TOP STORY: HOT P-MISS CONTINUES TO RISE ¡V WINS THIRD IN A ROW
P-Miss Envy 84 Weaselicious Good Cookies 82 With the inimitable Perry Missner away from the team, the media expected the Envy to further slide into the abyss. With a 2-5 start staring them in the face, the fans in P-Miss country (also known as P-heads) were starting to think about next years draft. That kind of backward thinking is no longer necessary as some early season gambling by Missner has paid off and the team has now won three games in a row. The latest victory began revenge week as the Envy shook off a slow start and fading memories of a week one 27 point performance to defeat old school rival Dan Wietz and his Weaselicious Good Cookies by just two points. The Cookies did get some nice performances from stars Ed McCafferty (18 points), favorite Emmitt Smith (15 points) and the main man Marcus "the Carcus" Robinson. TE Jackie Harris, who is not Wesley Walls but is still unliked by everyone, gave the Cookies their first 0 from the tight end position of the season. They were the only team to have a TE score in each of the first 9 weeks. The Envy were helped along by Eddie George¡¦s 9 points and rookie of the year favorite Brian Urlacher¡¦s 10. The Cookies had a comfortable lead heading into Sunday night¡¦s Rams game with Marshall Faulk in tow. Unfortunately, Faulk got a boo-boo before the game and pulled himself out. An angered Wietz (famous for his quick hook) was thinking of giving Faulk the heave-ho before learning that the injury was quite serious and Faulk will be out for a month. Meanwhile, Envy Rams Trent Green and Torry Holt combined for 26 points which gave their team the two point win. A jubilant Missner said, "I think we are still going to take the Modano home this year [where ever that is]. We are on fire and I will not let anyone forget that we have the tie-breaker with the Cubists."
San Francisco Cubists 105 Brentless Brents 100 What was a marquis match up 9 weeks ago became another routine 100 point win for this year¡¦s dominant team, the San Francisco Cubists. Despite the ego-deflating loss last week to the Envy, the Cubists used a balanced, non-inbred moron attack to surge to a big lead and hold off the Monday night Brents. Owner Jason Moore pointed the finger for the loss at QB Brent Farf, who is so stupid he recently flunked a drug test. He missed the cup. Farf has been demoted from his towel boy status (given to Tim Biakabatuka) and is now sidekick to the wild Cubist mascot, Pablo! He is a sky colored dot called the Blue Period. On the field, the Cubists only received two performances that were less than an 8. Brian "I¡¦ll take two shots for every one of yours" Griese, Curtis Martin and Stephen Davis all had 15 points. The league leading defense had 26 points as the Cubists topped 100 points for the 6th time and were the high team of the week for the 6th time as well. The Brents had nothing to be ashamed of. They had their highest point performance of the year and the second highest losing point performance. On Sunday, Payton Manning and Joe Horn had their ESP working as they combined for 32 points on 4 TD¡¦s. LB Anthony Simmons had a nice game as well with 14 points. The team found themselves down by 35 points with three Peckers left for Monday night¡¦s debacle. RB Ahman Green had the game of his life with 18 points and Scrote and Longwell combined for 12 more. That¡¦s Packers for you, they might get you close but they will definitely not win anything for you. Owner Steve Johnson took his team¡¦s 4th loss by less than 10 points quite hard. "We have two of the league¡¦s biggest backs in Alstott and Dayne. They could only manage a point apiece?!? Jiminy Christmas ¡V what do I have to do for a win? Move to Asia?"
County Coroners 105 Syracuse 44¡¦s 71 71 If the past few years have taught us anything about Owner Chad Nuss and his County Coroners, it is that they specialize in two areas: kicking and defense. No, they won¡¦t wow you with their fancy passing schemes or smashmouth running, but they will have good kicking and tackling. This year, that old Coroner adage, "score more than 50 against us and we¡¦ll concede" is looking like a thing of the past as well. The Coroners have received unprecedented production from their QB¡¦s and their scoring is way up. The defense and kicking, however, have been another matter. In week 10, the old school of Coroner football did not matter as Rich Gannon and Derrick Alexander worked their magic again and led the team to another win. The Coroners have now had five straight weeks of 15 or more points from the QB slot. Incredible! Gannon had 4 TD¡¦s and 30 points while Alexander had his second straight week of 21. The team also received double digit performances from Ike Hilliard, Andre Rison and Sam Cowart on its first triple digit score of the season. For the Syracuse 44¡¦s, the long season became just a bit longer. They were hoping for the sweep of the Coroners after their week one 80-50 drubbing of the team that loves Raiders. TE Ricky Dudley had more than a few things to prove to the owner who had unceremoniously dumped him. Dudley 15 points and the 44¡¦s have now received back to back 15 point tight end gifts. The nether region duo of James "Little Man" Stewart and Ass Hakim had double digit games. Owner John Stoer also made the pick up of the week with Safety Mike Brown. Although he is a rookie, it is clear that Brown is something special as he seems to always be in the right place at the right time. Perhaps another trade could be in order.
