TOP STORY: CUBISTS CLINCH TIE OF CHAMPIONSHIP – OVERCOME DONOVAN
San Francisco Cubists 105 Syracuse 44’s 82 "A pesky gnat," was the way Owner Jason Moore chose to describe his opposing owner, John Stoer, after their most recent tussle. "He really pulled out all of the stops, didn’t he?" a mildly frustrated Moore said. "First, I don’t really like most of his players, that is, I wouldn’t trade for any of them. Then he puts my best buddy Glyn Milburn along with other Stanford grad Kylee Wong in his lineup. Glyn, Moose and I used to play quarters well into the night. What’s that about?" Despite his frustration (more playful than anything else), Moore said that he felt gratified to have his finger already in the championship pie. The Cubists used their 7th century-topping game to secure the victory but it wasn’t easy. Wong and Milburn burned their former buddy for 14 points. The one player on the field that clearly has what it takes to win was Stoer’s favorite QB Donovan McNabb. McNabb, who has been steadily improving all season, took another step toward that the greatness that will inevitably be his. The Syracuse alum threw for 390 yards and 4 TD’s on his way to a season high 28 points. He even threw up midway through the second quarter. His favorite target on the day was WR Qadry Ismail who had 12 points. James Stewart and Kyle Brady managed to get sevens as well. The 44’s might have won with a better game from their offensive flex that produced a season low 4 points. After the game, there was only one thing on Stoer’s mind: "I knew Donovan was going to be great, but he is almost better than my expectations. Some of his moves out there actually made me weep – and I am not a weeper." Another reason for Stoer to weep was the play of opposing QB Aaron Brooks. The Pecker castoff led the Cubists with 23 points in their only all pro offensive performance. Amazingly, he became the 5th different Cubist QB to score 15 points or more. DB Rodney Harrison notched another 15 points. WR Terrell Owens took over the starting wide receiver slot with 14 points and TE Tony Gonzalez continued to be strong with 12. Only the Cubist offensive flex was poor with a season low 12. One more win and Moore has his second trophy.
Einar’s Luvable Losers 95 Peaks Island Wookies 45 Owner Steve "The Einar" Olsen knows that there isn’t much he can do to get his hands on that trophy. His Losers just keep winning games but they are not getting any closer and time is running out. In Week 15, they had their most convincing win of the season over the Wookies who have completely lost their bite. The Wookies were the only team to score less than 80 points in the week. They have competed in the lowest combined scoring game in 4 straight weeks and have received 0 or less from their QB in those weeks. Despite their futility, this was only their second blow out loss of the season. Owner Will Mitchell is at a loss to explain what has happened to his once promising team. "Do I have to keep three of these players?" asked Mitchell. Clearly Mitchell’s biggest problem is the play called. This week Vinny Testaverde took 4 points away from his team. This was the 5th time this season that the Wookies have taken a negative from their QB. "Is Rick Mirer available?" said Mitchell. The Wookie offensive flex was also pathetic as it chimed in for a season low 5 points. WR Keyshawn Johnson has not been what he advertised this season. "He’s not even a flashlight," complained Mitchell, "he’s about as bright as that dull sheen coming from Rick Mirer." The one thing the Wookies did was to stop the Robert Smith Express. Smith was coming off of 5 wondrous weeks, but was cooled down for only 7. His brother Rod had just 5 points as well. The Losers two other runners had big games. RB Fred Taylor, who had 30 points last week, had another fine week with 21. He has had something like 8 straight 100-yard games. Rookie Jamal Lewis also had a nice game with 14 points. The Loser defensive flex had its best game of the year with 28 points led by former Wisconsin Badger Troy Vincent’s 14. QB Kurt Warner rebounded of sorts with 6 points – or 18 better than he had in Week 14. He handed off to Marshall Faulk very well however, which made Olsen comment, "Thank God he didn’t do that last week." Shannon "Brother of a Pecker" Sharpe had zero.
