Steve �the Einar� Olsen: Hello, New Zealand! Did you know that my favorite fruit is kiwi? It�s true, it�s true. And how about that airline food?
[The crowd, unaccustomed to �American� humor does not react � nor do the league members?]
SEO: You know, the peanuts and so forth?
[The crowd is silent as a stone]
SEO: This writer�s strike is the worst. I had to write my own introductory lines and I am merely Target eye candy. Before we get to the announcement of keepers and making fun of said keepers, I�d like to introduce a special guest and bring up one of the owners for a few words.
[The crowd is intrigued, having seen many an episode of an American TV show called the Jerry Springer show.]
SEO: First off, would Perry Missner please come to the podium?
[Perry Missner comes when called.]
SEO: Now, we did not tell our special guest where he was going. We only told him that he was going to be given an award. I�d like to introduce Troy Aikman!
[Troy Aikman comes out from behind the curtain. He is dim but wary.]
SEO: Perry, don�t you have something you�d like to say to Troy?
PM: I guess so. I�d like to apologize to Troy for making fun of his horrible announcing for the past few years. I know he is not the sharpest blade on the mower and if Fox offered me a truckload of cash to just repeat what Joe Buck said, I guess I�d have to take that offer too.
TA: Yeah, I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer and, yeah, I am making a lot of money. I try real hard in the booth. I usually am just there for the catering, but Joe says that I�ve really improved since Collinsworth left our team. Yeah, I accept your apology.
PM: I am also sorry that I called you gay.
TA: Yeah, that was an unfortunate accusation. But, the truth of the matter is that I am gay. Very, very gay and I just happened to bring my life partner, Brian McNamee with me to New Zealand.
[TA and BM (unfortunate initials) begin making out in a scene even more uncomfortable than the Michael Jackson � Lisa Marie Presley staged event at the MTV awards a few years ago.]
PM (echoing the thoughts of millions): For god sakes, Troy, have a little dignity! What you do in your time when your not regurgitating endless streams of nothing on TV is none of my business. Your commentary is only slightly more of my concern than your personal life. I am glad that you are happy with that butt pricker, but please retire with dignity like your teammate, Emmitt Smith � er, bad example, like your former-owner Jerrah Jones � oop, not good either � like chuckler Jimmy Johnson � no, not him either � like Michael Irvin? At least he�s been quieted. Be like him.
TA: Yeah, I�ll be more like Michael Irvin. Good bye, everybody, and thanks for not shooting me in the head like last time.
SEO: Thank goodness that is over. I�d like to turn over to our main emcees for the evening. I gotta dash and get to my conference call on Target�s fourth quarter results. Allow me to present Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber and our benefactor for the night Peter Jackson, director of the Lord of the Rings.
PJ: I�d like to thank everyone for coming and Lifetime for Men for ponying up the dough to bring the entire Modano Mi Hermano crew to New Zealand. Alan, er � Hans, did you know that New Zealand maintains a strong profile on environmental protection, human rights, and free trade, particularly in agriculture?
HG: [ignoring Jackson] I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way... so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life. We can go any way you want it. You can either walk out of here... or be carried out. But have no illusions. We are in charge. So decide now, each of you. And please remember: we have left nothing to chance.
PJ: Hans, boobie, your going to have to take better direction if you want to be in my films. Speaking of which, I�d like to announce the reason we are all in New Zealand. I�ve made my career by going left from Hollywood and ending up in Peter Jackson-ville. Well, Peter Jackson has done it again! I have decided to reshoot the entirety of the Fellowship of the Ring with the Modano players. It�s a brilliant idea because I really didn�t like what my first cast did with the movie. Elijah Wood and the guy from Rudy? What was I thinking?
HG: What idiot put you in charge?
PJ: Hans, boobie, I am the director and I am always in charge. While I am qualified to tell you what angle to take the shot from and how the lighting of the CGI should be, I don�t know that I am fully qualified to analyze my players� keepers. To help us interpret this American football thing, I�ve created an amalgam of every color commentator on the various broadcasts. I�ve taken DNA from Brian Baldinger, Randy Cross, John Madden, Joe Theisman, and even a little Troy Aikman along with some nameless others. I call him color commentator #5. He is uglier than an Urak-hai and more stupid than any of the color commentators by themselves. He even comes with his own diaper.
