TOP STORY: MONSOON ENJOY THE BYE WEEK, CHIPPIES KEEP PACE

Other Stories: Smokers Top Century Mark for Second Time, One of Two Teams to Exact Revenge in First 'Grudge' Week.

Minneapolis Monsoon 76 Cambria Otters 41 It might seem like 11 weeks have passed but for this rivalry of office mates, not one second has gone by. The Monsoon jump started their season with a 78 to 40 victory over the Otters. Some of the personnel has changed but the outcome was nearly the same, another Monsoon blow out win. It was an emotional game for the Monsoon players who learned mid-week that two of their captains had been traded. The Minneapolis press thought that Owner Josh Wilk had sold the team's soul by giving up league leading Kicker Olindo Mare and two year team leader DB Donovin Darius but Flutie and Armstead are nothing to sneeze at. One reporter said, "The least [Wilk] could do is bring back RB Gary Brown. That might institute some positive karma." With such a lackluster opponent, the Monsoon could have had their usual 60 point victory but they wanted to see Diamond Darius off in style. Tiki Barber surprised all onlookers with a touchdown and 13 points. Derrick Brooks led the defense with 13. No one is sure that he and Armstead will be able to have enough plays for both of them. Randy Moss led the team with 14 points but complained again of not getting enough balls thrown his way. Troy Aikman had 10 points. Darius, who has led the way for the team leading in interceptions and passes defended, left the team with 4 but was said to be glad to be going home to Syracuse. The same could not be said for Mare who was very upset to be uprooted in the middle of the season. "My kids are enrolled in the Minneapolis schools and we are really settled here. I hear the school system in Syracuse is less than great. I have circled Week 17 on my calendar for my children, Olandry and Olampkin." Mare went scoreless. Meanwhile, the Otters toiled in their sub-mediocrity for yet another week. None of their offensive players scored over three points with QB Trent Dilfer getting injured. One can only wonder if Owner Don Oauoa will replace him in the line up by Thursday. Michael Husted had a fine game with 10 points and Charles Woodson scored the team's only TD and scored 13 points. Backup QB Chris Chandler had his best game of the season with 28 points. What a shame. Oauoa was said to be nonplused by yet another loss. "As soon as Barry Sanders comes back, the wins are going to start rolling in," he exclaimed.

Allentown Chippies 63 St. Paul Panting Parishioners 39 The sting of Week 11's impossible loss to the Monsoon still in the back of their minds, the Parishioners could have made some strides toward redemption by knocking off the first place Chippies. The Chippies who have been near dominant by airing top rated show after show seemed ready to be upset. None of their shows had guest stars or unusual themes and only received moderate ratings. The team was led by the Little Man, James Stewart who scored a TD and 11 points. QB Peyton Manning had a subpar outing with only 6 points, but the star of the show turned out to be side kick TE Marcus Pollard who scored the Chippies first TE TD. Now every team in the league has had at least one TE TD. Congratulations go out to everybody. Mooshmania continued to fade away as Muhammed injured his hamstring and didn't play. Ever the martyr, Mushin went to his coach after the game and recommended a suitable replacement for himself on the roster. "Coach," he said to Owner Aaron Jacoby, "I don't belong on this team anymore. There is a guy who has been playing his butt off in the minor leagues. He is a quarterback and his name is Kerry Collins. Perhaps you have heard of him. Please, coach, cut me and bring him on board. I guarantee you won't lose another game this season." Jacoby was said to be considering his options. With the Chippies only scoring 63 points, the Parishioners knew that they had their chance to retain the title, "Hottest Team in the League." But it wasn't to be. While Girl Glenn and Leroy Hoard were off scoring touchdowns, Andrew Glover, Derrick Mayes and the defense were not doing much at all. The defense scored a season Panter low of 6 points. Youch. DB Willie Williams didn't play. The worst of the it came with QB John Kitna. This inbred-wannabe committed 7 turnovers - five interceptions and 2 fumbles, yet was only able to make one tackle. His -9 score was a low for all players and will set a new standard for lousiness. Asked to rate his QB's play, an irate Steve Johnson said, "Who did I have in at QB? Farf? Bledso(sic)?" To make matters worse, "Sure,now Jeffers scores" Johnson said as he watched the Patrick Jeffers experiment score a TD. Jeffers was then cut.

