Bull City 90 Wookies 86 The Week 9 One-and-Done Game of the Week featured two teams going in opposite directions. The Bull City, which was 1-6 just two weeks ago, has now won two straight as their MVP candidate from a year ago, Drew Brees, seems to have woken up from his early season slumber. Last week Bull City owner Randy Chambers praised long-time player Hines "Captain Hiney" Ward for his ledership in turning the BC ship around. Leadership is fne and dandy, but at some point, you need performance on the field, and that is exactly what Drew Brees has given the once-lifeless franchise. Brees, coming off his 35-point performance a week ago, added 29 more this week to lead his team to victory. He was aided by Clinton Portis' season best all-pro performance of 19 points with 196 yards and score. (Just one of many monster running games this week.) A slip up in Chambers game plan was playing the injured Frank Gore, but his zero point performance didn't come back to haunt him, mostly because it was matched by Wookie all-everything TE Antonio Gates zero point effort. Gates though actually played in the game. Ouch. The Wookies were led by the return of QB Jon Kitna and his all-pro 20 point effort. Back-up QB Brian Griese was seen bawling on Oprah's couch this week so there's no timetable set for his return, if the Wookies even want the cry-baby back. Jamal Lewis had an amazing 30 points on 37 rushing yards, finding the endzone 4 times for a total of 6 yards. The most consistent Wookie this year by far has been WR Randy Moss who scorched his old boss for 15 points in yet another all-pro day. Moss has attributed his success this year to his two year layoff in Oakland where he says he did nothing but smoke weed and play Madden '93, where he learned how to push off like Michael Irvin on every play and not get called for it. His individual success has not helped the Wookies sadly, though not unsurprsingly, as they have now dropped six in a row to fall to 3-6. Instead, it is the 3-6 Bull City franchise that looks like it might be ready to make a second-half charge and, if nothing else, spoil some chances for the leaders.
P-Miss Envy 86 County Coroners 79 The leader of Modano at the halfway point is Perry Missner's 8-1 Envy. Their seven point victory in week 9 proved to be an excellent example of why they are currently atop the standings. I think it was Bob Costas who once said that the mark of a championship team is when one player picks up his game to compensate for another who is having an off-day. Though maybe it was Cris Collinsworth- who cares. While that maxim may or may not be true, the Envy are certainly doing their best to prove it is valid. In week 8, it was the Envy receivers who led the team to victory with 51 total combined points. In week 9, they managed 8 points. But to pick up their slack was the Envy running machine that some think is the best in all of Modano. The Wondertwins, Edgerrin James and Willis McGahee, transformed their powers into 13 points and two scores. But the heavy lifting was left to super-rookie Marshawn Lynch. A gameball and 22 points left Missner saying, "The rook is looking like a keeper. Run long, run straight, Marshawn!" Downplaying his clubs fortunes thus far, Missner went on to note, "I will not apologize for winning. We are not a dominant team, but we�ve had some luck (allowing just 77.56 ppg � least in the league). However, we continue to score at a good clip and I don�t think the league has seen the best of the Envy yet." A frightening thought for an 8-1 team. Still not all was well for the Envy as high draft pick and supposed key defender Adrian Wilson only managed 1 point and was dismissed from all future Envy team endeavors. Wilson was compared to Mitt Romney, never a good thing, and was released by the Envy's new Star Trek-inspired voice-activated computer who first gave Missner his Earl Grey hot, then made it so! While the Envy have both space-age technology and old-fashioned good fortune on their side, the ever crafty Coroners just can not catch a break. At 3-6 and losers of two straight, once again they played good enough to win the game, and had to be feeling good going into Monday Night as Willie Parker was lined up against McGahee. But Parker only managed 3 points and left Coroner owner Chad Nuss wondering what he needs to do to get his team to break through with some victories in '07. Breakout candidate Vincent Jackson has managed just 1 point in his last two games and number one pick Thomas Jones continues to disappoint. Reportedly, Nuss was seen scouting JaMarcus Russell this past week, but that rumor is as of yet unconfirmed.
