2004 Modano Mi Hermano Draft Recap

It has been a long summer for Owner Chad Nuss. As we all remember, an assassination attempt was made on Nuss at the Year End Banquet � only to be foiled by the two pounds of licorice retained in Nuss�s belly. Sadly, Troy Aikman was not so lucky and will be replaced in the Fox booth this year by a recording that restates whatever Joe Buck just said. Nuss went through an intense rehabilitation to be able to walk, talk, eat, and own a fantasy football team normally. He also attended Gamble Anonymous meetings (according to our source) and has put aside betting on (or against) his own team so as not to end up like Pete Rose. Nuss has also vowed to get to the bottom of the attempt on his life and has hired the investigators who recently gave up on finding the real killers in the O.J. case. Bearing all this in mind, one could make several excuses for Nuss picking former Brent backup QB Trent Green with the first pick in the draft. The pick was the biggest surprise to former Green Owner Steve Johnson, but Nuss immediately endorsed the pick as his happiest moment of the draft. With his pick of the remaining running backs to fill the vast chasm left by Ricky Williams� need to toke himself to Nirvana, Owner Perry Missner started to restock the shelves with the human groin strain, RB Fred Taylor, who had a fine, uninjured season for the co-champion Ballbusters last year. Taylor was the second pick of the draft last year. Owner Will Mitchell looked over his draft list and opted for his favorite Cosby kid in selecting Rudi Johnson, formerly of the 44�s and Envy. Looking toward championship experience rather than his vacant RB slot, Owner John Stoer selected Torry Holt, who had a fine season as the #2 option with the Beers last year. Holt, who was also drafted in the first round last year, will assume the #2 slot across from Marvin Harrison this year. Stoer was happy to find Holt still available, while Johnson of the Brents had hoped Holt would fall to the second half of the first round like he did last year. Owner Jason Moore went home for Kevan Barlow, who finished last year running for the Envy after being a draft bust for the Brents.

The other big story we are following this fall is the conversion going on within Owner Dan Weitz. An intense summer of therapy has forced Weitz to give up on his terrible hatred of his once-nemesis, the Einar (or as some media outlets put it, �if you can�t beat them, join them�) and try to see the positive points in all things, including the Einar. Weitz�s therapist, Dr. Van Nostrand, has counseled his patient to be less angry, enjoy the Einar for what he is, and patience with all things. This new found patience might allow Weitz to hold a few weeks before cutting future MVP�s, although we won�t name names. All of this counseling has allowed Weitz to be happier, more productive, and yell slightly less. A deliriously happy Weitz took former Cubist Corey Dillon, who also gets a new start with the Patriots. Following Weitz, Owner Steve �the Einar� Olsen selected former Brents WR, Laveranues Coles, who is expected to play a big part in the Joe Gibbs offense. The Einar expected some sarcastic jab from Weitz, but was surprised to hear, �nice pick!� from his old archenemy. It truly is the dawn of a new era. Steve Johnson made a surprising pick with former Packer clipboard carrier and preseason dominator, Matt Hassleback. Johnson was happy to get Hassleback as he thought the QB talent dropped precipitously after his man. Owner Rich Joseph did not want co-champion Owner Randy Chambers to corner the market on Moss, so he selected former-Beer Santana Moss with his first selection. Chambers finished the round with one of the Cookies big weapons, Derrick Mason.

