SF Cubists (2-2) 96 Bull in the City (2-2) 86 In the twentieth meeting between these two original Modano members, Cubist owner Jason Moore played a last second hunch that paid off in a big way. All week long, Moore stuck with the notion that Kurt Warner would be his week four QB, seeing as his regular QB, the infantile Tony Rhomo, was facing off against the Redskins. This unwritten rule, sitting a player who is facing your favorite team, is gospel for City owner Randy Chambers and is observed now and again by many Modano owners. But when push came to shove on Sunday morning, Moore�s fantasy acumen overrode his professional loyalties, and he reinserted Rhomo into the Cubist lineup. Rhomo (4/79) responded, as he usually does, with a sterling 27 point effort- his third all-pro game in four weeks. While he didn�t earn the game ball from Moore, Rhomo was rewarded with a chicken and green chile enchilada, which he proceeded to puree and put into small jars so his lunches would be prepared for the coming week. The coveted game ball was given to the Cubist o-flex for going �triflexa�. Led by the rookie running duo of Chris Johnson (3/27) and Jonathan Stewart (2/23), who had 16 and 11 respectively, the o-flex was rounded out by bloated WR Chad Ocho Cinco (3/13), who reached double digits for the first time this season with 10 points, which included a fine open-field tackle. The win gave the Cubists an 11-9 series edge and also moved them to an impressive 9-2 in week 4�s. Jason Moore commented after the win, �I hate to say it, but starting Romo over Warner made the difference. 300 yards and 3 TD�s was everything I could ask for.� While Romo continues to give consistently fine performances, TE Chris Cooley (4/9) is going the other way, continuing to stink up the joint. His one point day earned some scorn from Moore, who forced Cooley to pay for his extra leg room on the team flight back to SF. RB Reggie Bush (4/50) had his first off day of the season with only two points, while the usually reliable d-flex contributed a solid but unspectacular 15 points. That left the heroics to Rhomo, who delivered the 10 point victory. City owner Chambers was not surprisingly disappointed, though he was most disappointed with himself. He said, �This one�s on me. I couldn�t motivate the defense to break Rhomo, nor could I convince Jamo that some things ain�t worth winning.� While he was then quick to give a game ball to K Shaun Suisham (4/34) for his �all-pro evil slaying� performance, Chambers remained remarkably silent on the one issue surrounding his team which has caught national attention. QB Drew Brees (2/58) returned to the City lineup after two weeks off and promptly scored 30 points. But the play of QB Aaron Rodgers (2/46) has many in the organization wondering if perhaps he is the man to take this team forward. Then, of course, there is third string QB Brett Favre who is dying to get off the bench and get some playing time. Favre told the media that he would do anything, up to and including eating �just about anything a Mexican offers me.� He went on to say that while he has done everything he can think of to fit in with the club, including complaining about having to take his shoes off at the airport, he was going to have to seriously reconsider retirement if wasn�t going to get to play anyway. He said, �It�s apparent I don�t fit in the organization�s plans, and so I have to give some thought about what�s best for Brett Favre, Brett Favre�s family, and Brett Favre�s future. Not that this is all about me.� While the QB drama remains unresolved, Chambers is at least getting spectacularly consistent play from whomever he puts out there. The same can not be said at some of his other positions. Week-on, week-off RB Michael Turner (4/55) continues to lead Modano in rushing, but he has 50 of those 55 points in two games. The TE position continues to be a problem as Bo Scaife (3/8) had one point this week and has all 8 points that City TE�s have accumulated in 4 weeks. Consistency is a problem even on defense, where DB Antonio Cromartie�s 23 point week 3 effort continues to be the only double digit game that any City defender has provided in the first quarter of the season. Still, Bull City finds themselves at 2-2, and much like their 2-2 counterpart Cubists, their future hopes rest on the strong arm of their QB. But while the Cubists made it very clear this week, of all weeks, who their #1 QB is, the Bull City QB position is rapidly turning into the football equivalent of Grey�s Anatomy.