CC5: [chortles] Football players make football plays and that was a heckuva play.
PJ: [laughing] Exactly. I don�t know what that means, but I know it is wonderful, just wonderful. Now, who is first in line to get their part. Yes, Mr. Chad Nuss.
CN: Hi Peter, disgusting thing, and Hans (boobie), I am going to keep Willie Parker (I hope he is still fast), Brandon Jacobs (the Man Beast), and London Fletcher. I had trouble keeping anyone.
CC5: Defense wins championships, but you have to outscore your opponent to win.
PJ: Oh, that�s wonderful. CC5, you are my greatest creation.
CC5: Coming up tonight on CBS, Without a Trace � my favorite show.
PJ: The Americanisms coming from you, CC5, are just fabulous. Now, Chad � reach deep down and tell me your greatest memory of the 2007 season.
CN: Putting in Daunte Culpepper for his first start and him getting 5 TD's. I thought I had a winner, but.....
PJ: I don�t who this Daunte Culpepper is, but he sounds like he had a great start. Fantastic! I know you wanted the part of Gandalph, but I have that role earmarked for another player. Yes, Chad, you lose again. But I have fashioned an intriguing challenge for you. You shall be Boromir, son of Denethor II, the last ruling steward of Gondor. Boromir is an excellent fighter, but he was somehow flawed. He believed, unlike the rest of the Fellowship, that he could control the one ring that binds us all and use it to fight against Sauron. I shall be interested to see what you do with this part.
CN: Thanks, Peter, thank for nothing. Bit part, my ass.
[CN makes a move toward PJ, but CC5 intervenes � he does have a lot of former football player blood running through his veins.]
CC5: I am listed at 320 pounds on the roster, but the last time I was 320 pounds was third grade!
PJ: Next up is Will Mitchell who is the coach of something called a Wookie. I must have skipped that chapter in Tolkein, but I do like the way the sound of Wookie rolls off my tongue.
WM: Actually, Wookies are furry guys in a movie called Star Wars.
PJ: I have not seen that picture. Did I direct it?
WM: No � it was your brother-in-insanity George Lucas. You know, the thing I�ll remember most about the 2007 season Has to be my 107-106 win over the almost-champion Bretts in week 14. After a horrible run of losses we showed that we wouldn�t roll over and die � I liked that.
PJ: Er, I didn�t mention to Chad, but Boromir does die in the film. Hopefully, he will have another great Modano death scene. Now, I know you wanted to be Frodo, but I am afraid there can only be one ring bearer. From what I remember, though, you do have the floppy hair of a hobbit, so I am giving you the roll of Meriadoc Brandybuck, commonly known as Merry.
WM: Hobbits like to smoke things, right?
PJ: Oh yes, they are ever smoking their pipes filled with various herbs found in the shire.
WM: Coooool. On a related subject, my keepers are Randy Moss, Jamal Lewis, and Antonio Gates. Glad to have Moss and Gates back. Tough to cut Rudi Johnson and Kevin Jones, cause my running game sucked so bad I may need them, but then again they were the ones who sucked. Go Browns!!!
CC5: You need ten yards to get a first down and these are the kind of guys that can get you ten yards. Jamal Lewis will not be tackled by just one defender!
PJ: Next is young Dan Weitz, who I�ve heard so much about.
CC5: The weasel, the weasel!
DW: Hey, howsitgoin�? I have taken much abuse at these award banquets, but it doesn�t really matter. I always pop back up next year and for 2008 I am promising a working computer with Internet access. Speaking of next year, since I can�t remember who else was on my roster.
HG: Not much.
CC5: Oooooooh, them�s fighting words.
DW: No, I am a man of peace. My keepers will be Tom Brady, Maurice Jones-Drew, and my precious, Marion Barber III. Like me, he is a III (although I might be a IV, I am not sure).
PJ: Precious, eh? Well, I was going to give you your choice role of Aragorn, King of Men and son of Arathorn, but you look like a Smiegel kind of guy to me.
DW: Who?
PJ: Oh, an important piece of the puzzle. You might know him better as the creature known as Gollum.
DW: What the hell is this? I knew I should have called in sick.
CC5: [interrupting] Is there anything Tom Brady can�t do?
DW: Uh, he didn�t win me a Modano championship.
HG: Speaking of not winning a championship, isn�t John Stoer next? He did win a not very well contested minor league championship and his early Modano win is the thing of legends.
