Week 15

TOP STORY:  TWO SMOKERS UNABLE TO SCORE ON MONDAY, CUBISTS CLINCH THE
CHAMPIONSHIP

Other stories:  DEAN and Einer dashed from the scene, Weitz family
regains control of Cookies.

San Francisco Cubists 89  Key West Jerrytown Smokers 76  Another
league high performance helped the San Francisco Cubists sew up this
year's Ex-Sega Hockey League Championship.  The Cubists used their
most balanced attack getting good results from almost every position.
The three headed monster was back to its original line up and TJF, as
they now liked to be called, accrewed 31 points.  The three
outstanding runners now refuse to be seperated by name or even in
interview.  "We love to run the ball and score touchdowns," they
intoned simultaneously.  The Cubists were also helped along by Jason
Elam's 10, Jake Plummer's 8 and the defense which tied a season high
with 23.  Owner Jason Moore dedicated this championship to the cast of
Dream On "for years of rich adult comedy."  The Smokers were a
surprisingly tough opponent.  They were just 13 points behind coming
into Monday night's game.  Terence Mathis pulled in a huge 22 points
and Duce Staley showed that he was not a one week wonder by getting
13.  Somehow, Brent Farve scored 13 but we are pretty sure he had to
bribe the officials for half of those points.  DL Biekert also set a
season high for defensive linemen by notching 15 points and Shawn
Springs added 9.  With K Jason Hanson and TE Irv Smith left to play on
Monday night and only 13 points down, the Smokers had a real chance to
win.  Neither player showed up.  Smith did nothing and Hanson negated
his only point by have his other kick blocked.  Horrible.  An
obviously annoyed owner Don Cherry said, "If only I had been more
obsessive and nick-picky (sic), I might have actually had a chance to
win a few more games."

Syracuse 44's 71  Ripon Good Cookies Part 2 65  Two teams headed in
opposite directions met in tiny Ripon, WI to give the fans an
excellent showing.  During and after the game, controversey erupted
concerning the ownership of the Cookies.  Tired of the bumbling antics
of DEAN and the Einer, former owner Dan Weitz regained control of his
team at halftime and nearly led them to an upset win.  By placing Bam
Morris, Wayne Chrebet and O.J. McDuffy into the line up, the Cookies
gained 34 points.  The defense also chipped in 20 points.  The Einar
had championed Jon Kitna as QB.  Kitna overcame 5 turnovers to score 7
points.  DEAN's figurehead on the field was none other than crazy man
Michael Irvin.  Irvin managed to make one catch, then set out the rest
of the game with a boo-boo.  "The last straw," according to Weitz,
"was when those two fricken idiots wouldn't play my main men Manning
and Biakabatuka (who scored a combined 44 points)."  Weitz then
stunned the post game conference media crowd by announcing that he was
handing over control of his team to his three year old daughter,
Amber.  "Hey, if an 11 year old can take second place, just imagine
what a three year old can do."  A beaming Amber said, "Come sit by
me!"  The 44's were led through the air.  Replacement Randall scored
16, fan favorite Rob Moore 12 and Joey "Don't go Crazy" scored 9.
Galloway said, "Detours, fences, I get defensive."  Although he was
due last week, JJ Stokes certainly wasn't this week as he only got one
point.  Benedict Arnold Del Greco had another 10 points.  Junior Seau,
the rotating defensive line man, scored 8 points.  Will that be enough
to keep him on the team?  A tight-lipped John Stoer wouldn't comment
on his rotation, but rumors abounded throughout the 44 camp of a
certain Seattle running back being signed for next week.  The few 44
fans who had ventured to Ripon made a vocal plea to Stoer toward the
end of the game by chanting.  "We want Leaf!  We want Leaf!"  Leaf had
a slightly above average performance for himself:  -5.

