Cubists: 121 Cookies: 82 The dynamic week 12 matchup between the red-hot Cubists and the up-and-down Cookies featured the second duel of the season between Axis-of-Evil members Tom Brady and Tony Romo. Behind Tom Brady�s 31 point effort, the Cookies took the first meeting 87-85 in week 3. Nine weeks later, the tables were turned as the baby-faced apprentice led his Cubists to a 39 point victory. Romo turned in yet another all-pro performance with 15 points, but once again was denied a gameball. Pouting in the corner, Romo said, �What do I have to do to get a stinky gameball? I don�t even want one now. They�re stupid. Only babies want them, and I�m a big boy.� He then threw a 20 minute temper tantrum which was only quelled when Owner Jason Moore put on Romo�s favorite Cher CD. The two Cubist gameball earners were wideouts Larry Fitzgerald and, making a return to all-pro status, the almost forgotten Ocho Sinco. Fitzgerald put up 22 and Ocho Sinco did him two better with 24. Moore said, �It took 12 weeks, but 2 of my 3 keepers finally played like keepers.� Overhearing this, Reggie Bush took his 4 points and slunk unnoticed out of the locker room. Bush has been overshadowed by the newest Cubist back, new fan fave ChesTay, who ran for 11 more points this week. Said Moore, �I don't know where it's coming from, but we will take it. Great game by the Spoon on D as well.� Witherspoon scored 13 points from his defensive position, but fellow defender Rocky McIntosh was ridiculed for his 2 point performance and politely asked to clean out his locker after the game. The 121 point Cubist effort was too much for even planetary MVP Tom Brady to overcome. While Brady managed to score 19 points, it was hardly enough to make up for the lack of production from his Cookie teammates. Marion Barber ground out 12 points, and three other players had 9, but the entire Cookie D contributed a woeful 6 points. Highlighting his team's pathetic defensive effort, Brady said, �Look, I can�t do everything. I mean I could if I wanted to, but I need some energy for Giselle when I get home. Maybe she should play some D for us. She�s a heck of a lot tougher then the pansies we have now. She�d at least be a strong distraction.� Distracted is exactly how the now 6-6 Cookies have played the last two weeks. Perhaps a little more focus will help them get back over .500. Meanwhile, at 8-4, and a game back of the lead, the Cubists have now run off four straight wins and are firmly in the title hunt once again.
Ballbusters: 101 Bretts: 91 The third member of the Axis-of-Evil is the inbred hillbilly moron Brett Favre, the undisputed leader of the defending champion Bretts. Coming in to week 12 on a four game win streak of their own, the Bretts and Favre were facing an uneven but dangerous Ballbuster squad led by their own star QB, Peyton Manning. On Thanksgiving Day, Favre started the Brett week off well with 27 strong, inspired points. Unfortunately for the Bretts, he was, in Owner Steve Johnson�s words, �the only guy to show up this week,� and the Brett win streak was snapped at 4. Much of the blame for the loss fell squarely onto the shoulders of a pair of rookies as RB Selvin Young and TE Greg Olsen were both blanked on the day, which wasn�t surprising in Young�s case as he didn�t even suit up for the game due to injury. Even Mr. Consistency, TJ Houshmandzadeh, was limited to a below average 4 points. At least the Big 3 of Addai, Jackson, and Tomlinson, produced a solid 29 points. Commenting on the big 3, Favre said of his teammates, �They were just fabulous, weren�t they darling? I mean simply fabulous. Oh, and I have to give a lot of love to my center. He�s such a rock for me.� While Johnson had no comment on the big 3, he did place the blame for the loss on a very unusual source saying, �I hate these early game weeks that screw up my schedule. To make things much worse, from Tuesday night to Sunday night, I was imprisoned in the technology stunted state of Iowa. No email or internet research available at all. An info black hole. Not that it would have mattered, but leaving an injured player in the lineup is just embarrassing. I blame Iowa for this loss.� Yes, for the first time in Modano history, the state of Iowa caused a team to lose. You�ve just witnessed history folks. And history is just what the 6-6 and winners of two straight Ballbusters are attempting to make with a late season run at the title. Led as usual by Peyton Manning and his 24 points, the Busters used a balanced attack to outpace the Bretts. WR Greg Jennings had an all-pro day with 16 points and his fellow Pecker, RB Ryan Grant, fell just one point shy with 14. T.O. continued his outstanding season with 10 more points, and even latte-fetcher Mason Crosby added 13. The rookie was singled out by Manning in the post-game press conference, �Mason was just tremendous today. I have to give him a lot of credit. With all the crap I make him do, I don�t know how he finds time to practice kicking. And speaking of finding time, you can find some with a Rolex, yes, Rolex the official time piece of Peyton Manning and the NFL. I never leave home without mine.� As Manning�s back account swelled ever higher, he passed on a message from Buster owner Rich Joseph who, during his unofficial Red Sox scouting trip in the Dominican Republic, or the D-Rep as he calls it, said that Peyton was doing a great job running things and that he felt no need to speak to the press ever again. The approach seems to be working as the Busters have righted the ship. For the Bretts, the loss dropped them a game off the lead, and the defense of their title just got a little bit tougher.