Brentful Bretts 90 Red Herrings 75 The biggest threat to the Envy title hopes continues to be the defending champion Bretts. At 6-3, two games off the pace, they are finally healthy and are looking to make a strong push in the second half of the season. Their performance in week 9 shows why they will be tough to stop. Led by gameball earners, Brett Favre (18 points) and Joseph Addai (20), the Bretts got just enough offensive balance to compenate for some uneven play from the rest of his squad. Said Johnson, "Brett and Addai. Clutch players you can always rely on, but Crayton, Hello!? Over here! We're playing a game here!" Yes, Patrick Crayton and fellow wide-out Ronald Curry both put up fat goose eggs for the Brett offense. Normally, two useless efforts like that will sink a team every week, but the Bretts managed enough points as '06 MVP LT had 10 points and Mr. Consistency, TJ Houshmandzadeh added his usual 9. The defense added 20 points and it was enough for a victory over the even more inconsistent Herrings. One is left to wonder though if the Brett WR's would prefer another QB throwing them the ball and whether the double-squadoosh effort from Crayton and Curry was a protest of sorts. Since every other member of the squad except those two received a new "hydrogen car" as a bonus after the game, the rift in the locker room may continue to grow. We'll see as the season progresses. The Herrings have no such trouble in their locker room as new gun-slinging QB Derek Anderson has stepped in and made it his own. He followed up last week's sterling 26 point effort with a 12 point game this week and was supported by the rushing efforts of Brian Westbrook (16 points) and Justin Fargas (13). But the other two runners in his 4 RB stable, Lawrence Maroney and DeShaun Foster, added only seven points. On the wrong side of .500, at 4-5 now, the Herrings need some help. Rob Bironas supplanted the joint-hoarding Neil Rackers and added nine points, but 'Roid-o-tron Shawne Merriman is getting paid big bucks to break people this season and, while his kickoff duties have been superlative, owner Charlie Mitchell clearly expected more out his keeper. When asked about Merriman, Mitchell was unusually silent, but in this case his silence may speak more loudly than anything he could have said, unless of course he had said something to the effect of, "Go shrink your testes some more you pimply-backed waste of space, I wish I'd never have kept you." That would have been more clear than his silence.
Syracuse San Francisco Cubists 100 The Ballbusters 76 Nobody doubts the genius of Cubist owner Jason Moore and his ability to create a rock solid fantasy roster. In the past, Moore has shown his preference to run the ball effeciently, have a strong QB, and a reliable defense as his keys to success. This season though has shown Moore's ability to adapt. While his QB and defense have been a strength, the running game has not come around as expected and he's been forced into using a four WR set most of the season. Week 9 showed just how strong the Cubists can be if they get that running game. Reggie Bush had an all-pro day with 18 points and earned a gameball and, more importantly, the unreserved praise of his head coach. "Another outstanding performance by our defense and our QB. But Reggie was the one who got things rolling." That Cubist defense scored 36 points, and with the Buster D only scoring 10 points, the 26 point differential was what decided the game. QB Tony Romo, he of the 25 point performance, was dismayed at his coach for not getting the gameball and was heard shouting in the Cubist locker room, "But I want a gameball. I want one, I want one, I want one, I want one, I want one, I want one!!!!!!" When Bush handed him the gameball to quiet him down, Romo smiled, took it under his arm, and stuck his thumb in his mouth. Just seconds later though, he dropped the ball to the floor as all the pretty colors in the locker room distracted him. Moore tried to explain to Tony that he had said he was outstanding on the day, but Romo just looked at his coach quizically and said, "I think I made doody." Good grief. But "doody" is exactly how to explain the recent play of the Busters. Now 4-5 and losers of three straight, the Busters are getting consistent play out of Peyton Manning, Wes Welker, terrell owens, and that's about it. Those three scored more than half of the Buster points on the day. Even Barrett Ruud, who has been the best Buster defender this year, put up a zero. But what's worse is that Owner Rich Joseph, while still in control of the front office, has ceded the locker room to his camera-loving QB. He left Peyton a note telling him that if he was needed, Manning could find him courtside, drunk on Sam Adams, watching the Celtics waltz to an NBA title. Oh the hubris running through New England these days. Still, Manning was delighted to take over and started out handing out DVD's of his SNL performance from last season saying with his corn-fed smile, "I know the writers are on strike, but I can write it too if they want me to host again. Saturday Night Live at 11:30pm on NBC." When asked if he had any comments about his teams painful loss to the Cubists, he responded, "I'd like to thank the good people who make Vicodin for helping me through the pain. Yes, Vicodin for fast, safe pain relief."
