Big Bad Bretts: 87 The Bull City: 70 As Tom Petty says, It�s Good To Be King. The reigning king of Modano fortunes is defending champion Steve Johnson and his mighty Bretts. Week 11 saw the Bretts in a duel with an old nemesis in Randy Chambers and his Bull City squad. Both teams were riding high on three game win streaks and as Fox Color Commentator Troy Aikman would astutely point out, something had to give. Yes Troy, both teams were not going to win, clever observation. What Troy would observe first hand though was the reemergence of the inbred hillbilly moron to MVP caliber play. The ageless Brett Favre put up 25 points and led the Bretts to an easy 87-70 win over the Bull City. Johnson gave Favre yet another game ball as well as a plug for Favre�s own patented �Gator Trappin� Kit�, the perfect housewarming present for those new to the south. In between touchdown strikes, Favre even found the time to take a bat to his arch-rival Donovan McNabb�s knee, thereby cementing his status as the number one QB on the team named after him. When McNabb complained, Johnson shipped him back to Syracuse for a true southern gentleman in Eli Manning, who vowed to sit quietly and hold Favre�s rusty spit can. When Favre wasn�t throwing TD�s or going Gillooly on McNabb, he was gleefully handing off to his stud trio of RB�s. LT put up an all-pro 16, Addai added 12, and SJax chipped in with another 7. But for a second straight week, the Brett D and TE positions were singled out for scorn. Commenting on the victory, Johnson said, �Everything seemed to go right for me this week. We had an average game and won, and everyone I needed to lose.. lost. Hopefully my luck will keep up.� Good fortune was on the side of the Bretts this week, but the same can not be said for The Bull City. Dominating TE Chris Cooley was the only player in double digits. Captain Hiney showed his vast leadership qualities with 3 points, and Bull City QB Drew Brees scored 9 points, the fourth straight week his point total has dipped from his previous week�s efforts. When asked for a comment on the difficult loss, Chambers was nowhere to be found, prompting immediate speculation in the media about a potential suicide attempt following the loss by his beloved Redskins to the Cowboys. While local hospitals would neither confirm nor deny such speculation, rumor has it that Chambers is quietly recovering in the hills of Pennsylvania somewhere. Regardless, the second half surge that the Bull City was mounting has been put on hold as they are now simply just another 4-7 team. The Bretts on the other hand, have won four in a row, and at 8-3 are the new leaders in the Modano clubhouse. When Favre was asked how he usually celebrated after a win like this, he gave an answer that must hold true for all inbred hillbilly morons, �Meat Fight!!�
San Francisco Cubists: 112 P-Miss Envy: 88 If the Bretts are the new leaders in the clubhouse, then disaster must have struck for a second week in a row for the front-running Envy. In week 11, disaster had a name, and its name was Tony Romo. Romo may be a babbling, infantile, drool machine, but the guy knows how to sling the rock. Following up on his week 10 29 point drilling of the Coroners, Romo out did himself by putting 30 up against the now 8-3 Envy. The win moved the Cubists to 7-4 and one game behind the Bretts and Envy. Once again though, Romo did not get the gameball. But rather than throw a hissy-fit like he did last week, Romo took it like the innately evil 6 year old he is and gleefully torched ants with his new magnifying glass and the power of the sun. He also received a Brett Favre Gator Trappin� Kit, as the slogan goes, �Fer killin all them Gators,� which put a smile on his demonic young face. No, the gameball went to week 11 pick up Chester Taylor and his 3 TD, 27 point performance. Very pleased with himself, Cubist owner Jason Moore said in handing out the precious gameball, �Chester Taylor. Or, as we like to call him, ChesTay. Something about that nickname conjures up happy imagery.� Yep, ChesTay scored nine times as many points as Cubist keeper Reggie Bush, but he was aided on the offense by the mighty receiving duo of Larry Fitzgerald (12pts) and Santonio Holmes (11). A distraught over the lack of attention Ocho Sinco added a mere 2. Still, Moore had plenty to say at the post-game press conference, �To paraphrase Hyman Roth, starting Romo this week was not personal, it was strictly business. Those who have not started an opponent against the Skins this year are welcome to judge me. My only regret was that I indirectly helped the Bretts move back into first.