County Coroners (2-0) 108 Bull in the City (1-1) 94 The week 2 Primetime Game of the Week lived up to its much hyped expectations as both team�s quarterbacks lit up the scoreboard with an aerial display reminiscent of a Fouts-Marino early 1980�s game. New Coroner QB Philip Rivers (2/58) did a mighty fine imitation of his predecessor Dan Fouts in week two, good enough to have Fouts comment, �Well I�m upbeat about his chances for the season, and gosh, he�s a fine player on and off the field. I couldn�t be more proud of the comparison. It�s way better, obviously, than when they were comparing that ramen-slurping drooler Ryan Leaf to me.� Rivers had his way with the BC secondary on his way to 32 points, giving him 58 after two weeks and making him the highest scorer in Modano so far. While the powerful running game of the Coroners lifted them in week 1, in week 2 it was the return of WR Brandon Marshall (1/17) which helped raise Chad Nuss� squad to victory. Marshall was suspended in week one for refusing to wear the mandatory Coroner eye-patch during the pre-season, but his return earned him a gameball from Nuss. Nuss was less satisfied with #1 overall pick Ryan Grant (2/7), who managed a mere point and was forced to rake the grounds of the Nuss estate. Said Nuss, �If he�s not going to leave it all on the field, I�ve got plenty of work for the young man.� The pressure on Grant this year is enormous due to his draft status, and we have to wonder whether he can withstand that kind of pressure, given that he has yet to play a full Modano schedule. Still, that pressure isn�t something often felt in the Coroner locker room. The Coroners have never opened the season with two straight wins. But after two weeks, they sit a top the Modano standings and lead the league in scoring, which surprises even Nuss. RB Willie Parker (2/35) is off to a fast start and the ManBeast Brandon Jacobs (2/13) again played OK but has yet to get into the end zone. Still, on this day, with all the offensive firepower that Nuss has accumulated, it was the Coroner D which provided the winning margin. Their captain, keeper LB London Fletcher (2/16), had an off day with four points, but the two Raider LB�s, Kirk Morrison (2/15) and Thomas Howard (1/14), combined for 27 points which more than secured the two touchdown win and surely put a smile of their owners face. In fact, there is a sense in the Coroner camp that this may be a year for optimism. In fact, earlier in the week, Nuss went out of his way to apologize to the Coach, Mike Ditka, for not opening his locker room to him in week one. Nuss commented after his week two win, �I just felt I owed the Coach an apology, and we had a nice talk, and he told me not to worry about it.� There seems to be little to worry about so far this season for the Coroners and while they know it�s still early, a ray of hope seems to be shining upon them so far. Bulls owner Randy Chambers knows all about those rays of hope. His BC team is number one all-time in Modano victories and second in Modano championships. And after a week one beat down of the Wookies, Chambers had hoped to keep the momentum going into week two. As a devout follower of the Church of Burgundy and Gold, Chambers adheres to a strict no-tolerance rule regarding Redskin opposition players in his starting line-up. His belief is, in fact, that this discipline, this rigid intolerance, has delivered unto him his many wins and championships. In week two, it forced him to sit his starting QB and uncertain disciple, Drew Brees (1/28). The choice he was faced with then was which back-up QB to start. On the one hand, he had a young up-and-comer, Aaron Rodgers, a kid so inexperienced, he pisses green and yellow. On the other hand, he had a grizzled veteran, Brett Favre, who has seen the wars, both on the field and in the media. Chambers went with the kid and Rodgers (1/29) responded with a huge 3 TD effort for his owner, which earned him a gameball. Burgundy and Gold loyalist Clinton Portis (2/23) had the kid�s back with two touchdowns and 18 points, and K Shaun Suisham, another believer, added 12 points of Holy delight as well. On the flip side, RB�s Frank Gore (2/24) and Michael Turner (2/28), and WR Hines Ward (2/26), turned in fine performances, but ones that seemed to show a loyalty to Drew Brees. On the third side, and yes BC is clearly operating in a three-sided universe, the TE�s and defense seem to show a loyalty to yet to play Brett Favre. The TE�s, last week Alge Crumpler and this week Bo Scaife, have yet to score a point, and the defense has an accumulated 28 points between the three of them in two weeks, a fact not unnoticed by Chambers who singled the unit out for their poor play and promised changes in the future if he doesn�t see improvement. So at 1-1, Chambers has a real dilemma on his hands. Brees, Rodgers or Favre?? The Almighty Joe Gibbs preached that competition breeds success, but can those three get along and keep a stable locker room? Can one of them unite the clans on the team? Or will this three-headed beast become a true monster that tears apart the hopes and dreams of the BC nation? Hopefully Chambers can put down the Wall Street Journal, and stop making his kid�s school lunches, and devote the necessary time and energy needed to steering his proud franchise to another championship. In fact, as an omen perhaps, the last time the BC franchise was blown out by the Coroners was back in 2005, a season that BC went on to win the Modano title.
