Red Herrings (3-7) 87 Big Bad Bretts (4-6) 63 Due to the limited turnout at the Modano polls during election week, for the first time this season, the week 10 prime time game featured two teams with losing records. One of those teams, the Bretts, were a surprise 4-5, while Charlie Mitchell�s Herrings had lost 7 in a row after opening the season 2-0. But the primetime spotlight had to shine brightly on one of the clubs, and surprisingly, the Herrings snapped their 7 game losing streak with a dominating win over one of the Modano titans. Mitchell had vowed not to return to his duties until the losing streak was snapped, so the win also saw the ouster of interim GM Mike Singletary as well as Mitchell�s return. After the victory, Mitchell walked into the boisterous locker room, put his arm around Singletary and said, �Great job Mike. Thanks for stepping in. Now put your pants back on.� Perhaps Singletary should stay on though as he has potentially unearthed the next great Herring QB. Carson Palmer was an injured bust, and Jason Campbell and Kyle Orton have been adequate during the losing streak, but new QB Brady Quinn re-ignited the Herring fires with his passion and his intensity. He earned a gameball for his 21 point debut. He commented, �I went to Notre Dame, so I know what it�s like to lose and lose bad and lose a lot. But at least we lost on National TV all the time so I wasn�t afraid of the pressure of the Modano prime time game. Hopefully we can win 7 in a row now.� TE Tony Gonzalez was very happy to see the underneath passing game of Quinn as he played like he did in his glory days with an all-pro 19 points, his first all-pro game of the season. WR Reggie Wayne hauled in a beautiful TD catch and had 13 points. While the Herring o-flex managed just 5 points and superstar RB Brian Westbrook was limited to 3, the d-flex managed 16 points and K Matt Prater once again had a solid 10 point game. In the locker room, as the players grooved to the pop sounds of Men At Work, Mitchell had one final comment as he addressed his team. He said, �Well, we swept the Bretts- something to build on!!� So while the Herrings are looking to the future, for Steve Johnson and his Bretts, it is their past that is haunting them in 2008. Champions in �06 and runners-up a year ago, the Bretts now have as many losses as they did all of last season. And while the sharp and noticeable decline of their keeper trio of all-star RB�s is an obvious place for the blame to fall, week 10 showed that the quarterback play of the Bretts is the greatest difference between those teams of the past and this current one. Unable to settle on one QB, Johnson has juggled the starts between Big Ben Roethlisberger and Jake Delhomme. Jake got the week 10 start and gave the game away himself with a -4 point evening. Worse, his pathetic leadership skills caused dissention in the Bretts huddle and on the sideline. No one wanted to play with him and so no one did, as no Brett offensive player scored in double digits. Johnson needs to come up with something as it was the fourth time this season the Bretts have scored in the 60�s. After the game, a despondent Johnson toyed with the idea of just putting some �6 foot tall hotties� out there, and while his games would certainly sell out, it�s unlikely his teams play would improve. Though barring a trade of some sort, it�s unclear how Johnson can improve this bunch of unmotivated underachievers. The lone bright spot for Johnson was the play of his d-flex which earned a collective gameball for their 31 point effort, just shy of half of the Brett total on the night. So with expectations lowered and memories of past glories behind them, the Bretts too are looking to the future as Johnson said, �Well, it looks like we are looking to next year. Barring a miracle, we are officially out of it.� While it�s certainly not official, the Bretts will need to go on a serious win streak now to get back into contention, and it will have to begin with some improved QB play. As for the last place Herrings, they could be a dangerous spoiler now that they have found some stability at QB with the mighty Brady Quinn.
