The Ballbusters (9-6) 92 SF Cubists (8-7) 77 As pop diva Justin Timberlake sings, What Goes Around�/�Comes Around. For Jason Moore and his 2008 Cubists, they could not have been very happy to see RB Dominic Rhodes in the Ballbusters lineup for their crucial week 15 prime time matchup. Rhodes is one of those Modano players who are great when they get an opportunity but are essentially useless throughout the season. Moore knows this because he used Rhodes to his championship advantage last season in his week 17 victory over the Bretts. Remember, it was Dominic Rhodes and RB Darius Walker, two undrafted waiver wire pickups who essentially provided Moore his fifth ring last season. This year, against the Cubists, Rhodes was the best player on the field as the Busters completed their season sweep of the defending champs. Rhodes gleefully romped for 19 all-pro points and he was the perfect complement to Buster QB Peyton Manning and his all-pro 18 points. The duo kept the Cubist defense on their heels all evening. Rhodes earned a game ball from Joseph for his hard work. In fact, Joseph returned to his criminal clubhouse just in time this week, forgoing his Celtic courtside seats as well as any sort of non-work exercise. His presence alone was enough to scare the crap out of WR Terrell Owens. Owens had a terrible game with only two points, but he didn�t say a word after the game. Had he, he surely would have blamed a teammate, the media, Jack Ruby, Fozzie Bear, or some other life form for his own ineptitude. As it was, he simply had to endure the ridicule of Joseph. But Owens was just about the only distraction from the enjoyment that Joseph took from this victory. He commented, �That was fun having the victory before the 8:30 game.� The victory also placed the Busters into a three way tie for first place as City and the Cookies continued their second half collapses this week. It�s enough to have Joseph dreaming of an outright Modano title, something that only, say, a Pats 55- Giants 0 Super Bowl might top in Joseph�s imagination. A more realistic Moore sees a Steelers 23- Panthers 20 SB in our future, which is a result that may give Moore as much satisfaction as this week�s Cubist effort did. That effort, which Moore described as �pathetic�, can be attributed to the locker room divide between the current set of Cubist keepers and the young studs that are looking to be kept. Past QB keeper Tony Rhomo once again watched (along with potential QB keeper of tomorrow Tom Brady) from the sidelines as Kurt Warner has firmly entrenched himself as the Cubist QB of today. Warner scored a solid 13 but did a lousy job of distributing to the ball to Rhomo�s keeper pals, RB Reggie Bush and WR Larry Fitzgerald. Bush and Fitzgerald each scored three disappointing points, and Bush was so livid after the game that he decided to hang up his spikes for the season since he just isn�t getting the ball enough with Warner at QB. It could also be that he played in nearly half the Cubists games this year and was just too tired to continue. It�s quite possible Bush has lost his keeper position to either RB DeAngelo Williams, who continued his great second half with another 11 points, or rookie RB Jonathan Stewart who scored 10 on the night. A third RB, rookie Chris Johnson, played poorly with only 4 points, but has a great shot at being kept regardless. A player who will certainly not be kept is TE Chris Cooley, who might as well hang �em up for the season if he is going to continue to put up big fat zero�s every week. He has been told to stay away from the office candy bowl for the remainder of the year. Indicative of the Cubist performance, Jason Moore decided to give his game ball to K Rob Bironas for his 13 point game, and Moore said, �nothing says $%#! week like giving a kicker the gameball.� The loss was the franchise�s 70th and there have probably been few more disappointing. Still, the Cubists remain Modano�s highest scoring team and are only a game off the lead with two games remaining. As for the Busters, they have now clinched their third straight winning season and are looking to make it a memorable one.
