TOP STORY: CHIPPIES LOSE A BATTLE, BUT WIN THE WAR
Other Stories: Monsoon Magic Ends, Wookies Edge Into First Place Tie.
Pear McNairs 90 Allentown Chippies 68 Sometimes it takes a lost battle to learn from one's mistakes and thereby win the war. The Chippies lost this weekend to a sometimes resurgent McNair team and decided to do what Owner Aaron Jacoby admitted he should have done long ago: sign fan favorite and soon to be starting QB Kerry Collins. The downturn of emotions in Allentown after their team's six game winning streak was broken quickly turned into jubilation. While the show of shows kept running, it was more of a repeat which garnered poor ratings. The Manning & the Little Man show kept up its high ratings with 24 points for the team's starting passer and runner. The Duce & Bruce show was slightly less successful with 13 points and no touchdowns. The rest of the supporting cast will win no Emmys (but maybe some Golden Globes) for their subpar performance. Mooshmania and sidekick Mini-Marcus Moosher were out and out failures as they combined for 5 in their new spin off. The Chippies defense had a season's worst performance with only 11 points. Clearly, things had to be shook up. At the press conference on Tuesday, Jacoby said, "I didn't want to just give into media pressure to sign Collins, but the writing was on the wall. We needed a leader, a real football player and moreover, an American. I am pleased to introduce our latest acquisition, QB Kerry Collins." Collins teetered at the podium with a Bud Light in his hand and said, "I guarantee that the Chippies will not lose again this season and that we will be the 1999 champions of the world." With such confidence at the helm, Las Vegas bookies were scurrying to remake the odds for this year's champion. Heavy betting has installed the Chippies as 7-1 favorites to take the Tugwell Trophy.
The McNairs, played their best game since October in putting 90 points up on the board. QB Kurt Warner was his usual sensational self with 21 point and three touches. RB Curtis the P had his strongest game since week one with 14 points and Keyshawn Johnson had a fine game with 12. New recruit Marcus Robinson caught the flu from God knows where and was lucky to score a single point. The McNair defense, which now tops the league, scored 23 points and was lead by Barry Minter's 14 points (which included a TD interception thrown from the hand of Brent Farf - so sweet.) Owner Perry Missner said of the game, "There were two guys I was happy not to see out there. Of course, Kerry Collins who I wish I had a roster spot for and Tony Graziani who single handedly broke the spirit of my team." Missner starting shaking his finger, lowered his voice and said, "Damn you, Graziani."
Cville Wookies 65 Minneapolis Monsoon 58 It has been clear what kind of game the Monsoon prefer: a slow, ball control game with short passes that keep the ball inbounds and the clock moving. In recent weeks, the Monsoon have used these tactics to perfection and have mounted the hill of fantasy football. Some people called these low scoring wins luck, but Owner Josh Wilk seemed to know what he was doing. "9 and 3 ain't luck, baby" he said tapping his temple. The Monsoon seemed to be in for a test with the high flying Cville Wookies coming to town. Despite the inconsistent play of team leader Drew Bledsoe, the Wookies had been hammering teams with their ground and aerial assaults. They jumped out to an early lead on Thursday with WR Jimmy Smith and Keenan McCardell scoring 21 points between them. The game looked to be in the bag when RB Edgerrin James ran wild for a couple of scores and 20 points, but the Monsoon strategy started to work after that. QB Troy Aikman didn't score very many points but was lauded for his intelligent play. He threw quick darts to Freeman (6), Galloway (11 with a TD) and the ever-present Wesley Walls (9). The Monsoon strategy seemed to be: keep it close and let Randy Moss put the final nails in the Wookie coffin. Bledsoe seemed upset about not getting the ball more. He was also upset about not having security blanket Ben Coates on the field. Bledsoe scored zero and Coates' replacement Luther Broughton also gave his team a naught. Eric Rhett got hurt and didn't score. Curtis Martin was stymied for a single point. The game was declared too close to call going into Monday night. The Monsoon needed just 14 points from Moss (the #4 receiver at the time) and LB Derrick Brooks (#2 at his position). Monday evening was a long night in the Wilk luxury box. Brooks was only able to rack up assists and not tackles. But Moss drew his owner's ire for his lackadaisical attitude. Moss seemed content for the refs to call interference rather than actually trying. Brooks and Moss only scored 7 points and the Monsoon fell for the first time six weeks. Commenting on the win, Owner Will Mitchell said, "Monday night was a late night for me, but I am glad to get the sweep. I guess, with Collins up in Atown, second will have to be good enough."