Wookies (2-2) 100 Weaselicious Cookies (3-1) 43 The ever intriguing Wookie-Cookie duel was the 4pm game and saw the Cookies become the last Modano team to fall from the ranks of the unbeaten. After the disaster of losing all-planetary and reigning Modano MVP Tom Brady in week 1, very few people saw this Cookie squad as one destined for �08 greatness. In week 4, they finally proved those skeptics right with a 57 point loss that was the teams worst since a 64 point blowout loss to the Bretts in �06. Using their fourth different QB in as many weeks, the Cookies trotted out good ol� boy Kerry Collins and hoped that he would be able to duplicate the magic that he created back in� well, ok, maybe he never created any magic, but owner Dan Weitz hoped Collins would at least be sober in the huddle this time around. That hope proved false as, according to some teammates, an obviously inebriated Collins slurred his words in the huddle and puked at least once every quarter. Given that, his seven points weren�t all that bad and were the 2nd most of any Cookie QB this year. Unfortunately, he had a lot more trouble handing off than any of his predecessors and the Cookie ground game never got started. Marion Barber (4/52) had his worst day of the year with one point while his running mate Maurice Jones-Drew (4/27) could contribute only three points. Worst of all, Collins threw one pass so poorly that WR Anquan Boldin (4/50), the leading receiver in Modano so far, was led right into the oncoming hit of a Wookie defender and his return is questionable at the moment. Collins apologized after the game saying, �I haven�t really played football in a while and I was obviously a little rusty, but you know, once I got through that second six-pack at halftime, I really felt like I settled down some and the game moved much slower for me. I wish I could have kept the Cookies undefeated, but you know, winning�s not really my thing.� Collins poor play and obvious lack of leadership was felt throughout the Cookie lineup as Boldin was the only player to score in double digits with 11. TE Heath Miller (4/8) was shut out and K Neil Rackers (4/26) has steadily declined every week (a sure sign of a crack habit) and managed only 3 points. If Boldin is out for any length of time, it�s apparent that the Cookies could struggle to score points. Still, on the positive side, the Cookies remain on top of the Modano standings after four weeks despite scoring the fewest points in the league and Weitz will hope that this week was an aberration rather than what he has to look forward to. Wookies owner Will Mitchell, on the other hand, is certainly looking forward to more weeks like this weeks one hundred point effort. His victory gives him a 10-8 series lead over the Cookies and the 43 points they allowed was the lowest total they�ve allowed in half a decade. His defense was led by DL James Harrison (4/41) and his 19 points. Harrison is tied with 44�s LB Patrick Willis as the leading defenders in Modano so far. Mitchell is also blessed to be one of the few teams not struggling with their TE play as Antonio Gates (4/27) scored nine points and looks to be back to his old form. Also helping team morale was the benching of troubled WR Randy Moss (3/14), who was on the bye. Apparently Moss left for �parts unknown� following the teams week 3 game but has promised to return �a whole new man� in time for week 5. His absence wasn�t felt at all as his mini-me, Santana Moss, filled in admirably with his first 9 points of the season. The Wookie ground attack was also rejuvenated by the arrival of Marshawn Lynch (4/44). While Lynch only managed 4 points, he drew enough attention from the defense that Ernest Graham (4/34) romped for 13 points and Jamal Lewis got on the field for his first 12 points of the year. QB JT O�Sullivan (2/30) seems to have stabilized the position and gave Mitchell a respectable nine points in his second outing of the season. If rookie RB Darren McFadden (3/20) can get some consistent touches, he too could be a valuable member of the Wookie ground game. It�s clear that this Wookie team can be very potent when it�s firing on all cylinders, and their week 4 performance has surely put the rest of the league on notice that these �08 Wookies have a lot of bite in them.
Big Bad Bretts (2-2) 107 County Coroners (2-2) 81 There is very little mystery when these two teams get together. It doesn�t seem to matter what the year is, who is starting at QB, or even what the weather may be. When the Bretts and Coroners take the field, the Bretts simply dominate. It�s like some Jedi mind trick. Bretts owner Steve Johnson just looks at Coroner owner Chad Nuss and says, �You will lose today,� and Nuss and the Coroners roll over and play dead. This week four match-up was no different as the Bretts steamrolled the Coroners for the 15th time in 17 tries. In the process, the Bretts scored over 100 points for the 40th time in franchise history and also moved to 7-3 in week four games. Also as usual, the Bretts were led by RB LaDanian Tomlinson (4/45) who reserved his best game of the year (20 points) for the beleaguered Coroners. He was outscored only by Brett QB Jake Delhomme who had 23 to lead the way. The duo earned game ball�s from Johnson, who said, �Jake did pretty well for my last pick of the year. Way to step up when I needed ya. LT going to town against the Raiders� almost a clich� by now.