Like Weitz, it is clear that the summer has changed Nuss. While in season�s past he would have started the draft with Teyo Johnson and Nnamdi Asomugha, in 2004 Nuss selected an Eagle- Brian Westbrook � following a Chief. Did the silver bullet in his stomach, make him lose his zest for the silver and black? Westbrook was an astute pick, scoring 12 TD�s for the Eagles, while plying his trade for the Cookies and 44�s. Seeing the rooting basis RB still on the board, Missner took no time in snatch Thomas Jones. Jones, a former bust, who now is in the correct type of offense for his diverse skills, played one game in 2003 for the Envy and 44�s. Could he be this year�s Priest Holmes? Mitchell surprised some by taking Eric Moulds, Drew Bledsoe�s main target, since Bledsoe is no longer a paid member of the Wookies. Could a reconciliation between Drew and Will be far from happening? Would Drew be willing to stand next to Mitchell as the two gape in amazement at Michael Vick? Perhaps and perhaps. Stoer selected fast, but injury prone Michael Bennett who played for the Envy in 2003. Bennett is already out for the start of the season with a minor ailment. Moore stayed on the West Coast to nab Darrell Jackson, who played for the Brents in 2003. For those who are counting, that makes 4 former Brents in the top 15 picks. It is a shame that the 2003 Brents had such a void in leadership, otherwise they would have been a champion for certain. Weitz decided to fill his TE void early rather than late and selected second leading tightend from 2003 in Todd Heap. Heap was a constant in the 2003 Cubist lineup. The Einar took a familiar face in Joe Horn. Weitz piped in, �Einar, didn�t you have Horn last year? I think bringing players back that you are familiar with is a great move.� Einar just smiled. Johnson took a risk on a young fella with Chrissy Brown. Brown will fill the Titan RB slot if he can keep Antowain Smith on the bench. Missner gave points to Johnson for the nice pick. Joseph brought back 2003 surprise Steve Smith and Chambers hope some Cubist mojo would rub off on him by taking former Cubist-keeper Tiki Barber. Chambers can now claim to have owned both Barbers, following the Cubists and Cookies.

Two years ago, Curtis Martin came to the Coroners embroiled in controversy. He expected to be the first pick of the draft, but Owner Will Mitchell chose Deuce McAllister instead. Mitchell looked like a genius, while Nuss took Martin with the second pick. Martin has fallen from elite status, but could former a decent RB trio for the Coroners with Stephen Davis and Brian (not Michael) Westbrook. Unlike last year, the Envy did not wait to select a QB, taking precision thrower Chad Pennington. Pennington was drafted by the absent Einar last year, but did not see any Modano playing time. Hopefully, he won�t be rusty. The Wookies selected the first rookie of the draft with much ballyhooed Lion Kevin Jones. While Jones comes with plenty of street cred, we want to see him do something before we give him the starting nod over Aveon Cason. The 44�s went old school in selecting former Coroner keeper Charlie Garner. Stoer hopes being reunited with Jon Gruden will help Garner forget a mediocre 2003. The Cubists continued to stock the RB slot by taking their fourth back in Lee Suggs. Suggs was not drafted nor did he see any Modano action in 2003, but he could be a major contributor this year. For the third year in a row, the Cookies brought Chris Chambers back to Wisconsin. Chambers was solid for the Cookies in 2003 and is about the only offensive threat present in Miami. The Einar took a shot on the draft�s second rookie with loud-mouthed Kellen Winslow Jr. Winslow berated the Einar for not taking him higher, but Weitz came between the player and owner to defuse the situation. Weitz then lauded the Einar for taking a shot on a high potential player. Einar said he was happy with the pick. Following the Cubist recipe, the Brents took their fourth RB in Quentin Griffin. Griffin and Brown have plenty of potential, but Johnson doesn�t need them right away as he already has Tomlinson and Portis starting. Whew, that team might be stocked. The Ballbusters took their third straight WR in Koren Robinson who was a Cubist in 2003. And in a bit of first round role reversal, the Biers � as they want to be known � took former Buster Peerless Price, who was a bust in 2003 (five games and only 9 points).