Big Bad Bretts (8-7) 118 Bull in the City (9-6) 67 Two teams headed in entirely different directions met in the Modano 4pm game and the result will have done nothing to change either team�s momentum. Winners of four of their last 5, the Bretts used a balanced scoring attack to destroy league leading City. They were paced by the game ball earning play of LB DeMarcus Ware whose 24 point performance elicited a single, �Wow!� from his owner. Ware�s defensive mates chipped in too as the Brett d-flex scored a solid 41 points. By comparison, the City d-flex totaled a meager 14. Ware has been a dynamic force for the Bretts this season, but it was a newcomer who provided the other all-pro game on this afternoon. Unheralded rookie RB Tashard Choice scored 15 points to lead the Brett rushing attack. That rushing attack has been heavily criticized recently, but they game through this week right when Brett owner Steve Johnson needed them most. Steven Jackson piled on 14 points and LaDanian Tomlinson managed to find the end zone and 10 points. Even QB Jake Delhomme got into the action with 13 points of his own. All in all, as Johnson said after the game, �Everyone pulled their weight and we won a big one.� Not everyone. RB Carnell Williams, who is working his way back from injury, only scored three points, but Johnson couldn�t be angry at him since he was filling in at the last minute for an unhealthy Joseph Addai. While a loss would have left Johnson nothing better to do than organize the office, the win keeps the Bretts very much alive in the Modano title hunt. And it�s a title hunt that has become very wide open thanks in no small part to the collapse of Bull City. City has now not just lost three games in a row, but they have been blown out three games in a row, giving up 131, 106, and now 118 points consecutively. Ouch. Those atrocious defensive efforts have coincided with the decline of the potent City rush attack, and the combination has left City owner Randy Chambers a little frustrated. He said after the game, �We stink, we stink, we stink. Sure, the Bretts made it hard for us to win, but compete? Jiminy, Greg Robinson couldn�t do worse.� Seeing as how City has won as many games this season as Greg Robinson did in four seasons, City isn�t quite to that hellish level of stinkiness yet. But where a Modano crown once seemed a mere forgone conclusion, the City dreams are now in serious jeopardy. RB Michael Turner scored yet again and had 18 points while QB extraordinaire Drew Brees tacked on another 16 points to his gaudy season totals. But they were the only two City players to reach double digits. Chambers refused to pass out game balls, even to Turner, saying �No game balls for you! Points are good. Winning is better.� He then slammed the entire rest of his team, which was appropriate since they only managed to score 33 points among them all. Finally, as a way of motivating his fat and happy players like Big Mac White, he banned junk food from the City locker room for a week. Even with all that, it�s readily apparent to even the most casual observer of Modano football as to what needs to be done to cease the City slide. QB Brett Favre, a true leader of men, continues to sit idly on the City bench and is aching to bring his owner a title. Sure, Farve has used his vast amounts of free time to arrange fundraisers for charities, to coordinate humanitarian efforts in third world countries and to bake sugar cookies for homeless veterans in the Durham area, but perhaps City could put his prodigious talents to better use on the field rather than off. Chambers has been unwilling to give Favre a chance, but with only two weeks left in the season, perhaps it�s time for Superman to come to the rescue one more time. As for the Bretts, they will need a little luck to win a Modano title this season, but in this crazy year, anything is possible, including the Steelers defeating the Cowboys or Panthers in the Super Bowl.
Weaselicious Cookies (9-6) 84 Red Herrings (4-11) 70 While there is now a possible chance of a Cookie championship in �08, one thing was settled with certainty following the Cookies season sweep of the Herrings. The Herrings will own the first selection in the 2009 Modano Entry Draft. Until then though, there is a sign on Herrings owner Charlie Mitchell�s door which reads, �Gone Bowling.� After defeating City last week, Mitchell had hoped to win back-to-back games against the cream of the Modano crop, but he was let down this week by the laughable play of his starting QB Kyle Orton. Orton, who really has no business starting for any Modano team, eked out 3 points, a total matched by team-MVP Brian Westbrook. The Herrings were led by DE Calvin Pace who sacked his way to an all-pro 17 points. TE Tony Gonzalez added 10 as the only other Herring to score in double figures. Gonzalez is a consummate professional and he rose to the task of speaking after the difficult loss, saying, �You know, it�s been a long season, one with more downs than ups, but I�m reminded now of the words my father always used to say to me just as he tucked me in for the night. He�d say, son, you�re a loser and you�ll always be a loser, and the world needs losers just like you because otherwise everyone would be a winner, and that�s just not possible. Through all the long years of my losing, I�ve never been able to shake the logic of his words. The world does need losers and this year it just happens to be me and my Herring teammates. So now me and my loser pals are off to get Aerosmith tickets, number one priority of the off-season.� Of course, there are two games remaining on the Herring schedule, but with Mitchell off boozing at the nearest bowling alley and Gonzalez off getting concert tickets, who knows who will show up to play with nothing left to play for. Dan Weitz, on the other hand, has everything left to play for. The Cookies are in a three-way tie for first place with two weeks remaining and with their win they have now tied their franchise record for most wins in a season with 9 (2003). And while the Cookies are the lowest scoring team in the league this season at 79.6ppg, they are also allowing the fewest points as well at 78.8ppg. This week they were led by androgynous QB Tyler Thigpen and his all-pro 17 points. RB MoJo Drew barreled for an all-pro 16 points and surprise WR Antonio Bryant struck gold for 13 of his own points. The Cookie d-flex was also strong as they tallied 28 bruising points between the three, led by LB Jonathan Vilma�s 10. The win was all the more impressive as the Cookies continue to play without their best player, RB Marion Barber. Barber is still on bed rest as Cookie team physicians continue to search for a cure to his peculiar ailment. Nobody seems to be able to pin down what is wrong with him, but WR and team spokesman Anquan Boldin scored zero points on the day as a message of solidarity with his fallen team mate. Boldin spoke after the game, �I just wanted to let Marion know that we are with him all the way no matter what. We wouldn�t be where we are without him and he needs to know that. Oh, and he also needs to know that rest time is over, bitch, so turn off the Sarah McLachlan, throw the tissues in the trash, and man up!� The Cookies could surely use him as his replacement, WR Lance Moore, has done little to nothing the past two weeks. Still, if the Cookies continue to hold teams just under 79ppg, their improbable run to a Modano title just might end in fairy tale fashion.