P-Miss Envy: 97 Wookies: 85 If any team needed to right their ship in week 12 more than the Busters, it was Perry Missner�s Envy. Losers of two straight and having fallen into a tie for first place, the Envy used a heroic final effort from one its core players as a rallying cry for the entire team, and edged Will Mitchell�s befogged Wookies by 12 points. That heroic effort came from the much maligned Benson. An outwardly happy, but inwardly morose Missner said, �In his dying gasps, Benson asked for the gameball and as I shuddered and cried out (prior to putting him down), I gave him his final gameball.� Oddly, that gesture made backup Packer RB Vernand Morency (no explanation needed) bawl like a little girl who�s been told that she can�t watch I Love Lucy anymore. Fortunately, AJ Hawk and Nick Barnett were there to comfort Morency with rock hard shoulders to cry on and a tray of homemade fudge brownies. Instead of breaking down, the Envy players used the loss of Benson to ramp up their own games. The Wondertwins controlled the ground while the Envy aerial attack returned to form. Carson Palmer led the charge with an all-pro 24 points, Reggie Wayne had 10, and young TE Kellen Winslow had a manly 13. The only member of the Envy not to respond well was LB Ernie Sims, who disappointed Missner in many ways this Thanksgiving week and was promptly sent to see the space-age termination super computer. After seeing his team move to 9-3 and back a top the Modano standings, a satisfied Missner had this to say, �I had a good feeling about winning this week and becoming the first team to defeat all nine other teams. Palmer was back and our Brown receivers found the endzone. Will had a chance with his vampire wannabe, but the Eagles were just too strong.� Another reason Missner had a good feeling going into the week was he knew the Wookies, while revitalized with the return of Ricky Williams, are now a team divided. On one side of the locker room Ricky sits with his boys Randy Moss, Roy Williams, and Ray Lewis. They have formed a formidable Ghost Recon team for the Xbox 360, are often seen enjoying Ricky�s �Tibetan Gold�, and generally laugh off their teammates suggestions of practice. While Lewis produced a 6 point effort against the Envy, none of the others had more than 2, and Ricky giggled as he cashed his paycheck following his -2 point effort from the Wookie bench. The other side of the locker room was led by All-pro TE Antonio Gates and his 19 points. Born again RB Jamal Lewis followed him with 14 of his own as did new QB Matt Schaub. Will Mitchell was unable to comment on the divisive nature of his clubhouse as he is currently in Tibet following a map that Ricky drew on the inside of a Domino�s pizza box. The map is supposed to lead him to either inner enlightenment or an underground opium den, but Ricky couldn�t really remember which, not that it stopped Mitchell from his journey since either option was fine with him. At 4-8, his Wookies journey is realistically over. At 9-3, the magical journey of the �07 Envy is still on course for a Modano title.
