Bull City Bears 136 Einar�s Luvable Losers 66 We, as the participants in the Modano Mi Hermano Fantasy Football league, have never witnessed a run quite as dominating as what the Bull City Bears doing to the rest of the league. The law of averages, and let�s face it, the league has something to do with that law, should send the Bears back to earth, but they are further distancing themselves from the competition. In Week 10, the Bears fashioned the largest margin of victory ever with a 70 point blow out of Einar�s Luvable Losers (the previous record was 69 points held by the Cubists over the Cookies in 2000). The blow out win was the franchise�s 16th in its history, which ties the Cubists for most blow out wins. The team�s unprecedented play even prompted Owner Randy Chambers to open his locker room to the media for the first time, but only under the promise that the reporters call him Marty Schottenheimer. The 136 points was also the highest score in franchise history and was centered on a 73 point offensive flex explosion (another all-time record, beating the 63 points the San Francisco Cubists received from the OF in 2000). The flex was led by RB Shaun Alexander who ran over the Raiders with 35 points on three TD�s and 266 yards. Chambers, who said his coaching style most resembles �Sam Rutigliano because I like to cross my arms a lot.,� gave the game ball to �friggin� Alexander for his powerful play. Chambers also claimed he likes to eat �man food� which he described as �Chips, Salsa, Beer� RB Curtis Martin also scored three TD�s and had 26 points. Those two were almost enough to be the Loser by themselves. Whiny bitch Randy Moss completed the flex with 12 points on his best day of the season. QB Daunte Culpepper had a couple of TD�s and 13 points and Jerome Bettis earned 10 points on yards. The Bears have completely changed their offensive focus from last year as they now lead the league in rushing yardage. WR Jimmy Smith scored another 10 points on a TD. The defensive flex, #2 in the league, chipped in with 23 points led by London Fletcher who had 12. The lone member of the Bears who played poorly and was told so by Chambers was TE Booger Frankfurter who scored 1 measly point. To make matters worse, back up TE Desmond Clark scored a TD and 9 points. From the Bear bench also came the high scorers of Mark Brunell (18 pts.) and Antowain Smith (another 18). The Einar had to put with being the lowest scoring team of the week. The problems started at the head with QB Kurt Warner having his worst day � just 1 point on a TD but a bunch of interceptions. His thumb is reportedly hurting him and with Rob Johnson out for a month, the Einar may be in the market for a backup QB. At least Warner�s lone TD was to WR Isaac Bruce (8 pts). RB Terrell Davis re-introduced himself with 7 points on yards to lead the OF to 16. The DF scored 24 but most of it was on cheating Packers plays, so we won�t give them too much credit. What cheating? You say. Well, the Packers had umpteen penalties this past weekend and the Bears only received a cheapy retaliation foul. Penalties are cheating. No wonder the Packers won. The Loser bench scored a number of points with double digit performances coming from Akers, Vincent, McCardell and Freekman. The other members of N*Sync chastised dancin� Einar, his stage name, for the incredible loss.
Syracuse 44�s 132 Inbred Brentful Brents 70 Sometimes the best trades are the ones that you don�t make. At least, that�s what revisionist historians tell me. When the media claimed that a team could not put up with the volatility in the locker room, the Inbred Brentful Brents jumped at the chance to help themselves in a addition by subtraction kind of way. All seemed clear for the big Inbred to take his team to further heights when QB Peyton Manning was traded away, but the opposite has happened. The bumbling moron Brent Farf has just about sunk his team�s chances at a chance at a championship and the odds of a .500 record are starting to dwindle. For the 4th week in a row, the Brents were blown out and many team records were shattered. Now, Owner Steve Johnson or �Mr. Johnson to you� may try to place the blame on other players beyond Farf, but when your team leads the league in interceptions thrown (18) and includes a fumbled like A-hole Green, you are giving way a lot of points. Another factor in the game was the opposing Owner John Stoer�s unknowing use of the Farf-buster � WR Joey Galloway. While Galloway did not score, it is a fact demonstrated through the ages that Galloway teams never lose to Farf teams. The �Dynamic Duo� of QB Donovan McNabb and WR Marvin Harrison played their best games of the season. Each had three TD�s and over 30 points. McNabb established his personal high with 33 points and had his 6th all pro performance. Harrison tied Terrell Owens� record with 30 points on his 4th all pro performance after a couple