UNC Duke Haters 69  BluePerry Pancakes 40  The big race in the league
is now for second place and the UNC Duke Haters showed that they want
to remain close to the top with this blow out win.  Garrison Hearst,
who was supposed to be fading by now, took the score from relatively
close to blow out status (25 points or more) with a huge Monday night
performance - 15 points.  The Haters were also helped along by K
Vinatieri's 14, two shakes for lunch drinking Antonio Freeman's 11 and
ever steady Emmitt Smith's 10.  Tony McGee did not score again.  The
defense only scored 6 points, a season low for the Haters.  Owner Phil
Stoer said, "There's no shame in losing to the Cubists, if I had lost
to the Pancakes, however..."  He didn't finish his sentence, which is
fortunate for him.  For a time, it looked like the Pancakes would have
trouble scoring 20 points.  Late TD's by Terrell Fletcher and Ricky
Watters helped the team to get 40 - the week low.  Jerome Bettis
continued his abyssmal play with 3 points and John Elway managed only
a single point.  The double K attack only scored 3 (Keyshawn 2, Keenan
1) and Keenan was cut after the game.  "I hate to say it," said RB
Priest Holmes, "but I think this team really missed Michael Irvin."
Holmes was also cut after the game.

Bull City Bears 70  Omaha Steaks 45  The Bears also kept pace with the
44's, one game back of the Haters in the race for second place.  QB
Trent Green and RB Marshall Faulk scored 17 and 18 points respectively
to pace the 70 point attack.  Robert Edwards also returned to
prominence by scoring 9.  To no one's surprise, flavor of the week
Tyrone Davis did not score and the usually anemic offense only scored
7.  Owner Randy Chambers commented, "Trent has been playing well and I
am glad that I have him, but I have brought in Jeff Blake to get Trent
to score in the 30's again."  Good luck with that.  The Steaks only
had three players play well at all.  Troy Aikman had 13, jerko
Longwell 14 and Chad Brown continued his excellent play with 8.  The
problems started and ended with on and off the field team leader
Diamond Donovin Darius.  He arrived late for the game, claiming he got
an orange seed stuck between his teeth and had to go to the dentist to
get it out.  Yeah right.  He only scored 2 points.  The defense did
manage to score in double digits for the 7th straight week.  The
running backs, wide receivers and tight end only scored 8 points
total.  When that happens, you ain't gonna win.  Owner Josh Wilk knew
just where to point the finger for his loss.  "Terry Glenn is a girl,"
he pronounced and promptly cut him.

Country Coroners 56  Allentown Chipmunks 50  Pride filled the County
as the Coroners used defense and kicking (not normally known to win
fantasy football games) to defeat the Chipmunks who had streaking into
the game.  Gary Anderson set a new record for kickers as he toed in 20
points, breaking his old record of 17.  Ray Lewis also scored a record
high, tying Greg Biekert's 15 scored earlier in the day.  The rest of
the team only combined to score 21 points, including 1's from Dunn,
Harvey Williams, Frank Sanders and Cleeland, but it was enough for the
win.  The Chipmunks were also led by their kicker as Steve Christie
hit for 14 points.  Riemersma, Bledsoe and Alstott all scored a TD,
but it was not enough to overcome the poor performances of team
leaders McCafferty and Smith who only three points each.  One point of
note was that #1 defensive back DeWayne Washington notched the second
blocked kick of the season (the first was by Cookie Rod Woodson in
week 13), but Washington only totalled 5 points.  Chipmunk fans are
hoping owner Aaron Jacoby won't insert continually 'faced QB Kerry
Collins into the line up next week against the Pancakes as Bledsoe is
ailing.  "I'll do what I want," slurred Jacoby.  And it seemed as if
his decision was already made.

***This just in****  In addition to the four previous announced
awards: MVP, Rookie of the Year, Top Defensive player and
ModanoMiHermano (for league's best owner/GM), two new awards have been
added.  The Phil Stoer award for most surprising player and the You
Suck award for the most disappointing player.  Don't forget you can't
vote for yourself or anyone on your team and your votes must be in no
later than December 27.

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