TOP STORY: CORONERS EDGE CHAMPION CUBISTS - NUSS IS HAPPY
County Coroners 97 San Francisco Cubists 96 With the championship in hand, no one expected Owner Jason Moore's Cubists to come out with much in Week 17. Even though the opponent was the arch enemy County Coroners led by Owner Chad Nuss, what did the Cubists have to play for? Moore summed it up in one word: "Pride." Pride may be the one thing that separates the Cubists from all of the other teams in the league. The Cubists knew that the Coroners would be fired up but they answered almost all challenges. When the Cubist offense fell off, the defense was great once again. Led by Rodney Harrison's amazing defensive record of 25 points, the Cubists defensive flex broke their own record with a combined 44 points. Moore said, "Harrison is clearly the best defensive player in the game and if I could vote for him for the award, I would. I think he also deserves some serious MVP consideration along with Biggest Surprise. Hell, I'd adopt him if he would let me." The Cubist offense was not without its stars as well. RB Lamar Smith came from the deep end of the bench to score 14 points and Tony Gonzalez continued to light things up from the tight end position with 11 points. RB Stephen Davis rebounded from a number of off weeks to have 9 points and even little QB Aaron Brooks had a decent 7 points. The problems came from the pansy 49ers who seemed scared of the imposing opposing Raiders. WR Terrell Owens managed two points and RB Charlie Garner amassed half that. WR Jimmy Smith also continued to earn his place on the "Who's not" list with a goose egg. The imposing Raiders had something to be feared about. They charged into the playoffs with a lot of points, especially for the Coroners. Chief Raider was Rich Gannon who scored 5 TD's and broke the QB record with 36 points. Nuss said, "Sure, Rodney Harrison had a sweet day, but he couldn't stop the Cannon. He's my MVP, if I could vote for him - lousy rules... grumble, grumble." Gannon was backed up by DB Eric Allen's defensive TD, which proved - this time - to be the difference. Sea-bass had a nice 10 points which made him feel like a first round pick again. Nuss said, "The boys played so well for me this year that I'll be attending the playoff games in thick of the Raider Nation."
Einar's Luvable Losers 48 Syracuse 44's 25 While the Coroners went with a mostly Raider line up and won, the 44's went old school in having a on the field reunion, of sorts. Owner John Stoer brought in any Syracuse University alum he could find. It didn't seem to matter to him if they weren't on an active roster, on the bye or injured. He wanted to send a tribute to northern New York. "The Season of Sadness" as Stoer deemed it, ended on just another wrong note. The 44 team was actually outscored by the two alumni not on the team (Marvin Harrison and Olindo Mare), but we can't grouse at the fact that Stoer actually was able to field a team of Orangemen. How many other owner's schools could do that? Not Brandeis University, that's for sure. DL Rob Burnett who scored 9 points led the team in its record low performance. QB Donovan McNabb did seem to take to the bye week recovery time as he was only able to score 4 points. Qadry Ismail led the offense with 6 points. Six members of the Week 17 44 starting line up did not score. WR Kevin Johnson was not only on the bye but also injured. Chris Gedney, who once made a great catch for the Chicago Bears, was injured again. Tebucky Jones also did not play. "I didn't expect to win," said Stoer, "but I had to do something special to end this miserable season." The 44's ended the season in last place and with five consecutive losses. While the special tribute was taking place, the opposing Losers were stumbling and bumbling themselves. The 48 Loser points were a season low. Among other records set in this final week game were low combined score (much lower than the 97 points scored in Week 3 by the Coroners and Wookies) and low score to win (the Coroners again chiming in with 53 points in Week 12 again against the Wookies). Their defensive captain Darren Sharper also led the Losers with 9 points. K Jason Hanson was second on the team with 8. QB Kurt Warner continued his post-injury flub-a-dubbing with 5 points and Robert Smith set a new Loser RB low with -1 points. Despite the ugly showing in Week 17, the Owner Steve "the Einar" Olsen considered the season a success. "Let's see. My team won 11 games, we employed the strong running game I like and, most importantly, we whipped Dan Weitz's team twice and he wasn't even close to me in the standings! Yes, success is sweet."
P-Miss Envy 91 Brentless Brents 84 In Week 17, the P-Miss Envy were able to end a wonderful run that included something no other team could - defeat every other team in the league. They had actually done that a few weeks earlier as they had already beaten the Brents earlier in the season - 70-62. They ended the season with a fantastic nine wins out of ten games. Despite have the only 7th highest scoring average, they tied for 2nd place in the league. Owner Perry Missner gave all the credit for the winning streak to his system of non-intervention. "Sure, I made a lot of moves early in the season and it may have appeared that they didn't have much of effect while I was running the team, but I was really just setting up a juggernaut to take over the league. My hunches and suspicions proved correct!" The team looked like it might be headed for a blow out win with big Saturday performances from RB Michael Anderson, a favorite to be runner up in the Rookie of the Year award and WR Amani Toomer who combined for 35 points. The pendulum swung the Brents way on Sunday as their three keepers turned in big games. QB Payton Manning had a great game with 26 points. A Man Named Green continued to shock everyone with his best game of the season - 19 points. Another league surprise WR Joe Horn had yet another double digit game with 10 points. Owner Steve Johnson said, "I knew Payton would be there all season for me. Joe Horn was a big surprise, but I knew he was a gamer. And what can we say about Ahman Green - he's no Eddie Lee Ivory or Terdell Middleton, but he is the man! These three should form the core of the Brent legend for years to come." The rest of the Brent team did not fare so well as TE Andrew Glover had yet another zero and the offensive flex only scored 4 points - coming from Jerry "Please Retire Now" Rice. The Brents could have averted a sweep to the Envy if they had an answer for the 3 Envy Titans. While second TE Frank Wycheck didn't score, RB Eddie George and QB Steve "Pear" McNair more than made up the 9 point difference with 16 points of their own. It was the 5th Envy win by less than 10 points to go along with the 5th Brent loss by less than 10 points. That's the way the cookie crumbles.