of down weeks. K Jason Elam also set a personal and team high with 16 points on 4 field goals. The 44 defense was also present and accounted for as it tied its season high with 40 points with all three players scoring in double digits, led by John Abraham�s first all pro game of 18. The Galloway-led OF only scored 6 and Wesley Walls failed to score for the third time this season. The 132 points were the most in 44 franchise history and the 62 point winning bulge was the largest margin. Stoer, who reminds some of former Syracuse coach Dick McPherson, said, �We played a near perfect game. Because Galloway was on the field, everyone knew they had to pick it up big time. We knew we had to score a lot of points to beat an explosive Brent team- as our week 1 match up proved- and while the Dynamic duo led the way, our defense really played great today too. A total team effort.� To show what a rotten week it was for the Brents, they were led by Farf with 17. Scrote also had a TD catch for 12 and whiny bitch Cris Carter had the other TD for 11. Carter then ripped the team and his teammates saying that he needed to see the ball more. Johnson, who dubbed himself as the 21st century�s answer to Lindy Infante, said, �I place the future of my team on a guy who goes lame the first damn game. Hers hoping he doesn�t have the recuperative powers of a Jamal Anderson or TD. [Goll Darn] I had to loose (sic)! A loosing (sic) record, gee there�s something new. Even if I had done everything right I still would have been blown out.� The cheese-loving Johnson did have some options including WR Joe Horn who scored 18 points or his own brother Brad Johnson who scored 12, but was cut for his trouble.
San Francisco Cubists 101 Walnut Creek Mountain Devils 90 Despite featuring the charisma of a plank of wood, Owner Jason Moore seems to have his Cubists heading in the right direction. His chats with the media would be considered boring, but we believe that to be a bit of an understatement. What was once pleasant has become dull, especially with the other, more excitable member of the Modano bay area being silent in recent weeks. Yet, Moore and his team plod along on their way to another fantastic record and perhaps another championship. The team faced what Moore deemed as �a stiff challenge� from the Owner Rob Ouaou�s WC Mountain Devils. The Devils have been playing much better since acquiring QB Peyton Manning and friends. Manning put a scare into the Cubists with his second straight 20 point game. He now has 5 all-pro performance, just one less than 44 QB Donovan McNabb. Speaking of Eagles, James Thrash had another good game with 12 and Priest Holmes chipped in with 5. TE Freddie Jones did not score. WR David Boston continued his fine play with a TD and 13 points, but the Cubists were not to be out done. QB Aaron Brooks tied the team QB high with 26 points on two TD�s and a two point conversion. Not surprisingly, Brooks was given the game ball. WR Terrell Owens continued his run toward glory with 18 points and his 4th all pro performance. Owens said he preferred Moore as a coach than Marucci, but he likes Marucci slightly less than a kick to the groin area. The team also received TD�s from Tony Gonzalez (9 pts) and RB Warrick Dunn (13 pts). The defensive flex earned the scorn of Moore by only scoring 6. Moore said that he �tries to emulate Joe Gibbs. Relatively calm, and never losing sight of the importance of the running game on both sides of the ball.� Calm, placid, still as death, whatever you�d like to call it. The Devil DF scored 18 points, led by Derrick Brooks not so frightening 7. The Devils found themselves down by 25 points going into Monday, but they had flex mates Jason Brookins, a first time starter, and Qadry Ismail, an every week starter, on Monday night. Ouaou, who claimed to hate the Ravens, had to root for the home team to his dismay. The chances of a comeback grew larger as Cubist LB Randall Godfrey didn�t play. Moore commented, �The training staff let us down this week they told us Randall Godfrey had a fractured finger when instead he had had his knee scoped. We'll correct that communication problem.� Godfrey, the team�s 6th round pick, was cut. Ismail did score a TD and 11 points but Brookins only scored 3. The Devils did tie their high for offensive flex with 27, but they lost for the 5th time in a row to the Cubists. On the win, Moore said slowly and clearly, as if taking lessons from George Michael, �Tony Gonzalez and Jeff Wilkins were key to our win, outscoring their opposition by 9 and 7 points. Really, the whole offense played well I think the defensive players are going to take them out to dinner this week.� And so it happened, as the whole team went out for Super carne asada burritos, but many of members of the team were said to have eaten too much causing major indigestion, which may turn out to be a story in Week 11. Stay tuned.