Syracuse 44�s (7-8) 84 P-Miss Envy (7-8) 74 The flip side to the Cookies coin is the Syracuse 44�s who are allowing the most points per game (for the second straight year) at a whopping 95.7ppg. But as owner John Stoer said in leading up to his grudge match with Perry Missner�s Envy squad, �Nothing fires the 44�s up like Pizza Week.� The 44�s trailed going into Monday night, but they knew that their QB and team leader Donovan McNabb was not going to let this one get away from them, and McNabb did not disappoint. He scored an impressive 20 all-pro points on Monday to lead the 44�s to their third straight win. It also cemented a season sweep over the Envy. McNabb did not present himself with the game ball though as that honor went to WR Andre Johnson for his all-pro 19 point afternoon. McNabb commented, �It�s always great to win any game, but a Pizza Week victory is extra tasty. We were eating our pepperoni and poblano pepper pizzas throughout the game and they provided us that extra nourishment we needed today. Our owner John Stoer sent them in special from Fiji. He said he wanted to be here today, but he didn�t want to jinx the win streak, so thank you Mr. Stoer.� Stoer is still binging away on his tropical isle, but his absence has barely been felt. Knowing that he will be giving up booze for a week shortly, Stoer is enjoying life as best he can at the moment. The same can be said of RB Adrian Peterson who rushed for a solid 11 points, one better than RB Larry Johnson, and both backs have played well recently. A 44 who was playing well but surprisingly did not this week was DE Robert Mathis who was shut out by the formidable Envy o-line. McNabb briefly chided Mathis but then randomly predicted that the Giants would win a second straight Super Bowl, this time over the Steelers, 23-21. But when Envy owner Perry Missner was told of McNabb�s prediction, he said not so fast Donovan, I think the Panthers will beat the Colts 28-27. While not a fan of his prediction, Missner, who traded McNabb to Syracuse just a few weeks ago, was laudatory to McNabb�s play on the field this week. He said, �Donovan giveth and Donovan taketh away. It's easy to think of these players as chess pieces or statistical lines, but they are living, breathing people. Donovan showed us what happens when you scorn one of them. He was the difference.� Yes, McNabb�s 20 points were 19 more than Envy starting QB Eli Manning could muster, a stat which jumped out to Missner who said, �Eli is choking. He had a chance to show how superior his owner's brain was and he stunk. Yeah, his offensive line wasn't of much use and the ManBeast had an owwie, but one stinky point? Get thee to the bench.� A bright note for the Envy was the shining play of TE Dallas Clark who got downright medieval on Syracuse with his all-pro 15 points. Super rookie RB Matt Forte added a solid 10, as did steady LB Jon Beason, but RB Derrick Ward was a huge disappointment with 4 points as was WR Davone Bess with 3. A resigned Missner commented, �Due to big advantages at tight end and D-flex, we were in this game after Sunday. Donovan was just too much and Andre Johnson looks like he could become a two-year 44. Hats off to John Stoer. His pizza beat mine. We should have started Pierre Thomas.� With mathematics now officially out the window for Missner and his Envy this year, he was asked about what�s next for him and his team. He politely responded, �I hope to spend all of the off-season (or at least a week) researching and scheming for 2009, which will be the year of the Envy.� The season is over for the 44�s as well, but as the hottest team in the league currently, perhaps they can make life miserable for one of the contenders.