Weaselicious Cookies (7-3) 94 SF Cubists (5-5) 86 In a very odd game in which each team had 3 players fail to score a single point, the Cookies and Cubists essentially played 8-on-8 football in the 4pm game. And in a surprise result, the Cookies completed their first ever season sweep of the Cubists with a nail-biting eight point win. The Cookie victory was the franchise�s 70th, and their seventh win of the season matched the season total of the �06 and �07 squads. While their Howard Hughes-esque owner Dan Weitz continues to lock himself in seclusion, team leader Anquan Boldin was more than happy to share a few thoughts after the game. He said, �First, I give myself a gameball for scoring 19 points. I know DG threw for 21, and MoJo rolled on for 23, but man, I was money out there today.� He then cracked open a Foster�s and continued, �But you know what was best, man? There was Tom Brady on the Cubist sideline, lookin� all broke down and sad. Sure he was great for us last year, but we a team now, man, not just Tom Brady and bunch of other fools. The Cubists got Brady and Romo and all those rings, but all we got is each other, man, just us guys in the locker room, see, and you know, I don�t really even care what Mr. Weitz is up to, he could be painting koala bears in Australia for all I care, so long as he keeps lettin� us do what we do.� Boldin then took a small baggie of crack and threw it to K Neil Rackers and said, �Hey, nice game man.� After a tough 12 point day kicking footballs, there�s nothing like unwinding with a little crack. Besides the efforts that Boldin mentioned, WR Lance Moore also had a very solid day with 11 points. But one negative to the Cookies day was the return of LB Mike Peterson. You may recall Peterson ineffectively played the final few games of the �07 season in a wheelchair for Dan Weitz, and his �08 return was equally fruitless. Peterson had said all week leading up to kickoff that he would never play for Weitz again, so while Weitz stood his ground and put him on the game day roster, Peterson stood his ground and never left the sideline, leaving the Cookies undermanned, but only for a quarter. See, Cubist LB Nate Webster is a close friend of Peterson and when he saw Peterson�s sideline protest, he took himself out of the Cubist lineup for the remainder of the game. Unfortunately for Cubist owner Jason Moore, his team was not quite able to overcome the desertion of Webster. QB Kurt Warner had his second marvelous day as he bombed his way for an all-pro 31 points. Moore will have a tough decision to make when QB Tony Rhomo returns from his month long trip to visit a Chuck E Cheese in every state. Moore, who himself appears to be away on a vacation, is finally seeing the toll that injuries have taken on his team. Unlike the Cookies and Boldin, the Cubists haven�t had any player step up and really take charge on a consistent basis after the losses of Rhomo and Bush. RB DeAngelo Williams had an all-pro 15 point day and WR Larry Fitzgerald caught a smooth nine points, but there were too many zeros and ones in the Cubist offense and were it not for Warner�s amazing afternoon, the Cubists would have lost by a much greater margin. Warner was kind enough to take the mike shortly after the game, briefly saying, �Hey, hats off to the Cookies. They were just better than us today. But we�ll be better next week. It�s nothing a little prayer can�t take care of.� So while the Cubists will apparently be resorting to a dose of heavenly guidance in the coming weeks, the Cookies prayer of a season continues to be answered as they are tied for first place after 10 weeks. Good lord.
P-Miss Envy (6-4) 94 County Coroners (5-5) 85 Don�t look now, but look who is marching towards the top of the Modano standings. Now winners of 4 in a row and 5 of their last 6, the Envy avenged their week one loss to the Coroners by edging them in a tight 1pm contest which also evened their series history at ten games a piece. For Envy owner Perry Missner, there is one reason and one reason only why the Envy are playing so well and that reason continues to be the stellar play of sure Hall-of-Fame QB Donovan McNabb. Once again McNabb had a fine day for himself with 24 awe-inspiring points. But also once again, he demonstrated his second-to-none leadership skills. A proud Missner gave McNabb the gameball yet again and commented, �Some may have said, don't start Donovan against the Giants. Well, ye of little faith - Donovan may not have won the game for Philadelphia, but he was the major reason the Envy won again. On Donovan!� His best �mates� on this day were a pair of running backs, as Mewelde Moore and Matt Forte scampered for a surprise 18 and 13 respectively. TE Dallas Clark added a respectable 7, but that was essentially it for the Envy offense. RB Jamaal Charles and WR Vern Coles both goose-egged, and Missner punished them by making them watch a bootleg copy of Jeff Goldblum�s starring turn in the 5 hour epic film �China�. Two key Envy defenders not forced to endure such a torture were the ever steady LB�s Jon Beason and Lance Briggs who piled on for 12 and 11 points respectively. A very happy Missner channeled his inner Adam Sandler as he said after the game, �It's called revenge, Lunchlady, said the garlic bread. The Coroners gave us a bitter defeat in Week One, so we glad to get things back to even this year. The defense is coming through and Dallas Clark had a nice game. Kudos to Mewelde Moore for letting me borrow his Whizzinator and talking me into keeping him on the roster.