P-Miss Envy (1-1) 98 SF Cubists (0-2) 93 Our 4pm game, to no surprise, turned out to be the best game of the week. These two teams matched up in week 2 last year as well with a similar result. This year the defending champion Cubists and last year�s darling Envy, both needing a win to avoid a winless two-week start, had to wait almost to the end of the week as their QB�s, Toni Rhomo (2/39) and Donovan McNabb (2/47), dueled late into the night on Monday. While Rhomo out-dueled McNabb on this night, it was the leg of Envy K David Akers (2/21) which secured the five point winning margin for the Envy. While McNabb yawned his way to another all-pro performance with his 15 points, and Akers added 13 points to his league-leading 21, it was a mid-week pick-up, TE Tony Scheffler (1/17) who was difference in the game. With week one Envy TE Dallas Clark, long rumored to be an apple of the Cubists eye, out with the mystery *cough* I think I�ve tweaked my, uhm, 5th meta-parabolic whee-ghoo, which, uhm, only 21st century Cubist doctors can fix * cough* ailment, Envy owner Perry Missner brought in the talented but inexperienced Scheffler. Scheffler rewarded Missner with 17 points, which puts the non-afterthought receiver on top of the Modano TE points scored list after two weeks. Not bad for one game, and he deservedly earned the gameball from Missner. Even Cubist owner Jason Moore mentioned Scheffler, boldly declaring that �he made the difference.� Deservedly earning some scorn from Missner though was WR TJ �Hush�manzadeh (2/4), whose quiet play has caught his owner�s attention. Rather than accept his coach�s ridicule for his incompetent play in the first two weeks, �Hush� has taken to emulating his buddy Ocho Cinco�s antics and decried the state of the Envy locker room saying, �I can't stand asking the �team trainer� to clean up my shit. She should already have that shit cleaned up - why must I ask?� Why? Maybe it�s because the Envy WR�s have a combined 6 points through two games this year? Then again, perhaps it�s the lack of Wondertwin power in the Envy locker room. Edgerrin James (2/9) clearly misses Willis McGahee (0/0) who should be returning in week 3. Back-up Pierre Thomas (1/9) scored a meaningful TD though and would be lucky to be considered the Gleek of the RB corps, though rookie Kevin Smith (2/14) may want to fight him for the submissive role. Still, the Envy won and much like in our first game, the defense came through and made all the difference. The Jon�s- Beason and Vilma- scored 23 points to help new defensive captain Lance Briggs (2/18) outplay the diminished Cubist defensive unit. Though to be fair, the Cubist defense was without captain DeMeco Ryans (1/13), who surprisingly took week two off to surf the Gulf Coast and points beyond. Cubist owner Moore could have used him though as his replacement, LB Keith Rivers (1/4) was largely a disappointment. Which left Moore to rely on his juvenile QB, Tony Rhomo, who surpassed his week one 15 points with 24 against the Envy. When asked after the game whether he thought he had played well even in defeat, Rhomo said, �Duh, I�m the, like, whatever, of Modano football. Loud, proud and�. starting over Tom Brady. Yeah, take that God�s gift to Giselle Bundchen. I�m screwing models too and my leg is F-I-N-E, fine.� Yes, amazingly, Moore did acquire the injured-for-the season Brady off waivers during the week, and one can only wonder what the Rhomo/Brady dynamic will be, given that Rhomo is the type of pretty boy who�s likely to be jealous of any other pretty boy who steals attention away from him. Let�s not forget Cubist WR Ocho Cinco (2/3), who would preen in front of a sewing needle if need be, or Reggie Bush (2/29) who needs his endorsements to pay off his multiple USC �loans.� One wonders what Chris Cooley (2/4) is doing on this team. Clearly dichotomy is the ruling principle as Moore gave his gameball to on-the-bench-rookie RB Jonathan Stewart (0/0). After the loss, which dropped his Cubists to 0-2 for the first time since 2002 (wow!), Moore was seen sitting in his Cubist sky-box, eating a Swanson�s Chicken Pot Pie and watching a rerun of Bravo�s Top Chef, perhaps the only sane thing that went on all week for the now-troubled Cubists. An 0-3 start though, while not devastating, will certainly put the champs on their heels and while they only lost by five points this week in a game which could have gone either way, Moore summed up his troubles with, �If the O-flex doesn�t score TD�s, we won�t win.� Moore can only hope that rookie RB Chris Johnson (1/7) will help bring some stability to the flex position in the coming weeks.
