� At press time, it looks to be Favre against the Envy. Peanut Tillman will also be in to add insult to injury while LB London Fletcher makes his City debut. For the Envy, both members of the doghouse, Edge James and �Hush�manzadeh are in while the return of rookie sensation Matt Forte brings a smile to his owners face. The lead 1pm game is the lone resumption of the Chowdah Bowl this season. The 4-4 Busters face the 3-5 Wookies in a battle of New England. The Busters have won the past three times they�ve faced off and own a slight 6-4 series edge. Wookies owner Will Mitchell will bring Matt Cassel and Randy Moss in to face Peyton Manning and the Busters. Mitchell commented, �The Ballbusters are solid- it will be extra sweet to beat Peyton Manning.� Losers of two in a row, Buster owner Rich Joseph told reporters from his courtside Celtics seat, �We will make a comeback.� Both teams return virtually their same lineup as from the past week. Another 1pm game is a potential trap game for the defending champion Cubists. Two games off the Modano pace, the Cubists can not afford to overlook Mike Singletary�s Herrings. Still, it will be tough for the Cubists to know what to expect as these teams have almost no past history to base decisions on while the recent mental crisis in Charlie Mitchell has left the Herrings with a wildly unpredictable head coach. The Herrings have brought in a slew of new players, too many to be listed, but expect Brian Westbrook to lead whoever suits up for the Herrings on Sunday. As noted in his press conference, one sure change will be at QB where Kyle Orton steps in to play. Cubist owner Jason Moore noted Westbrook and Orton, calling them both �a scary combination.� Moore has inserted Kurt Warner at QB for the first time this season and has given Warner plenty of targets to choose from as the Cubists are going with a 4 WR set this week which includes the oft-injured Kevin Curtis. Finally, the resurgent Bretts will do battle with a struggling 44�s squad. Much like the Cubists, this is a big game for the Bretts if they want to keep pace. Fortunately for the Bretts and Steve Johnson, they own an 11-7 series edge over the 44�s and have not lost on week 9 since the �02 season. The Bretts hope that Joseph Addai�s return to health will offset the loss of on-the-bye RB LaDanian Tomlinson. An anxious Johnson said, �We have to keep rolling but AP coming off the bye can�t be a good thing.� That would be 44 RB Adrian Peterson who is back in the starting lineup along with QB Jay Cutler and TE Kellen Winslow, though the 44 defense will be without MVP Patrick Willis. 44�s owner John Stoer said, �I don�t think we have much of a chance this year, but if we are going to have any chance, we need to win this week. My prediction for the Bretts: Pain!�
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