1988 Summer Olympics  +       

I was walking down the street with a friend in Richmond, Virginia, one day not so long ago. The occasion? The Watermelon Festival! Street vendors galore! And whats this? A cd booth? $1 per cd! Wow. There must be some real gold in here. The 1988 Summer Olympics? For $1? How can I possibly go wrong. I went home, and realized that something was amiss. I had gone wrong.

A

AC/DC: Live ****

I must say, this is a tasty bundle of joy. Plenty of energy, although they don’t differ much at all from their studio work. Terrific stuff. At the very least, you get a greatest hits out of it.

Adam Sandler: They’re All Gonna Laugh At You! ***

Adam Sandler? Isn’t he the guy that I found hilarious in grade 7? Yeah, he is the guy! Oh Adam… screw that. This album is still funny. Ridiculously immature, often garbage, but sometimes terrific.

Aerosmith: Get A Grip    **

Aerosmith: Night in the Ruts

Aerosmith: Nine Lives

Aerosmith: Pump

Aerosmith: Toys In the Attic

Well… I won’t lie. I got these Aerosmith cd’s burnt in October (with the exception of Get A Grip, which I bought for $2.50, and which is awful), and havn’t listened to them yet. They aren’t on my agenda. Ok, they are now. Maybe.

Alanis Morisette – MTV Unplugged

Oooh! Alanis! And that’s all I have to say about that.

Alice Cooper: Greatest Hits ***

Alice In Chains – Dirt

Alligator Records – Crucial Slide Guitar Blues

Alligator Records – Crucial Guitar Blues

Allman Brothers – Live at Fillmore East

America Rocks: 70’s New Rock ****

Andrew Vincent and the Pirates – A Short Trip With The Pirates

Andrew Vincent and the Pirates – I Love The Modern Way

The Animals – A Self Titled Greatest Hits Compilation From HMV

April Wine: Greatest Hits Live 2003 (2 disc) ***+

Well, they may be old men, but they can still rock out quite nicely indeed. There are some nice solos on here, a great cover of a King Crimson tune, and every song is at least decent. There’s an old Chinese proverb that goes something like this – “You may be ashamed about your love for April Wine, but there will always be a Trooper to make you feel good about it. Trooper sucks.”

Aqua *+

I’m a Barbie girl, living in a Barbie World. My grade 6 anthem. Yes, I’m ashamed. But would I change it? Not for the world. Not for the world.

Argyle – August ‘04

Audioslave

Audioslave. Rage Against the Machine minus one awesome singer, plus one crappy one. Still a pretty good band though. Tom Morello remains the man.

B

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: BTO’s Greatest **+

I was really surprised to find out that BTO started in the early 70’s. That was pretty surprising, but it really surprised me because it means that The Guess Who were from the mid-late 60’s. I just expected the Guess Who to be mid 70’s and BTO to be early 80’s. I guess that it also means that I give both bands I tiny bit of extra credit for originality, though not much. Actually, none for BTO. A bit for the Guess Who. Anyhow… There really isn’t anything interesting or unique about these guys, but they wrote a few solid songs. Hey You and Takin’ Care of Business are the best songs on the album, with You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet, Flat Broke Love and Let It Ride getting honorable mention. The rest of it gets old pretty fast. Most of the songs drag on at least a little bit. So just download those songs, and be happy with that. Although most stores have one of their greatest hits cds for less than $10, so I guess if you want to spend your money on something…

Barenaked Ladies: All Their Greatest Hits, Disc One (1992 – 2001) **+

These guys are the pride of Canada? Wow.

Beach Boys: 20 Golden Greats ***

Well… the Beach Boys are pretty cool, I guess. I don’t know if I should feel ashamed about that or not. In 1961 though, there wasn’t really any other good music, so their simple existence during that time makes them good enough for me.

Beastie Boys – Hello Nasty!

Beastie Boys – Ill Communication

Beastie Boys – License to Ill

Beatles: One ****+

Yeah, you want me to give them five stars? Well screw off! The Beatles aren’t getting five stars. For one thing, I’m not a huge Beatles fan. For another thing, a bunch of my favorite Beatles tunes aren’t on here. Damn those songs for not being #1’s. LSD, A Day in The Life and I Am The Walrus aren’t on here.

Beck – Mellow Gold

Beck – Midnight Vultures

Beck – Mutations

Beck – Odelay

Beck – Sea Change

Bell-Rays – A Grand Fury

Big Shiny 90’s (2-disc compilation)  ****

Well… I must say that every time I listen to this, I like it less. It is 2 cd’s of the most popular songs of the 90’s. Therefore, I’ve heard most of them too much by now. And I never, ever, want to hear Porno for Pyros.

Big Shiny Tunes 2 ***+

Oh the memories. Screaming Song 2 during lunch in my grade 6 portable. Actually, I think that back when this first came out, I never listened past track 8. Just thought you should know that.

Big Shiny Tunes 3 ****

Big Shiny Tunes 4 ***+

Big Shiny Tunes 5 **

Big Shiny Tunes 7 *+

Nickelback, Staind, Theory Of A Deadman, Puddle of Mudd, Jimmy Eat World, Sum 41. How can you possibly argue with that lineup? (er… that was sarcasm, just for the record. For those of you that can’t detect e-sarcasm.)

Big Wreck: In Loving Memory Of… ****

Billy Idol – Greatest Hits

He could have made his greatest hits an EP, but I don’t complain.

Billy Joel – Greatest Hits (2 Disc) **+

I’ll get back with something witty for this one. Just you wait.