Red Herrings (2-0) 91 Ballbusters (1-1) 74 Early in week 2, Herrings owner Charlie Mitchell dropped to his knees, wiped his hands clear of the day�s accumulated dirt, spit in his palms, and prayed to the Modano Gods to deliver him a victory over the Ballbusters. His prayers were answered as the Herrings moved to 2-0 with a 17 point win over Rich Joseph�s Ballbusters. Said an unbelieving Mitchell, �We won? Griese throwing to Gonzales? Holy crap! This team has a touch of magic about it. That DeSean Jackson lateral at the goal line was a called play to get another TD for Westbrook. He's a real team first guy.� So while the rookie WR Jackson (2/17) drove home with the �team first guy� award, it was do everything RB Brian Westbrook (2/42) who walked away with a game ball and is the leading rusher in Modano after two weeks. Westbrook had hoped to be getting some help from QB Carson Palmer (1/2) this season, but Mitchell benched the mercurial QB after a disappointing week one and replaced him with Brian Griese (1/9), who, amazingly, is still playing football professionally. He couldn�t throw to WR Andre Johnson (1/8) who was off surfing with DeMeco Ryans, but he did develop a connection with Anthony Gonzalez (1/9) who is looking to solidify a starting spot in Mitchell�s revolving door roster. Another week two newcomer was rookie RB Felix Jones, who delighted his owner with an all-pro 15 point day in his debut. And while Mitchell was too giddy to single anyone out for not playing up to his lofty standards, RB Lawrence Maroney (2/4) eked out only a point and cannot be happy with how he has started the season. Though his 4 points are three more than starting LB Mike Vrabel (2/1) has earned in his two weeks of play. Still, those two look like all-stars compared to Buster week two addition, DL Travis LaBoy (1/0). For reasons unknown, Joseph decided to sit DB Ellis Hobbs (1/11), who was coming off a fine week one performance, for the big sack potential of LaBoy. LaBoy practiced all week preparing to destroy Herring QB Carson Palmer. He put a picture of Palmer with a red X through it up on his bathroom mirror. He bought the entire Fathead! collection of Carson Palmer and plastered them all over his apartment, punching one in the balls every time he passed by one. When asked for a prediction during a pre-game news conference, he paid homage to Mr.T and just said, �Pain.� But when in that same news conference LaBoy was informed that Mitchell had changed his QB�s and that Griese would be playing instead of Palmer, LaBoy said, �Oh. Well screw that, I�m goin� fishing then. I got nothin� against Mr. Griese,� and then left the stadium. His desertion so deflated the Busters that they couldn�t rally behind the all-pro day of WR Terrell Owens (2/28) or the very fine 12 point days of K Nick Folk (2/16) or QB/Spokesman Peyton Manning (2/28). Said Manning after the loss, �You know, Travis dances to the beat of a different drummer, and if he wants to go fishing, that�s fine. I just think today, a lot of us just felt like going with him and our hearts probably weren�t in the game the way they should have been. I�d say today we gave about 72% of ourselves and we can do better than that, but hey, it�s just one game right? And it was a mighty fine day to go fishing. Eat Double Stuff Oreos!� Manning was let down by the poor play of a number of players, specifically WR�s Wes Welker (2/4) and Braylon Edwards (2/3), of whom much was expected before the season began. Still, it�s early and once Manning can balance the football v. fishing priorities of his team, the Busters should be fine. For Mitchell and his Herrings, the two games they have won to begin the season equals the most games his team have ever won in a row and they will be looking to break that record in week 3.