� See kids, sharing is good, but let�s hope that Missner returned the Whizzinator after using it. The victory moved the Envy to a game off the Modano pace, while the Coroner loss dropped Chad Nuss� squad two games back. And while other teams may have numerous reasons for the failures, the Coroners can point to one man who has recently been just killing them and that is keeper RB Willie �Game Time Decision� Parker. For the second straight week, Parker informed Nuss that he was fine so he participated in the team practices and went to team meetings. He even hosted the Coroner O-line on Friday night for a night of grilled shrimp and ice cold beer. Come Sunday morning, he dressed and went through warm-ups. At the coin-toss, he went out with his fellow keepers and shook the hands of the refs and the fellow Envy captains. But once the Coroner offense went to take the field, he changed his mind again, shrugged, walked back into the locker room, changed into his street clothes, and left the stadium in his new Smart Car. Chad Nuss was too busy being treated for an aneurysm to comment, but QB Philip Rivers was happy to say a few words following the loss. He said, �I can�t really say anything about Willie, but I will say that those of us who wanted to play today, we played our asses off for Chad. And I don�t want to name names, but myself, and the Brandon�s, and even Ryan, we all left it on the field today and we�ll leave it on the field next week too. But this was a tough loss, and if history is any guide, it just proves that we probably won�t be able to overcome this. Now pardon me, I�ve got to go buy Willie a skirt and some mascara since he at least ought to dress the part if he going to be a�� at which point the microphone went dead and Rivers slammed it to the ground. In defense of Parker, a number of Corner regulars did not play up to expectations either and if just one of them had performed to their capabilities, perhaps the outcome would have been different. But it doesn�t matter now as it appears that these are two teams heading in different directions.
The Ballbusters (6-4) 127 Syracuse 44�s (4-6) 116 In what Buster owner Rich Joseph called, �probably the best game we have ever played,� the Busters kept themselves in the Modano hunt by winning the highest scoring game in Modano this season. For the Busters, it was there highest scoring out put since 2005, and for the disappointed 44�s, the 116 points were the most points they have ever scored in a loss in team history. The Busters have now also scored 100+ points two weeks in a row as they continue their championship run, and this week it was all about balance as no fewer than seven players scored in double digits. The Busters were led of course by their all-pro QB Peyton Manning who threw for an impressive 27 points. Those 27 points were matched by RB Thomas Jones, who earned a game ball from Joseph for his efforts. Jones has been a revelation for the Busters this year. If those two performances were not enough (and this week they were not) the Buster O-flex also went triflexa as the improbable trio of Jerious Norwood, Roddy White, and Eddie Royal combined for 42 outstanding points. K Jason Elam added 10 and DB Will Blackmon added 11 to round out the Buster double digit scorers. QB Peyton Manning said, �Wow, what a game. We were just like a bunch of sharks out there. We never stopped moving and we ate anything in our way. Wow. Great win.� It wasn�t all great for the Busters though as for the second straight week, a Buster WR, this week Braylon Edwards, didn�t match Joseph�s expectations and is now on the trading block. Edwards was more embarrassing this week than Angelina Jolie in �Iceland�, and he joins fellow disappointment Terrell Owens on the Buster trading block. And now that the Busters have swept the season series with the 44�s, expect owner John Stoer to make an offer for one of those receivers as he has never been a patient owner or one to sit still following a loss. He was, though, far more depressed than angry in his post game comments as he said, �It always sucks to put up the second highest score of the week and lose, but what are you going to do? There is one week in every season that puts the final nail in the 44�s coffin and this week was it for us. Oh well, we�ll play out the final seven weeks as if they matter, but I think we all know that they don�t.� Stoer was quite pleased a week ago when his QB Jay Cutler and his TE Kellen Winslow spotted the 44�s to an early 49 points. But other than gameball earning RB Adrian Peterson and his all-pro 21 points, no other 44 hit double digits. LB Patrick Willis and RB Ronnie Brown had nine each to help pad the 44�s score, but Stoer singled out LB Brian Urlacher for his consistently poor play this season saying, �he�s been worse than Cameron Diaz in �Israel�, though not quite as bad as Cameron Diaz in �Gangs of New York�.� Stoer then got lost in a trance of some sort, possibly dreaming of all the �athletic, beautiful women who can probably drink me under the table.� Those dreams have to be better than the Modano reality for Stoer and his 44�s. Like the Bretts, this painful loss dropped the 44�s to 4-6 and while they too are mathematically alive, it will take an impressive stretch run for the 44�s to have an impact on this year�s Modano title. As for the Busters, once again they are quietly winning enough games to stay in contention and their match-up with the front running Cookies in two weeks looms as a huge game for both teams title aspirations.