Syracuse 44's 103 Weaselicious Cookies 88 The final game of the week was also the highest scoring game of the week. 44's owner John Stoer was not surprised since he knew he'd be facing planetary MVP Tom Brady and the Cookies. He knew he'd need a historic, spectacular effort from one of his players since he also was starting second year bust QB Vince Young. Young did not disappoint and managed a mere 4 points. Fellow Madden cursee Shaun Alexander scored 2 and dug himself further into Stoer's already cavernous doghouse. After the game, Stoer attempted to trade Alexander for an open half-eaten post-Halloween bag of Skittles, but so far Alexander has gone nowhere. Larry Johnson scored an all-pro 17 points and promptly burst his ankle which Stoer predicted several weeks ago would occur. But the game of the year, and the deciding performance, was turned in by rookie phenom Adrian Peterson who scored 35 points on 296 rushing yards and 3 TD's. Peterson though did not get the gameball as Stoer instead gave it to his other rookie, defender Patrick Willis who had 11 points. When asked after the game Stoer commented, " I learned three things about my team today. 1: Peterson will be on the cover of Madden next year and the curse will live on. 2: Whoever my other two keepers are besides him, they will disappoint and make me regret my decision. 3: At least one, and maybe two, of the players I don't keep will rebound and have monsterous seasons next year." Awfully negative following a victory. Particularly seeing as his late additions to the squad performed well as Maurice Hicks scored and added 9 points and TE Donald Lee added 5. Stoned kicker and other newcomer, Neil Rackers, only scored 4 points but clearly was brought in for his other purposes. None of that though would have been any sort of trouble for Tom Brady if he'd wanted to give it his all and played to win. Instead, Brady was distracted by his on-going Middle East peace talks and managed a mere 20 points, far off his pace. Cookie RB's MoJo and MBIII ran well for 12 and 14 respectively and Joey Galloway and Jason Witten each put up 11, but one could tell early on that Brady wasn't his usual self on this day. When asked for a moment of his precious time after the game, Brady said, "OK, quickly, look we lost, but it's just a game. Is it more important than me potentially saving millions of lives? Get some perspective here people. It's just one game. Our goals, by which I mean my goals, are much bigger than one game." At 5-4, the Cookies are still very much in the title race and will need Brady to give 100% of himself if they want to make a run in the second half. At 4-5, the 44's are up one week and down another. Stoer, realizing this, said, "I'm happy we got the victory this week, but I honestly don't know who the hell I'm putting out there next week."
Week 10 previews - It's week 1 all over again and there are some intriguing matchups on the schedule. The league leading 8-1 Envy face the 5-4 Cookies. The Envy good fortune continues though as planetary MVP Tom Brady will be sidelined. Even Brett owner Steve Johnson noticed this and chimed in, saying, "His charmed year continues. He even gets Brady on the bye. Now he's cruising with just one loss...just like the Pack!" The Envy, who won the week 1 matchup 93-79 with a healthy run-pass balance, return defensive captain Brian Urlacher and add the consistent Matt Stover to take over the kicking duties. While the Cookies do lose Brady, they have a capable back-up in Big Ben Roethlisburger who is unlikely to throw for 5 TD's again this week. Missner looked at the matchup like this, "It is easy to look at the Cookies without Tom Brady and see a Weitz without a head, but Big Ben has been quite good and we are not taking anything for granted. I hope our revamped (and rested Urlacher-laden) defense is better." Yes, it is easy to look at that way. Right on the heels of the Envy are the QB-conflicted Bretts. At 6-3, they square off against the yo-yo like 44's. The 44's took the first game 104-80 with Brett Favre at the helm. Favre will now suit up for his rightful team and Johnson hopes to get more than -3 points out of Steven Jackson this time around. He said about the game, "Stoer has amassed an amazing platoon of runners this year. To bad all the leagues bad karma decided to land on him." Stoer will in fact abandon his 4RB set and go to a 4WR set due to the injuries which have hampered his club. Eli Manning is back along with a host of newcomers for the 44's. The only other over .500 team is the Cubists as they prepare for a renewal of their Bay Area rivalry with the 3-6 Coroners. Jason Moore is all too aware of the significance of this weeks game. "This is our fourth chance to get to two games over .500 this season. If this team is going to make a move, the time is now." The Cubists dominated week , 98-47, behind Tony Romo's 38 point stunner. This week they replace defensive stalwart DeMeco Ryans with Wil Witherspoon and injured superstar Marvin Harrison with young punk Santonio Holmes. The Coroners have some decisions to make with their lineup, but it's expected that the ManBeast Brandon Jacobs will mark a return to the lineup along with, potentially, a couple of Raiders for Chad Nuss' boys. The Mitchell Brothers will be back at it after Will stomped Charlie 101-70 in the first encounter. Will rode cheeba-lovin, push-off artist Randy Moss to 18 points in that matchup, but will be without his services this week. Rookie Calvin Johnson takes his place. The Herrings though have all sorts of bye-week problems and look unlikely to field a full roster against his brother. After 6 straight defeats, the Wookies would take one any way they could get it. Finally, long-time nemeses, the Busters and BullCity lock horns. The Busters and Peyton won by 30 in week 1, but that was a different Drew Brees and Chambers is certainly expecting more than a -3 from him this week. The Busters will be without consistent WR Wes Welker as well as a couple other players, while the lone substition for the suddenly hot Bull City will see the wonderfully named Jerricho Cotchery (he of the Jets who faced the Skins last week, making it two weeks in a row the soul-selling Chambers has played someone against his beloved Skins- but he also has two wins in a row, coincidence??) heads to the bench in favor of Big Game Torry Holt. Good luck to everyone in the second half!
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