P-Miss Envy 80 County Coroners 69 If nice guys finish last, Envy LB Ray Lewis never needs to worry about losing too much. No one has ever confused Lewis with being a nice guy, but the man can tackle. He can cover. He can punish the offense, and that�s what makes him a winner � at least in Week 10. Owner Perry Missner�s P-Miss Envy managed a season split with the County Coroners of the suddenly quiet Owner Chad Nuss. The Envy looked to be on the ropes as they had major troubles scoring TD�s on Sunday. While they racked up a bunch of yards, only WR Curtis Conway was able to find pay dirt. Conway, also known as the difference maker, had his first all pro performance in years with 15 points. RB Troy Hambrick led the yards parade with 8 pts and starting QB Jim Miller and Anthony Thomas (not Anthony �Pig� Miller) had 6 pts apiece. Thomas had exactly 45 yards of rushing and receiving � how nice. RB Fat Tony Richardson was a late replacement for Eddie George and scored a poor 2 points. TE Jay Riermersma had one catch for 2 points. Brian Urlacher and Jeremiah Trotter combined for 15 points to set up the defense. Back up RB Trung Canidate came off the bench to score a worthless 15. The Coroners had to wait until Sunday for the majority of their Raiders to go. On Sunday afternoon, not much was happening. RB Ron Dayne forgot his Wisconsin roots again and scored a TD to add up to 9 points. WR Laverneus Coles scored 2 and the defense scored 12 points for the third time this season. TE Jermaine Wiggins scored 1 point. On Sunday night, the Raiders scored some points, but they were overcome by Shaun Alexander (see above). QB Rich Gannon played well with 21 points on two scoring strikes, but was unable to distribute in a way that would help the Coroners. WR Tim Brown caught one of the TD�s and scored 11 points, but Jerry �Lestat� Rice only scored 5 and late replacement Zach Crockett took points away from his team in his first start with -2. K Sebastian Janakowski played well and scored 10 points. He has promised to not dance again until the season is over. As usual, Gannon was out pointed by back up Jeff Garcia who scored 32. Even Jay �Hava Nagila� Fiedler scored 14. Crocket replaced Ike Hilliard in the line up, so a burned up Ike burned the Coroners for the 10 points they didn�t get. When the dust cleared, the Coroners only had 69 points, while the Envy had 64 with the aforementioned Lewis yet to bat. Before we get to Lewis, we must make mention of Steve �Austin� McNair. Not starting again, McNair gave the finger to his owner and told anyone who would listen to �don�t trust anybody.� He then drove off in a fork lift, but not before scoring 15 points for his second straight all-pro bench performance. Of course, before he could be named to the Week 11 starting line up, he got hurt again. This caused Mr. Missner to gulp noticeably. But back to Lewis, the man became the tackling machine that earned him at least a piece of the Don Sweeney Trophy the past two years. Lewis, who had been mired in a deep funk, had 10 tackles before halftime to send Missner to bed contentedly. The Envy were able to take a game from the team that has beaten them the most times in Modano history � 5 times.
Weaselicious Cookies 86 Peaks Island Wookies 71 After receiving repeated warnings for his use of ill-begotten language, Owner Dan Weitz�s team called a team meeting to say how they felt about their owner�s constant use of the f-bomb and its relatives. The player who had the most to say was RB Marshall Faulk, the league�s reining MVP. Weitz didn�t like hearing such talk from Faulk who had sat out the past few weeks with an injured knee, so he made his running back a bet. If Faulk could score 25 points or more, Weitz would cease the potty mouth as well as give him the game ball. As everyone already knows, once Marshall makes a bit, he vows to win it. And win it he did, Faulk made a triumphant comeback as the Rams� RB scored two TD�s and totaled the 25 points he needed. A stunned Weitz commented, �What the fu-frick?� remembering just in time to keep the language rated PG. Weitz was stunned further as his team went on to score 86 points and win a game against the league�s poorest sister, the Peaks Island Wookies. Faulk and QB Brian Griese combined to form something out of week one or two. Griese also had 2 TD�s and managed 17 points. RB Maurice Smith came out of his daze with 10 points. The much-maligned defense of the Cookies has raised its game and scored 25 points led by Jamir Miller�s 14. The Cookies D is now rated 9th in the league as they have passed the Cubists for points this season. Surprising, but true. Weitz, while munching on some pretzels, said, �There had never been a coach like me in the NFL before, who let's their daughter run the training camp and practices.