Bull in the City (7-3) 78 Wookies (3-7) 67 The Wookies and City franchises had met 17 times previous to their week 10 encounter, and never in those previous 17 meetings had the game been played in such an addled, hung over, and blissful state as their week 10 game was. In their first post-Obama election meeting, City overcame fewer mistakes to defeat a clearly distracted Wookie squad. It couldn�t have helped the quality of play that both sidelines still had parties going on and that both owners were drunkenly cheerleading while passing out left over Obama-for-President bumper stickers and buttons. The loss was the 90th in Wookie history and owner Will Mitchell was quick to accept the blame as he graciously talked to the media following the game. He said, when asked why the Wookies lost, �Coaching. Just plain bad. Could have taken the game with any number of coaching moves, including playing a QB who actually started.� Yes, the Wookies, in their post-Tuesday delirium decided that QB Derek Anderson would be the best choice to lead them this week, and sadly for Wookie fans, Anderson sat on the bench throughout the first Thursday game of the �08 season, leaving Mitchell without any options come sobriety and the weekend. Even City owner Randy Chambers commented on the gaffe while handing out his gameball, saying, �In reality, my game ball has to go to Obama. He had Will so darn hung over that he didn't notice that Anderson was relegated to the bench on Thursday night. With Cassel at QB, we lose. With Bulger, we still win. Only my fellow blue-man would have been sufficiently distracted to miss the big change his old running mate Romeo made at QB.� Without a QB, the Wookies still kept the game remarkably close as TE Antonio Gates and RB Jamal Lewis each contributed to the Wookie campaign with 11 points. Gameball and defensive-MVP candidate James Harrison led the team with 13 points. But much like Angelina Jolie in �East Germany�, none of the other Wookie players did nearly enough to capture their owner�s attention. The 3 point earning WR Randy Moss said, �There was a what? We elected who? Aww brother, that�s great. I thought we were just partying on the sideline �cause it�s like November and all, right?� For the Wookies, their season is going down the tubes �Coriolis effect�- style, but for the co-leading City, their luck continues to hold. An expansive and giddy Chambers commented, �In spite of our mediocre performance, I'm proud of the Bull. We gave liberal leave last weekend (which explains our putrid performance), Monday and Tuesday for canvassing for the Obamanator. Crotchery gets big time kudos for helping to deliver his homestate, and ours, even if he forgot how to catch a football. Other tips of the hat go to Portis for working the polls in our home-away-from-home of Virginia and Captain Hiney for delivering in the backwoods of our other home-away-from home, without getting himself shot. Then, the team spent Tuesday night downtown at Barack 'n' Roll (honest-to-goodness name of Durham's Obamafest, with half of downtown blocked off!!), so we were all a little tired and hung over for practice and gameday.� A brief mention that Drew Brees returned to add yet another all-pro day with 19 points and TE Bo Scaife earned a gameball for his �rockin� TE and 11 points is important, as is the fact the City defense continues to play down to their opponent and managed a mere 11 points, specifically LB LaMarr Woodley whose zero point day was compared to �the Gubernator in any Jane Austen chick flick.� Still, the history loving Chambers must be pleased to see himself on top of the standings with the Cookies, Envy and Busters realistically chasing him, while for Will Mitchell, the election and the fortunes of his beloved Pats will have to keep him warm through the cold weeks to come.
