Week 10

TOP STORY:  MISSNER MONDAY NIGHT MAGIC RUNS OUT - PANCAKES LOSE A TIE

Other Stories:  Cubists, Haters win, remain tied for league lead.

Bull City Bears 64  BluePerry Pancakes 64  In one of the quirks of
fantasy football, it is possible to lose a tie - and that's just what
the road weary Pancakes did.  According to the injunctive and
conjunctive by-laws of the rules committee, if two teams shall end
with the same amount of points, the team that scored the most
touchdowns shall win.  The Bears put the ball in the endzone 5 times
while the Pancakes were only able to hit pay dirt thrice.  It was the
second time the Bears had won a tie this season.  Local pundits
believed that owner Perry Missner would point the finger at his usual
high-on-crack whipping boy Michael Irvin but that proved to be the
opposite of the truth as Missner lowered the deadly Koko B. Ware chop
on kicker Joe Nedney who did not miss a kick.  "It's about time we cut
that idiot," declared Irvin who was already upset about being the #2
receiver.  The Pancakes were able to make the game close despite
playing without a QB.  John Elway only played a few plays because of
his delicate ribs.  New addition Keyshawn Johnson scored 10, Watters
had 17 and the defense scored 16.  Meanwhile, the Bears almost handed
the game away with four fumbles.  Owner Randy Chambers, who was going
with a three running back attack for the first time this season said,
"We handled the ball like it was Ricky Watt..., err, a greased pig!
Turnovers kill.  Lester Hayes, where are you?"  He was only semi-lucid
at the time.  The Bears played their usual consistent game with
everyone chipping in.  They were led by Morten Andersen's 11, Eddie
George's 10, and Marshall Faulk's 8.  The QB position remains a
strength for the Bears as they are the only team to not have a week of
zero or less from the point guard of the team.

Omaha Steaks 56  Syracuse 44's 43  This has been a long season for the
Steaks with few things to celebrate but finally owner Josh Wilk can
claim one thing:  He is the champion of apartment 2B.  After defeating
the 44's in a high scoring week 2 affair, the Steaks used the clock
wisely and ground out an injury-ravaged 44's team.  Knowing that first
half MVP Steve Young would not be playing, owner John Stoer put newly
acquired Randall Cunningham in the QB slot.  He received nothing in
return.  Robert Smith was the only 44 to score in double digits with
12.  Stoer is once again resorting to his gamey tactics by putting now
benched Ryan Leaf in as his QB against his brother next week.  Who is
he trying to fool?  Chad Brown led all of the Steaks with 14 points
but he was overshadowed by the 6 points that Donovin Darius chipped in
to lead all Syracuse grads in this game.  Old stand-bys Barry Sanders
and Troy Aikman also had good games for the Steaks.  Wilk, whose team
now boasts the top rated defense, was seen after the game smoking a
big fat stogy and was heard to say, "The day I picked up Darius was
the day this became a team.  Aah, Donovin."

San Francisco Cubists 81  Allentown Chipmunks 49  On paper, this game
seemed like a mismatch.  And it was.  The top rated team and winner of
6 in a row coming into the match up was in a surly mood after watching
a quarterback carousel of trades without them being included despite
the generous offers of benchwarmers Curtis Martin and Antowain Smith.
Much like last week, the Cubists used the three headed monster running
attack of Davis, Anderson and Taylor to net 42 points.  They were also
given nice performances by Cris Carter (9) and QB Jake Plummer (9).
It was third straight week that owner Jason Moore's team has scored
over 75 points and the giddy owner could barely stop from giggling at
his post game press conference:  "The Chipmunks ...  hee hee hee ...
They played really...  hoo hee hee ... good.  I give them ... ha hoo
hee ...  all the credit in the ...  her  hee hao ... world."  The
Chipmunks knew that they had an uphill battle and they left everything
they had on the field.  On Sunday, they were led by "Everyday" Ed
McCafferty and Steve "My Left Foot" Christie who each had a dozen.
Going into Monday night's game, Dwayne Washington knew he had to score
46 points for the Chipmunks to tie.  He came up short, but he did have
a nice 14 points.  A visibly weakened Aaron Jacoby couldn't even curse
out the three players (Riemersma, McCardell and Thomas) who probably
should have stayed at home as well.

UNC Duke Haters 62  Ripon Good Cookies Part 2 29  This match up
pitting child prodigy Phil Stoer's #1 team against the weak sister of
the league also turned out to be not much of a match.  The Haters, who
are led by one of the league's most conservative owners in that he has
17 of his original 20 players, were led by Vinny Testaverde's 21
points.  Speaking of this conservatism, Stoer the Younger was heard to
ponder out loud, "Oh, Byron Hanspard, where are you now?"  Marvcus
Patton also had a nice 11.  Tony McGee had one point which increased
speculation that he might be traded.  To add insult to injury, Emmitt
Smith nailed Dan Weitz's team with 11.  "And I wear my Emmitt jersey
every Sunday," lamented Weitz.  The Cookies, who have not broken 30
points three weeks in a row were led by Wayne Chrebet's 10 (2 points
for tackles) and the defense notched another 15.  Not that it
mattered, but both defensive bench players for the Cookies scored
touch downs.  The Cookies were let down by the play of Warren Moon
(-2), Vanderjagt (0), and Andre Hastings (0 for the third week in a
row).  Owner Weitz was so discouraged by his team's performance that
he has vowed to let his mortal enemy Einor take over the reigns for
next week's battle with the Cubists.

County Coroners 67  Key West Jerrytown Smokers 58  Before the game,
owner Don Cherry and his players were heard shouting in unison, "This
one is all about pride, baby."  And in a way, the Smokers sent a
message back to their few remaining fans in Key West by getting a line
up of 10 players that were actually playing.  None of them were on
bye, none of them were injured and all of them scored.  "I believe we
have a good vibe going on out there with health, peace and happiness
being imbibed in record amounts," said Cherry.  Health, peace and
happiness aside, they lost.  Charlie Garner, who most owners would
have cut after his crucial give away last week rebounded with 12
points.  "Forgiveness is the key," intoned Cherry.  Rocket Ismail had
10.  The Smokers had a chance to win going into Monday night if they
had received a big showing from QB Brent Farve, but he only gave his
team 4 points.  The normally reserved Cherry snorted, "What can you
expect?  The guy is an inbred moron!"  The happy-go-lucky Coroners
were led a record-tying performance from Terrell Owens (22) and
received big points from the inconsistent Dilfer (15) and Ray Lewis
(13).  Surrounded by his security, the mysterious owner Chad Nuss
could not be reached for comment on the win or the poor performances
of Dunn, Morton, Means (all 1's) or Cleeland (0).

--------Bored Out of My Mind Press-----------------