Black Crowes – Shake Your Money Maker

Black Crowes – The Southern Harmony and Musical Companion

Black Crowes – Amorica

Black Eyed Peas – Elephunk

Black Keys – Rubber Factory

Black Keys – Thickfreakness

Black Keys – The Big Come Up ****+

Whoa! They know how to rock in Ohio? (note – I just realized that the rock and roll hall of fame is in Ohio) This album is made of 50% guitar, 50% drums, and 100000000% AWESOME. Anyhow… Bluesy rock. 2 man band. Ridiculously powerful sound for 2 guys.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Self Titled

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Take Them On, On Your Own

Black Sabbath – Live at Last

Black Sabbath – Paranoid

Blade (Soundtrack.. Not the real one. Some promo dealy) **

Bloodhound Gang: One Fierce Beer Coaster **+

As embarrassed as I am to say this, there are some pretty clever lyrics in here. Yes, the album is made for grade 7’s, but clever stuff, sometimes.

Bloodhound Gang: Use Your Fingers +

Nothing clever. Nothing good. Total crap. Grade 7’s wrote this album, it would seem. If by grade 7’s I mean grade 5 kids. If by grade 5 kids I mean… 

Blue Man Group ***

Some cool sounds in here. Gets old after a while. See them live though. Amazing.

Blue Oyster Cult – Agents of Fortune

Blue Oyster Cult – Spectres

Blue Rodeo – Nowhere To Here

Bluesativa: ST

Blues Brothers: The Definitive Collection ****

Blues purists, avert your eyes. I love this cd. The Blues Brothers, a cover band consisting of John Belushi and Dan Ackroyd, and a bunch of really good bluesmen behind them, are better than they have any right to be. I’m personally a really big fan of Belushi’s vocals (and Ackroyd’s backing vocals and harmonica)… he’s got a great blues voice. Another nice thing about this cd is the range of covers that they do… they cover Randy Newman, Isaac Hays, a bunch of blues bands, and also The Coasters and The Chips, a couple doo wop bands. The Chips song, Rubber Biscuit, is awesome – pretty much Ackroyd singing pure doo wop gibberish. The intro to the Coasters song, Cell Block Number Nine (and outro to Newman’s song, Guilty) is awesome. A couple other standout tracks are Everybody Needs Somebody To Love, and Think (sung by Aretha Franklin). Anybody who has seen the movie The Blues Brothers probably knows those two. And then, Dan Ackroyd got fat and John Belushi got dead. And I got sad.

Blues Guitar Duels –

Blues Guitar Power –

Blues Traveller – Four

Blur: The Best Of ***+

Bob Dylan: Greatest Hits ****

Bob Dylan: The Essential (2 disc greatest hits) ****

Bob Log III – Log Bomb

Bob Marley & The Wailers – Legends

Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band – Greatest Hits

Just might be one of the blandest bands ever. He wrote some ok songs. But so damn boring. I mean… Holy bored, batman.

Booker T and the MG’s – Greatest Hits

Bon Jovi – Crossroads

Brian Setzer Orchestra – Dirty Boogie

Best of British Blues Volume 1

Best of British Blues Volume 2

Bruce Springsteen – Greatest Hits

Buddy Holly – From The Original Mastertapes

Built To Spill – Ancient Melodies of the Future

Built To Spill – Keep It Like A Secret

Bush: 6teen Stone ***+

Bush: Golden State ***

Bush: Razorblade Suitcase **+

Bush: The Science of Things ***

To be honest, I feel dirty giving these guys an average of 3 stars. They are completely uninteresting. I don’t know why I own all of their cds. I guess the main reason is that 3 or them are burnt and the other 2 I got for $2.50 each. Yeah, that’s my reason.

Bush – Deconstructed +

Can you say money grab? Who was the moron that came up with the idea of making an album of Bush remixes.

By Divine Right – Bless This Mess ***+

I hereby bless this mess. The first dose of By Divine Right that I got was a little song that I like to call 5 Bucks. Luckily, that’s what By Divine Right decided to call it, so we had something in common from the very beginning of our relationship. Anyhow, 5 Bucks is an amazing song, and you’d best get it in a hurry. Drive-Thru, if you know what I mean. However, we should start at the beginning. BDR is a Canadian band that put out their first album in 1995. I have yet to get my greasy paws on it, but I will. The band is kind of starting to maybe get little bit of a fanbase (that’s a lie), now that they’ve had 3 albums (first this one (1999), then Good Morning Beautiful (2001), then Sweet Confusion (2004) with songs that have seen a bit of radio play. I think that’s right, at least. I might be lying to you again though, so watch out. I’m as deadly as a snake, and twice as deceptive. The song varies from faintly technoish mid-pace rock (I just completely made up a genre), such as Come For A Ride (another great song), to purely awesome gulps of rock syrup like “5 Bucks” and “Who Am I”, to slow soft acousticy pearls of beauty. Which, by the way, I don’t generally like as much as the gulps of rock syrup. I absolutely love the vocals for this band, provided by a cool cat that goes by the name of Jose Contreras. He has a really sincere, emotional (but not in the crappy emo whiny style of emotion) feel to his voice. He has so much soul. And 5 bucks. The music for these guys is great too, even though I can’t really describe it. I will try again in a different By Divine Right review. Which I’ll probably be typing up in 20 minutes. But, as the French say, you can’t win them all. What songs should you check out, did you ask? Well, obviously you’ve already listened to 5 Bucks since I recommended it at the beginning of the review and you seeked it out immediately. Other than that, get Who Am I, Nothing-A-Go-Go and Goodbye Paralyzer. I gave this a 3.5/5 just based on a few songs that I’m really not a fan of (mostly the slower stuff).

