TOP STORY: McNAIRS EDGE REBORN LOSERS BY A SINGLE POINT

Other Stories: Close Matches Prove the Norm, Cubists, Bears win by a Field Goal or Less.

Pear McNairs 72 The Losers 71 A few weeks ago, this matchup would have featured a double digit spread, but with the top ranked McNairs going through some injury problems and the Losers being reborn with new players, things seemed ready for an upset. Owner Dan Weitz had reclaimed his team and settled on a seemingly strong QB-RB combo. New players Jeff George and Olandis Gary did not disappoint. George threw for three TD's and 21 points while Gary had 8 points on the ground. Weitz had further reason to think his team was poised for a win after Amani Toomer scored 10 points and Darrin Smith matched that. A somewhat too proud Weitz began to snicker at the opposing team. His cackling turned somewhat odd as he started to order his former consultants Dean & Simmons around. "Dean," he commanded, "bring the Weasel a bit more lemonade. Simmons, get me my slippers." He was getting comfortable, but his lead was not comfortable enough. The one McNair stand out on this day was the usual: Kurt Warner. The backup QB scored 22 points in what might be his last start of the year. The McNairs chipped away at the Loser lead. TE Jay Riemersma entered the game for just one play but scored a TD on his only play. What a nice guy! Jeff Wilkens continued his strong play with 10 more points. The McNairs were down by six points when new recruit Deion Sanders took a punt up the Loser gut and scored his first TD of the season. Upon reaching the endzone, he raised his arms up to his lord and creator to thank him. After the game, he was cut. Entering Monday night, the game was tied up due to the McNair's superior strategy which employed two defensive backs against the Losers 4 wide out set. Pure genius. All they needed was for WR Troy Edwards to hold onto the ball because they held the tie breaker with Deion's extra TD. Edwards did not disappoint as he not only didn't score negative points but added a point on a tackle. Reports have team GM/bionic man Steve "Pear" McNair at 75% and that might be good enough for him to resume his domination of the league. He still owns the highest point average in the league and is said to be chomping at the bit to play against the owner who voted him most disappointing player last year.

San Francisco Cubists 67 Syracuse 44's 64 The 44's did not have much time to celebrate their emotional win against rival Monsoon when it became "Jamo Week." "Let me tell you what," said Owner John Stoer, "There is no let down in this whole damn season" in his pregame pep talk. His message wasn't lost on his two stars who hadn't played very well the week before. Doug Flutie used his elusiveness for 14 points and superstar Marvin Harrison went berserk for another 16 points. Brett Conway scored 8 points and Troy Drayton kept up his comparatively strong play with 2 points. That's 5 points in two weeks. The rest of the 44 team did not do much. The #1 defense was merely ordinary with 16 points and the offensive flex contributed only 6. The team really seemed to miss the blocking of Rob Konrad. This could be seen most noticeably in the play of Jerome Bettis. With Konrad, Bettis scored 19. Without his blocking back, he scored 3. John Madden circled these numbers in case you didn't see them. The Cubists used an unusual path to their win and their first voyage above .500 this season. They put the ball into the endzone. Brad Johnson had a nice game with 16 points. His receivers were of some help as Cris Carter caught a number of poorly thrown balls and had a TD. On the other end was Bill Scroter who dropped numerous balls but was able to hang to a ball that hit him in the numbers for a TD. That guy deserves to be cut. Late substitute David LeFleur also hit pay dirt for 8 points. Owner Jason Moore tried to recreate the famed three headed monster by playing something he called three C note men. "Cory [Dillon], Charlie [Garner] and Cecil [Collins] are each worth at least 100 bucks," he claimed. They played more like Washingtons instead of Franklins as they combined for 5 points. The one thing the 44's weren't prepared for was the surprising 8 points from Opie who set a Cubist season record. Apparently, Moore had no qualms at playing a hated Cowboy against his beloved Skins. He is a long way from home.

Bull City Bears 79 Minneapolis monsoon 75 This was the week that Owner Josh Wilk had been dreading. The sunshine of his life, Diamond Donovin Darius, had a bye. Wilk's advisors had been asking the proud coach to sit the beleaguered Darius for a week since his play had been subpar, but Wilk had been resistant. When game time arrived, Wilk issued a giant sigh of relief then had to suppress a giggle as he looked across the field and saw moron QB Brent Farf. Farf was wearing one of those ridiculous cheeseheads and had a bottle of Jim Bean in his hand. It is becoming clear to the members of the Bull City press that something has to be done about Farf. In his weekly column, BC Bear special writer Andy Rooney wrote, "Have you ever noticed that Kordell Stewart can gain a lot of yards running and Damon Huard has a lot of moxy for a QB so young. It is time to get rid of the moron and bring some hope to this once promising franchise." Rooney's words fell on deaf ears as Owner Randy Chambers threw Farf to the monsoon. On the first two plays of the game, Farf took a 5 step drop and launched the ball down the field to no one in particular. After being knocked around, the ball landed safely in Tim Brown's hands. The Bears were able to accumulate nearly half their points on these fluke plays. Brown and Farf combined for 40 points and all of the Bear touchdowns. Surprise pick up Andy Katzenmoyer wasn't totally disappointing with 8 points and K Vanderjagt had 7 points. Brian Williams and Leroy Butler were downright poor as they combined for only 10 points. The monsoon had their share of solid play. Troy Aikman had his biggest game since the opening week with 22 points. Antonio Freeman scored 11 points. Derrick Brooks had an inspirational game as Captain for the day with 15 points and Olindo Mare continued his assault on the record books with 11 more points. It would take some sort of idiot to trade him. Some of the receivers let their team down. Randy Moss only scored one. So did Dedric Ward who was later cut. The biggest disappointment came from Gary Brown who wasn't even present. Apparently, some con artist had told Brown that he was finally going to be allowed to umpire a little league world series game. Brown left for Pennsylvania on Sunday morning and will not be wearing a monsoon jersey again.