JS: Hey, everybody, how�s it hanging? You can make fun of the 44�s all you want, We Kicked the champion Cubists ass twice. Neither game was close and how his bunch of babies won the title, I'll never know.
CC5: Champions are made both on the field and off the field. It�s 10% determination, 10% perspiration, and 80% preparation.
JS: I hate you and I am not sure about my keepers: Adrian Peterson, Larry Johnson, and Ronnie Brown. Since I kept him, Ronnie Brown will be a complete bust next season and I am happy to trade him for another keeper or draft position or a used box of kleenex.
HG: But I need my box of Kleenex for when I fall off the Takahatchi Tower.
JS: Good grief, I can�t even get a box of tissue for Ronnie Brown. Well, I�ll just have to pursue my other interests in the off season: malt beer and finely honed axes. Oh yeah.
PJ: Yes, I had you pegged as Gimli the moment I saw your headshot. You do realize that dwarvish women have beards too, right?
JS: Now I really need that box of Kleenex!
HG: This is the worst.
PJ: My Fellowship is coming along. Next up is Randy Chambers who I�ve had earmarked for a role ever since I read the Lord of the Rings as a three year old. First, let me ask you, Randy, what is your favorite memory of the 2007 season:
RC: First ever Modano season-ending Super Bowl. It took a decade, but we finally got a dramatic finish.
PJ: Ah, so selfless, just like Samwise Gamgee. And so you shall be � there�s a little Rudy in all of us.
RC: Uh, thanks, I think. I have to admit I am not much of an actor.
HG: Neither is Sean Astin.
CC5: Oooooooh, them�s fighting words.
PJ: Don�t keep us in suspense, Randy, tell us � who are your keepers.
RC: Clinton Portis, Drew Brees, and Frank Gore. Portis is easy. Everyone else was expendable this year...
CC5: You have to be able to run the ball to win in the National Football League and nobody, I mean, nobody throws a prettier spiral than Drew Brees.
RC: I see there is some Moose Johnston in there too.
CC5: Moooose!
RC: I think I am done.
PJ: Yes, go study your lines, Samwise. Up next is the league�s newest member, Charlie Mitchell. Charlie, tell me, actor to director, what will you remember most about your first season in the Modano Mi Hermano league.
CM: I�ll never forget the day Westbrook walked into team HQ. We had just sent Bubbie away for too many reminders to eat our chicken soup because we are skin and bones. That�s Larry �Bubbie� Johnson, not Bubby Brister. In comes Westrbook, and get this, he�s not wearing any pants. I said, I don�t where you coming from (actually, I did know, Syracuse) but in Herring-land we wear pants. Brian said, yes sir and proceeded to run throughout the year like his pants were on fire. Of course, he�s one of our keepers along with Laurence Maroney and Andre Johnson.
PJ: That�s a wonderful story. Imagine, no pants. Was there anyone else that you would have brought back?
CM: Very tough to cut Boldin, Derek �Ken� Anderson and Matt hasselbeck (the old face of the franchise).
PJ: Yes, I can believe that. Oh, I just said believe that! Well, Charlie, with your brother set up as Meriadoc Brandybuck, you shall be his fellow hobbit Peregrin Took. Now, I don�t know if you have floppy hair like your brother, but I am sure all Mitchells have hairy feet, just like hobbits. You�re a natural!
CM: Well, frankly, I think I should be an ent, but I guess I�ll have to go small.
CC5: There you go!
PJ: This is coming together very nicely. I shall either win another Academy award or perhaps a Razzie for my work here. Up next is Rich Joseph. Or as I like to think of him, the ring bearer.
RJ: Huh? I just thought we were going to get some awards. I didn�t know that I was going to have to work or act. What the hell is this all about?
PJ: Oh, Rich, live a little. You must participate in the process, but I sense that you are conflicted just like Frodo was. Therefore, you shall be Frodo.
RJ: That�s like a starring role.
PJ: Yes, and I know that you and Mr. Chambers have had your disagreements, but you�ll have to put them in the past and become bestest buddies. Speaking of bestest buddies, you will you bring with you into 2008?
RJ: My constant friend Peyton Manning, my constant enemy Terrell Owens, and the neutral arbiter in all cases, Wes Walker. It was really tough to cut Greg Jennings, but I remembered that he is evil, so I did what I had to do.