� The Bretts also received two more all-pro days, one from RB Steven Jackson (4/35) whose 18 points were one more than his previous three-game total, and another from underappreciated WR Greg Jennings (3/37) whose 19 points were one better than his previous two-game total. Those four players accounted for 80 of the teams 107 points. On the not-so-good side, TE Robert Royal, filling in for the groin-disabled Jeremy Shockey, couldn�t manage a point. As with every Brett who goes scoreless during the game, Royal spent the remainder of his night handing out free pork burritos with salsa verde from a local street corner so that he could at least accomplish something productive from his day. New LB AJ Hawk almost had to join him, but he managed to make three tackles late in the fourth quarter to at least dirty his jersey a little bit. The remainder of the Bretts were equally sub-par, but when the Bretts get their superstars to play well, they are very difficult to beat. Not that the Coroners would know much about that. For the second straight week they allowed 107 points, which prompted Nuss to say, �Back to mediocrity�� But for the second straight week, it wasn�t that the Coroners played all that poorly, it�s just that their opponent played that much better. TE Zach Miller (3/14) led the Coroner attack with 12 points which earned him a game ball and a �Finally!!� His twelve points were matched by WR Steve Smith (2/16), who may be rounding into shape following his two week suspension. As contrasts, RB Darren Sproles scored 9 points which was good for him, while QB Philip Rivers (4/92) also scored 9 points which was by far his season low. He still leads all of Modano in scoring after four weeks. And Coroner K Nate Kaeding (4/39) continues to lead all kickers after posting eight more points. Even new RB Michael Bush plowed his way for eight points. No, the one glaring weakness in the Coroner lineup continues to be gardener/RB Ryan Grant (3/5). Grant sunk to a new low this week by negatively affecting his club with -2 points. After a piss-poor effort like that, expect Grant to be scrubbing the walkways of the Nuss estate with a toothbrush this week after he finishes trimming the grass with scissors. When asked for comment regarding his lousy play, Grant cryptically replied, �Other people.� When he provided no further clarification, he left the media wondering whether he was calling out his team mates or if perhaps he has developed a split personality. Either way, the number one overall pick must have Nuss scratching his head. Still, back-to-back losses to the Cubists and Bretts is no shame, and this Coroner team has a different feel about it. If Rivers can stay healthy and productive, Nuss can surround him with a lot of weapons, though that doesn�t seem to include the mentally-challenged Ryan Grant these days.
The Ballbusters (2-2) 91 P-Miss Envy (1-3) 75 It�s been a good week for Busters owner Rich Joseph. He earned a hard fought baseball championship over his rival Perry Missner, and then, for good measure, beat him in week four of the Modano season to drop Missner into sole possession of last place. For Joseph, it doesn�t get much sweeter. He also remained undefeated in week fours, now a perfect 6-0. His good fortune also opened up his locker room for the first time this season as Joseph commented, �A lot going on, but I�m back. Not a bad week, but we were just lucky the Envy were quiet this week.� Perhaps Joseph is just back for the week substituting for on the bye spokesman/QB Peyton Manning. Substituting for Manning on the field was ex-44 QB David Garrard (2/28). Unlike his unimpressive debut for the 44�s, Garrard showed a lot of heart and poise in leading the Busters to the win with a 23 point performance. Not a bad replacement for the one week a year Manning takes off to fulfill his charity work in Tennessee. Garrard earned the game ball from Joseph. His main weapon was TE Jason Witten (4/29) whose 12 points moved him to the top of the Modano TE standings. WR Terrell Owens (4/39) collected another 10 points, and then went on to complain, �I want Peyton back. He throws to me all the time. This new guy, he just threw to me most of the time. T.O. doesn�t do �most of the time.� T.O. is an all or nothing guy. You either throw to me all the time or not all.� As more microphones began to encircle the prima donna, Owens continued, �Yeah, and what�s the deal with airline prices these days? It�s getting to the point a man can�t feed his family and fly around the world anymore, ya know? I think I�m gonna buy me up a whole lot of airline fuel, ya know, maybe start my own gas company, T.O. Gas. Yeah, I like the sound of that.� Joseph, who didn�t want to hear anything about gas after his wife complained he was eating too many burritos, then quickly had Owens escorted from the locker room with the promise that Manning would be back next week. Owens does seem to be hogging the Buster receiving points as Braylon Edwards, Roddy White, and Wes Welker continue to languish in Owens� shadow. Still, the problems surrounding the Buster receiving corps is nothing compared to what Perry Missner is experiencing with his Envy. After four weeks, the entire group of Envy WR�s has accumulated 13 total points. The TE position isn�t doing much better with 17 points. The strength of this team is clearly QB Donovan McNabb (4/70). McNabb scored a very respectable 13 points in the loss. His effort was singled out by Missner when Missner, like City owner Randy Chambers earlier, took the blame for the loss on himself, saying �I should have considered Coles, especially after Palmer went down. And I also should have a brought in a QB so Donovan could rest against the Beloved. Now I am in last place.� After second guessing himself, Missner went on to gripe, �I should have known it was too good to be true. Rich picks Garrard up off the street and he goes for 23 points.� An understandably upset Missner would probably rather have been on a long flight with screaming babies than endure the type of week he did. Still, he looked on the bright side when he gave the game ball to Edgerrin James (4/30) for getting in the end zone twice and �showing that whippersnapper Hightower how it�s done.� James was surely pleased to have his fellow Wondertwin, Willis McGahee (1/3) back in the lineup with him. K David Akers (4/37) scored nine more points and is the team�s second leading scorer behind McNabb. Surely that must change, and when it does, expect the Envy to be back fighting for the top. The good thing about the way that the Modano season is shaking out so far for Missner though is that at 1-3, he is still only two games off the lead. That is an easy deficit to overcome as long as the rest of the Envy learn from Edge�s week four example.