Red Weaselicious Cookies (2-0) 95 Big Bad Bretts (0-2) 69 The surprising storylines of the undefeated Coroners and the winless Cubists were echoed in this 1pm matchup as Dan Weitz Cookies also remained undefeated with a 26 point smackdown of Steve Johnson�s winless Bretts. The Bretts, who led the series 13-4, hadn�t lost to the Cookies since way back in 2005 and it is now the second year in a row that the Bretts have dropped their first two games. And while many leading experts are placing the blame for the slow start on the woefully underperforming Brett running game, the real reason can be traced back to draft day when Johnson pulled the trigger on team-killer TE Jeremy Shockey (2/1). Shockey, whose personal motto is �My bad,� negatively affected his team with a -2 point effort on the day, earning Johnson�s wrath. Johnson immediately sent Shockey to clean up after his cat, a chore Shockey didn�t really mind since, like Johnson�s cat, Shockey likes to lick himself too. On the field, besides dropping passes and fumbling when he did manage to catch a ball, Shockey has steadfastly refused to block or open any holes at all for the team�s vaunted running game. One time league MVP RB LaDanian Tomlinson (2/8) looks to be playing with a potential injury and managed only a single point. RB Steven Jackson (2/9) had five points, while teammate RB Joseph Addai (2/9) played a little better with seven points. Still, for none of the three powerful backs to have reached double digit points after week two goes a long way to explaining the 0-2 start. In fact, other than new QB Ben Roethlisberger (2/28), who earned a gameball for his 13 points, the team�s leading scorer so far is K Mason Crosby (2/19) who put up a solid 12 points against the Cookies. While sitting alone in his post-game candle-lit bubble bath, Johnson was overheard muttering to himself, �Anyone? Anyone at all?� His forlorn cry went unanswered in week two, and Johnson can only hope that someone will show some Brett pride and lead his team to its first victory in 2008. In the past, that leadership has always come from the team namesake, but without him on the roster, who will step up now? For Dan Weitz� Cookies, the same question needed to be answered after losing all-planetary QB Tom Brady to a career-threatening knee injury in week 1. But rather than hang their heads and resign themselves to another losing season, they rallied around the loss of the reigning league MVP by getting monster games out of three players. WR Anquan Boldin (2/32) led the way with a 27 point game, a single game total that outscores Tomlinson, Jackson, and Addai�s season totals so far. It also makes him the top WR in Modano after two weeks. RB Marion Barber (2/37) scored his second straight all-pro day with a 19 point pounding, and WR Chris Chambers (2/26) was the third all-pro on this day with 18 points. The big question surrounding this team though is can anyone effectively replace Brady as the starting QB? In week two, Weitz decided that a little shock factor might be a winning strategy as he started Tarvaris Jackson, a player who has very little business being on a Modano roster, much less starting a game. There are a handful of college programs that wouldn�t start him up to and including the West Texas Fighting Armadillos. Jackson scored 2 points, but clearly his mere presence on the field was enough of a surprise to Brett defenders that they allowed Barber his running lanes and Boldin and Chambers to run free through the secondary. But while the surprise factor clearly worked this week, it might be a gamble to try that strategy again, though Weitz, long thought of as the �Doc� Brown of Modano owners, surely has some tricks up his sleeve still. Regardless of who the starting QB will be, the 2006 Cookies started the season 4-0 and the 2008 version is now halfway to matching that terrific start.