� As far as we know, that�s true, although some believe that thing parading as Marty Schottenheimer�s son is actually a daughter. Weitz couldn�t single anyone out for scorn, but if he did he could have pointed his finger at TE David Sloan (zip), WR Darnay Scott (zilch) or WR Jeff �Snoopy� Graham (a bullet). The one thing the Cookie D did best on Sunday was to keep the Wookies out of the end zone. Only QB Jake Plummer was able to get into the end zone and he couldn�t even manage the 6 points you get for admittance. He scored 5. RB Ricky Williams did manage 8 points, but all on yards. The team was led by K John Carney who nailed four field goals and amassed 13 points. DL Jason Taylor also had 13 points and combined well with DL Michael Strahan who had 12. Howie Long compared Strahan to Reggie White. Does that mean that Strahan believes that Asians can turn a television into a watch? The Wookies OF, rated the worst in the league, scored only 11 points. Rod Smith had an unusual off game with 4 points. Perhaps he was stunned by Eddie Kennison�s quick retirement on the eve of the Bronco�s game. Owner Will Mitchell did have a chance to run his team�s winning streak to two on Monday night, but he would have needed the first tight end all pro performance of the season from loquacious Shannon Sharpe. Despite Mitchell�s pleas and reminders of Ben Coates, Sharpe came up with just a point, which may start another Wookie run of trouble, especially seeing as they don�t get to face the Envy again. A triumphant Weitz said, �My team is reenergized now that Faulk is back and not acting like a big baby anymore..� Daughter Cassie took offense.
Week 11 previews - Week 11 Previews � Due to the Week 2 cancellation, the teams meeting in Week 11 are seeing each other for the first time and they will see each other to end the season. These testing out battles could have huge ramifications come the new year. The amazing run of the Bull City Bears will face a stiff challenge in the County Coroners. Despite Owner Randy Chambers� statement, �Nobody can stop me now,� the team is unprecedented waters. This is the first 6 game winning streak for the Bears and one wonders if they are peaking a bit too early. The Bears should feature a fairly consistent line up, while the Coroners are sure to make some changes to rebound from the loss to the Envy. Perhaps Jeff Garcia will be back. The Bears have won five out of the six meetings. The other 7-2 team, the San Francisco Cubists, face the team the Bears just beat up on � dancin� Einar�s Luvable Losers. Last year, the two teams split. If the Losers have any gumption at all, they will want to defend their wounded pride and put a hurting on the Cubists. The Cubists will be without TE Tony Gonzalez, but they welcome back RB Stephen Davis. Last year, they went without a tight end and still won � but this year Owner Jason Moore may not be so cocksure. Owner Steve �the Einar� Olsen hopes that QB Kurt Warner won�t turn in another dismal performance like he did in Week 10. Owner Jason Moore stirred up some real controversy by saying, �Any time you see Kurt Warner and Isaac Bruce on the other side of the field you know you have your work cut out. We may start two DBs to try to keep up with their passing game, but we know they can make us pay with their running backs, too.� Wow! The Syracuse 44�s are only one game in back of the lead and they face a happy, church-going Weaselicious Cookies team. The 44�s have taken four out of the six meetings. Syracuse will be without the rock in the middle of their defense, LB Donnie Edwards, who had started every game until this week. However, the return of Duce Staley means another Staley knee injury is near. Commenting on the tough road ahead, Stoer said, �We'll be stressing intensity this week. We've read a lot of stories about this rough-and-tumble Amber girl. I just hope my boys can match her level of intensity.� Weitz had really no comment about the 44�s, but he did say, �Did I mention I hate the Einar? Who's wife and him drive identical Saturns except for color how cheesy is that?� Oh, what a shame that those two won�t meet again this year. Weitz will have to wait until 2002 to get his first win against the Einure. It doesn�t seem likely that the Inbred Brentful Brents will get blown out for the 5th game in a row, since they play the Peaks Island Wookies. But the Wookies do have one win and it did happen to be a blow out against a native of Oshkosh, so it is possible. The Wookies have two out of the three times the teams have met, but that was before this disastrous 2001 started. A downtrodden Johnson said of his Brents, �I�m not even looking down the road yet. Just down at my empty beer.� Yes, sometimes life is like an empty beer. Finally, two 3-6 teams meet as the P-Miss Envy encounter the WC Mountain Devils. The Envy have won three out of four times and the Devils will be without starting runner Priest Holmes. However, it looks like RB Michael Anderson is ready to roll with Terrell Davis out once again and he circled this date on his calendar, since he still resents not being kept by the Envy. The Envy hope a resentful Steve �Austin� McNair is healthy enough to play.
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