� You know things are going well when even your bench scores 49 points and that was without newest addition Shaun Alexander. All is not going well for Missner�s Envy. The 88 points they put up is a more than respectable number, but this week it just wasn�t enough. An upbeat in defeat Missner said, �I guess there is not much shame in losing to Tony R-homo and Chester the Molester. The Envy is not playing any worse, but we have a big target on our backsides which the last two opponents have kicked squarely. Get well soon, Marshawn.� While much hype has gone to uber-rookie Adrian Peterson�s injury, less is made of super-rookie Marshawn Lynch�s. Without Lynch in week 11, the Envy ground game rallied and put up superb numbers. The Wondertwins, James and McGahee, put up 22 points together, and a liberated Benson added 11 and earned the gameball, �for not playing like Robert Guillame.� The weakness in the Envy attack came through the air. While #1 pick Carson Palmer was outplayed for a second straight week by Jason Campbell, the Envy WR�s Reggie Wayne and Braylon Edwards were shut down by the strong play of the Cubist corners. Missner was left to sip alternately from a bottle of Chianti and a blue Slurpee and wonder how his middle-of-the-night departure from the long suffering Wisconsin fans has affected his team�s morale and play. He was also left wondering about his drafting strategy.
Red Herrings: 112 Weaselicious Cookies: 105 Carson Palmer, Laurence Maroney, and Thomas Jones. Those were the three players taken before planetary MVP Tom Brady this year in the Modano �07 entry draft. For Cookie owner Dan Weitz, who held the 4th pick, the selection was a no-brainer. Brady has rewarded his faithful owner with a fantasy season for the ages. In week 11, Brady returned from his week-long holiday of sex and axis of evil planning to regain his superpowers from back up Big Ben Roethlisberger and put up 42 points, almost in his sleep. Yawning, Brady mentioned to the press that he may not have been himself this week, �I just got off the stealth helicopter coming back from Favre�s subterranean Gulf lair, and I�m still picking Romo�s applesauce out of my hair, and now, what, I�m supposed to put up 50 points or something. You�ll take 42 and like it. I�m going to bed.� So while the Cookies had Brady�s 42 and three other players in double digits, it just wasn�t enough for what the press knew would be a shoot-out. Charlie Mitchell�s Herrings looked more rested and far more balanced as they moved to 6-5 with the 112-105 victory. DB Ellis Hobbs was one of seven different Herrings to score TD�s and earned a gameball and 100 pounds of crawfish with his all-pro 15 point performance. The young gun-slinger Derek Anderson was back at the helm and led the spread-out assault with 12 points. Mitchell�s entire all-initial receiving core was especially impressive as AB, AJ, and DJ tallied 39 points. #2 pick Lawrence Maroney added a sweet little 7, how cute, and all-everything RB Brian Westbrook was the only offensive player not to find the end zone and still found a way to add 9 points. Now completely immersed in the title race, Mitchell had this to say about his club, �Something about facing Brady brings out the best in my guys. Jesus, the Pats are ridiculously good. I'm embracing the evil. He hate me!� The best wasn�t brought out in all of his players as Mitchell singled out new LB Gary Brackett, �Brackett, we brought you in to be all Merriman was not, and you stunk. You've got to do better to hold off Taylor and Vrabel for a starting spot. We are not afraid to cut people around here.� That type of leadership seems to be keeping the Herring players on their toes and into the game. Winners of two in a row to get over .500, they now have the same record as the 6-5 Cookies. When asked for any predictions for the rest of the Cookies season, planetary MVP Tom Brady said, �How the hell should I know? I know I�m doing shots with Bono and Ehud Olmert tonight but that�s as far ahead as I�m looking.� Charlie Mitchell isn�t looking ahead either, but on this holiday week, he is dreaming of �pi�atas full of stuffing�, making Ricky Williams drool and go, �Aaaaaarrrrghhhhh.�
Wookies: 100 Syracuse 44�s: 75 Yes, Ricky Williams is back in the Modano fold. Will Mitchell found him nestled in the bushes behind a Taco Bell, asked him if he�d rather go sift through the leftovers at Pizza Hut, and the rest is history. After seven straight losses, the Ricky Williams led Wookies found the win column in week 11 with a decisive victory over the stumbling 44�s. Sure, Williams didn�t play in week 11, but his mere presence and massive quantities of Tibetan mind altering drugs caused two Wookie players to rejoice like Heaven itself was no longer an ideal of the afterlife but rather a small little township in Maine. WR Randy Moss for one has never been happier in his life (and that�s saying something) as he shredded a porous 44 secondary for 32 points. His partner-in-crime was LB Ray Lewis who was so high he felt compelled to play every defensive position on the field and tallied 26 points. Both obviously earned game ball�s, as a poppy-eyed Mitchell lofted what he thought was two footballs aloft and screamed, �RRRRANDYYYY and RRRRAYYY ,� which was quickly followed by a euphoric, �I WON I WON I WON!!!!� This new drug emporium of a locker room was divided though as multiple Wookie players failed to embrace the purple haze. Wookie RB�s Rudi Johnson and Kevin Jones combined for a total of two points, fueling speculation that Ricky Williams will be in the lineup sooner rather later. While Williams handed out copies of a book about the Dead Seas Scrolls and games of Diplomacy as locker room gifts, Mitchell decided to go for a celebratory walk with Moss and Lewis to work off the somnolent effects of their easy victory. And if victory was easy for the Wookies, it was because the 44�s have rolled over and died after the multiple injuries to their running back core. In week 11, the now 4-7 44�s were led by Kurt Warner and his all-pro 19 point game ball earning performance. New addition, Karlos Dansby, led the D with 13 points, and then was shipped off with Eli Manning for Donovan McNabb and Julian Peterson. When asked for comment after his teams second straight loss, a more upbeat Stoer said, �We can�t score and we can�t stop anyone, but at least we have Donovan and Marvin back, and while I know that counts for dog poo, I don�t care, it makes the fans happy.� The fans maybe happy with the return of some old familiar faces, but you have to think they�d be happier with wins. Without wins though, Stoer was left to play Sega NHL �93, and complain about �Roid-O-Tron Shawne Merriman (2pts)who he had picked up in hopes of energizing his defense. �I thought Shawne would add some much needed toughness to my girlie squad, but obviously I need to give him a fix since he can�t play without the juice.� With both teams at 4-7, it seems the locker rooms are headed in opposite directions with the free-wheeling Wookies back on track and the fun-hating 44�s spiraling towards the Modano drain.
Ballbusters: 98 Coroners: 81 If the 44�s are heading towards the Modano drain, they will meet the County Coroners on the way down. At 3-7 and losers of 3 straight, the perpetually unlucky Coroners are back where they normally reside at this point of the season. #3 overall pick Thomas Jones hasn�t been what owner Chad Nuss expected and the same could be said for his entire running game. While he has three strong runners in Willie Parker, Thomas Jones, and ManBeast Brandon Jacobs, collectively they have yet to put together an exceptional week, and week 11 was no different. Jacobs had a strong 9 points, and Jones came off the bye for 7, but Parker was a no-show with 3 points. The team was led by journeyman Jeff Garcia and his all-pro 17 points. What sums up the season in County Coroner is the fact that the best duel on the team may be the battle between the kickers. While JaMarcus Russell continues to study film, it�s the intriguing match-up between Steven Gostowski and long-time Coroner fave Sebastian Janikowski that has Coroner fans firmly snoozing in their armchairs. In week 11, G-ski had 8 points while J-ski had an all-pro 17 from the bench. Who will be the Coroner kicker in week 11?? Stay tuned. That said, as the saying goes, if it weren�t for bad luck, the Coroners would have no luck at all. Ballbuster QB, spokesman, and team VP, Peyton Manning had perhaps his worst week as a pro in week 11 with a total of 2 points. To put it in perspective, he threw 6 interceptions the week before and still scored 6 points. So if Manning only had two points, how did they win? The answer is two simple initials: T.O. Terrell Owens scored 4 times on his way to an almost untouched 35 points. When combined with TE Donald Lee�s 15 and DB Fakhir Brown�s 0, it was easy to see how the Busters rolled up the points. On his way to shoot a Butterball commercial, Manning was kind enough to say, �Hey I�ve got to give it to my teammates, especially Mason Crosby for fetching my lattes all week. And if you want a good latte, try Starbucks, yes Starbucks, you may not have heard of us yet, but we make you�re kind of coffee.� At 5-6, the Busters are on the outside looking in for this years Modano title race. At 3-8, the Coroners are in line for the number 1 pick in next years Modano draft, but it�s unlikely planetary MVP Tom Brady will be available again.