By Divine Right – Sweet Confusion

By Divine Right – Good Morning Beautiful ****

Good morning to you, too. I have only 2 problems with this album. The first is the opening track, Dedication. It’s a pretty solid song, but its extremely soft and quiet, and is not a fitting opening song. It would probably have worked much better as a closer. The other problem is that some of the songs, such as Angels, Hugger of Trees and Kick This Bummer drag on a bit. It’s not a big problem for me, but it would probably improve the album a bit if they were shorter. And now onto the good stuff. Tracks 2-6 are amazing… Supernatural, Soul Explosion, Stella Heart Ocean (a song about how the ocean sucked up the US embassy?), Powersuit, and Sweet Lovin’. After that, the album slips a bit, but not horribly. Medicine, One More City, and Back To You are all great songs too. I like this album better than Bless This Mess mainly because it is a bit more upbeat. I think it is simply better in almost every way, and if not for the two problems mentioned above, it may have gotten an extra half of a gold star sticker.

C

Cake: Fashion Nugget ***+

The Dobbins Report

It appears that Dobbins and I meet again. This was my first Cake album, and it’s a pretty solid one. These guys have a very distinct sound… Which I can’t describe at all. But listen to a couple of their songs, and you’ll know what I mean. The album opens with Frank Sinatra (a really good song, in my opinion), and then kicks into the first Cake song that I ever heard (and the song that got me into them), The Distance. Cool bass in that song. The third song, Friend Is A Four Letter word is a pretty slow song, but the guitar in it is awesome. It’s simple, but really powerful guitar somehow. The trumpet is good too. Crap. I’m listening to the fourth song right now, Open Book. I really didn’t plan to go through this cd song by song. I really didn’t. This song isn’t too amazing. It’s got a really cool intro, and pretty solid lyrics. Next song, Daria. The music is really good, actually the lyrics are pretty good too. I don’t like the chorus though. Just him saying Daria. And it bugs me. Next song is called Race Car Ya-Yas… and talks about “the land where large fuzzy dice still hang proudly like testicles from rearview mirrors.” So that makes the song worthwhile. And then the song that is probably one of my favorite covers of anything ever. With a great bass line. I Will Survive. They turn this song into a really tasty groove. Awesome guitarwork in here too. They head off in a different direction for track 8 with a hillbilly lick singing about cars. The music is actually pretty cool on it. The lyrics are lame. Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps and It’s Coming Down are nothing to write home about. Or write a review about. And then there was Nugget. Awesome song. It’s a bit of a rap I guess, but backed by awesome music. I know what you’re thinking right now – “Ok, I get it. These guys can play lots of styles. But they would never play country. Never!” Wrong, you fools! She’ll Come Back To Me. Pure country. I’m not a big fan of this one. It goes nowhere… Except into the next song, Italian Leather Sofa! I love the music to this song. And the lyrics too. Back into Cake style. Whatever that is. Traditionally, the last song, Sad Songs and Waltzes has been my least favorite song on the cd. But the lyrics are great. The music doesn’t do it for me, but I guess that’s kind of the point of the song. You’ll know what I mean when you hear it. So yup, Cake. A very versatile, very talented band. I think I should give them 3.5 stars, just because I’m never in the mood for Cake. But they get 4.

Cake: Prolonging the Magic **+

This cd just doesn’t do it for me. I can’t even pin down what the problem is. There isn’t as much cool, upbeat music for one thing I guess. It also lacks multiple great songs. Mexico is a great slow song, even if the music’s a bit bland. Sheep Go To Heaven is probably the coolest song on this album. The music is classic Cake… groovemastic. The lyrics are awesome. “Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell.” Brilliant. Another awesome song on this cd is Hem of Your Garment. The music is great, pure funk. I also like Alpha Beta Parking Lot, mostly because the title is gibberish. But it’s a good song outside of that too. Let Me Go is great too, with really nicely delivered vocals and good twiddly guitar. This cd is good enough to Prolong The Magic, I guess. But not much more.

Cake: Comfort Eagle ****

Of my Cake cd’s (I don’t have Motorcade of Generosity), Comfort Eagle is probably my favorite. The grooves are funkier, and the rest is fresh like American apple Cake. Onwards… Opens with an awesome song, Opera Singer, which is basically the life of a dairy farmer… er… Opera Singer. Just checking if you were paying attention. Good song. One thing about Cake that kind of sets them apart are the chorusy fuzzy guitar bits that happen once in a while. Otherwise, its pretty quick little twiddles. It’s a very bass driven band, but the guitar is great. Short Skirt/Long Jacket was probably my favorite Cake song for a while. It was their single from this album, methinks. Anyhow… I’m sick of it now, so I’ll give my memory of it. Great song. Now that that’s over with… Commissioning a Symphony in C is another song with great music and lyrics. It’s about Commissioning a Symphony In C. If I knew about that kind of stuff, I might be able to explain why that’s an unusual thing to do, but it is apparently. I really cherish Arco Arena, a short instrumental with a really heavy feel to it, even though it isn’t. Comfort Eagle’s another good typical Cake song, which you’ve heard if you’ve seen Shallow Hal. My favorite song on here is called Love you Madly. Awesome bass on this song, cool trademark Cakian guitar. And a really poppy chorus. Is awesome. All of the other songs are good, which I guess makes this album 4 stars. I hate it when I don’t feel like I gave an album enough credit, like now. I think my problem with Cake is that they sort of feel like a novelty band. I don’t really think that I’d like them if they weren’t, but it makes me never really feel like listening to them, so four stars. 

