TOP STORY: PIGS FLY, CUBISTS STUNNED BY ENVY
P-Miss Envy 86, San Francisco Cubists 81 Amid all the brilliant draft choices the San Francisco Cubists made this year, one albatross hung around owner Jason Moore's neck: second-round draft pick Brent Farf. Unable to cut Farf for salary cap reasons, the Cubists thought they had minimized his impact by making him the world's most expensive towel boy. Unfortunately, with Griese busy drinking and driving and touchdownless Tony Banks on the bench for Baltimore, they were forced to start him in week 9. Farf made the most of his opportunity, galvanizing the opposition while crippling his own offensive attack with the Cubists' first negative contribution of the season (-3). In one of the greatest upsets of all time, surprise starter Trent Green led the Envy to an enormous upset, snapping the Cubists' league-record 13 game winning streak. The Envy got contributions from everyone, with double-digit performances from Green (15), ex-Cubist Amani Toomer (13), Steve Christie (11), and Farve-flayer Brock Marion (11). They also got a clutch TD catch by Frank Wycheck to match Tony Gonzalez at TE (7) and thwart a furious comeback bid by Stephen Davis (10). The Cubists racked up the yards, but the only players who could put the ball in the endzone were hometown stars Terrell Owens (19) and Charlie Garner (9). P-Miss owner Perry Missner was ecstatic after the win. Said Missner, "No matter what else happens this season, my team will finish undefeated against inbred morons!" Moore was last seen storming out of an airport bar after Rodney Harrison dropped an interception in the Sunday night game, but his reach was felt from Paris as the axe fell on kicker Todd Peterson (6) as well as Banks. Team sources reported that he was considering turning over the team to his sister and embarking on a retreat to Tuscany.
Hours after the final gun sounded, two portraits said it all. In the visiting locker room, a giddy Frank Wycheck was still surrounded by reporters, happily recounting the details of his game-winning touchdown. Meanwhile, Brent Farf wandered alone in cavernous George Bracques stadium, spearing garbage and depositing it in a little bag.
Weaselicious Good Cookies 95, County Coroners 91 At the beginning of the year, the Coroners figured all they needed to get themselves over the hump was a clutch kicker. Even so, Chad Nuss's bold selection of Sebastian Janikowski was a shock to the rest of the league. After eight weeks of up-and-down performances by both the kicker and the team, the Coroners finally found themselves in the kind of situation Chad Nuss spent the offseason preparing for: a close hardfought battle. Unfortunately, although Janikowski led all league kickers with 16 points, it wasn't enough as the Coroners fell to the Cookies. Much of the credit for the win went to Marshall Faulk, the player selected one position ahead of Janikowski in the draft. Faulk turned in an incredible 34 points, taking repeated advantage of the Coroners' stubborn insistence on trying to shadow him with injured Jason Sehorn. The Barber brothers turned in nearly identical 11 and 10-point outings, and the rest of the team managed to stay out of the red. The Go Raiders! appear to be in the midst of an identity crisis, as Seabass was one of only three Raiders in the lineup. Although Jeff Garcia (19) and Derrick Alexander (21) hooked up on a couple long TDs, the rest of the team seemed distracted by Gannon, Rison, and Woodson running drills on the sideline.
Lambeau Leapers 94, Bull City Bears 55 The Leapers shrugged off the loss of Kurt Warner to deal the Bears a convincing loss and gain ground on the first-place Cubists. The Leapers got great prediction from everyone except the actual Lambeau Leaper on their team, incuding all-pro performances from Jay Bellamy, Jay Fiedler, and the born-again Corey Dillon. Meanwhile, the Bears running game hit its nadir when Travis Prentice was stopped three times in a row from the one... by the Bengals. Daunte Culpepper (5) struggled for the first time this year, although there were a couple of teams that would have happily taken his production. Moss and Harrison were strong as usual, but it wasn't enough. Confidence ran high in the winning locker room. "Think the Cubists would have liked to have Jay Fiedler this week?" chortled the Einar. "Now that we've been through the schedule once, I don't see anybody who can touch us."
Anterior Cruciate Legitimate Contenders 86, Peaks Island Wookies 80 Peyton Manning got the offense moving, and the defense turned in an excellent performance as the Contenders knocked the Wookies out of a tie for 2nd place. Donnie Abraham (15), Junior Seau (10), and Anthony Simmons (9) outscored their counterparts by 16 points, more than offsetting strong performances by Ricky-Ricky (15/13) and Jamal Anderson (14). After the game, Stephen Johnson gave Ron Dayne a big hug, and hastened to point out that Will Mitchell wasn't the only guy to swipe a good running back from the Envy this year.
Syracuse 44s 79, Walnut Creek Mountain Devils 50 Steve Berleuin made Brent Farf look like Kurt Warner, racking up an incredible -8 points as the Devils fell to the 44s. For the victors, Kyle Brady was everywhere, leading the team with 15 points. Donovan McNabb (7) threw his usual TD, Sammy Morris continued to run well (11), and Ray Lewis anchored the defense (11). For the Devils, Derrick Brooks tackled valiantly (15 points) and Edgerrin James (11) and Warrick Dunn (12) found the endzone, but the rest of the team was uninspired. Elvis Grbac languished on the bench with 15, then tried not to inflame the QB controversy that is sure to rage in Walnut Creek this week. "Hey, it's up to the coach," said Grbac. "I think everybody knows what I can do."
Week 10 PreviewsThe second half of the season starts with a bang, as half the teams in the league are looking for revenge. In week 10, the rest of the league will finally see how San Francisco reacts to a loss when they visit the Contenders. Jay Fiedler and the Leapers will try to put the pressure on the Cubists when they visit the Mountain Devils. Trent Green will try to keep the ball out of Marshall Faulk's hands as the high-flying Envy head to Ripon. Ray Lewis and the 44's host his old team, the Coroners. And Daunte Culpepper looks to get back on track against a well-rested Drew Bledsoe and the Wookies.
Note: I will be offline all next week, so the recaps will depend on either P-Miss getting back online or John Stoer writing and sending to the group...
---------------------------Back to earth press---------------------------------------