WEEK 6
TOP STORY: FIRST PLACE HATER DEFEAT HALF A TEAM
Other stories: Terrell Davis, Brunell, Young lead teams to wins.
UNC Duke Hater 67 Key West Jerrytown Smokers 36 If the first place Haters needed any help notching their fifth win in six games, they got it from the Smokers which has quietly descended into chaos. Unaware of byes and injuries, the Smokers started Brent Farve, Greg Hill and Jason Hanson. All of these players, along with Calloway and Irv smith netted the Smokers a big fat zero. In other words, blocking back extraordinaire Mack Strong (1 pt.) outscored half the team. To make matters worse, back up qauarterbacks Chandler and O’Donnell each put up 23 points. Oof. A clearly exasperated Don Cherry responded to hounding reporters by shouting, “Brent Farve is the best player in the whole damn game and I’d have to be some sort of idiot to bench him.” You said it. Meanwhile, Phil Stoer’s juggernaut continued their winning ways with Hearst and Scott scoring 14 and 15 points respectively and Emmitt, Jett and Marvcus Patton chipped in nice games.
Syracuse 44’s 60 County Coroners 57 In one of the closer games of the season, the 44’s relied on Steve Young to put down the scrappy Coroners and escape the County with a win. Young, the dominant force in fantasy football this year, played to the beat of 26 points. Michael Barrow was also instrumental in the win with a cool 11. These were fortunate scores since the RB, WR and TE positions only managed 14 points. The fun lovin’ Coroners were led by Terrell Owens (10) and surprising Leon Johnson (11). Unfortunately, the mysterious Chad Nuss was let down by his Raiders: Kaufman (0), Dudley (1) and Turner (5). John Stoer, whose team leads the league in total yards, had the sad task of announcing after the game that fan favorite, Ryan Leaf (-13 over the season) had been cut. He tried to rally the fans with a rousing chorus of “Tutty Flutie, Oh Rudy!”
San Francisco Cubists 69 BluePerry Pancakes 54 The hottest team in the league remained so by taking a bite of some delicious Pancakes and not spitting them out. The match was extremely close until Fred Taylor’s early long run in the Monday Night game tilted the scales to the Cubists. Taylor ended up with 14 points to complement ever stead Terrell Davis’s 16 points and upstart defensive player Ronald McKinnon’s 11. Jake Plummer (-3) caused owner Jason Moore to think about letting Kordell Stewart out of the doghouse and onto the field for a game. The Pancakes balance attack was led by Air McNair’s 10 points and a sober Michael Irvin’s 7. Coach Missner said in his postgame press conference that the team would abandon their ground attack and start airing it out. The conference was interrupted when a no longer sober Irvin streak across the conference room and pronounced himself, “the King of the Mac Daddies.”
Ripon Good Cookies, Part II 56 Omaha Steaks 24 When the Omaha-ites thought they had seen the worst of the worst last week, they had no idea what was coming. The Omaha greenskeepers strike came at the worst time for the home team as their horrible looking field from last week was left to rot for seven days. Somehow, the Cookies, and their number one rated defense, managed to put some decent points on the board led by Jason Garrett (15), Bobby Engram (13) and defensive wizard Darrin Smith (10). One week wonders Donnell Bennett and Duce Staley managed to combine for a naught. Owner Josh Wilk did not want to talk about his starting backfield (a composite -2 from Trent Green (cut), Gary Brown and Marc Edwards) or the meager 12 points put up on each day. He preferred to talk about the sterling play of “his boy” Marvin Harrison (9) and the tough hits of Donovin Darius (3).
Bull City Bears 79 Allentown Chipmunks 65 The Chipmunks, last week’s darling team, put up a good fight before succumbing Monday night to the powerful Bears. The recent addition of Drew Bledsoe was a revelation for the Chipmunks as he put up some gaudy numbers (22), but his points were offset by the Bears’ pair of Pats, Coates (12) and Edwards (18). Morten Andersen had a strong leg game (10) and Brunell used a lot of moxy in totaling 15 in helping the number one rated offense to the win. Bledsoe was joined by Amp Lee (17) and Rod Smith (12) in leading the Chipmunks to their second highest total of the season. The was let down by the poor play of Edgar Bennett (terrible, terrible trade) Jeff Jaeger and Pat Ty Law. Said Owner Aaron Jacoby, “You win with the Pats, you lose with the Pats.” Meanwhile, Bear Deion Sanders was put under a gag order but fellow Champion of Christ Mark Brunell said, “We can all thank Jesus for this win.” Owner Randy Chambers could not be reached for comment on this issue.
-----------------------------Master of the Three Ring Binder Press-----------------