PJ: Just like Frodo. What will you remember about the 2007 season?
RJ: My winning streak to get back in the hunt.
CC5: Winning streaks are better than losing streaks.
PJ: Hmmm� you are starting to annoy me. I wish I had designed you with an off switch or mute button. Nonetheless, we have come to Perry Missner. I decided early on that he would get the role most mentioned by other owners � Gandalf. Like Gandalph, Perry, you are a bit mysterious, wise, and have a long flowing beard.
PM: Well, two out of three ain�t bad, which reminds me of my keepers. I had Edgerrin James and Willis McGahee last year and I am keeping them for 2008. Cedric Benson was not very entertaining, so he has been replaced by Marshawn Lynch. I had hoped to keep Carson Palmer, but he proved to be a run of the mill QB after scoring half of his points in Week 2.
CC5: Half of his points in one week � that�s not good.
PM: Duh? As for remembering the season, I�ll try to concentrate on the first half and combine it in my memory with the second half of 2000 for the almost perfect season.
CC5: Two halves make a whole.
PM: I sense a bad end for you.
PJ: Yes, I get a foreboding feeling about my creation as well. Up next is Steve Johnson.
SJ: Hello, Peter, I�d don�t see why you�d want to make new Lord of the Rings films because the trilogy you just made was faboo.
PJ: Well, thank you, Steve. But you still can�t be Gandalf. With your blazing forehand and Nordic good looks, you shall be Legolas, the wood elf.
SJ: Boy, I don�t see that at all. I do see bringing back my backfield of doom: LaDainian Tomlinson, Joseph Addai, and Steven Jackson. It was tough to cut Farf but I bet I can get him next year (especially if no one drafts him again. TJ was also solid all year.
PJ: Houshmandzadeh � sounds like a village in Gondor. I�ll bet losing the Week 17 championship game is going to stick in your craw.
SK: Damn tootin�. What kind of crap league plays meaningful fantasy football in Week 17? That gets under my saddle more than a dwarf who spends all day talking about his mine.
PJ: There you go. Finally, we come to the King of Men, Aragorn son of Arathorn (also known as Strider). This role was destined to be play by Jason Moore.
JM: It is my destiny. Just like it is the Cubists� destiny to be the greatest fantasy football franchise of all times! Although I�ll never forget winning the championship in week 17 with Darius Walker, Dominic Rhodes, and TJ Duckett at RB.
CC5: Hey, that�s three players � are those your keepers?
JM: Of course not, you dolt.
[JM kicks CC5 in the midsection. CC5 never the most stable entity explodes leaving a bloody stump that resembles Troy Aikman.]
JM: Well, that was disgusting. Not unlike how many hours I spent thinking about my keepers choices. I ended up opting for Tony Romo, Reggie Bush, and Larry Fitzgerald. It was difficult to say adios to Ocho Cinco, who delivered a couple of huge performances. But we needed to keep a RB, we couldn't drop Romo after his MVP performance for the team, and Fitz was hotter down the stretch.
HG: [wiping the bits of CC5 off himself] well, I don�t know much about American football and I was never really sure why I was hear in the first place, but having Tony Romo on the Cubists creates all sorts of delicious scenarios. I just hope he is potty trained by next season.
JM: Me too.
PJ: While we change sets for our one act play that will be comprised mainly of battle scenes, allow me to review the cast. Rich Joseph Jr. will be playing Frodo Baggins and Randy Chambers will be his helped Samwise Gamgee. Charlie and Will Mitchell will join them in their journey as Pippen and Merry, respectively. Perry Missner will be playing Gandalf. Jason Moore is the physical embodiment of Aragorn (son of Arathorn). The fellowship of the ring is completed by Legolas (Steve Johnson), Gimli (John Stoer), and Boromir (Chad Nuss). In the fringes lurks Gollum, able played by Bill Paxton, no, Dan Weitz. I shall play the rest of the roles with the help of Robin Williams. Now, let�s get costumed while I roll a short film on the one ring.
[James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman narrate the film]
JEJ: The one ring was worn by Mike Modano as several pixels in the Sega �94 game. The ring was said to possess more power than all of the other rings in the world combined and could only be wielded by someone with intestinal fortitude of Mike Modano.
