WEEK 9
TOP STORY: 2 GAMES DECIDED BY ONE POINT ON MONDAY NIGHT
Other Stories: Cubists tie their own record with 103 points.
UNC Duke Haters 75 Omaha Steaks 74 The sod seemed in place for the hometown Steaks to upset the tied-for-first-place Haters: Troy Aikman was back and seemed to be clicking, Gary Brown was going against the worst run defense in the league and Donovin Darius finally seemed to be worthy of his owner’s lavish praise. All, with the exception of Brown, brought the Steaks to the brink of victory, but Emmitt Smith and Antonio Freeman gave the winner’s notch to the Haters who remained in a first place tie with the Cubists. The Steaks received solid performances from Aikman (15), Moulds (9), Jermaine Lewis (7) and Chad Brown (9) butt he main reason that owner Josh wilk couldn’t keep from smiling was Darius’s excellent play. He ran a fumbled recovery in for a touchdown and totaled 17 points. “I know we lost,” commented Wilk, “but I feel so good.” Despite the calm exterior, reports say that Wilk was furious with Eric Green who caused the Steaks to have less than a positive output from the TE position for the first time this season. The Hater’s Freeman broke the wider receiver record with 22 points against the pathetic 49ers and the team received another 22 points from its starting runners: Smith and Hearst. Phil Stoer could be seen in his luxury box doing the cabbage patch late Monday evening.
BluePerry Pancakes 56 Key West Jerrytown Smokers 55 As everyone knows, fantasy football is game of luck rather than skill. Unfortunately, the Smokers have little of either. The Smokers had good production on Sunday to look like a sure win going into Monday night. The controversial Michael Irvin was the only man left standing for the Pancakes and he, with a little help from his friend Charlie Garner, pulled out a win for the visiting Pancakes. Going into Monday night’s contest, the Smokers were leading by 8 points. Early on in the game, Garner coughed up the ball to get the Pancakes within 6. That same drive, Irvin scored his first touchdown in a Pancake uni and tied the score up. He later gave his team a win with a few extra yards. Owner Don Cherry was contemplative after the loss. “Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think? If I had kept Mac Strong and played him, we would have won.” The Smokers were led by the fluky play of Brent Farve (17), Lew Alcindor’s 10 and Rocket Ismail’s 8. New recruit James Stewart is reportedly resting comfortable at home after his SEASON-ENDING knee injury. The Pancakes were given good performances by Elway (14), Watters (11) and 13 points from the defense. Owner Perry Missner tried to give the game ball to Super Joe Nedney who knocked in 6 points, but Irvin pushed Super Joe out of the way and stole the ball. Irvin had prepared a statement for Missner to read after the game. “I apologize for all of the drug related and inappropriate comments I have made about Mr. Irvin in the past weeks. He be the greatest receiver known to football and I am proud to be a part of team that he is on.” When out of the locker room, Missner recanted on this statement and rumor has Keyshawn Johnson coming in to be the #1 receiver.
San Francisco Cubists 103 Syracuse 44’s 52 The hottest team in the league was able to reap some revenge on one of the only two teams to hand them a loss in record fashion. The Cubists used a dominant running game and forgot the early week psychological gamesmanship by the 44’s. Last Tuesday, Owner John Stoer wanted to make a point about his upcoming match up with the league’s #1 scoring machine by inserting joke QB Ryan Lead into the lineup. After a vigorous telephone debate, Stoer reinserted first half MVP Steve Young, but his sneaky tactics backfired on him as Young played a Leaf-like game (10 pts.) for him and the rest of the 44’s could not pick up the slack. Even Kordell Stewart outscored Young with 12 points but his receivers only managed 2 points. The 65 points by the triple threat running attack (Davis, Taylor and Anderson) made some wonder why owner Jason Moore would not give back up runner Curtis Martin for a top flight QB. Antowain Smith scored a measly 2 points. Despite being blown out, the 44’s received nice performances from traitor Al Del Greco (11) and Robert Smith (9). The defense also chipped in with 17. Moore, rocking out to some old Lenny Kravitz tunes, was heard to shout, “I don’t need to trade with any of your losers. This championship is mine.” We can only hope the team is not too overconfident when it plays the Chipmunks next week.
Bull City Bears 98 County Coroners 42 The Bears used an incredibly balanced and powerful attack to the put down the Coroners and come away with a blow out win. No player on the Bears had less than 5 points and only two scored less than 9. Among the leaders were Brunell (14), Coates (11), Morten Andersen (13), Boyd (11) and an additional eleven from a demure Deion Sanders’ Monday Night performance. Asked hor the team came out running and gunning, owner Randy Chambers said, “In my pregame locker room speech I only wanted to impress on the fellas one idea: You’ve only got one job!” The Coroners, who are quickly fading out of top half contention were led by Warrick Dunn’s surprising 13 and the #2 tight end in the league Cam Cleeland’s 9. Unfortunately, they were saddled with the worst single performance by a player in Charlie Batch who took 6 points from his own team. Such ineptitude can not possibly please Owner Chad Nuss who is reportedly not even listening to any trade offers.
Allentown Chipmunks 38 Ripon Good Cookies Part II 27 Was it any surprise that these two teams would get together and give such ugly performances? Hometown Cookies’ fans went home angry and upset as their team fell below .500 for the first time this season. The only two TD’s came from Warren Moon (7) and one week wonder Donnell Bennett (6). “This was our type of game,” said owner Dan Weitz, “a gritty get-your-jersey-dirty, do whatever you can to win game and we just got hammered. I give all the credit in the world to the Chipmunks. They played tough.” The Cookie players seemed unnerved by the brutal tauntings of Ripon native Einar and the leadgue leading defense only amanged one lousy point. The Chipmunks also