Johnny Cash – American 4: The Man Comes Around

CCR: The Best Of (2 disc) ****

Changed – A Tribute To Change Of Heart ****

Let me start with some shocking news. I have never heard a single song by Change of Heart. But, By Divine Right are on this cd and they told me to buy it, so I got it. And its pretty good. It opens really well with a cover of the song “Directions for Going” by Babs Eager and The Flaming Chihuahuas. It then heads into uncharted territory with a technoish cover of “Mystery” by Rebecca West. So I still don’t know what kind of band Change Of Heart really is. But they seem cool. Into a Flaming Lipsish third track by the Mercurymen… still cool. Track 4, “Pat’s Decline” by Clack Babbage is great. Acousticy for most of it, but with cool heavier bits a couple times in the middle. I’m sure that it’s a really well done cover. Track 5 is kinda Dave Matthewsy. Not too impressive, though not awful. Track 6, “There You Go” by Wayne Omaha” starts off with some really creepy keyboard, and then rocks into one of the best songs on the cd. And then gets creepy again. Track 7 is kinda ambient technoey stuff. Track 8 gets the cd rocking again. Garagey punk. The next track is one of the best…. “Yeah, It Matters” by Don Kerr. A bit of a weird speed, I think. Jumble of noises at the beginning, with a cool sounding electric violin throughout. “Erosion” by Chris Brown is good too. He’s got a cool voice, and there are wacky noises going on in the background. And the foreground. Track 11 is another technoey song. I like this one quite a bit, actually. Jumble of drums. And voices saying random things. Just like Change of Heart may have done. The next song, by Moonkarma struck me as sort of slow Nine Inch Nails style. Really good. And I like the band name. Moonkarma. Its like karma… but moony karma. Do you have good karma, bad karma, or moonkarma? It’s an important question that everybody should ask themselves at least once in their lives. Track 13 is unimpressive, though I guess its ok. Parts of it somehow remind me of slower bits from Alice in Chains – Rooster. There is no reason for this, but it does. On track 14, By Divine Right do a cool funky groove for “What My Paws Can’t Move”. Extremely cool song. There’s a cool guitar solo in it too. It finishes with a pretty straightforward rock’n’roll song by Fieldboss.

So… I declare this to be an awesome cd. Makes me want to hear stuff by the actual band. And someday I will. I promise. Unless, of course, I have a change of heart. Teehee.

4         I actually just found out a little about the band. It wasn’t easy. Anyhow… I think they kinda started out as a funk/dance band, fronted by a young lad named Luther Vandross. He left, and they started rockin’ out a bit more. I think that most of the stuff on this cd is post-Luther.

Cheap Trick: Surrender **

Chemical Brothers – Dig Your Own Hole

The Clash – The Clash

The Clash – London Calling

The Clash – Combat Rock

Clinic – Walking With Thee

Coldplay – A Rush of Blood to the Head

Coldplay – Parachutes

Collective Soul: Disciplined Breakdown ***+

Collective Soul – Hints, Allegations, And Things Left Unsaid

Collective Soul: Seven Year Itch (Greatest hits) ****

The Constantines – Self Titled ***

I saw these guys at the Tulip festival in Ottawa and I loved them. Not at first, but they grew on me, to the point that I bought their cds. And listening to them somewhat carefully, I’m not totally impressed, but I like them. The only thing that really sets them apart is probably the vocals. The singer has this cool breathy edge to his voice. Imagine Darth Vader (with his mask turned down quite a bit) singing in the shower. That might be a bad description, but you’ll have to use your imagination. The music itself isn’t totally bland, actually. The drums and bass are definitely better than most, and there is nice chemistry between the two. The guitar is pretty uninteresting most of the time, although it has its moments.  I wouldn’t say that there are any incredible songs on this cd though.

The Constantines – Shine A Light ***+

Well… check out my review for the self titled cd if you want to know what the band sounds like. But just for the sake of acting professional in my reviewing, I’ll say something about their sound in this review. They sound like a heavier version of the Tragically Hip. I like this cd more than the self titled one. I really like two of the songs on it – Nighttime/Anytime and Insectivora. Shine a Light is good too. I actually think that this cd may just deserve 4 stars. And a better description of the band. But they aren’t gonna get either of them for now. Actually, I just realized that there’s a bit of Dave Matthew’s in these guys too. Just for the record, I hate Dave Matthews. But he’s here. Stealthy Dave, they call him. And we’ll call the heaviness AC DC. I know, I know, a little bit extreme. So yeah, the Bradley Theorem…  Tragically Hip + Dave Matthews + ACDC + Darth Vader / 4 = The Constantines.

The Coral – The Coral

The Coral – Magic and Medicine

The Coral – Nightfreak and the Sons of Becker

Cowboy Mouth: Easy ***+

The Cure – Self Titled

Curve Music Sampler

Custom: Custom ***

D

The D4 – 6Twenty ****

Welcome to 4 of the greatest D’s ever. The 4 D’s. The D4. 4 Dozen? No! 4. Just 4. 4 Ds.

Well, I’m glad that’s out of my system. Or is it? What does D stand for? Not dozen, we already decided that. 4 Decades? Nar. 4 Dreary Chad Kroeger lovers. Heavens no! 4 Dogs? No, that’s just silly. Tenacious? No, because Tenacious doesn’t begin with a D, obviously. 4 Doubtlessly Rockin’ Rollin’ Fellows from Australia? I’m pretty sure that’s what the D stands for. 