44�s: 111 Herrings: 77 Way back in week 3, the Herrings used 32 points from ex-44 RB Brian Westbrook in his Herring debut to easily topple the 44�s 122-96. Westbrook has been a shining star in Modano this year for the Herrings, while the fortunes of the 44�s have steadily slipped since the trade that sent Westbrook packing for the talented but troubled RB Larry Johnson. In week 12, Westbrook was once again effective with 11 points, but it was Larry Johnson�s understudy, rookie Kolby Smith, who powered the 44�s with an amazing 22 points en route to the 44�s first victory in the last three weeks. The 44�s temperamental owner, John Stoer, was effusive in his praise of Smith, �I wouldn�t know Kolby Smith if he knocked on my door, but good gracious, what a performance. Gameball. Gameball�s also to Warner and Willis. This is what a win feels like.� Kurt Warner had 19 from his QB position and rookie tackling machine LB Patrick Willis earned another gameball with all-pro 19 points. You knew things were breaking right for Stoer when Fred Taylor scored his annual touchdown this week. Even ex- Herring Shawne Merriman had his first good game in a month and half with 11 points and several booming kickoffs. While Stoer has never had a particularly heightened sense of fashion, he does have decent football instincts and his late substitution of Plaxico Burress for Santana Moss paid dividends as Burress returned to early season form with a 12 point day. That 12 point performance doubled the total of the three Herring all-initial WR�s as AB (Anquan Boldin), AJ (Andre Johnson), and DJ Hackett each scored a measly 2 points. Gun-slinging QB Derek Anderson had another fine day with 17 points but the only other player in double figures was LB Gary Brackett who earned a gameball with 11 points a week after getting called out by his owner. Charlie Mitchell, who believes a certain ex-Cowboy QB is a �child molester fascinated with Hannah Montana,� had no answers for the 44�s on this day and called out Anquan Boldin in the hopes he�ll play better next week. It is curious how Kurt Warner threw for 484 yards and two TD�s and Boldin only had two points. Still, rather than make excuses, Mitchell simply burned the game film as if it never existed and decided to move on, knowing full well that every team has its off weeks. After a rare on-week for the 44�s, owner John Stoer knew he�d snatched a victory from a superior team saying, �Any week you go into starting Ron Dayne, Fred Taylor, and Kolby Smith in your backfield, your expectations obviously aren�t that high. I think this is like the first week in a while that we haven�t had someone from the opposition go off for like 30 points or something, but whatever, a Kolby Smith-led victory counts the same as an Adrian Peterson-led one and we�ll take it.� At 5-7, the 44�s are still mathematically alive in the title chase but are realistically playing the role of the spoiler now. At 6-6, the Herrings need to get on a roll right now.
The Bull City: 126 County Coroners: 43 One team that is definitely on a roll right now is the Bull City. A perennial Modano powerhouse, the start of the �07 season was nightmarish for owner Randy Chambers. Mistakes and poor performances got his club off to a franchise worst 1-6 start. They are 4-1 since then following a trashing of the moribund Coroners. Refreshed QB Drew Brees continued his stellar play of late with an all-pro, and league-high for the week, 29 points. RB, and fellow keeper, Frank Gore produced how Chambers has been expecting all season with 25 points of his own on the ground. Those two players alone would have beaten the Coroners on this day. A giddy Chambers said in handing out his gameball, �Welcome to 2007, Mr. Gore. First the Nobel, now a 25 point game. Huzzah!� While The Bull City could have stopped there, they did not. Helping to pour it on, WR Marques Colston had 12 as did dominating TE Chris Cooley. Most impressive though was the BC defensive unit. Not only did they hold the Coroners to 43 points, they scored a very solid 33 themselves, sharing the wealth equally with 11 points each. Chambers, who has never claimed to have a refined taste, couldn�t have been happier with his club. Even the veteran leadership of Captain Hiney chipped in 5 points on a super soggy Monday night to pad the victory even more. Still, real life intruded on Chambers football happiness this week as he noted somberly, �A win is a win is a win, even if it's over Chad. Given the sorrow in football this week, a win is also meaningless.� With 126 points on the board against a down football team, a very classy Clinton Portis echoed his owners sentiments and proudly scored no points this week. Of course Portis was matched, on the scoreboard, by the Coroner starting QB and RB, Jeff Garcia and Brandon Jacobs. Garcia was knocked out of the game early and Jacobs was knocked out in practice earlier in the week. No offensive position player scored more than 5 points and the only player in double digits was LB Kirk Morrison with 10. Once again, the more intriguing story lines came from the Coroner bench as rookie savior JaMarcus Russell continues to learn the massive Coroner playbook and the kicking duel between G-ski and J-ski reached white hot proportions as J-ski outkicked G-ski from the bench 9 points to 7. Will a change be made in time for week 13?? Stay tuned. While we may not know what is going on in the Coroner front office, we can be assured that things are going well in the Bull City. In the unusual role of spoiler, no one will want to play them down the stretch. Another championship banner is unlikely to fly over the stadium this year, but the Bull City may be just as involved in the championship race this year.