MF: When the house of Windom went their separate ways, the one ring was lost.
DW: Precious!
MF: Yes, it was recovered many years later by Dan Weitz, er, Gollum, who subsequently lost it again when Bilbo Baggins came to Ripon. Bilbo tricked Gollum into losing the ring and for the last few years, Bilbo has been living in the shire while his nephew Frodo has been growing up. We join the story as Gandalf has come to the shire to see the ring.
PM: Hello, Master Baggins.
RJ: Gandalf, how good to see you.
PM: Frodo, I have a surprise for you.
RJ: Does it having something to do with Sneaky Pete?
PM: Why yes, it does � wait, I hear something�
[Gandalf uses his staff to poke at something outside the window in the hedgerow. It is Samwise Gamgee.]
RC: I didn�t hear anything � nothing about a ring of power or Sneaky Pete.
PM: Good, then you did not know that there were seven different players receiving first place votes.
RC: No, nothing about that or a Naizgul named Randy Moss came in third place after receiving a first (Coroners), second (Bull City), and third (Brents) place votes.
RJ: And I am sure that Samwise did not hear that an orc named Tony Romo came in second place after receiving a first (Cookies) and two seconds (Busters, Envy).
PM: Good, the more I learn about hobbits, the more impressed I get. I have to run off study some books and get captured by Saruman, but before I do so, let me tell you to beware of Derek �Ken� Anderson, this year�s Sneaky Pete Most Surprisingly Player. Although Anderson received many kudos, including three firsts (Wookies, Brents, Cubists), a second (Coroners), and a third (44�s), he is very dangerous. There is evil all over him and he knows of two facts about the ring from Dan Weitz, er, Gollum. It is held by a Baggins and is in shire. You must leave.
[Meanwhile, in the shire storeroom]
WM: Dude, look at all of these fireworks.
CM: Dude, I know what you are saying. These are awesome!
WM: Did you see Gandalf came to town?
CM: Yeah, let�s go to Frodo�s and see what the big G wants.
[Merry and Pippen head to Frodo�s house and meet Gandalf, Frodo, and Sam]
WM: Dudes! Are you going somewhere?
RJ: Uh, yeah, we�re making a little trip and I am now to be called Mr. Underhill.
[There is a shriek from somewhere in the shire]
PM: The Nazgul are here already. The nine most disappointing players, the leader of which is the Pussier Award for Most Disappointing Player.
RC: There are so many of them, Reggie Bush (44�s), Darrell Jackson (Cubists), and Thomas Jones (Envy) all received first place votes.
RJ: Carson Palmer (Brents) and Derrick Mason (Busters) did too. Brent Farf (Cookies) sounds particularly disgusting, even if he is color blind.
PM: Never fear, we are going to meet some friends of mine who will take us away from the Nazgul. Beware their third in command, Marc Bulger, who received a first (Coroners) and second (Bull City) place votes.
RJ: Yes, I have heard of Bulger, a nasty sort. But he can hardly be worse than Shaun Alexander, who was on as many ballots as anyone. He received a first (Wookies), two seconds (Herrings, Coroners), and a third (Bull City). Wow, you�ve really turned on Alexander, eh, Sam?
RC: Yes, he ran so weakly. I guess he wanted to stay with me. Fortunately, I don�t have to worry about have to worry too much about this year�s Pussier Award for Most Disappointing Player � Larry �Bubbie� Johnson.
CM: I traded him to a dwarf. Bubbie � no matzah ball soup for you!
PM: Johnson received two firsts (Bull City, Herrings) and two seconds (Wookies, Brents). Two former teams came to hate Johnson. We must beware because he and the other Nazgul seek the ring, they are drawn by its power.
RJ: Let�s hit the road.
[The band of hobbits makes their way out of the shire. Gandalf rides off to study some dusty tomes. The hobbits make speed as best they can, but they like to eat every two hours and constantly fall over laughing because of various fart jokes.]
[In due course, the hobbits meet Strider (Aragorn), they defeat the Nazgul, and make their way to the Elvish city of L. Ron Hubbard. Where they meet the fellowship, including Gimli, Legolas, and Boromir. All the while they are trailed by Gollum, who keeps murmuring things about Jessica Simpson.]
JS: I am not going anywhere with any elves.
SJ: Dwarves stink. When was the last time you took a bath?