Anyhow… great garagey rock band. A little more skilled than the average band out there though, I’d say. There are a bunch of tasty-cake guitar solo’s in here, a couple juicy (but thick, like a milkshake) bass solos, and some nice tom-drummery. And there are lyrics too. Not very good ones, but they’re there. Take my word for it.

It opens scrumptiously, with a very rockingly fast first song. Rock and Roll Motherfucker. That’s what the songs called. Not what I’m saying. Even though it is. So I guess I agree. Well, rock and roll. The cd may not quite be motherfuckerful. That can be Chad Kroeger’s job. Because he sucks. And he’s a human placebo. Yeah, you like that insult, don’t you? You’re gonna go running around calling people human placebo’s, aren’t you. I know. I deserve an award for that one. So yeah, onwards with the review. From henceforth whencewards, there will be no more random talking. Everything I say will be about the cd. Guaranteed. The next song is the closest thing to a single from this cd, called Get Loose. Another really good song. Get up, get out, get loose. The breakneck pace is maintained through the third song (god.. did I really just phrase it that way. So un-D4 of me. They would have said something like… ROCK AND ROLL MOTHERFUCKER! Anyhow… track 3 is called Party. Do you get the idea? This isn’t a “hmm… I’m going to sit around and reflect on life for a couple hours” kind of cd. This is a “hmm… YES! We shall prance mindlessly with great vigor tonight!”

Mmmm… next song! Called Come On. Opens with some bombastic bassery. I shouldn’t have used bombastic, I know, but I wanted some alliteration to happen. A couple other songs of note… Exit To The City actually has some ok lyrics. Nothing life-altering, but they’re solid. And it’s got a tasty guitar solo. And cool music throughout anyhow. They kinda got a Guns ‘n’ Roses thing going on towards the end. You’ll see what you mean when you listen. And you will listen.

Heartbreaker is just an awesome song. The vocals are great. The music is great. Everything is great. Ladies Man starts out with another awesome intro. Thumpy thump thump on the drums. Biddly Biddle Bid on the bass and whaong whaong whaong on the guitar. Can you picture it better now? Good intro, eh? Anyhow, another great song. And then comes the cd’s best song. Pirate Love, a Johnny Thunders cover. Awesome intro. Delicious guitar and bass solos. I could eat those all day long. Perfect cover. I actually like it better than the original. The rest of the cd goes on in much the same way… straightforward rock and roll. A nice guitar solo on Rebekah, cool music for Mysterex. Good other songs. Basically, this is not a cd to sit down and think about. Or review. So, if you don’t want to be put in a good, upbeat energetic mood, go listen to Dave Matthews. Or Chad Kroeger, the human placebo himself.

Daft Punk – Homework

Dashboard Confessional – MTV Unplugged *+

I’ve never been a big Dashboard fan anyhow, but I liked them enough to get a friend to burn this for me. Its horrible. For the entire cd, the damn audience (which seems to be mostly 15-25 year old women with nothing better to do then worship Chris Carraberra (sp?)) is singing along. This probably happens at a lot of the concerts for crappy bands, but the sound producer dudes usually have the decency to limit the crowd noise. God this cd is annoying. As in, so annoying that if you ever see it in a cd store, break the cd case in 2 so that nobody will have to suffer through listening to it. You might even be able to throw that on your resume as volunteer work.

The Datsuns – Self Titled

The Datsuns – Outta Sight Outta Mind

David Bowie: Best of Bowie: ‘69 – ‘74 ****+

Miles Davis – Kind of Blue

Dazed and Confused (Soundtrack) ****

Death From Above 1979 – You’re A Woman, I’m A Machine

Deep Purple – Shades of Deep Purple

Deep Purple – Deep Purple in Rock

Deep Purple: Nobody’s Perfect ***

Def Leppard – Pyromania

Depeche Mode – The Singles 1986-1998 (2 Disc)

Detroit Rock City: Soundtrack ****

Devo – Greatest Hits

Devo – Greatest Misses

Dio – Holy Diver

All hail Dio, savior of Black Sabbath. Actually, no. This guy sucks. But he’s probably still the savior of Black Sabbath [ducks].

Dire Straits – Sultans of Swing – Greatest Hits ***+

4 stars may be a bit generous, but these guys have enough really good songs that I don’t feel too bad doing it. They also have a few really crappy songs on this cd. Their good stuff has a pretty unique sound, with Mark Knopfler’s cool twiddly guitar playing, and a pretty good voice. I’d say that there are 6 great songs on this cd, and at least 5 more decent songs. Good enough for me.

Dispatch: mix **+

About a year ago, I really liked these guys. I couldn’t find any of their albums in Ottawa, so I downloaded a ton of their stuff, and threw it on a cd. I now really don’t like them at all, although they do have a few good songs. Most of their stuff is just soft acoustic crap. Boring as hell (boring as hell would be without the evil dude and fire).

Dynamite Hack – Superfast

E

Eagles: Greatest Hits 71-75

Eagles: Greatest Hits Volume 2 ***+

Eddie Money: The Best Of…

Elastica - Elastica

Elefant – Sunlight Makes Me Paranoid

ELO – Greatest Hits

Elton John – Greatest Hits 1

Elton John – Greatest Hits 2

Elton John – Greatest Hits 3

Elvis Costello – The Very Best of… (2 Disc)

Empire Records

Eric Clapton: The Cream of Clapton ***+

I hate this guy. I’m sorry. I just do. “Ooh, I’m Eric Clapton. I was once in Cream, but they rocked too hard. So I decided to go on a solo career and make adult contemporary crap. And all of my good solo songs will be JJ Cale covers.” That’s what he said. I heard him say it.