Wookies (7-8) 109 County Coroners (7-8) 91 The best game of the week was the 1pm game between the high-flying Wookies and the downtrodden Coroners. Sadly though, only a few people managed to attend the game as most people were out doing their holiday shopping or sitting under a tree and whistling or some other activity that was more productive than seeing these two teams play a football game. For the diehards and criminals who did see the game, they saw a tremendous QB duel as Matt Cassel led the Wookies past Philip Rivers and his Coroner mates. Cassel threw for 30 points and hooked up with favorite WR Randy Moss who scored an all-pro 16. Mini-Moss reached double figures as well with 11 points and WR Calvin Johnson made an all too rare appearance with 10. Sadly though, first round pick Darren McFadden is still learning the two page Wookie playbook and was on the bench instead of being able to torment Chad Nuss. An ebullient Randy Moss spoke after the game, �Man, we are so good sometimes. It�s like there are days when we can do nothing but live La Vida Loca, you know what I mean Ricky Martin? Today was one of those days. Yet other days we just feel like Miles Davis is sucking us down into a dank pit of despair and we play with no energy. I�ve got no idea where this inconsistency comes from, but pardon me, I gotta go now, I see Mr. Mitchell passing the bong around and I don�t want to miss my turn.� The Wookies have won four out of their past 5 games and now lead the series over the Coroners 11-9. Wookie owner Will Mitchell was, no doubt, very pleased with his team�s performance which included a 20 point d-flex effort from the Killer J�s. Unusually though, the Killer J�s were out played by their counterparts this week, as the Coroner d-flex totaled 30 points, led by DB Gibril Wilson�s all-pro 17 point afternoon. WR Steve Smith also scored 17 points and QB Philip Rivers led all Coroners with 20. But the maddingly inconsistent WR Brandon Marshall only scored 3 and RB Ryan Grant continued to sleep through the second half of the season with a lowly 5 points. Team spokesman LB Joey Porter, who scored 7 points, spoke after the loss, �What can you do? We scored 91 freakin� points. We�d a beat more than half the dang teams in the league this week, but I guess it just weren�t meant to be. Oh well, I�m just gonna go home, grab my gun and a six-pack, and watch my 1982 A Nell Carter Christmas tape over and over again.� The Coroners and Wookies are both eliminated from title contention, but both could still be over .500 for the season with a pair of wins to close the year out, and while that may not be much, it�s still something worth playing for.
Week 16 previews - The week 16 Prime Time game sees two of the co-leaders battle it out with championship hopes on the line as the upstart 9-6 Cookies take on a fading 9-6 City team. History surely favors City as they have won an amazing 17 of the 21 matchups between these two franchises including a week 7 67-58 victory. A frustrated Randy Chambers has resorted to begging as he said of his team�s chances, �Time to strap �em on and turn this ship around. Fast. Now. Please.� If the City fortunes are too change it will have to be without injured keeper RB Frank Gore who is out with media darling Jerricho Cotchery taking his place. QB Drew Brees is in meaning Brett Favre is once again out as well and there will be intense second guessing of Chambers if his team falls for the fourth time in a row. As for the Cookies, their miracle run looks to continue with the same roster as last week meaning that Marion Barber too will not participate in the evening�s events. The 4pm is a doozy between the 9-6 Ballbusters and the 8-7 Bretts. The Bretts own a 7-4 series edge and dominated the earlier meeting 121-56. A hopeful Steve Johnson said, �It will take a few miracles, but we are still looking to win it all.� Tis the season for miracles, but the Bretts need to win out to have a chance. As for the Busters, Rich Joseph commented, �The Bretts are intimidating, but so are we!� Big Ben returns to helm the Brett ship while gimpy Joseph Addai looks to provide inspiration. The Busters counter with RB Kevin Smith and new K Garrett Hartley. It�s hard to believe that the Modano season may hinge on how well Garrett Hartley performs. Didn�t see that one on draft day. The lead 1pm game has the only other team mathematically alive in the 8-7 Cubists taking on the smoking hot 7-8 Wookies. The Cubists own an 11-7 series edge over the Wookies and pounded them back in week 7 131-84. Cubist owner Jason Moore has put it all on the shoulders of his players, saying, �Up to the team whether we want to finish the year feeling good about ourselves, or continue this hangover.� Neither team has yet made any alterations to their lineup, though expect some before kickoff. Another 1pm game sees the 7-8 Coroners do battle with the 7-8 44�s. Pride, and nothing more, is on the line in this one. The 44�s won by 11 earlier this year and lead the series 13-7. Donovan McNabb leads the 44�s, who have won three straight since McNabb�s arrival, and he said, �We feel like we are playing well now and hopefully that will continue, though there will be nothing we can do if the ManBeast starts running angry. We need to contain him as best as possible.� The ManBeast is back in Chad Nuss� lineup while McNabb has made no changes to the 44�s starting squad. Finally, the 7-8 Envy take on the 4-11 Herrings. While Charlie Mitchell is out bowling, Perry Missner is taking this one seriously. He said, �I'd like to finish above .500. That means taking care of business against the Herrings. We are going to an all-RB flex and putting in a simple game plan that even Shaun Hill can understand.� Shaun Hill is in to run the show and he will certainly be doing a lot of handing off as RB�s Pierre Thomas and Cedric Benson enter the lineup. The Herrings, of course, have made no changes to their lineup and perhaps they only way they will win this game is if God is a cruel and perverse being and He blesses Kyle Orton with a monster game.
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