TOP STORY: "BYE WEEK" BITES FORMER CHAMPION, OTTERS BEAT CUBISTS

Other Stories: 44's Reverse Hex, Put 93 Points on the Board.

Cambria Otters 64 San Francisco Cubists 40 Local pundits had said that there was no way that the Cubists could lose this game with established stars such as Mark Brunell, Fred Taylor and Cris Carter in their line up. They were facing a rag tag bunch of second stringers who some expected to go winless throughout the season. Then the impossible happened. The game is all about touchdowns: The Otters scored some, the Cubists did not. The aforementioned Brunell, Taylor, Carter and the rest of the offensive starters for the Cubists scored only 20 points, led by kicker Jason Elam's five. This is a far cry from a year ago when the Cubists were routinely blowing teams out of the water. The defense did manage to equal the offense with 20 points - 18 coming from linebackers Dwayne Rudd and Ronald McKinnon. A dismayed, disgruntled Jason Moore could only grumble about predictions made in the press. Word out of Moore camp is that there will not be a major roster shakeup, although Quebee the Marvelous Mascot is sure to go. In an impromptu poll, fans asked Moore to please put in backup QB Brad Johnson, who just happens to be the top rated quarterback. The mood in Otter camp was nothing less than jubilant. The team seems to realize that it has second rate talent, but looks to make due on heart and the guile of its coach, Robert Ouaou. Perhaps the Cubists relaxed a bit early Sunday when they saw injured QB Chris Chandler along with not playing Ricky Proehl in the line up. Just before the deadline Ouaou put in cagy Jim Harbaugh who led the team with 17 inspirational points. Richard Huntley continued his sparkling play with 10 points. He is the second rated runner in the league. The Otters fourth, yes I said fourth, TD was scored by Qadry Ismail. Rodney Harrison helped the defense along with a nice 11. Just to show that they know what to do when they turn the ball over, the Otter offense chipped in with 5 tackles. In one of the shortest post game press conferences ever, Ouaou read from a statement he prepared: "You know where you can stick your bye week!"

Syracuse 44's 93 County Coroners 71 Dismayed that his team had such a close loss last week, Owner John Stoer brought in garrulous Warren Sapp to serve as an inspiration to his team. Sapp, long famous for his voodoo practices, performed an ancient ritual before the game to dispel evil spirits and hexes. Unfortunately, he performed the wrong ritual so as a side benefit to winning the game, none of the 44 players craved chocolate. This seemed to help Marvin Harrison keep his focus and allowed him to score an incredible 25 points to become football's top rated player. QB Doug Flutie and reigning MVP Terrell Davis each scored 13 and Sapp ran wild with 11. TE Kyle Brady scored 1. With his main man, Donovan McNabb becoming the starting QB for the Eagles, fans were speculating whether or nor Stoer would have a reunion of the McNabb, Kevin Johnson, Rob Konrad backfield. Just the thought of it brought a tear to Stoer's eye and he choked out the words, "so good." The Coroners played a good game as well. Their 71 points was the highest total to lose this season. Randall Cunningham had 14 points and the soon to be injured Dorsey Levens had 18. Mr. Mean, Ray Lewis kept up his best defensive player rating by scoring 10 more points. The questionable trade that brought back up QB Rich Gannon is looking less questionable as he backed Cunningham up with 19 points. Unconventional owner Chad Nuss said "Come on and rock me Amadeus."

Cville Wookies 89 Minneapolis monsoon 68 Owner Will Mitchell decided to have a theme day at the Wookie Armpit Stadium and call it 1994 day. The fans were treated to a 1994-esque performance by frequent connectors Drew Bledsoe and Ben Coates. The two combined for 43 points and Mitchell doubled his pleasure as his two favorite players scored two TD's together. Edgerrin James kept up his strong rookie play with 12 points. Newspapers in Cville have started reader contests for what the "c" in Cville stands for. So far the leading candidates are Championship, Christ-like and CarrotTop. While it is hard to argue with the Wookies success, it does remind some of the Duke Haters winning ways of last year as they have not changed their line up at all this season. That allowed young Phil Stoer, who was in the stadium for this game to cheer on the monsoon, to get out to an early lead but no championships were won. The monsoon actually had a chance to win with week one's number one player playing on Monday night and only a 14 point gap. Sadly, Troy Aikman refused to participate in Michael Irvin's pregame crack blow so his favored target refused to catch any balls (and when he did, he didn't even do those fantastic dances that delight Aikman so much). Aikman had the second worst performance for a Monday night QB with -2. TE Wesley Walls led the monsoon with 15 points and underappreciated wide out Jake Reed had 13. Both players outscored the famed receiving trio of Randy Moss, Antonio Freeman and Joey Galloway who combined for 10 points. Owner Josh Wilk left the game very upset that the official scorers only gave Donovin Darius 5 points. "He had about 10 tackles that they didn't count and five more passes defended," he whined. The instant replay judge just looked at him and shrugged.