P-Miss Envy 108 Walnut Creek Mountain Devils 85 The stench of the Week 6 loss/tie never quite jibed with Envy Owner Perry Missner. "At that point, my team was in a funk. It was the pre-Trent Green era and I could have used that win. I don’t want to say there was something fishy about that win, but let’s just say that it is like the presidential election coming down to a candidate’s brother’s state." Despite his pre-game liberal rantings, Missner had to be pleased with his team’s first trip into the land above 100. Missner used the Oauoa strategy against the master. The unchanged line up produced 41 more points than in Week 14 and 4 all-pro performances. The running attack led the way. RB Eddie George led the team with 24 points. RB Michael Anderson, a candidate for the most surprising player of the year, had his second excellent week in a row with 20 points. That’s 57 points in two weeks. Statistics for that kind of thing are not kept in the league office, but it is near a record. Anderson led the offensive flex to 37 points which makes 81 points from that position in the past two weeks combined. Also in the flex were Amani Toomer (16 points) and Michael Pittman (1). The final all pro performance came from QB Steve "Pear" McNair. His 16 points may have won his keeper spot back. WR Torry Holt rebounded from his first zero with an 11. TE Jay Riemersma was not on his top game and had another zero. Everybody’s favorite player has seemed to have his touchdowns in weeks when he was on the bench. It was almost a lost week for the Devils and their Owner Rob Oauoa. The Sunday warriors were really not very special at all. RB Warrick Dunn was hard pressed to equal his recent brilliance but did have 8 points. Former Envy WR Cris Carter had 10 points. All eyes were on the key of the game Curtis Conway who did not come through. Conway admitted, "I spent all of those years on Missner’s bench, I just didn’t have the heart to dominate the game in my usual style." No one is sure how Oauoa will react to Conway’s comments. The loss to the Envy seemed to burn Oauoa more than most as he said after the game, "First he calls me Don for a year and this year he hasn’t come close to spelling my name right. That’s disrespectful!"
Bull City Bears 99 County Coroners 91 With the battle of Randys being the top story in Bull City, the beginning of the week featured a number of sound bytes from each Randy. Owner Chambers said, "If Moss doesn’t get in gear, he could find himself on a different team next season." WR Moss said, "He can go ahead, you know, and like, you know trade me – I was more, you know like, comfortable in the Cubist offense. Where’s Mac Daddy Wilk when I need him?" On Wednesday, Chambers called a media black out in Bull City. Every thing disappeared behind closed doors and on Sunday it was one big, happy Bear family. With Moss happy, QB Daunte Culpepper was even happier. Coming of a poor performance that may have hurt his MVP candidacy, Culpepper put on a show. He had a season high 29 points that included numerous TD’s and great plays. Moss also settled in with 12 points. After the game, Moss said, "I am happy, for now." With the focus on Moss and Culpepper, there was a surprising development in the post-game press conference. Superstar WR Marvin Harrison, unhappy after his one point performance, said that he would prefer to be reunited with QB Donovan McNabb next year. Marvelous Marvin said, "While Mr. Chambers has been more than accommodating for me, I belong in Syracuse." Somewhere we know that John Stoer was smiling. We’ll have to see how Chambers quells this fire. On the other sideline, it was a confusing day for Owner Chad Nuss. He was very pleased by his Raider players. For example, DB Eric Allen pleased Nuss with a defensive TD and 17 points. QB Rich Gannon had 13 points and RB Tyrone Wheatley had another 11 points. Even little Andre Rison had 7 points. Sea-bass continued to please his owner with 7 additional points. The sad part for Nuss was that his team lost and that they could have won if he had played back up QB Jeff Garcia (26 points). His team falling below .500 again also saddened Nuss. Nuss said, "I don’t know what to say. I love the Raiders. I love the Coroners. I’ll be glad when the Modano season is over so I can concentrate on the Raiders’ domination of the playoffs."