Syracuse 44�s (2-2) 130 Red Herrings (2-2) 93 The final game of the week was also the most exciting. A high-scoring affair that saw both teams rack up a season high for points, in the end it was the good fortune of 44�s trickster owner John Stoer which won the day. Always known as an owner who doesn�t hesitate to mix up his own lineup to mess with an opposing owner, this week Stoer saw a potential weakness in the Herring lineup and pounced on it. When current Herring, but longtime 44, RB Brian Westbrook went down with a knee injury in week 3, Stoer quickly signed his backup, RB Correll Buckhalter to a ten-day contract, just in the hopes that Westbrook would be nagged by the injury for a week. That wish came true as Westbrook, who had been averaging 21 ppg before his injury, sat out the week for the Herrings while Buckhalter scored 12 for the 44�s. That sense of inspired mischief coursed through the 44 lineup as no less than six players scored in double figures while three more scored nine points. That is top to bottom scoring. Stoer gave his game ball to RB Larry Johnson (4/42) for his 23 point all-pro day, saying �I got to see LJ at the Albuquerque airport and I may just have to watch all his game�s there if he�s going to play like that.� Backfield mate Adrian Peterson (4/44) notched his first all-pro day of the season as well with 16 points, bringing his total after four weeks to an appropriate 44 points. QB Jay Cutler (3/70) continued his fine season with 14 turnover plagued points, while two 44 LB�s, Patrick Willis and Barrett Ruud, scored 13 points a piece. Stoer had this to say about his team�s performance, �I�ll take these when I can get them. We always seem to follow them up with 60 point games though so I hope we can keep our level a little higher next week. This was nice though. Tortilla soup for everyone!� With that, he tapped twice on the microphone, and ever the geek, said �Mischief managed.� For Charlie Mitchell, even he realized there is not much to be done when a team gets on a roll like the 44�s did in week four. He said, �We ran into a buzz saw. Not much you can do about that.� Also, as Mitchell correctly pointed out after week three, his team is very different without Brian Westbrook in the lineup. It�s a testament to Mitchell and his players that they had their highest score of the season in response to Westbrook�s injury. Mitchell is quickly garnering a reputation as the Jeff Fischer of the league- a man who gets the most out of his players every week regardless of who he puts out there. He does seem confident that he has found his QB of the future in Jason Campbell (2/41). After heeding �The Siren�s� call in round one of the draft, Mitchell has quickly rectified that situation with a QB who is every bit as good a leader as he is a passer. Campbell earned a game ball and as Mitchell said, �You�re hired.� He then hooked Campbell up with pop sensation Thalia�s telephone number, much to Campbell�s delight. His all-rookie o-flex was also quite good as RB Steve Slaton debuted for 13 points and WR DeSean Jackson (4/30) added 10 more. Only Felix Jones (3/29) left a little to be desired as he managed a mere two points, though Mitchell was quick to point out the young man�s lack of touches in the offense (exactly zero- thank you Wade Phillips!) New K Nick Prater (2/25) had an all-pro day with 15 points and steady WR Lee Evans (2/19) added 13. Everything would have been great were it not for the stench of �The U� putrescence teeming from WR Andre Johnson (3/11) and TE Kellen Winslow (4/16), who combined for six points. Taking a page from the trickster�s playbook, Mitchell agreed to a trade with Stoer after the game, sending the malcontent Johnson and Winslow along with constant headache RB Lawrence Maroney (2/4) to the 44�s for WR Reggie Wayne (3/28), TE Tony Gonzalez (4/23), and the aforementioned Buckhalter. After the game, Mitchell said this of the deal, �If you can�t beat �em, trade with them.� Both teams are now 2-2 and will look to incorporate their new players in the coming weeks.
