TOP STORY: MOORE DECLARES RIVALRY OVER; CUBISTS EEK OUT VICTORY
San Francisco Cubists 94 Walnut Creek Mountain Devils 91 It seems like a weekly tradition for Cubist Owner Jason Moore to get extremely nervous before each of his team��s match ups. He paces back and forth in the lockerroom, wrings his hands in tension and rereads the playbook. The last time he didn��t follow this routine was last year in week 2 when the almighty Cubists were beaten by Owner Rob Ouaou��s Bye Week Blues. This week Moore had the further burden of teaching the entire playbook to a new quarterback, Gus Ferrotte. Apparently, Ferrotte is a quick study as he came out throwing. He used the multi-faceted Cubist attack like a veteran of the system. Ferrotte notched 24 points which ties the Cubist season high. Ferrotte claimed he only had three beers before the game on the recommendation of some of his fellow players. Ferrotte��s favorite target on the day was TE Tony Gonzalez. Gonzalez had two TD��s and 18 points to set a new tight end record. The Cubist team now holds all of the position records except quarterback (Trent Green 35 points) and running back (Marshall Faulk 34 points). Charlie Garner and Eric Moulds also contributed on Sunday with a combined 19 points. The usually stout Cubist defense was unusually limp as it only had 10 points including one point apiece from Ron McKinnon and Rodney Harrison. They also blew many coverages as they concentrated on Devil Edgerrin James. James was held to just 8 points and Elvis Grbac only had 9 points. The Devil receivers went hog wild though. Cris Carter had 12 points and Johnny Morton had 11. The Cubist secondary refused to even cover Curtis Conway who managed 13 points to nearly make some prognosticators right. The Devil defense was also incredible with a pair of dozens from Derrick Brooks and Jeremiah Trotter augmented by a Rod Woodson 9-ball. The Devils held a 3 point lead heading into the Monday Night game. They only needed to stop RB Stephen Davis. Davis rumbled for 6 points giving the Cubists the win. After the game, Moore said, ��With my third straight win over Owner Aa-Choo, I declare this rivalry over. Cubists forever!��
Einar��s Lovable Losers 88 Brentless Brents 66 People in Cheeseland were firmly divided into two camps with respects to this game. There were those that love Antonio Freekman and Darren Duller. The anti-Brentites also feel that Brent Owner Steve Johnson should have chosen inbred moron QB Brent Farf with his first pick. Meanwhile, there are people who prefer Ahman Green and Ryan Longwell of the Brents. They also feel that Loser Owner Steve ��The Einar�� Olson is a Johnny-Come-Lately Pecker fan who wasn��t there for the Terdell Middleton-Randy Wright years. The battlelines were drawn. The Losers fan base is a bit larger at this time because they are actually in the hunt for the Modano Mi Hermano trophy. The Brents went with their big backfield yet again. It has given Johnson some poor results but he continues to believe that big people get into the endzone more often. ��Remember Refrigerator Perry,�� said Johnson. This week the Dayne-Alstott backfield laid a pair of goose eggs. To make matters worse, Alstott got hurt and will be lost for the rest of the season. Pecker Ahman Green did have a nice 11 points and he might be the future of the Brent running attack. Payton Manning continued his strong play. Once he was given the starting nod as the Brent QB, he has run off 6 straight games of double digit results. Joe Horn was finally silenced with 2 points. Captain Pat Tillman had 7. For the Losers, it was business as usual. In recent weeks they have been led by RB Robert Smith who has gone certifiable in the last three weeks. This week he scored 25 points and has totaled 59 points in the past three weeks. Robert��s brother Rod also had a nice game with 18 points. Jewish Jay showed nice leadership skills but failed to score any points. He should be on the bench as Kurt Warner makes his return next week. Great work, Jay! Shannon Sharpe had a nice game from the tight end slot with 12 points. The Einar��s Lovable Losers have now scored over 80 points for the last six weeks (a fact made less remarkable when it is noted that the Cubists haven��t scored under 80 points this season). The Einar said, ��We are going to fight the good fight but we are going to need some help from our secret weapon on the Cubist bench.��
Bull City Bears 88 P-Miss Envy 73 The hottest team in the league looked a bit off in Week 12. The luck that had been flowing Owner Perry Missner��s way in the past month seemed to run out as he tried to tamper with his line up to his team��s detriment. Meanwhile, Owner Randy Chambers�� Bull City Bears stayed in the hunt using a familiar attack and held off a Ram Monday Night comeback with a few nice moves of his own. With limited information filtering through to the Envy compound off the coast of Sumatra, the team had been able to survive by getting lucky in playing the right players. This past weekend that was not the case. Three Envy players either did not play or did not score while a number of back ups including everybody��s favorite Jay Riemersma, Tony Parrish and Amani Toomer put up nice numbers. There were some positives for the Envy. RB Eddie George, a former Bear, had his best game of the season with three touchdowns and 27 points. Jason Gildon also had another nice game with 10 and rookie of the year candidate Brian Urlacher had 6. The Envy offensive flex tied its season low with only 4 points but that was mainly due to the quick Bear defense. The middle linebackers of Bull City combined for 26 points and were the antidote for all P-Miss problems besides George. The team also used a familiar combo of Daunte Culpepper to Randy Moss for another 33 points. Culpepper has been outstanding all season long and scored another 20 points. Derrick Mason had 7 points. Marvin Harrison who didn��t play in the Envy��s week 3 win had another poor game with 1 point. The Envy had a chance to continue their remarkable winning streak on Monday night as they had three Rams going. Trent Green had his 4th all pro performance with 16 points but he didn��t throw to Torry Holt (6 points) nearly enough. Justin Watson did not get into the game with Marshall Faulk being back and was promptly cut. While the 22 Envy points would have been enough, James Thrash and London Fletcher had 21 points of their own. Owner Randy Chambers commented on the win by saying, ��I was so damn tired of hearing how hot that fluky Envy team was. The real fire comes from Daunte��s Inferno. No one can stop him!��
County Coroners 53 Peaks Island Wookies 52 The Wookies have made winning ugly a science this season. They have renamed their tickets which no longer contain the usual ��oo�� of football and now contained the european ��futbol.�� They have been able to stay in the upper echelon of the league due to some luck and the running of Ricky Williams. Without Williams, the Wookies promised to be even uglier. In week 3, the Wookies held the Coroners to 32 points (2nd lowest total of the season) and Owner Will Mitchell hoped to use his version of ��ugly ball�� to gain his team��s 7th win. Coroner Owner Chad Nuss is also familiar with ugly ball, but had been using a new high flying offensive scheme developed by Paul Westhead to amass record numbers of points. Nuss went with the an almost Raiderless line up. He gave Andre Rison (8 points) and LB William Thomas (a null set) Raider tips but that was it for the Silver and Black. Without Raiders leading the way, the team was clearly not all on the same page. Even #1 QB Jeff Garcia had an off game with 7 points. Derrick Alexander continued his strong play with 9 points and Sam Cowart was once again a tackling machine with 11 points. The team only totaled 53 points on Sunday and they had to hope that the big names of the Wookies would be less than productive. Mitchell figured his key weapon would be Raider Tim Brown. Brown had 18 points against the Go Raiders!!! in Week 3 and led the Wookie offense with 10 points. However, other big names were shades of their former selves. The Wookies offensive flex with such big names as Keyshawn Johnson and Terrell Davis only had 6 points with none coming from Johnson and Davis. QB Drew Bledsoe also had another poor showing with -1 points. DB Lawyer Milloy had 16 points to lead the defense. The Wookies had a chance to win this low scoring tilt on Monday with Redskin Albert Connell. Connell needed 7 points and broke Mitchell��s heart with only 6. The 105 points combined was the 2nd lowest total of the year with the Coroners 53 points the lowest winning total. Things can only go up.
Syracuse 44��s 91 Ripon Weaselicious Cookies 74 There are only a few teams left in the league that have not scored in triple digits in one game. The 44��s are one of those teams and they didn��t make it to the barrier in Week 12, but they did put it all together. They might have even erased memories of their 105-40 Week 3 loss to the Cookies. The 44��s got their season high without getting an all pro 15 point performance. Owner John Stoer said, ��It was a solid game up and down the line up. I even had some trouble deciding who to give the game ball to, but in the end I went with Donovan.�� The 44��s QB had another outstanding game with 14 points. He hit WR David Boston and Qadry Ismail for TD��s and led the option very well. Unfortunately, his backfield mates were not as strong. James ��Little Man�� Stewart did have a TD and 10 points. Terrell Fletcher was not the spark that Stoer thought the former Badger would be as he only had one point. Stanley Pritchett had 4 points as the starting runner. The 44 defense had its best game of the season with 30 points. Ray Lewis had 10 points and Mikes Peterson and Minter had 20 combined. For Owner Dan Wietz, the Cookie season has just become worse and worse. Of course, there is his main rival the Einar whose team has as many wins as the Cookies have wins. The starting backfield for the Cookies played well. Easy Ed McCafferty set a Cookie record with a delicious 21 points. Marshall Faulk returned to the line up with13 points and even Oompah Loompah Doug Flutie had 10 points. Flutie said, ��10 points? That reminds of 10-10-321, did you know you can...?�� and he went on shilling for another 10 minutes. The Cookie offensive flex had its worst game with 10 points. The defense flex twinned the offensive flex with another 10 points. Also twins were the mediocre performances of Kiki and Donde es la Bano with 5. Where��s Thunder and Lightening now? Owner Wietz said that he was transferring power of his team. ��I hearby give all control of player movement and contracts to my daughter Cassie. I would have given it to Amber but she refuses to tell the Einure that the Peckers suck, so she can go to her room for a time out.��
Week 13 PreviewsWhile it might seem like an inside joke to some, this week��s Envy-44��s match up with will be played with complete animosity. This week the Redskins play the Eagles which means that all pro Donovan McNabb will be sitting on the 44 bench. To make matters worse, this week marks the return of Brian Mitchell to the Envy line up. When asked about Mitchell, Owner John Stoer said, and this is paraphrasing, ��Freekin�� Brian Mitchell.�� Mitchell is one the game��s greatest kick returners and should be playing his hardest against the man who hates him. The first place Cubists take on the low-flying Wookies. Without Ricky Williams, the Wookies are a hurting unit. The Cubists will be without starters Terrell Owens and Charlie Garner who are on the bye. The Losers hope to keep pace with Cubists with a win over the dissension-filled Coroners. The Losers hope that Kurt Warner will be back to lead them to the sweep of the Coroners. Rich Gannon will be the de facto starter with Jeff Garcia on the bye. The third place Bears hope that Culpepper and Moss will continue their onslaught against Minnesota native Steve Johnson and his Brentless Brents. The Bears beat the Brents by one point in week 4. Finally, the Devils take on the Cookies in a very interesting match up. In week 4, the Cookies took it to the Devils by the tune of 88-59. Since then, the two teams have gone in opposite directions. Curtis Conway is sure to be the key figure as his success or failure will determine who wins.
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