Allentown Chippies 61 Cambria Otters 54 The Otters, who some have nicknamed "The Little Engine that Almost Could," had no business keeping this game as close as it was. The week started poorly for the Otters. Stony Case tattooed his team with negative 2 points and his buddy Qadry Ismail only scored one. As Sunday bore down, Owner Robert Oauoa watched helplessly as three more of his players went down with injury. WR's Poole and Pritchard didn't play and neither did Rodney Harrison. The Otters were down to six players but Oauoa told them that they had better bust their butts or else he would re-sign Rick Mirer. Those words seem to do just the trick. Terry Allen busted out for 19 points. Lawyer Milloy continued his strong play with 12 points. He is now the top rated defensive back. David Sloan had 8 points from the TE slot and Michael Husted might have taken Al Del Greco's job with 7 points of his own. The Chippies have been fading in the shadow of their week 5 121 point outburst. They have lost all of their public support because of the ongoing Kerry Collins situation. More people in Allentown watched Collins play in a benefit three on three basketball tournament than watched or listened to the Chippy broadcast from Cambria. Collins said, "I'll match any player shot for shot." The Chippies were paced by their #2 guys, Payton Manning and Isaac Bruce (both ranked second at their position) scored all of the Chippie touchdowns and combined for 23 points. Donnie Edwards and Todd Lyght paced the defense with 8 points. The Chippy running game definitely missed the Little Man as Duce and Warrick only scored 8 points. Because of defensive adjustments, the Otters were only down by 15 points with Richard Huntley left to play on Monday night. The little engine started to think it could after Huntley scored an early touchdown, but he was held scoreless the rest of the contest. Wait 'til next week.

St. Paul Panting Parishioners 102 County Coroners 38 The return from normal time from daylight savings time came a week early for the Coroners who made the boo boo of not changing his line up until an hour past the early Thursday evening deadline. He covered up his faux pas by smacking his head and proclaiming that he thought this was the week when he was supposed to lay down for his buddy Jason Moore who he continues to support whole heartedly. The Coroners were hurt by a number of players who didn't play for various reasons. Tony Brackens was on the bye, Sean Harris was injured and Randall Cunningham benched himself for sissy play. The once proud defense only managed to score Eric Turner's 4 points. Another problem was that all pro Ray Lewis did not get into the lineup. He is the only player to score in double digits in all of his games so far. Oops. These problems were further compounded when Tyrone Wheatley finally succumbed to his usual injured state and hung a -3 on his team. The Coroners did get touchdowns from Dorcas Levens, Rod Smith and James Jett but their 38 points was a season low. Meanwhile, the Parishioners used the Monopoly theory to double their fun and their touchdowns as Jon Kitna and Derrick Mayes connected for two TD's and 36 points. The offense also welcomed touchdowns from Leroy Hoard and Albert Connell. The big surprise came from the once dormant defense which totalled a league record 33 points. Bryan Dawkins ran back an interception for a touchdown and had 17 points. Simmons and Williams scored 7 and 9 respectively and respectfully. Natrone Means continues to be a bit of a disappointment as he only scored one point but that was one more point than the players he was traded for (grumble, grumble). After the game, Owner Steve Johnson proudly announced that he had ripped off Week 8's opponent by sending injured QB Billy Joe Hobert for quality LB Ed McDaniel. "Let's see you bums band together and protest this one," said Johnson.

Key West Jerrytown Smokers 75 Cville Wookies 62 The Smokers early analysis revealed a serious problem: schizophrenia (a surprisingly difficult word to spell). They would win one week, then lose the next. Owner Don Cherry was getting increasingly frustrated by this herki-jerkiness so he decided to take it to a professional. He was told that his team's problems stemmed from an unhealthy early relationship with its parent. That kind of analysis did not seem to help Cherry but he cheerfully told his team to go out and kick ass. And they did. The Smokers played used the ground control offense perfectly. Emmitt Smith and Marshall Faulk chewed up the field and the clock by scoring 29 point combined in short, consistent bursts. This helped compensate for an off game from QB Steve Beuerlein who only scored 2 points. Rocket Ismail scored the only other Smoker TD and helped with 10 points. Greg Biekert also had 10 points. The Wookies also tried to use the running game to their advantage. The runners did fairly well but the Wookies became the first team to use the 4 pronged running attack and lose. Edgerrin James had his best game yet with 17 points. Eric Rhett and Curtis Martin also ran well with another 17 points. The passing game was not apparent. Drew Bledsoe preferred to hand off and only scored 4. The Wookie defense played well with 19 points but Owner Will Mitchell was unhappy with the play of DL Willie McGinest. Mitchell said, "He is an embarrassment to the name Will." The Wookies would have needed a 14 point game from K Morten Andersen on Monday night to pull out the win, but he scored a bullet.

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