Eric Clapton: Unplugged ***

See above. Multiply by 5.

Eve 6: Eve 6 ***

Once upon a time, only about 5 months ago, I really liked this band. I got really excited when the were the headliners for the “Essential” Music Tour with Yellowcard and Jersey. So I went to the show. I now hate the band. They were so crappy sounding and immature during the show, that I can never enjoy listening to their music quite as much again. This is their best cd, though.

Eve 6: Horrorscope **

Welcome to Eve 6’s worst cd. Most of it is whiny crap. The stuff that isn’t whiny is just crap.

Eve 6: It’s All In Your Head **+

Once again, it’s mostly whiny crap. It doesn’t bother me as much though. There is only one really bad song.

Even More Dazed and Confused (soundtrack) ***

Everclear: Slow Motion Daydream ***+

Well… its probably Everclear’s worst cd. Maybe one of the two worst. But it’s still Everclear. The big single from it, Volvo Driving Soccer Mom is entertaining mindless pop, while songs such as New York Times and Sunshine are just good songs. After this cd, the band broke up, which at once is both sad and kind of a relief. They just aren’t putting out great music anymore. I hope to see more from Alexakis in the future though. I don’t know in what form that would be, and I don’t really expect it, so I guess I’m unhappy that they’ve broken up. The music in this album, with the exception of Blackjack, is pretty light. Once again, the focus is put on Art’s lyrics. They aren’t quite as whiny in this one. I guess they’re a bit more reflective than the previous albums. But that’s that. The end of Everclear. Argh. They should get back together.

Everclear: So Much For The Afterglow ****+

Everclear’s third album. The music in this one is way more upbeat than the previous albums, and isn’t really grungy at all. The lyrics on the other hand, are still angry and depressed. This is the album where Art first had real money and had gotten over his addictions, and it really lost a lot of the anger of the other two. Somehow, though, it still doesn’t seem forced. And the music is great. And the lyrics are great. And it gets 4.5 stars.

Everclear: Songs From An American Movie Vol. 2 ***+

Of all of the everclear albums, this is the one that I’ve listened to the least. Mostly because it’s burnt and skips a lot. I like most of the songs  in this. The lyrics are a bit weak for everclear, but they don’t offend me with their weakness at all. I do wonder though how sincere this cd is… I mean, Art is long over his drug issues, he’s got oodles of money, he’s a rockstar… so how long can he keep on singing about those things? The passion just isn’t there for some of these songs.

Everclear: Songs From An American Movie Vol.1 ****

Songs from an American Movie 1 and 2 came out at the same time, but they are very different albums. Volume 1 is Everclear’s poppiest, lightest album. That isn’t to say that it isn’t good… it is. There are some great songs on here, such as AM Radio and Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison cover). There are still the typical depressed everclear songs. This cd is also the host of my least favorite Everclear song, Honeymoon. Or the Honeymoon Song. Something like that. Give them credit though for trying out other instruments than guitar bass and drum. This album would probably do better than 4stars if it didn’t have the honeymoon song and especially didn’t have the god-awful obligatory song about his daughter. I should probably give this more. Outside of those two songs, I’ll say 4.5.

Everclear: Sparkle and Fade *****

This… is just a great album. The music is much less dirty than World of Noise, which gives it bonus points for me. Not to say that the music is perfectly clean. There’s still plenty of distortion and all that jazz to go around. However, the music seems secondary to the lyrics in this, or at the very least the lyrics are more prominent and highlighted than in World of Noise. The lyrics are just as bitter and angry although his voice is much more developed for this. He does less of the screaming banshee style singing, and more of the soft “look at me, I don’t have to scream and I still sound like the most angry person ever” style. Between singing about his addiction to his aunt’s suicide to how hard people are on him for having a black girlfriend, Art Alexakis delivers a compact disc of fury (a compact disc of fury? What did I just say?), but this one seems more reflective than world of noise. This is the sound of a band that has matured as musicians and a singer/songwriter who has truly come into his own. The big single from the cd, Santa Monica, shows the future of Everclear…

Everclear: World of Noise ****+

I’ve just had an epiphany. This is one of the most perfect albums I own. Firstly, it was made for well under $1000. The music is extremely dirty, which I usually hate. But it is amazingly appropriate for this album... The lyrics are angry and depressed, and Art Alexakis screams them out with more passion than any other singer that I can think of. The music itself is so raw. There is nothing in this cd that suggests insincerity, no signs of forced lyrics or emotion. I will also say that I often have trouble listening to this cd. But every aspect of it, from the underproduction to Alexakis’ raw emotion is perfect. And Fire Maple Song is one of the best songs ever. On a bad note though, most of the music is pretty unvaried… mostly straightforward loud grunge.

F

Fastball: Painting the Corners, the best of Fastball ***

Fats Domino – Whole Lotta Loving

Fenix tx: Fenix tx *+

Fiftymen – After Darkfall *+

Mmmm… country.

Flaming Lips – The Satellite Heart

Fleetwood Mac – Greatest Hits (2 Disc) **

I really hate this band. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it’s the crappy music. Maybe it’s the singer. Maybe it’s the lyrics. Maybe it’s just that they suck. Who knows?