Syracuse 44�s (1-1) 122 Wookies (0-2) 96 In our final week 2 game, John Stoer�s 44�s piled up their highest score in four seasons, while Will Mitchell�s Wookies, who played well, were blown out for the second week in a row. In week 1, it was QB Drew Brees who tore apart the Wookie secondary, and in week 2 it was 44 QB Jay Cutler. Cutler scored 37 points, a league high so far this year, a week after sitting on the bench behind David Garrard (1/5). There is no doubting that this is Cutler�s team now after his gameball earning performance. Said Stoer, �I should have played him opening week. I screwed up. But I won�t make that mistake again.� Besides Cutler mammoth eruption, Stoer got consistent effort up and down his roster as five other players scored in double digits besides Cutler. All three WR�s, Reggie Wayne (2/24), Plaxico Burress (2/19), and Tory Holt (2/11) found the end zone as did TE Tony Gonzalez(2/12), while RB Adrian Peterson scored all 12 of his points on yardage. The other TD scored by the 44�s was by reigning defensive MVP Patrick Willis (2/24) who returned an interception 85 yards for a score. Willis now leads all Modano defenders in scoring thanks to his big afternoon. Stoer continued, �We got a little lucky this week. The Wookies scored a lot of points on us but we managed a good team effort. And as a quick aside, I just want to say to Ed Hochuli, thank you and the fruit basket should be there any day now.� Stoer was not so effusive about the play of disgruntled RB Larry Johnson (2/5), who once again disappointed his owner and is thought to be on the trading block. Still, it�s hard to have many complaints after scoring 122 points and the 44 locker room was a happy place to be after the victory. The same can not be said about the Wookie locker room. It�s d�j� vu all over again where it seems like the locker room has splintered among users and non-users. User extraordinaire Randy Moss (2/13) scored a lone point against the 44�s, clearly distracted by the delay in getting his �good shit� sent to him. QB Derek Anderson (2/11) was so upset about the delay that he couldn�t score a single point saying, �How am I supposed to perform at a high level like this? Straight? I haven�t played straight since pee-wee�s man, and I�m sure that would have been different too if I�d known Randy back then.� While those two leaders mostly sat jonesin� on the sidelines, lots of Wookie players performed well. WR Calvin Johnson (2/28) exploded for 21 all-pro points and a gameball. Rookie RB Darren McFadden (2/17) almost had his first all-pro game, narrowly missing out with 14 points, and three other guys, Ernest Graham (2/20), DE Patrick Kerney (2/18), and kicker G-ski (2/18) added 13 points a piece. Said Mitchell of his team�s fortune, �We are playing well, but losing again� this is a tough 0-2 and we need to make some moves now.� He then told Moss to quit his moping and go snort some kitty litter if he was feeling so bad. Clearly Mitchell is looking to light a fire under his team to try and snap the losing streak, since he remembers back in 2004 when his Wookies began the season 0-3 and he does not want a repeat situation. Otherwise, expect some personnel moves to be made on the Wookie roster, a roster that needs to find some unity (and some Yucatan Gold) right quick.