Weasilicious Good Cookies 108 Brentless Brents 87 Score one for the good guys. The battle in the upper Midwest for respect and which is better pro-Pecker or anti-Pecker went to the Pecker hater in this case. Owner Dan Weitz’s team escaped the basement as they were led by a record setting performance by RB Marshall Faulk. Faulk ran into the endzone four times and broke his own record from the running back position with 35 points. He even ran into the stands to give the Weitz girls a chuchy apiece. The 108 points were the week high (tied with the Envy) and were a season record for the Cookies. RB Emmitt Smith killed the Redskins with 16 points. Not to be outdone by Faulk, Smith ran into the stands to give the Weitz girls a glass of bug juice apiece. Easy Ed McCafferty had a splendid game with 13 points and the Bano brothers contributed another 17. Even Trent Dilfer had three points. All in all, Weitz was satisfied with the win even this lost season. He commented, "This is a great step in the process of bipartisanship for both sides of the Pecker fence. It is clear that the Peckers should be made into a minor league football team and all Pecker backers should be forced to root for the Cleveland Browns." It was a familiar story for Owner Steve Johnson’s Brents. They scored well and lost. For the second time in three weeks, they lost with 87 points. It has been that kind of season for them. RB Ahman Green led the team with 20 points, but he always scores well in a losing effort. The guy just doesn’t have the leadership skills for a winning team. Green contributed to a season high performance from the Brentless offensive flex. Reggie Jackson also slugged for 14 points. The Brent defense was also strong with 33 points. LB Junior Seau led the defense with 14 points and Captain Pat Tillman scored 9. The starting backfield was not as impressive. RB Ron Dayne only scored 1 point. The team actually had a shot of winning on Monday night with ever steady Peyton Manning suiting up. Manning needed 23 points. He scored 2. After the game, Manning claimed that he missed the Little Man in his backfield. Johnson was said to be distraught after yet another loss. He vowed serious changes for next week.
Week 16 Previews At long last, the Cubists can finally clinch their championship. However, in order to clinch the top spot in the league they need to defeat a hot Cookies team. Well, maybe not hot, but a one game win streak is a one game win streak. Will Owner Jason Moore pull some more QB magic out of his pocket? Who’s available? Dim-witted Rick Mirer? Seriously bad Mike Tomczak? Maybe Steve Bartkowski will come out of retirement. The match up involving the most combined wins features Einar’s Luvable Losers and the anomalous P-Miss Envy. Since Owner Perry Missner has let his team be, more or less, they have been on fire. At one point, the team was 2-5 so they have won 7 of their last 8 games. They will line up the exact same players as the last two weeks. Owner Steve Olson hopes that QB Kurt Warner wakes out of his doldrums as he doesn’t want him to be benched for Envy QB Trent Green. In an ancient Sidwell/Yuma/Windom Place rivalry, the Bears and 44’s match up. The lead story in this game is the attitude of Bear WR Marvin Harrison. He wants to be with his amigo QB Donovan McNabb who will be on the bye this week. Will Harrison decide to sit this one out in protest? Will Randy Moss get the ball enough? Another team without a QB is the Wookies. Hopefully Owner Will Mitchell won’t pick the negative guy this week. He does welcome back RB Jamal Anderson. The Wookies play the Mountain Devils who once again strive to get above the .500 mark. Finally, the Brents face the Coroners. Pecker power or the Silver & Black?
End of the Year Awards Information End of the Year Awards Information With snow falling all over the country, it is clear that the focus of all owners should be on the heart warming end of the year awards. The categories are: Coach/Owner of the Year, Most Valuable Player, Rookie of the Year, Defensive Player of the Year, Surprise of the Year, and Disappointment of the Year. The only rule is that you can not vote for any of your own players. Please feel free to send comments and thoughts on each award. Also, any other season ending thoughts would be much appreciated by the media. Word from the commissioner’s office is that all owners who have not submitted votes will be reminded ad nauseum to vote.
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PS Dear all – if you would like to see what my October wedding looked like please go to http://my.athenet.net/~missnerm/pdwedding.html. I haven’t seen the site yet so I would be interested in any comments.