Week 13 previewsWith five weeks left in the Modano season, the title is still very much up for grabs, but only the P-Miss Envy control their own destiny. If they win out, they will be the �07 champs. First up for them is their longtime pizza week rival, the Syracuse 44�s. In week 4, these two teams tied 77-77 with the tiebreakers falling to the Envy. If the Envy wins the title this year by one game, they will look back to that tie-breaker victory as the difference between an outright victory and a shared championship. The Wondertwins paced the Envy in that week 4 game with 19 points and recently released LB Ernie Sims had 15. Said Missner of the upcoming matchup, �The 44's have one helluva bench. Just for that comment and our cheap tie/win in Week Four, we probably won't win. Well, actually we probably will. For Benson!� With Benson out, the Envy are trotting out an old friend in RB Anthony Thomas, while D�Qwell Jackson replaces Sims. The 44�s on the other hand have returned RB Adrian Peterson to the lineup and have returned their own old friends in Donovan McNabb and Marvin Harrison. Since all three are still injured, all could be replaced later in the week. 44�s owner John Stoer said, �I really wanted to play Sean Taylor this week, but since that would screw with league integrity this week, I�ll wait. Kudos to the Bull City for playing LaRon Landry though.� Yes, LaRon Landry will be in the Bull City lineup as they face their longtime rival, the Cubists. Bull City owner Randy Chambers had this to say of the upcoming week, �We are too depressed to get up for this one, even if it's the (usually) annual (title) late season showdown at Stade Georges Braque on gay week, no less. Damn San Francisco! Beside, Jamo's been trigger quick with the midnite eastern waiver deadline every Monday night that he's snagged every good free agent, so we'll give it our best and try and stop the rolling train.� The Cubists, winners of four straight, pounded the Bull City back in week 4, 80-44, behind 33 points from QB Tony Romo. They�ll need another consistent effort from him if they want to win, something Moore commented on, �Bull City has been on a mission recently. We will need offensive efficiency against their excellent D.� Out is fan fave ChesTay and in is steady Earnest Graham. The other 8-4 team is the defending champion Bretts who face off against Tom Brady and the Cookies. The Bretts won the week 4 game by 20 and will be hoping that new TE Owen Daniels can perform better than rookie Greg Olsen. While still stunned by the unconventional down-home folk of Iowa, Johnson said, �What week is it??? Who is playing?� Hopefully a charter jet will transport the delirious Johnson back home to safety. Dan Weitz has made no changes to his Cookies, once again placing his team�s fortunes in Tom Brady�s hands. Hopefully someone will alert him to defender Mike Peterson�s not-so-good health. Perhaps the most intriguing matchup pits the 6-6 Herrings against the 6-6 Ballbusters. The winner will still be alive to fight another day; the loser will more than likely be out. The Busters won the first time around 79-59 behind 30 from Peyton Manning. Peyton will be able to target Wes Welker this week who is back in from the Buster doghouse while Charlie Mitchell has, as of yet, made no alterations to his lineup. Both Brian Westbrook and Lawrence Maroney were shut out of the first matchup and Mitchell will be looking for more from them. The final game of the week is the 4-8 Wookies against the 3-9 Coroners. The Coroners scored one of their three wins this year against the Wookies in week 4, 105-79. While both owners have made lots of changes to their respective squads, it�s a lot like the age old question: If a Modano owner is smoking opium by himself in an underground Tibetan den, does anyone care?
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