San Francisco Cubists 83 Cambria Otters 77 All season long, the week two debacle against the Otters has hung around the neck of Cubist Owner Jason Moore. Whenever he would start feeling good about his team, someone would mention that embarrassing 62-40 loss that still stands as the Otters only win. Moore knew that it would be doubly humiliating if he were swept two games straight by the Otters and as Sunday progressed, it seemed like the impossible was truly possible. The Otters were fired up because they knew they were facing a team they could beat. Owner Don Oauoa boldly changed his line up to insert QB Chris Chandler and WR Jermaine Lewis. Chandler responded by playing like a guy who was once in the Super Bowl. He threw for three touchdowns and scored 16 points. Jermaine Lewis who was a fantasy stud last year, surprised everyone with his two touchdowns and 17 points. Clearly, Cubist CB Ty Law (2 points) was overmatched. The icing on the Otter cake came when Terry Allen squirted into the endzone on Sunday night. The Otters stood tall with 77 points, breaking their previous record by 13 whomping points. The only overlooked player was Geritoholic Jerry Rice who scored 22 points. Oauoa thought he wasn't going to play because Rice was complaining about his diverticulitis. The Cubists would have to come up with one of their best performances to overcome this suddenly potent foe. RB Cory Dillon was ready for some dancing as he scored twice and put up 23 big ones. That is by far his best performance of the year. Charlie Garner made the San Franciscans proud with 15 and Germane Crowell continued to look good with 8. Yet the Cubists found themselves in a 13 point hole heading into Monday. With all of Cambria at the stadium, the Cubists had to find a way to battle overwhelming crowd noise. The big, old jerk Cris Carter was able to score a touchdown and 8 points. Dwayne Rudd managed two points. Robert Smith sealed the game with rushing and receiving yards combining for 9 points. He even managed not to get hurt. A relieved Moore commented, "I don't know who put the giddy in the Otter's up, but this is one that they deserved to win. I just wish someone would stop putting the hex on me."
Bull City Bears 90 The Losers 81 There looked to be an upset in this matchup of two teams who have been playing quite well lately. The Losers had reason enough to play hard because of their intense hatred of opposing QB Brent Farf. Farf, who is becoming better known for his numerous interceptions than his touchdowns and terrible fakes, seemed bothered by the Loser defense. He only managed five points and was lucky to get that many. Fortunately for Bull City, the Bears are not a one man team. The running attack was led by on the top backs Eddie George who had 10 points to offset the league's leading rusher Stephen Davis' rare off game (3 points). Tim Brown and Michael Westbrook made the most of their catches since they are severely hampered with the team's QB position. Brown scored 17 points and Westbrook added 12. The Bear special teams, which have come under criticism of Owner Randy Chambers, played well. Mike Vanderjagt continued his climb to the number one kicker's slot with 14. Rookie Walli Rainer also had an outstanding 15 points, mostly on tackles. Chambers seemed irked that the television stations were showing the specials teams coaches more than he was on air. Chambers was even more irked at the press who had named the Coroners as "pulling a Randy" for their Dishman pick up. Chambers showed that he is the master of "pulling a Randy" by picking up Donny Abraham who scored 20 points last week is sure not to score again this season. The early season woes of the Losers have gone to a model for consistency. They have scored over 70 points seven straight weeks. Each week a new player leads the team in scoring. This week is was almost forgotten WR Carl Pickens. He had two TD's and 19 points. All of the starters also scored touchdowns with first name boys George, Gary and Scott combining for 29 points. Had George and TE Dave Moore scored 9 more points, this may have been a different result. Owner Dan Weitz was just happy about the 81 points his team scored that set a new team high. He left the field, beating his chest, repeating, "This is my house! This is my house! You know what I am saying! You know what I am saying?!?"