Week 5 previews - The week 5 primetime game has been circled on the calendar for almost a year as the defending champion Cubists face an angry Brett squad out for some payback. The Cubists lead the series 11-6 including last season�s deciding week 17 game. The Cubists are also a very strong 7-3 in week 5 games. A very respectful Jason Moore said, �I like the Bretts better in week 17 when all their best players are sitting out. This one will be tough.� Sitting though will be Brett RB Steven Jackson, replaced by Ahmed Bradshaw. Other new faces include TE Owen Daniels and DB Quintin Mikell. At press time the Cubists are countering by returning DL Julian Peterson to the lineup as well as WR Santonio Holmes, though Moore of course reserves the right to change his line-up right up to kick off. Still, Steve Johnson sounded a confident note when he said, �The Cubists are the big test and it will be close. As long as LT keeps getting 2 TD�s a game� no problem.� That�s strategy right there folks. Or is that a tactic? I can�t be sure. Vegas has this as a two point Cubist edge which seems only appropriate. The 4pm game sees the high scoring 44�s face off against the leading Cookies. Like the Cubists, the 44�s are also 7-3 in week 5 contests and lead the series 12-7. Compounding the Cookies problems, Dan Weitz is a paltry 2-8 in week 5 games. All the stats lead to a 44 win, but not so fast said 44 owner John Stoer, �We are still giving up 100 points a game and the Cookies are due for a big one. I just hope we didn�t score all our points this week.� The 44�s will make roster changes once their trade with the Herrings goes through- hopefully sometime this century- while the Cookies are bringing their #1 pick RB Rudi Johnson to the table for the first time this year. Due to the trade, Vegas is unable to give a line just yet, but expect the 44�s to be favorites. The lead 1pm game has Charlie Mitchell�s Herrings taking on Randy Chambers Bull City squad. Bull City is the highest scoring team in the league after four weeks, something Mitchell is surely unhappy to hear after giving up 130 this past week. Mitchell too will make changes after the trade goes through, but Chambers is leaving his squad untouched so far. Chambers said, �We�ll be pulling hard for the Red Herrings QB to have a big week, but we hope to offset him with some solid downhill running by his backfield mate.� An upbeat Mitchell countered, �We�re the youngest team in the league. We�re going to have a lot of ups and downs, but with Campbell steadying out the QB role, and Westbrook joining all the rookies, we�re still in this thing. And Cortland Finnegan made us some finger sandwiches that were to die for.� (No mocking of Cortland Finnegan is now needed as was promised last week.) Another 1pm game matches the high-flying Busters against the steadily sinking Coroners. The Busters own a 6-3 series edge though they are a meager 1-4 in week 5 games. Joseph is essentially starting an entire new team this week as QB Peyton Manning returns, joined by RB Jerious Norwood, WR�s Roddy White, Wes Welker and Eddie Royal, and DB Ellis Hobbs. He�s hoping this bunch will break 100 points. Nuss is keeping most of his squad together, returning the ManBeast Brandon Jacobs to the fold, as well as bringing in two new defenders DB Michael Lewis and DL Joey �The Mouth� Porter. A downbeat Nuss said, �Match ups are killing me right now� tide is turning.� The Busters are -5 favorites and this game should be that close. Finally, Will Mitchell�s Wookies take on their longtime friendly rival, Perry Missner�s Envy. This is a rivalry begun over a work place game of Diplomacy many, many moons ago. The Wookies own a 10-6 series lead which can�t sit well with Missner. It will also be the first meeting since their trade, with the blindsided Marshawn Lynch looking to punish Missner and his new boy, Matt Forte. Lynch will get his first reps with Wookie regulars WR Calvin Johnson and K G-ski, while �new man� Randy Moss returns to team with mini-me Santana Moss. The Envy leave �Hush� in at WR but bring back TE Dallas Clark and WR Vincent Jackson, and replace nicked-up RB Willis McGahee for someone named Le�Ron McClain- no relation to uber-cop John McClain as far as we can tell. An expressive Missner had this to say about his week 5 match-up, �Here�s the thing about a Wookie- they smell, and I don�t mean good. All of that fur leads to hairballs and stinky pits. You know, Isiah Thomas type pits. We are going to blitz JT O�Sullivan relentlessly and the wind created will give Randy Moss a contact high.� With thoughts of JT O�Sullivan dancing in his head, he continued, �The city of San Francisco means a lot of things to a lot of people. There�s the Golden Gate Bridge, that funny triangle building, the huge gay population, and the twisty street. To me, however, it means only one thing: burritos at Super Taco. I�ve heard rumors that that place closed, but I refuse to believe them. So big, so delicious.� So true.
----------------------------------Listening to Live Music in the Rain Press------------------------