Week 3 previews - Week 3 promises to be a week of bitter rivalries and terrific match-ups. Four of the five games received votes for the primetime game, and all four could reasonably have been selected. But while all the games have interesting storylines, there is no feud like a blood feud and the week 3 primetime game of the week sees Charlie Mitchell�s Red Herrings looking to go to 3-0 at the expense of keeping his brother Will Mitchell�s Wookies winless on this young season. Expecting a shootout against his brother, Charlie has brought in his third different QB in as many weeks, handing the ball to Jason Campbell. Campbell is not the lone newcomer as K Matt Prater makes his Modano debut as does DL Justin Tuck. The return of WR Andre Johnson will also aid the Herring cause. But in a bit of mind-game trickery, Will is combating the play of Campbell by starting reserve WR Santana Moss for the first time this season in place of rookie RB Matt Forte who returns to the bench. Vegas has the undefeated Herrings as -8 favorites, but point spreads are meaningless in rivalry games like this. And in terms of rivalry, few are more bitter or historic than our 4pm game featuring Randy Chambers Bull City squad playing host to John Stoer�s 44�s. BC has owned the series 14-4 and have also won every game between the two since 2004. Said an eager Chambers in anticipation of the big match-up, �We hope our relentless and successful campaign to get the injustice of Art Monk's absence from Canton will earn us a few brownie points with the 44 faithful. Otherwise, those drunken hobos can be brutal on the opposition. We assume that ol' home week will knock Marvin out of his funk, so maybe we can help the local faithful and our defense by offering the D-coordinator job to Greg Robinson. If only we could get Mecklenburg and Atwater to turn back the clock also...� Stoer responded to those comments by replying, �I�ll never fear Marvin Harrison or question where his heart belongs. Though I will happily throw this game if BC will take Greg Robinson out of Syracuse. He is no longer welcome here.� Stoer has made no changes to his squad that scored 122 points last week, while Chambers has in fact shuffled his defense around, adding DB�s Antonio Cromartie and Quentin Jammer. But most importantly, Chambers has settled on the kid Aaron Rodgers as his starting QB for this battle, leaving Drew Brees and Brett Favre to wonder what their roles are on this team. If you had polled the league before week one, I doubt anyone would have foreseen Rodgers starting over Brees and Favre by week three. Vegas has this one as a pick �em, which seems appropriate. Our lead 1pm game sees the longtime West Coast rival Coroners and Cubists renewing their rivalry. The Cubists own a 12-6 edge in the series and have won the last three meetings, but this first meeting of �08 sees an entirely different spin as it�s the Coroners which lead the league in scoring and the Cubists who are languishing at the bottom of the standings. The Cubists are making no changes in their line-up, relying on Toni Rhomo to lead them to victory. Jason Moore commented, �The Coroners have a lot of weapons this year. We can�t afford to fall three games out of first place.� With all those weapons, Chad Nuss is still unsure who he will trot out there on Sunday, saying, �It�s Russian roulette with the roster right now. I�m not sure where it will end up, and I never beat the Cubists, but if there is a year, perhaps this is it.� As of this, the Coroners are sitting #1 draft pick Ryan Grant for Darren Sproles and are returning their other suspended WR Steve Smith to pair with Brandon Marshall, who returned from suspension last week. As far as we know, the Coroners have no more suspended players currently on their roster. TE Zach Miller also returns to the starting lineup. Vegas gives the Cubists a -1 edge, probably for historic reasons, but expect this one to be close and hard fought. Another 1pm game, and a game that could be a primetime game any other week, features another long rivalry as Steve Johnson and his Bretts host Perry Missner and his Envy. Like the Cubists, the Bretts will be playing to avoid an 0-3 start, but fortunately for them, they own a 10-6 series edge and have taken three of the last four against the Envy. Putting it simply to his team, Johnson said, �If there was any time to break out, now is the time.� Missner needs to be concerned that the Brett rushing attack has yet to have a big day and is far too talented to continue at their current pace. Touching on that, the wise Missner said, �Uh oh, a wounded Brent. One never knows what a captainless Brent might do. We've got some decent match ups and for the second week in a row, Donovan goes against the opponent QB. I trust McNabb!� Aaahhhh! Missner does reunite his Wondertwins for the big week three game but otherwise leaves his team intact from week 2. Johnson returns RB Selvin Young and sends Dwayne Bowe back to the bench, but he too returns almost all his starters from week 2. Vegas has this game as a -6 Bretts edge and it should at least be that close. The final matchup of the week sees the 2-0 Cookies try to get to 3-0 with a victory over the Ballbusters. In a week of heated rivalries all around Modano, this matchup of silent owners has been virtually overlooked leading up to the game. The Busters have added WR Eddie Royal to his lineup and he hopes that Travis LaBoy will feel like sacking the QB this week rather than fishing. Unfortunately for LaBoy, the QB currently in the Cookie lineup is still Tarvaris Jackson, who has been benched by the Vikings for Fran Tarkington, who at 68 years young is still twice the QB of Jackson. It�s quite possible the easily confused LaBoy will have no idea who to hit and another Sunday of fishing will be in the cards for him. Vegas has the Busters as solid 2 TD favorites, but they, like the rest of us, are unsure of the Cookie QB situation and don�t know what to make of Weitz� tactics. Still the series is tied at 5-5 so expect an evenly matched game.
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