Week 11 previews - The prime time Week 11 game will see two old rivals go head-to-head in game that has incredible importance as the 6-4 Envy look to continue their winning streak against the desperate 5-5 defending champion Cubists. The Cubists lead the series 11-9 and will look to avenge the five point loss the Envy handed to them in week 2. Cubist owner Jason Moore remains on vacation and his current lineup bears that out as he is missing a defensive starter, but it would be very unlike him not to remedy the problem. Envy owner Perry Missner, on the other hand, remains firmly on top of his teams needs, and he has added �Hush� and Benson to his lineup as well as defender D�Qwell Jackson. Inconsistent RB Willis McGahee also returns. Missner said leading up to the big week, �We fear the Cubists with all of those championship rings, but fear is a great motivator. I think McNabb, Forte, and Briggs are in for big games, but I worry about the Cardinals facing the Seahawks. We are looking for a sweep.� Those championship rings seem to be weighing down the missing Cubist owner and perhaps the Envy will be able to take advantage. The 4pm game should be a fantastic matchup between a 7-3 City squad which has not played well of late versus a hungry 5-5 Coroner squad which will essentially be playing for its Modano life. A win and the Coroners are just one game behind the three time champs, while a loss would drop them three back with six to play. Chad Nuss has kept the same lineup, including Willie Parker, and it will be very interesting to see whether �Game Time� will deign to play this week against the co-leaders. In this battle of old-timers, City leads the series 14-7. A wary Randy Chambers said, �Big frigging game for the City. We�ve been limping along for a few weeks as the election neared and passed. Chad�s lads can put up a whole lot of points and are due for a big week.� Chambers also is keeping his same lineup with the health of questionable Clinton Portis a substantial mystery at the moment. The lead 1pm game sees the other co-leaders, the 7-3 Cookies, take on the fading 4-6 Bretts. The Bretts have dominated this series 13-4, but lost in week 2 by a substantial margin. The Bretts are 7-2 in week 11 games though and owner Steve Johnson hopes that his QB troubles will be solved this week, saying, �It�s Detroit! He should have a good game against Detroit. Right?� That would be QB Jake Delhomme and with him, nothing is certain. More importantly, the Bretts will look to put their three keeper RB�s on the field together for the first time in weeks and hope that all Delhomme has to do is hand off. As for the Cookies, RB Marion Barber returns along with a number of other players including QB Tyler Thigpen. Another key 1pm contest will see the contending 6-4 Ballbusters take on the rejuvenated 3-7 Herrings. There is virtually no history to speak of between the two clubs, but the Herrings did win the week two matchup. For the Herrings, Jason Campbell returns at QB sending the Mighty Quinn reluctantly back to the bench. DE Calvin Pace will also be on hand to torment the Patriot loving Joseph. A clearly inebriated Charlie Mitchell said, �Maybe Chad Johnson will be a good influence on my rookies.� Johnson is not currently in the lineup though he is teaching rookie WR DeSean Jackson how to smoke a bowl �Ocho-Cinco style.� The Busters will counter with their ever steady lineup, enhanced this week by rookie RB BenJarvus Green-Ellis and trade bait WR Terrell Owens. Joseph simply told his players of the importance of this week�s game, �Don�t take it lightly.� Absolutely not. While Charlie Mitchell may be down, he is certainly not mailing it in like the two owners of the final 1pm game, the 44�s John Stoer and the Wookies Will Mitchell. Both discouraged owners have been here before and are already sizing up early picks in next years draft. The Wookies own a 10-7 series edge though they lost to the 44�s 122-96 in week 2. A despondent Will Mitchell said, �We�re 3-7. Our fans don�t care anymore � they want a high draft pick � oh yeah, we gave them that this year already � maybe one more year and we�re back.� The Wookies re-team Randy and Santana Moss and hope that Harrison, Tuck, and Allen can after 44 QB Jay Cutler. For the 44�s, their lineup remains the same as the one that put up 116 last week with the exception of troubled RB Larry Johnson in for troubled WR Plaxico Burress. This is the first week that all three 44 keepers will be on the filed at the same time and John Stoer is holding out hope saying, �I benched Brown early and Johnson has benched himself of late. Hopefully my preseason dreams can come true now that we can�t even win when scoring 116 points. Good luck Will.� This game could go a long way to determining the bottom of the Modano standings as both teams are very much aware.
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