Key West Jerrytown Smokers 111 Pear McNairs 64 In a recent poll of league owners, the questions was asked which team do you think will break the 100 point barrier the most times this season. The response was mostly Chippies or Wookies (no one mentioned the Monsoon), but it was the neglected team that could, the Jerrytown Smokers who broke triple digits for the second time this season. Owner Don Cherry has made few roster changes in the last month, but it seems his conservatism all came together on this late November day. His team scored 9 TD's and four players have all-pro showings and six overall score in the double digits. The scoring started early and happened often. TE Ricky Dudley set a new tight end scoring mark with 17 points as he recorded a couple of touches, a few yards and even a tackle. The team was led by Duracell Bunny-like Marshall Faulk who scored 20 points with a couple of touches and a two point conversion. Steve Beuerlein continued to impress as he led the league's best passing attack with three scores and 19 points. He his receivers Rocket Ismail (14 points) and Terrance Mathis (12) for scores as well. Only former McNair Terrell Owens (1) and Emmitt Smith (6) did not score TD's, but both were happy to be a part of this historic day. Greg Biekert led the defense with 16 points as he was all over the field. The picture was not so rosy for the quickly fading McNairs. Once the darling of the league, the McNairs have now lost four our of five and appear to have as much of a shot at the title as Steve "Pear" McNair has of fulfilling his week one promise. A flaccid Curtis Enis was unable to score a point and in the same light, a groin injury kept Jay Riemersma out of the game. QB Kurt Warner did have a good game with 16 points, but even that was below his average. Tim Biakabatuka led the once-proud running attack with 13 points and Chad Brown led the defense with 10. In a late breaking story, QB Jim Miller was caught injecting horse steroids in order to be more like Mark McGwire and has been cut from the team. "Good lord," said Owner Perry Missner, "Next you are going to tell me that Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper used steroids too." He then slapped his forehead.

Syracuse 44's 74 Bull City Bears 69 If there ever was a grumbler, it was Owner John Stoer. He had been grumbling since the first week of the season when the defensive strategy points took away a victory over his long time rival Owner Randy Chambers. He is remembered to have said, "This system sucks," along with a number of other profanities and had continued to do so for the last 11 weeks. Yet for all of grumbliness, things were beginning to look up for Stoer and his 44's. He had long time favorites Olindo Mare and Donovin Darius coming back into the Orange fold and his number one player Donovan McNabb seemed ready to take hold of the team now that nemesis Doug Flutie was out of town. McNabb responded to his owner's actions by running wild and throwing for two scores. He had his best day as a pro with 19 points in what is sure to be a long and great career. One of his scores was to long time running mate Kevin Johnson who scored 9 points himself. That ended the touchdowns for the 44's. The defense did have a big day led by the outgoing Jesse Armstead who had 13 points. Levon Kirkland also had a nice 7. The 44's continue to have the league's leading defense and are now #1 in the league in receiving yards. Jerry Rice who Stoer was playing on a hunch as a last will and testament to his greatness, only had 4 points but was able to get through the game without getting any nasty stains on his uniform. The loss was a surprise to Chambers who figured that the strategy system would bail him out again. His runners continued to play well as Eddie George and Stephen Davis had three scores and 28 points between them. The receivers were not so impressive as Brown, Green and Martin combined for 8 points. It was no wonder that they played so poorly as their QB Brent Farf continually missed them with passes and called faulty audibles. Farf had a chance to lead his team to victory with a good Monday Night performance but his 16 points disappointed Bull City fans for the umpteenth time. The good news is that waiting in the wings is everybody's favorite headbanger, Gus Ferrotte who scored 18 points. In another late breaking story, DB Tebucky Jones was said to be waiting by his phone eagerly awaiting John Stoer's call.