Key West Jerrytown Smokers 79 St. Paul Panting Parishioners 47 The Smokers were feeling high and mighty coming off a blow out win of the Pear McNairs. History seemed to dictate such strutting by Owner Don Cherry would only lead to bad karma and a loss to the once hot Parishioners. Luckily for Cherry, who is know also being called Mr. Money Shot, the Parishioners continued to struggle. This week, it wasn't QB Jon Kitna who was to blame. Kitna who had a Farfish outing in Week 12 managed two of the Panting touchdowns and scored a positive 13 points. Yet there is a controversey developing with back up QB Ray Lucas amassing 28 points. Surprise starter Tim Dwight scored the other touchdown for his team and totaled 12 points. Those two scored over half their team's points. Cory Bradford was only able to score one point which came on a tackle after yet another Farf interception. The team was further hurt by the fact that RB Natrone Means did not play although scheduled for a comeback. Leroy Hoard, who did play, scored 8. Maybe this week. The Panters have been unable to score above 60 points in the last four weeks. Owner Steve Johnson looked to the heavens and pleaded, "All I want to do is win 9 games. Is that so wrong?" The Smokers smashed their opponents for their 4th blow out win (more than 25 points). It is unusual that a team with so much potential has been in the second echelon for much of this season. The talent is certainly there. Another candidate for surprise of the year QB Steve Beuerlein scored another 15 points with three touchdowns. The only other Smoker to score a touchdown was Terrance Mathis who totaled 10. Those who had to be satisfied with high scores without touchdowns were Marshall Faulk (12), Terrell Owens (9) and Emmitt Smith (5). The defense also combined for 15 points. Cagy veteran Dan Marino made a claim for the starting spot with 20 points, but it is anyone's guess how many throws his old arm has left in it. Mr. Money Shot exclaimed, "Look out world, here come the Smokers."
Syracuse 44's 73 County Coroners 69 There is a thing called mojo. You put your favorite players in and your are almost certain to get it. You put Packers in your line up and you certain to lose it. Some of the league's owners raised their eyebrows and rolled their eyes when Owner John Stoer put QB Donovan McNabb in his line up and traded Doug Flutie. McNabb is quickly quieting his critics with nice passing touch, elusive running skills and most importantly, the ability to score touchdowns. Last week McNabb put up 19. This week he scored two touchdowns and scored 15 leading his team to its second straight win. Thursday night was not a good one for the 44's. Fatty Bettis put up a -1. Kirkland and defensive leader Donovin Darius both scored 5. Sunday was a new day for the 44's. McNabb used comfortable receivers for his touchdowns as he hit Kevin Johnson and Roland Williams for scores. Number one wide receiver Marvin Harrison had a fine game despite not scoring a touchdown (8 points). Ricky Watters also scored a touchdown in his first game as a 44 despite numerous fumbles. Olindo Mare settled into his role as the 44 kicker with a nice 10 point game. Incidentally, Olandry and Olampkin are settling into school very well. Olandry got a gold star on his science project and Olampkin received an A+ on her leadership presentation. Good job, kids! The Coroners put in a spirited performance even though they are just playing the season for pride. Rich Gannon continued his superior play with 16 points. He has scored 16 or more points four weeks in a row. Incredible! LB Ray Lewis returned to his top notch self with 12 points. Sean Dawkins and Tony Gonzalez also scored touchdowns for the Coroners. The lone Coroners to let the team down was Dorcas Levens who refused to play despite being declared healthy by team doctors. Of course, they are coroners, so what do they know?
-----------------Time for Popcorn Press-------------------------------------------------
This just in: It will soon be time to vote for the year end awards. Last year awards included Owner of the Year, MVP, Best Defensive Player, Rookie of the Year, Most Surprising Player and Most Disappointing Player. The only rule is that you can not vote for anyone on your team. If anyone has any suggestions for new categories, do tell. Start thinking about it and I will have a deadline for your votes next week.