While Nuss was in his hazy, medicated state during the Awards Ceremony, he received a mighty vision. A voice came from on high and said, �Choose Ron Dayne.� Even in his half awareness, Nuss knew something must be wrong with this voice for recommending a first round bust of the New York Giants, but Nuss was convinced as the voice said, �He will score 10 TD�s in 2004.� Remembering that voice in Round 4, Nuss chose the former Badger Heisman trophy winner to the astonishment of all of the other owners. A great sigh of relief came from P-Miss country as the Envy brought back favorite son, Brian Urlacher, the first defensive player of the draft. After an offseason in 2003, Urlacher has vowed to return to keeper status. The Wookies continued to give Michael Vick decent targets as they selected up�n�comer Andre Johnson, formerly of the Busters and Envy. A cry of �DUUUUUCCE!� was heard from upper New York as the Steelers starting RB made his way to Syracuse. Staley won a championship with the Beers last year. Just as the Cubists looked to return to a championship level, their owner Jason Moore decided that he want to lose league-wide respectability. Announcing his pick with the following disclaimer, �Perry, you can kiss my ass!� Moore selected inbred hillbilly moron QB Brent Farf to maintain the area that Aaron Brooks had controlled for so long. Reaction was instantaneous as John Stoer exclaimed surprise and San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom issued a press release refusing all connection with the Cubists. Newsom wrote, �We understand that Moore has shortened his team name to SF and we hope that he can come up with some connection with those letters other than San Francisco. We recommend the Somebody Farted Cubists or changing the letters SF to BF, and we don�t mean that idiot�s initials.� This pick also changed the Brents from Brentful to Brentless. Things returned to normal as the Cookies took former Wookie WR Rod Smith. The next pick tested the newfound Einar-Weasel relationship as the Einar took the second Packer of the Fourth round � WR Javon Walker. Fortunately, Weitz was able to keep silent as Missner noted for the umpteenth time that Walker is as dumb as rocks. He should fit right in with the Losers. Taking their cue from the Envy, the Brents took started filling in their defense with Keith Brooking, who played reasonably well for the Losers last year. The second backup runner of the round went to the Ballbusters who believe Willis McGahee will return to his Miami form. Relying on the kind of drafting that made him a two time champion, Randy Chambers again went for another wide receiver in Plaxico Burress, a 2003 disappointment for the Losers who had kept him from 2002.

Keying in on the new scoring system (an added point for sacks), the Coroners selected single season sack �record holder� DL Michael Strahan. Strahan is a long time Wookie, so he may provide some tips on beating Patriots fan Will Mitchell. Another rookie came off the list with Larry Fitzgerald as Perry Missner had dreams of Randy Moss�s rookie season. Jimmy is down! Jimmy�s going to get Kramer! The Wookies selected Jimmy Smith as their third WR of the draft. The 44�s selected what we all thought would be the backup for Donovan McNabb. Monopolizing Torry Holt�s TD�s seems like a good idea until you discover that the Rams do not have an offensive line. Oof. For the third year in a row, the Cubists selected Donnie Edwards, who is probably the most consistent, quiet scoring LB in the league. Last year, Eddie George was a first round pick of the 44�s � this year he drifts down to the fifth round and is a Cowboy, so he becomes a Cookie. With his job being taken by an inbred idiot, Aaron Brooks had to do the second best thing � become the Losers QB. While it will be odd to see Brooks� annual December unraveling happen away from the Cubists, he will no doubt kill any chance of one Packer fan�s championship aspirations. So much potential. Charles Rogers is also burdened by potential as he was a Cubist 6th round pick last year and a Brent 5th round pick this year. Zach Thomas has had some injury troubles, but if healthy he could be a tackling machine for the Busters. And the league welcomes LaVar Arrington as a first year member of the Biers. Arrington had refused to sign the NFL players association waiver to be represented in the past, but he is now available and will add his below average statistics to the sometimes vaunted Bier D.