Week 12 previews:With the bye week complete, there are far fewer changes being made to team�s lineups as we head in to week 12. In fact, as of press time, seven of the ten teams are sticking with their week 11 lineup. The week 12 game of the week features two teams who have made no changes as the hard-charging 7-4 Cubists take the field against the 6-5 Cookies. It�s a conflagration featuring two axis of evil members squaring off against each other as Tony Romo faces Tom Brady. Cubist owner Jason Moore sees the challenge, �Tough back to back games for us. We just need to keep winning and not worry about the scoreboard too much just yet.� The Cookies took a close one in week 3, 87-85, behind 31 from planetary MVP Tom Brady. Another close barnburner between these two teams is expected in week 12. Both the Cubists and the Cookies though are trying to hunt down the leaders. One might think, by record, that the 8-3 Envy have an easier matchup this week against the 4-7 Wookies, but that would be forgetting both momentum and history. In week 3, the Wookies manhandled the Envy 87-70, and the return of Ricky Williams has inspired the moribund Wookies. Bullet-eyed Will Mitchell had this to say in anticipation of this weeks contest, �We�re gunning for Perry next!� He has also made a number of changes to balance the now fully-organic Wookie starting lineup by inserting rookie Calvin Johnson, QB Matt Schaub (a notorious �shroomer at UVA), WR Steve Smith who is juicing to get back on the field, LB Adalius Thomas who hasn�t had a sober thought since signing his Pats contract, and the ringleader Charles Woodson who spent too much time in Oakland not to be heavily involved in natural narcotics. The teetering Envy has made no changes to their lineup and will look to the Wondertwins to form a victory for them. A still confident Missner said, �It's another two sport weekend for Will and I as we face off in the Big Chief as well as Modano. It's nice that Will got off the schneid just in time to start another losing streak.� Owww, them's fightin' words. The other 8-3 team is the Big Bad Bretts. In week 12 they face the fading Ballbusters. While the Busters haven�t made a change to aid Peyton Manning, the Bretts have moved RB Selvin Young into the lineup along with fellow rookie TE Greg Olsen. Newly acquired Karlos Dansby hopes to shake up the Brett D. A fearful yet confident Johnson said, �You never want to face a pissed off Manning, but throw in a bunch of Packers on the opposite side, and you have a hard week coming.� The Bretts easily took care of business in week 3, 110-71, and will look to lay the wood on the Busters again. The final over .500 team is Charlie Mitchell�s Herrings. At 6-5 they face and out-of-control 4-7 44�s. Mitchell noted, �This matchup with the 44's is like looking in a funhouse mirror. Two of my keepers are over there in LJ and Merriman, Harrison is over there after last year's trade, and two more guys who were cut from my team are in the 'Cuse, Santana Moss and Kurt Warner. A perfect game for Thanksgiving weekend, a sort of awkward reunion. We can't get distracted by the small talk, though, we need to keep winning.� While the Herrings have made no changes to their roster, the 44�s have inserted hometown favorite Santana Moss and new QB Donovan McNabb will be a game-time decision, while RB�s Larry Johnson and Adrian Peterson continue to recuperate in the 44 hot tubs. The final matchup pits the 4-7 Bull City against the 3-7 Coroners. The Coroners took the first game, 71-56, and one would think that the once-proud Bull City would be out for revenge. In the week 3 game, Coroner QB Marc Bulger outplayed Bull City QB Drew Brees to the tune of -6 to -8. Oh boy, who isn�t fired up for this rematch? Happy Thanksgiving all!!!
----------------------------------Yummy Sweet Potato Press------------------------