Bull City Bears 105 Walnut Creek Mountain Devils 63 The Envy's impressive performance in the second half of the season may have stole some of the limelight away from the destruction caused by the Bull City Bears (the only team that beat the Envy after the midway point of the season). If they had beaten Cubists in their Week 14 encounter, we would be crowning a different champion. Nevertheless, the Bears high point barrage continued to satisfy Owner Randy Chambers who was able to somehow get star WR Marvin Harrison to play on the final Sunday of the year. Harrison and Mountain Devil K Olindo Mare did wear special 44's patches that they had designed by Marty Schottenheimer. With Harrison on the field, Chambers did not have to worry quite as much about being without MVP candidate QB Daunte Culpepper. Chambers said, "Mark Brunell is no Culpepper, but few are." Brunell was quite sharp in scoring 17 points and kept the receivers happy. Harrison put on a display for the Bull City fans worldwide as he tied a season high with 22 points. The cantankerous Randy Moss scored 8 points and was appeased by his owner by being given the starting slot. On the subject of Harrison, Moss said, "To be honest with y'all, I don't care for the guy. I ain't playin' second banana to nobody no how. Michael Irvin never did and I ain't neither." It will take all of Chambers' diplomatic skill to try to find a common road for his players. Owner Rob Ouaou's Walnut Creek Mountain Devils were never in this game. The media has commented often on how the Devils have taken leaps and bounds from freshman season to sophomore but they were clearly outclassed by the Bears. Mare who said he should be kicking for Stoer had a nice game with 9 points and RB Edgerrin James who had 19 points led the team, as usual. TE David Sloan helped the Devils from becoming the team with the least productive TE position in the league with a late TD. Curtis "The Key to the Game" Conway only had two points and there is no way the Devils can win if he doesn't produce. Owner Rob Ouaou who said to be elated with the season decided not to comment on the team, the league or even his keepers for next year. In fact, when expected for post game interviews, he had left the stadium.
Peaks Island Wookies 89 Weaselicious Good Cookies 80 Owner Dan Weitz says that he knows when to leave good enough alone. His team had won the last two weeks to escape the basement and he figured they could pretty much run themselves. Instead of staying around the team and helping them to a third consecutive win, he decided to hitch up the wagons and head for Oklahoma. As he left Ripon, he called to QB Trent Dilfer, "Just hand it off to Faulk, you idiot. I'll be watching you on the TV." The only guy that Weitz could find on such short notice was 1999's debacle of the year, Dean. RB Marshall Faulk, a strong candidate for MVP, had scored 67 points in Week 15 and 16 combined. He did not disappoint with his third straight 30+ game. Faulk, despite being out for several games, led the league in scoring because of his 100 point assault at the end of the season. WR Ed McCafferty finished off his nice season with 10 points and Kiki Bano led the offensive flex with 13. Even Mooch Muhammed was heard from as he scored 7 points. The worst defensive flex in the game remained awful. Donde es le Bano did score 6 points but Courtney Brown was on the bye and the defense only scored 6. Nevertheless, Weitz remained confident heading into Monday. His team was up by 17 points and Emmitt Smith running the ball. "Emmitt won't let me down. He's a money player," said Dean as he picked lint from his bellybutton. The Wookies had their tight end, kicker and defensive player left so a win would have been shocking to Owner Will Mitchell. Mitchell had already been shocked out of his pants on Sunday by QB Vinny Testaverde who scored on the positive side. Testaverde scored an eye-popping 10 points. His favorite target was the disappointing Keyshawn Johnson who ended the season with 2 straight double digit games. RB Ricky Watters led the offensive with 13 points. On Monday, Mitchell was shocked out of the rest of his clothes by the turn of events. Emmitt Smith was only able to score one point. Traitorous Al Del Greco narrowed the margin with 7 points but the real damage was done by former Cowboy turned Titan Randall Godfrey who was all over the field. He scored a season high 20 points and led the Wookies defense to tie its high and the team to the win. Mitchell said, "The two high points of the season were both wins over the Cookies." For those who have forgotten the Wookies scored a season high 135 points in Week 7.
End of the Year Awards Information Most of the precincts are in, but there are still votes to be counted. With a nice 70% of the vote in, there are certainly some strong candidates for all of the major awards. Nevertheless, there are three teams (and you know who you are) who have not been heard from. The categories are MVP, Best Owner/Coach, Rookie of the Year, Best Defensive Player and Biggest Surprise and Disappointment. The only rule is that you can't vote for any of the players on your team. Let's hear from you. Please look for the 2000 Awards Banquet coming soon. [Ed. note - if anyone is in touch with Rob Ouaou, please let me know - my e-mails to his AOL account are being returned undeliverable]
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