At long last the cobwebs cleared from his head, Chad Nuss went back to what made him famous and not terribly successful � he brought home a Raider. Yes, he already had Philip Buchanon on his roster, but no one thought it would take until Round 6 for him to draft another Raider. Porter is another guy with big potential that has not paid off yet. The Envy took their second straight rookie in Julius Jones, who is of no relation to second round pick, Thomas Jones. Although Eddie George never seems to get hurt enough to not play, Jones might take his job away due to his ability to get more than 3.2 yards per carry. Since the Coroners took their first Raider, the Wookies had to take their first Patriot and made it hard hitting Rodney Harrison. Harrison was a Wookie last year when he scored over 100 points. The 44�s continued to show that they are Ram tough, by selecting their third Ram of the draft. They only need Brandon Manumaleuna to have the entire St. Louis passing game. The Cubists followed Syracuse by taking an Orange alum, Keith Bulluck, who was the second highest scoring defensive player in 2003 for the Envy. Edwards and Bulluck might form a fine defensive couple. Bring out your dead! The Cookies opted for Marcus �Carcus� Robinson who should get plenty of single coverage playing opposite Randy Moss. It�s a good idea � in theory. The Losers lost more points with the house for selecting dancing idiot Nick Barnett who celebrated every false start penalty with a sad piece of performance art. Barnett deserves to be cold-cocked. The Brents went the Irish way with Justin McCareins who must adjust to Jet ball after playing in Tennessee. At least he will be getting pin point accuracy from his QB. The Busters made Randy Chambers upset by nabbing the Biers K Mike Vanderjagt, who led all footmen in 2003. Chambers recouped quickly by taking Jeff Wilkins, the Biers backup in 2003.

Now this is the Chad Nuss we know and love. For the fifth straight year, Rich Gannon will be a Coroner. Despite falling from MVP to Pussier last year, Gannon has always had Nuss�s trust. Now can Rich pass Trent Green on the depth chart? The Envy made a value pick in Donte� Stallworth who did not play terribly well for the Busters in 2003. Still, he�s a third year WR. Following the Coroner lead again, the Wookies took Deion Branch off the board. Branch was actually a 17th round choice of the Coroners in 2003, but played 7 games with Wookies averaging 4 per. The second Raider of the round was taken by John Stoer who wanted the classic Norv Turner big back � Tyrone Wheatley. This pick made Nuss sad. What was once a dominant position � Cubists TE � has now become Crumpler. Alge Crumpler, that is, who was the picture of averageness with the Brents in 2003. Dan Weitz is loyal to defenders who do him right, so David Thornton was resigned. The Einar likes young boys, including rookie DB�s who never play as well as they are hyped, including Sean Taylor. The Brents hope Boo is short for boom so that Boo Williams does not go bust. Williams earned applause from the Envy in his three game appearance in 2003. Rich Joseph is also loyal, bringing back Keenan �Ivory� McCardell, who is involved in a nasty holdout with the Buccannears. Come back soon, Keenan. Randy Chambers is also loyal, bringing back his namesake, Randy McMichael. McMichael was a 10th round choice by the Biers in 2003.

Keyshawn Johnson and Chad Nuss have two things in common � they have both been spurned by Jon Gruden and they are Coroners for life. Johnson claimed to be happier to be a Coroner than he ever was playing for the Einar in Loserville. The Envy continued to build their award winning defense by selecting DB Ed Reed. Reed can do a little of everything, which Perry Missner likes. Once a two time keeper, Jeff Garcia is now a Brown and a backup Wookie QB. This could be a value pick if he stays healthy. John Stoer took his first rookie in Roy Williams WR of the Lion. Williams was later cut for refusing to pronounce his first name in the same way that hockey goalie Patrick Roy pronounces his last name. At least we think that�s the reason. The Cubists made another nice value pick with Amani Toomer, who played passably for the 44�s in 2003. The Cookies drove a backup QB in Round 8 with David Carr, who learned a few things as a member of the co-champion Biers in 2003. He appeared twice and played very well. The Einar finished off his WR corps with Reggie Wayne, who was below average for the Brents last year after being drafted by the Cubists. The Brents went with cousin Brad Johnson who played well with the Biers last year before being traded to the Envy and flushing himself down the toilet. Everyone was pleased with the Busters pick of Adeqlae Ogunleye who shall be the one who blindsides Brent Farf and knocks him out for the season on September 19. The Biers made a nice value pick with T.J. Duckett, who is big and fast. The Envy relied on Duckett for their running game last year, but he crapped out and was sent to the Busters, where he played quite well. Last year sucked.