Cville Wookies 88 San Francisco Cubists 83 This is another match up that could have come through the time warp as the results were eerily similar to the Week One results. Another close victory goes to the Wookies. The team from Cville had won 70-64 in week one. The offensive juggernaut was slowed some as QB Drew Bledsoe had another tough week. He only scored 8 points. He has not had an all-pro week since Week 8. One problem could be the increasing sulky attitude of Ben Coates. Coates did not score again and was benched in favor of flavor of the month Luther Broughton. Jimmy Smith continued his celestial play with 17 points and he was backed up by a pair of Erics - Moulds and Rhett who scored 19 points combined. The Hasty, Hardy defense was not its McGinest and Owner Will Mitchell brought in a new cadre of players to put some pressure on the starters. The new comers, Terry Fair, Junior Seau and Simeon Rice all hope to be starting soon for the team that boasts the most sacks along with number offense in yards. The Cubists wasted another wonderful performance from that jerk Cris Carter who scored two touchdowns and 22 points. Two weeks ago, he scored 27 points and the Cubists still lost. Germane Crowell had another fine game with 12 points and is on a major roll. Traitorous Al Del Del Greco did score 9 points but was able to divide the team on the subject of his presence. The Pro-Al contingent, led by that jerk Cris Carter, were happy to see him on the team. QB Brad Johnson seemed offended that Owner Jason Moore would stoop to such low levels for a win. Johnson said, "It's bad enough that we are starting a Cowboy." The other Cubist offensive players played well, but not well enough to be mentioned. The defense was poor as they only scored 9 points with Ty Law giving his team nothing. The Cubists were once considered one of the luckier teams in the league since their scoring against average was so low, but that has been burst in the last 4 weeks. The Cubists defense has given up more than 80 points during that period which, not coincidentally, has been a four game losing streak. Moore said, "I am looking forward to the bye week" but he had better not take anything for granted.

County Coroners 73 The Losers 72 Last Thursday, Loser QB Jeff George had told reporters that he was guaranteeing victory over the mostly Raider, Raider-fan led Coroners. "That Raider team didn't give me a good enough chance," said George, "and I am going to make them pay by showing them what a boy from Purdue can do." And George came out blazing. He threw for four TD's and 27 points which set a Loser record. The problem with Jeff George is that he has never been a team player and he refused to share his success with any who didn't have a first name for a last name. His lone exception was Darnay Scott who scored 14 points. RB Ricky Williams frustrated his now dread locked owner Dan Weitz as he was a late scratch with turf toe and that really hurt the team. #2 league kicker Mike Hollis only had 2 points as his team preferred to go for two point conversions. Despite the harsh words from Jeff George, Coroner Owner Chad Nuss seemed to be a giving, holiday mood. He had heard how Don Cherry had benched Emmitt Smith for the Losers and he wanted to do his part. He therefore started Byeful Rod Smith and injured Eric Turner. Yet these defections could not make Nuss as generous as Cherry as his other players picked up the slack. Rich "the Cannon" Gannon continued his run toward the league's most surprising player as he scored 16 points and is now the third ranked QB. Some players should never be traded. TE Tony Gonzalez scored 12 points which is truly excellent for a tight end. The biggest contribution came from DL Tony Brackens who scored 21 points on a TD, a sack and other defensive excellence. It was the second time that a Coroner on defense had scored 20+ points on the Losers (who were called Dern and Simpson in week one). In the final late breaking story this week, Nuss did what is called "pulling a Randy" with his pick up of now #1 DB Cris Dishman who scored 22 points last week. The Coroners now boast the #1 rated players at all three defensive positions. The etymology of "pulling a Randy" comes from Chambers's week one pick up last year of Derrick Thomas who was coming off a six sack performance. These 'Randy's usually fail miserable (like Thomas did) but we can only hope for the Coroners' sake that this is not the case.

-----------------Easy as A,B,C Press-----------------------------------------------