Walnut Creek Mountain Devils 97 The Losers 90 The Einar had been using the past couple of weeks to curry favor from the other owners as a viable alternative to the Cubists as champion. Fact: The Losers are the last team to beat the Envy. Fact: The Einar used the greatest Jewish QB of all time, Jay Fiedler, to lead his team to victory. Fact: The team had been surviving the loss of QB Kurt Warner. All of this left Steve Olson comfortable enough to let his team have a week off from practice before facing the Mountain Devils. Oh, what a mistake. The Mountain Devils came out blazing and used number one overall pick, Edgerrin James to grab another victory. James kept up his amazing play with 19 points. It was his 5th game of 15 or more points. Only Marshall Faulk has more with 6. Elvis Grbac made the Devil fans all shook up with 22 points and a ridiculous amount of yards. Olindo had 11 and even Curtis Conway chipped in with 8. Conway, always a beloved fantasy player, had not been much of a factor earlier in the season but he is now making his speedy presence known. Derrick Brooks and Rod Woodson led the defense with 8 points. The Losers did not show much on Sunday with TE Shannon Sharpe tying a season record with 16 points from the least offensive of offensive of positions. Jewish Jay was only able to push 4 points across the board and Corey Dillon went from Bengal to Bungle with 1 point after recent stellar play. The Losers faced a 30 point deficit going into Monday night (much like the Brents), but only two players going. Robert Smith and Darren Sharper actually combined for 32 points which would have been enough if Cris Carter had been shut out. He wasn¡¦t. He scored 9 points to ensure the Devil win. The loss leaves the Losers 4 games behind the Cubists. Owner Rob Oauoa said, "I love being the spoiler. Honestly, I love it"
Bull City Bears 65 Peaks Island Wookies 48 This was billed as the bring-your-own-sleeping-bag-to-the-game game. After the Bear-Wookie week one 59-44 snorer, the press expected a less than exciting game. Then a funny thing happened: during the middle of football game a soccer match broke out. "Center to wing. Wing to center. Center to midfielder. Holding, holding ... holding!" said Kent Brockman. Only one Wookie managed to get into double digits. Ricky "Ariaga" Williams continued his recent production with another dozen points. The man has been on fire since joining the Wookies. Al "Ariaga2" Del Greco had three field goals and 9 points. Unfortunately those were the two highlights of the Wookie Sunday because the rest was soccer ugliness. Albert "Aliaja" Connell only scored 1 point while Warren "Arliagna" Sapp was held scoreless. The unsettled QB position continues to be a problem for owner Will Mitchell. "I thought I had the answer when I brought in my boy Bledsoe, but he is now hurt. I went with hated Vinny Del Pino and he was rotten. Where¡¦s Steve Grogan when I need him?" Yet the Wookies held a one point bulge over the Bears going into Monday night. Eversteady Marvin Harrison had a rare off game with only 2 points against a vicious Chicago defense. Travis Prentice led the rushing attack with 1 point. Well, JR Redmond did score a rushing TD from the offensive flex. Freddie Jones scored 5 points which is a new Bull City high. The Bear tight ends have yet to score a TD this season. Derrick Mason ended up scoring a team high 11 points. Owner Randy Chambers needed at least one point from Daunte Culpepper and Randy Moss on Monday night. He was pleased to be able to go to bed early as the two struck for a TD and ended this low scoring match up. Chambers said, "I am glad that we don¡¦t have to play them again until next year because my team needs to fly!"
Week 11 PreviewsThis week holds the last gasp for the Losers. If they are to catch the Cubists (which seems like a further and further reach ¡V 12 to 1 on the latest Las Vegas boards) they must beat the top ranked team in the history of the Modano Mi Hermano league. Although a win in Week 11 could be much like the 1998 Duke Haters late season over the eventual champion Cubists. The Cubists will be without Stephen Davis which might help the Einar. Two red hot teams meet when the Envy take on the Coroners. Can the Brian Urlacher stop either Rich Gannon or Jeff Garcia? Will Trent Green come close to those Coroner QBs? How will the Riemersma-Wycheck line up go? Last time the 44¡¦s and Wookies met, it was a 69 tie up. The 44¡¦s are now the lowest scoring team in the league. That usually means that they will bounce back with a nice performance. However, the Wookies have a talented team that was the low scorer last week. Somebody will step up. The Cookies and Bears match up. The Bears welcome back Mark Brunell as the Cookies look for someone to replace Brad Johnson. Will the Cookies be able to play at all without Marshall Faulk is the key question in this game? Meanwhile the Brents and Devils meet in what could have draft impact. The Brents erupted for 106 points in week 2 as Joe Horn made his first noises of the season. The Devil line up has not changed much but it can still be a winner.
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