Foo Fighters: Self Titled ***

Foo Fighters: The Colour and the Shape ***+

Foo Fighters: There Is Nothing Left to Lose **+

Franz Ferdinand – Self Titled ***+

Franz Ferdinand is a really cool band in desperate need of a songwriter. The current one has the attention span of a fruit fly. Most of the songs on this cd involve about one line of verse for every line of chorus. But the music is really groovy. Check out Dark of the Matinee, Tell Her Tonight, and of course, Take Me Out.

Freezepop – Fancy Ultra-Fresh

Fun Loving Criminals – Come Find Yourself

The Futureheads - ST

G

Generation X – The Definitive Sound of 90’s Indie

Gentleman Reg – Darby and Joan

George Carlin: Parental Advisory, Explicit Lyrics **

I’m going to start by saying that comedy is not meant to be listened to on a cd. It’s just not worth it. Buy a dvd, or download the stuff. I love George Carlin, but the cd just doesn’t do it for me.  

George Harrison: All Things Must Pass (2 Disc)

George Thorogood: Live ***

Gin Blossoms – Congratulations, I’m Sorry

The Go – Whatcha’ Doin

Godzilla: The Album **+

Firstly, what the hell was Jimmy Page thinking? Why did he play Kashmir for Puff Daddy? And why did he need Tom Morello to help him? I'm just imagining Godzilla dancing to that song. And stepping on Puff Daddy. And I clap. (if you are confused by the last few sentences, Jimmy Page and Tom Morello played Kashmir and Puff Daddy rapped over it for a song called come with me). And then after Puff Daddy gets stepped on, Page and Morello jam for a while, and I get to wallow in the sonic delights. Heroes, by the Wallflowers, opens the album nicely. The Puff Daddy song then proceeds to bring it down about 12 notches. Jamiroquai brings it up a couple notches with a coolish techno tune, and then Rage Against the Machine recovers about 8 more of those 12 notches with No Shelter. The Ben Folds Five song, Air, just sucks. The Foo Fighters, A320, is solid. One of their softer songs, I think. I like Out There, by Fuzzbubble, even though the booklet said that Sean “Puffy” Combs produced it. But I think that’s a typo – how could he have produced track 12 if he was crushed by Godzilla during track 2? It’s impossible… unless the track 12 producer isn’t Puff Daddy at all? Maybe its someone completely different. Maybe, just maybe, its P Diddy. Onwards… I really like Undercover, a semi-funk song by Joey Deluxe. He’s got a cool voice and the songs got good lyrics. And the cd closes with the obligatory crappy theme songs from the movie. They suck. So, according to my notchometer (6-12+2+8-8+1+3-1+4+3+1+2+5-4-4), the Godzilla soundtrack ends up on the sixth notch. Which equals about 2.5 stars. 

David Gogo – Skeleton Key

David Gogo – David Gogo

David Gogo – Bare Bones

Goldfinger: Goldfinger **

Goo Goo Dolls: Dizzy Up The Girl ***

Grand Funk - The Best Of…

Grateful Dead - What A Long Strange Trip It's Been (2 Disc)

2 discs of rambling crap with no musical value. A couple good songs. Casey Jones and Touch of Grey are cool.

Green Day: Dookie ***+

Green Day: International Superhits ****

Greenfield Main – Barnburners and Heartchurners

The Greenhornes – The Greenhornes

The Greenhornes – Dual Mono

The Guess Who – Greatest Hits

Guns N' Roses: Appetite For Destruction ****+

Guns 'n' Roses: GNR Lies

Guns 'n' Roses: The Spaghetti Incident?

Guns N' Roses: Use Your Illusion I ****

Guns N' Roses: Use Your Illusion II ***+

Jim Guthrie – A Thousand Songs

Jim Guthrie – Morning Noon Night

H

Harvey Danger: Where Have All the Merrymakers gone? ***+

Harvey Danger: King James Version

Hawksley Workman – For Him And The Girls ****+

This cd is brilliant. The opening song, Maniacs, makes me laugh every time. It opens with a bunch of yodeling, and then Hawsley yelling “DI-NO-SAUR-UUUUUS”…. He then sings about the fatsosaurus a bit. Since this is my first HW review, I’ll say something about who he is, I guess. Workman is a Canadian multi-instrumentalist/songwriter. He plays most of the instruments on the albums, and rocks them all. He’s a big fan of yodeling, screaming randomly, etc. Most of his songs also have pretty drastic musical change-ups in them too. Nothing bland here. So, back to the album review.

No two songs on this album are really all that similar. The next two songs are also amazing – No Sissies, which is as close to generic Hawksley Workman as they come, and Sad House Daddy, where his vocals are awesome. The next song, Tarantulove, is possibly my favorite on the cd. The music on Tarantulove is very reminiscent of Cake, actually. And once again, the vocals and lyrics rock. I honestly didn’t mean to make this a song by song review, but every song on this cd is so unique. Anyhow… the next song is a slower one (featuring a banjo, I think). The vocals on it are nice, but I’m never as big a fan of HW’s slower stuff. Bullets is another great song. Nice lyrics, great vocals. And then Don’t Be Crushed is just a really nice slow song. The singing is great, and the lyrics are too.. “thank god your timeless cause my watch got stolen”. Ok, so it doesn’t come across as well on paper. But it’s a great song. I'm gonna speed up this review a little bit now. All of Us Kids is another great song with awesome lyrics and vocals. Up to the final 2 songs, the tracks are all great. The last 2 are decent, but not exceptional like the rest. This cd shows how versatile Hawksley Workman, and shows how good a singer, songwriter and musician he is. His vocals are so passionate and at the same time funny. Great cd… 