There are no certainties in the Broncos running game this year, so Tatum Bell might be a nice pick for the Coroners, even though Nuss hates Denver. Even though Marty Booker was awful in 2003 and was traded away from the beloved Bears, the Envy brought him back for the third straight year. Jamie Sharper had a great year for the Cookies last year and now only has to change one letter on his jersey as he is a Wookie. The 44�s filled their kicking slot with David Akers, who was also a Cookie last year. Knowing he is going to need a solid backup QB, Jason Moore looked to the Super Bowl to find Jake Delhomme. Like the last two picks, Delhomme appeared as a Cookie in 2003 � for just one game. In a show of promising intelligence, the Cookies waited until Round 9 to get a kicker, stealing Adam Vinatieri away from the Wookies. Interestingly, Vinatieri was also the 6th pick in Round 9 last year. Amazing, isn�t it? The Einar picked his third Packer ensuring that he won�t win more than 5 games this year. To make the round even more despicable, the Brents went with Ryan Longshanks, the wooden-legged pirate kicker. Argh! �Shanks is a regular Brent disappointment. The Busters became the second team to take a Ram by snatching backup RB Stephan Jackson. Something tells me there will be a trade offer forthcoming from the 44�s for Jackson. The Biers selected Sam Cowart who was a member of the league�s #2 defense as a Cubist.

Round 10 was a nice round for nostalgia. The Coroners brought back geriatric, former keeper Jerry Rice. On the flip side of the age spectrum, the Envy brought back Rex Grossman who had the only Envy all pro QB game in 2003. The Wookies filled their TE slot with Ben Coate� oop, Antonio Gates, everybody�s favorite sleeper. William Green was a first round bust for the Wookies last year. His career is almost up in smoke, but he is given a second chance by the 44�s who could use his help on the ground. The Cubists chose heady DL Teddy Bruschi who appeared in one game for the Wookies in 2003 and scored 14 points. Not bad. Former Sweeney award winner Derrick Brooks slipped to the 10th round and is now a member of the Cookie. The Einar selected Jason Elam to kick for him, after weeping about not getting �Shanks. With Elam in tow, Einar decided to abruptly leave draft central, claiming to be upset about the Big Brother proceedings. It was value time for Steve Johnson in Round 10 as he brought back Moe Williams, who had a surprisingly nice season in 2003. Williams finds himself as the Vikings starter for the beginning of the season. Jason Taylor returns to the Busters where he will once again be the book end to Ugunleye. Rod Gardner never got used to the fun�n�gun offense of Coach Spurrier, but he is given a second chance with the Biers in 2003.

Tony Parrish is a hard nut to crack. Parrish, a long time member of the Envy, became a Coroner at the beginning of Round 11. Knowing that keeper TE Jeremy Shockey is hardly of healthy stock, the Envy selected a quality backup TE in Marcus Pollard. Although Anthony Thomas has the skills of a starting RB, he won�t be used as such in Chicago with this cockamamie gimmick offense. Yet, Will Mitchell can hope. Nice pick, by the way. Another pronunciation dispute led to another John Stoer cutting of a Roy Williams. Why won�t more people pronounce is Wah? What could be another super value pick was made by the Cubists in Travis Minor. The Dolphins like to run the ball, and someone has to do it. Minor may make Jason Moore look like a major genius. The Cookies looked to the future by selecting Eli Manning, who since lost his starting QB gig to Kurt Warner. Manning has good genes and according to the Einar looks good in jeans. In absentia, the Einar selected Michael Barrow who played for the Wookies in 2003. The Brents brought back Jay Foreman who started 12 games for them in 2003. Another nice value pick was made by the Busters who took Deshaun Foster, the backup for the running based Panthers. If anything should happen to Stephen Davis, the Busters will be looking pretty. The Biers took a page out of the New England book by selecting Ty Law. Law may be devastated by the new chuck rules this year.

