Week 11

TOP STORY:  CUBISTS SCORE 103 AGAIN - TAKE SOLE POSSESSION OF FIRST
PLACE.

Other stories:  B.C. Bears tie again - but this time the Smokers win
out.

San Francisco Cubists 103  Ripon Good Cookies Part 2 38 In what is
becoming an almost routine event, the Cubists of San Francisco blew
out another opponent for their 8th straight win.  With the UNC Duke
Haters loss the Cubists have taken first place as their own and look
unstoppable on their way to the championship.  The three headed
monster running attack did not disappoint the legions of fans who
travelled all the way from the West Coast to tiny Ripon, Wisconsin as
they combined for 48 points, led by Fred Taylor's 27.  The Cubists are
now in charge of the top three runners in the league.  Kordell Stewart
also had a season high 17, allowing owner Jason Moore to breath easy
about his past quarterback problems.  Word is, however, that Kordell
is not taking his benching for week 12 lightly.  In a good mood, for
once, Moore said, "I believe next year we should name this league 'The
King Jamo, his friend Chad and 8 Stingy Bastards League.'"  Not
likely.  The Good Cookies seem to be in a state of disarray.  Owner
Dan Weitz had taken the week off and given his lead to mortal enemy
Einir who did a very poor job.  Wayne Chrebet provided the lone
highlet making improbable catches and totaling 11.  Obviously
overmatched Donnell Bennett scored 0 as the Cookies lost their fifth
game in a row.  After dismissing Einur, owner Weitz was not in a good
mood, "Christ, I think Harry, mortal enemy #2 could have done a better
job.  Well, at least I have a chance to sweep Pipster next week."
Good luck, Good Cookies.

Key West Jerrytown Smokers 57  Bull City Bears 57  'Live by the tie,
die by the tie' should be the Bears' new motto as they put up big
yards, had sticky fingers but could not put the ball in the endzone.
The earlier season match up had also been a tie which went to the
Bears because they had less giveaways.  This game was decided by the
Smokers 4 touchdowns, while the Bears only managed to hit the dirty
boulevard twice.  Jerry Rice had a huge 14 point game considering that
he only had one score.  The other Bear TD was thrown in by surprise
starting QB Trent Green.  Unfortunately, Jesus wasn't able to heal
Mark Brunell's groin in time for the game.  Marshall Faulk had his
usual 8 and newcomer Michael Barrow chipped in 7.  Owner Randy
Chamber's plea to cut down on takeaways resulted in a widespread use
of stick'um (legal in this league) which turned into three fumble
recoveries.  An excited owner Don Cherry dedicated this Smoker win "to
the children."  His team was led by Terrance Mathis' 9 and Abdul
Jabbar's 10.  Brent Favre also had 17 but most of these points were on
fluky plays, so they deserve no special mention.  The Smokers do
deserve special mention for taking over the lead in field goals.
Kudos to you.

Syracuse 44's 62  UNC Duke Haters 52  In the second battle of
brothers, older John taught younger Phil a lesson that he is not soon
to forget.  The lesson, in John's words, "Rob Moore is awesome!"
Moore helped the 44 cause with 9 strong points.  He was aided by Steve
Young's subpar 14, Joey Galloway's 8, Adrian Murrell's 7 and Charles
Woodson's 8.  Al Del Greco had another strong game since being
released from the madhouse that is known as the Pancakes with 11
points.  In celebration, John helped himself to home-cooked cajun
steaks and stir fried vegetables.  He later had a few beers to wash
the victory meal down.  The Duke Haters, one game out of first for the
first time this season, wasted a season best performance by Emmitt
Smith.  Smith rammed three touchdowns down the throat of the 44
defense and totalled 23 points.  Marvcus Patton had another strong
game with 11, but the rest of the barely showed up as they combined 18
points.  QB Testaverde only had 4 points which was the same number of
turnovers he committed.  A fading Garrison Hearst only had 2 points
and to no ones surprise Tony McGee didn't score at all. Especially
disappointing, was the 4 points combined from WR Scott, Freeman and
Jett.  A little bird has told this reporter that all three were
outscored by RB Curtis Martin who was resting comfortably on the
Cubist bench.

Omaha Steaks 71  Allentown Chipmunks 40  The Steaks seemed to have
righted the ship since their early season slump and they polished off
the last place Chipmunks easily.  Featuring an incredibly balanced
attack, even the less than sterling play of owner favorite Donovin
Darius was overshadowed.  Among the six players scoring in double
figures were Aikman (10), Jermaine Lewis (11), omnipresent Marvin
Harrison (13), bum Longwell (13) and Chad Brown (14).  The Steaks
continue to boast the highest scoring defense.  In a move that can
only be seen as detrimental to the team's esprit de corps, running
back Raymont Harris was brought in.  In another move that looked
awfully funny on Saturday, the Chipmunks benched Drew Bledsoe in favor
of continually inebriated Kerry Collins.  Chipmunk fans thought that
owner Aaron Jacoby might be inebriated as well, but the move worked
out as Collins outpointed Bledsoe 10 to 9.  Sadly, he did not get much
help as the three wide receivers scored 4 points (including zero for
easy Ed McCafferty) and the two running backs got 6.  One bright spot
is the recent ascendance of DeWayne Washington to the number one
ranking in defensive backs.  Nevertheless, the Chipmunks who are the
worst tackling team in the league have give owner Jacoby an undue
amount of stress.  "We couldn't even tackle Punky Brewster out there
today," he grumbled referring to the show he lobbied CBS not to cancel.

County Coroners 57  BluePerry Pancakes 35  The Pancakes had promised
as a team to give a better show for the hometown crowd against the
Coroners than the 90-52 spanking they took in week three.  The
generous Coroners spared them another such humiliation, but the
Pancakes only totalled 35 points which will never be enough for a win.
 Despite being heckled by the knowledgeable Pancakes fans for being "a
system QB," Trent Dilfer led his team with 17 points.  Terrell Owens
had 10 and Ray Lewis had 12.  Ironically, Lewis knocked out Coroner RB
Natrone Means for a few weeks with a fractured foot which will not
help the team in the upcoming weeks.  Bert Emmanual also did not score
and will reside on the bench next week, replaced by Johnny Morton.
The astute Pancakes fans also threw many insults at owner Perry
Missner for his unwise waiver pick up of Edgar Bennett.  "That was a
very regrettable mistake," said a downtrodden Missner, "I thought he
would have a big game as a Bear and had forgotten how recently he was
dressed in disgusting puke yellow and barf green."  Bennett has since
been cut.  Steve McNair had the team's only TD and totalled 9 points.
No one else scored more than 5.  Despite having one catch for 24
yards, the rules committee decided to overlook Michael Irvin's efforts
and gave him zero points.  Missner has promised to bench his least
favorite player if he doesn't come up with some points next week.
Irvin rebutted, "I ain't afraid of you, ba-bee.  Next week, I am going
to score more times than Mr. Mac Daddy, Wilt Chamberlain."

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