Allentown Chippies 79 Pear McNairs 68 Both teams came into week two with their #1 quarterbacks out of action. While Vinny Testaverde's injury had some impact on his team, the Chippies were well prepared with golden boy Peyton Manning. Upon hearing the news that QB/General Manager/#1 Draft Pick/All-Around-Nice-Guy Steve "Pear" McNair was going to be laid up until Halloween with surgery to replace his entire spine system, the mood of the McNair camp hit an all time low. With backup Kurt Warner on the bye, Owner Perry Missner had to pick somebody up. It came down to a decision between Rick Mirer and Tony Graziani. Not much of a choice since they both suck. Sunday's battles were hard fought with the Chippies coming out on top. They replaced the Duce & Bruce show with the Manning and Little Man show. Peyton Manning, the best back up in the league scored 18 points and surprise runner James Stewart scored 20. Former Packer Chris Jacke scored 11, but nobody likes him. For the second straight week, the Chippies finished with 79 points. Owner Aaron Jacoby stated that "consistency was the hobgoblin of puny minds" but upon hearing that he won amended the statement with "This Bud's for you." A local Allentown sports broadcaster wondered aloud when Jacoby would bring Kerry Collins aboard. Going into Monday, the McNairs had a pretty good chance of winning. They received good performances from their running back core: Watters, Enis and Means who combined for 30 and ran over Carnell Lake for an extra two points. Barry Minter also had 11 points. Coming into Monday night, all that was needed was for inexperienced but energetic QB Tony Graziani to score one lousy touchdown and put up 150 yards. He failed miserably and was cut at halftime. He ended up costing his team 3 points and a chance at an undefeated season. Missner was not amused, "Jesus! I could have picked up that pea-brained Rick Mirer and done just as well and had all sorts of funnier things to write. No Grazi, Graziani."

Bull City Bears 74 Dean & Simmons, I Can't Lose 44 Let's see - You have the first draft pick. You have a running back named Davis. Davis has scored 5 touchdowns in the first two games. You would think this team would have Terrell Davis running wild, but the Bears and owner Randy Chambers just keep winning despite their monumental gaffes. Mistake #1 draft pick Brent Farf showed his owner just how much he was worth by scoring 2 points and making numerous turnovers. To add insult to injury, Farf did not wait until the end of the game to start crying. In the middle of a play, he started bawling. Bear trainers are sure that it has something to do with his either being inbred or being a moron, but they aren't sure which. Despite this void at the QB position, the Bears received solid play up and down the line up. Eddie George scored 19 points and all three defensive players scored 7. Michael Westbrook scored 9 points but seemed upset at his coach for not playing the other Redskins. Stephen Davis who scored another 3 TD's from the bench and Stephen Alexander had 17 points. Westbrook ripped off his helmet and shouted at Chambers, "Play some damn Skins, baby, or else trade me to an owner who has the grapefruits to play us." On the other side of the field, it was the same old story for Dean & Simmons. Dean decided to play Willie Jackson. Simmons voted in Kevin Faulk. Both scored -1 point. The lone Dan Weitz representative was QB Steve Young who looks to carry more of the burden for his team this year. He scored 15 points. Owner Weitz was confronted after the game with a very arrogant nemesis Einure who said that he would swap some fantasy football tips for one of Weitz's many fantasy basketball championship t-shirts. Weitz's curt response, "Hell no!"

Key West Jerrytown Smokers 58 St. Paul Panting Parishioners 40 Owner Don Cherry's goals before the season were very modest. "I hope to win half my games and I hope to limit the St. Paul team to less than 50 points," he said. So far, so good. The Smokers used some Monday night power for a comeback win in the lowest scoring affair of the early season. Dan Marino, Bert Emmanuel and Adam Vinatieri combined for 20 points to keep the Smokers close on Sunday. The Panters were led by their receiving core. Packer beater Terrell Owens scored a team high 15. He was supplemented by Girl Glenn who scored 8 points. He has amazed everyone by being injury free this long into the season. The Parishioner running game was non-existent as Leroy Hoard scored -2. Monday night looked like a good match up between Jamal Anderson and Emmitt Smith. Anderson's first quarter ACL tear put a damper on that match up and he will not be suiting up again this season. The second #1 pick to go down for the season. Meanwhile, Emmitt looked like a Super Bowl contender as he put up a big 19 and brought a victory to his smiling owner. The Parishioners have been beset with injuries as their QB Jon Kitna didn't play and LB John Mobley was also lost for the season. Owner Steve Johnson called for whole sale changes and backed up these calls by cutting a quarter of his team. Some team insiders are saying that Johnson may even change the team's colors from disgusting shades of yellow and green to something that the fans would come out to see. Anything would be better than those colors.

------------------Ooh, Rock Me Amadeus Press-------------------------------------------