The Coroners began to corner the market on the Chiefs passing game sans Tony Gonzalez and Priest Holmes with Eddie Kennison. The Envy took dome kicker Jay Feely to make their figgies and PAT�s. In a heart rendering scene, the Wookies brought back Drew Bledsoe as a 12th round pick. While Will Mitchell and Bledsoe have had their disagreements in the past, they were able to put the past aside and get a contract signed. Bledsoe returns to the Wookies for the third consecutive year and has promised to teach Michael Vick a few pointers on how not to get hurt, starting with: Don�t run. Ronde Barber has seen a few Modano championships, so the 44�s hope for some more. Ashley Lelie was a Brent bust last year, but he is still fast. Peter Boulware was a 12th round pick of the Cookies in 2003, so he moved up a round. The Einar continued to pit his team against the media as he selected his 4th Packer. With Ahole �Put it on the� Green, it will be a wonder if the Losers can gain any media respect since their team is replete with foulness of which few of us can imagine. You can never have enough RB�s, so the Brents took Warrick Dunn, who was a second round pick of the 44�s in 2003. The Busters brought back Simeon Rice to complete their trio of pass rushing defensive linemen. They could get a lot of sacks, which are worth four points apiece. The Biers finally filled their backup QB slot with perennial backup QB Jake Plummer. Peter King�s pick for MVP the last two years was mired on the Losers bench last year. It was surprising to some that Chambers did not bring back Mark Brunell who is steering the Redskins ship in 2003. There�s still time.

Another round, another Chief WR for the Coroners. Knowing Fred Taylor�s tendency to get injured, the Envy wisely selected Greg Jones, the promising rookie backup RB for the Jags. No Vinatieri, but Kasay might be ok for the Wookies. Jerome Bettis took his aged wheels to Syracuse, where he was drafted in 2003. He was later cut and went on to productivity for the Biers. This pick made Randy Chambers sad. He wanted to bring the Bus back. Josh Brown will handle the kicking duties for the Cubists. In a move that is sure to bite him in the ass later in the season, Dan Weitz became the only team to have a backup K in perennial Coroner favorite Sebastian Janakowski. Weitz immediately offered Janakowski to the Coroners for Stephen Davis and Brian Westbrook. The Coroners staff had no comment. Although unavailable, Michael Pittman was represented as a Loser pick by his brother Kavika. Lee Evans is a Wisconsin alum who hopes to gather Bledsoe spirals for the Brents. Joey Harrington appeared in one game for the Envy in 2003. He scored -1. Now he is a Buster. And the Biers brought back Antoine Winfield, who played passably for them in 2003.

Mooshmania appeared briefly in the County, before getting cut for a kicker. Perry Missner hopes Julius Peppers is a better football player than basketball player. Double digit sacks would be nice. Richard Seymour did not play in the Modano league in 2003, but he is a monster in the middle. Peter Warrick had a nice season for the Losers in 2003 � now he is a 44. Julian Peterson could be a value defensive pick for the Cubists. The 49er defense is going to be on the field a lot. After his heelish pick in Round 13, Dan Weitz brought his fans back to his side by bringing back Emmitt Smith, who had nothing left two years ago. Chris Draft played in a trio of games for the Envy in 2003 before getting sent to the Brent bench. Now he is a Loser. Byron Leftwich is a big guy. He was just another subpar Envy QB in 2003. Perhaps he will fare a bit better for the Brents in 2003. Disease Hakim was picked in the 14th round last year as well. He should be cut. And in the same vein as holding Marvin Harrison for a few years, the Biers snatched WR Kevin Johnson away from the 44�s. Johnson will be the main target in Baltimore, but Kyle Boller will be the QB. He stinks.

Doug Jolley will be the Coroners TE again. He was lousy in 2003 (8 games/16 points). In the same vein as the greatest shortstop ever to play baseball (Deivi Cruz � not Ivan DeJesus), the Envy selected Rohan Davey, who will no doubt rise to prominence in 2004. John Abraham is a Wookie. Freddie Jones is a 44. Carson Palmer, another nice value pick, is a Cubist. Joey Galloway, the anti-Farf, returns to the Cookies. The Einar on autopilot took London Fletcher. Eric Barton became a Brent. Tyrone Calico got hurt after hearing he would be a Ballbuster. Finally, the Biers selected Al Wilson who played in 8 games for the Cubists in 2003.