JS: Yesterday, I just happen to suffer from Ahman Green sweating disease.
JS: I have convened this meeting to discuss the Wunderkind Weinrich Rookie of the Year. It really wasn�t a contest with Adrian Peterson winning in a landslide. He received seven first place votes. Patrick Willis came in second, receiving first place votes from the Cubists and Bull City and Marshawn Lynch came in third with a first place vote from the 44�s, who couldn�t vote for the other two. Now, let�s get to steppin�!
[The Fellowship make their way to the Dwarvish caves, whose name I have forgotten. In order to open the door of the mines, they must think of the password.
PM: I wish I could remember the password.
WM: Could it be Sweeney?
PM: Fool of a Took, that makes no sense.
RJ: Sweeney!
[The mine doors open and out come hordes of second rate defenders, including Antonio Cromartie, Albert Haynesworth, and Bob Sanders who mytersiously received votes despite not having played in much Modano action. The fellowship quickly dispenses of the beasties.]
CN: Oh, my goodness, it is a Patrick Kearney. A legendary cave dweller who was given a first (by me), and three thirds. I�ll kill it.
[Boromir does so.]
SJ: It�s the infamous Urlacher. How did he not win, despite landing on a high seven ballots? He is really good, but only received one first place vote (from the 44�s � league ruling pending). I�ll kill it with an arrow.
[Packer arrows do not affect Urlacher, who can only be slain by the dreaded curse of the Lance Briggs, which Gandalf invokes.]
JS: No, for staunch defense, you should call on a dwarf or a 44. In this case, my man Patrick Willis, who received five first place votes (Wookies, Herrings, Envy, Brents, Cubists)/ He is the fourth 44 and second rookie (Jonathan Vilma) to win the award. Hooray me! Now, I�ll chop it in half with my axe.
[The fellowship make their way into the mines and because time is short, I�ll cut all of the dialogue and get to the business. First, evil has one sound and it is La-la-la-la.]
PM: I�ve read about these minions of evil, but I have never actually seen the La-la-la-laFontaine Most Valuable Player award. It�s hideous.
JR: Isn�t that last year�s winner � LaDainian Tomlinson? He tied for second this year with first place votes from the Envy and Bull City.
RC: Yes, he was good, but I am almost sick about who he tied with. That guy should not be allowed to live.
JS: I am with you there, but I gave Tony Romo a first place vote anyway. ^#@^&! It was the only first he received, but he did get four seconds.
RJ: Romo and Tomlinson were no match for the winner of this year�s La-la-la-laFontaine Most Valuable Player Award. Tom Brady!
DW: Precious!
RC: Brady received six first place votes (Coroners, Wookies, Herrings, Busters, Brents, Cubists) and smashed all known records. It didn�t help the Cookies win, but what could?
DW: Why, I oughtta!
PM: Oh, dear god.
[Brady, Romo, and even Brent Farf � who invited him � commonly known as the Access of Evil, start merging and form a fiery beast with a whip. It is known in the Lord of the Rings as a Balrog, but we know it as the Modano Mi Hermano. The most prestigious award known in the realm of fantasy football.]
JM: I am well acquainted with this thing and I suggest we run.
WM: Good idea.
[The audience chuckles and the fellowship right like a bat of hell to get away from the beast.]
RJ: There were some scattered votes for this beast. Steve Johnson received one from the Wookies and John Stoer received one from the Cubists.
RC: Perry Missner received two votes (Brents, Coroners) for his fiery crash of a season.
PM: But, as usual, the winner takes all in Modano and this year�s Modano Mi Hermano with six votes is Jason Moore. His fifth such award and first since 2004.
JM: Frankly, with the crew I started with, I deserved this. Now, if you don�t mind I am going to continue running.
PM: Well, someone has to do something about this.
[As the fellowship cross a bridge, Gandalf stops and faces the Modano alone.]
PM: You shall not cross the bridge.
[The Modano keeps advancing but as he is nearing Gandalf, the bridge collapses and the Modano falls into the abyss. Everyone takes a sigh of relief.]
[But the sigh was just a moment to early because the fiery whip lashes up and catches Gandalf by the leg. He clutches onto the edge of what was the bridge and utters:]
PM: Fly, you fools.
[Gandalf follows the Modano into the depths. The fellowship hurry on to their various missions and destinies, but will Gandalf ever be heard from again?]
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