Hawksley Workman - (last night we were) The Delicious Wolves

Hawksley Workman - Lover/Fighter

Hayseed Dixie - Kiss My Grass (Bluegrass covers of Kiss)

Hayseed Dixie (Bluegrass covers) ****

Headstones: Picture Of Health **+

Headstones: Smile and Wave **+

Headstones: Teeth and Tissue **+

Headstones: The Greatest Fits ***+

Heavy Metal Wars ***

Jimi Hendrix Experience – Axis: Bold As Love

The Hives – Veni Vidi Vicious

The Hives – Tyrannosaurus Hives

Hot Hot Heat – Scenes One Through Thirteen

Hot Hot Heat - Make Up The Breakdown

I

Iggy Pop - Brick by Brick

Iggy Pop – Nude and Rude: Best of

Interpol – Turn On The Bright Lights

Iron Maiden - Live After Death

Iron Maiden - Seventh Son of a Seventh Son

J

J Geils Band - Full House (Live)

J.J Cale – Troubadour

James Brown - 20 All Time Greatest Hits

Jane's Addiction - Kettle Whistle

Jane's Addiction - Nothing's Shocking

Jane's Addiction - Ritual De La Habitual

Jeff Beck: Best Of ***

Jefferson Airplane/Jefferson Starship/Starship: Hits (2 Disc)

The Jesus and Mary Chain – Psycho Candy

Jet: Get Born ****

The Dobbins Report

Ah… it appears that Mr. Dobbins and I are about to have a point-counterpoint deathmatch. Minus the death. And probably minus the point-counterpoint. And I guess without those, there’s no match, either. Basically, I’m trying to say that we’ve both reviewed this album, so it’s double the fun.

This album pretty much has two types of songs, fast garagey stuff, and slow alt-country acoustic stuff. Its pretty much divided half and half between the two kinds. As Chris said, Are You Gonna Be My Girl basically rips off the music from Lust for Life. And they do a really good job of it. Rollover DJ is a great song. I think it’s pretty much a rant about how people like crappy music. Or at least this one DJ. And its got a really cool keyboard bit in it.

Other notables on the cd are Cold Hard Bitch (not cold hearted bitch) which is just a cool rock song, Move On and Come Around Again, which are really well done slow alt-country songs, and Lazy Gun, which opens with a really cool drum beat and reminds me of Nirvana.

I think that the more I listen to this cd, the more the slow songs stick out to me. They are really well done, and I really look forward to their next cd, which I think will be songs more like Move On and Come Around Again.

I’ll agree with Chris that the best vocals on the cd go to Timothy, and that the worst song is Radio Song. But he’s crazy for only giving this 6/10.

Jimi Hendrix Tribute - Stone Free

Jimi Hendrix – Are You Experienced?

Jimi Hendrix: Experience Hendrix, the best of… *****

If only Courtney Love hadn’t killed him.

Jimmy Page – Outrider ***

Aerosmith? Why did Aerosmith change their name to Jimmy Page? I don’t understand. Doesn’t Jimmy Page have that name trademarked? He should sue Steven Tyler. Because I’m sure that people buy this album thinking that it’s the person Jimmy Page, when really its just a band. And then people lose respect for Jimmy himself.

Bottom line, this is disappointing. The vocals mainly sound like Steven Tyler. I don’t know who it really is – I very much doubt that it’s Page. On one of the better tracks, Only One, Robert Plant sings. It’s still not all that impressive though. The guitar work is very bland and generic on most tracks.

Basically, this album sounds like any one of a bazillion bands that tried to be Zeppelin and failed.

The two best songs are slower and bluesier – Hummingbird and Prison Blues.

There is nothing at all here that hasn’t been done before, and Jimmy’s lucky to get his 3 stars. I couldn’t make myself give less to the guy.

Joan Jett & The Blackhearts: The Hit List ***

At the very least, this album is entertaining. To avoid any confusion in the ensuing mayhem caused by another gibberish review, this is not a greatest hits, but rather a collection of covers that Joan Jett has done. Pretty much all of the covers on here are pretty well done. She covers a couple of songs that I haven’t heard. Over the course of the album, she “covers” a pretty wide range of music. Get it? Covers? Eh? Eh? She starts off fast with a nice cover of Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, and then slows it down a bunch of tads for Love Hurts. Let’s ignore the fact that she covers the Sex Pistols. More like the Suck Pistols. Because they suck. She regains my respect with a really nicely done cover of Celluloid Heroes by the Kinks. Well, I like her version. I’ve never heard the original. Back into overdrive now, with Tush. I’m not a big fan of her cover of the Chamber’s Brothers tune Time Has Come Today. She then does a Hendrix cover (of a song that I’ve never heard – Up From The Skies) that I can’t imagine sounds like the original. I don’t like it much either. Joanny does justice to CCR’s Have You Ever Seen The Rain, and does a really nice job with Love Me Two Times, originally done my Mr Morrison and his Doors. And then finishes on a disappointing note with a bad cover of a great song – Roadrunner by Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers. She gets 3 stars for her effort on this one. I found that she didn’t butcher any of the songs, and did well with most of them. However, she also didn’t do much interesting with any of them. Actually, she tries to jazz up Roadrunner, but doesn’t do a great job of it. So, that’s that.

Joe Cocker: Cocker +

Joe Satriani - Crystal Planet

Joe Satriani - Dreaming #11

Joe Satriani - Not Of This World

Joe Strummer And The Mescaleros – Streetcore

Joe Walsh: Little Did he Know (greatest hits) ***+

John Lennon - The John Lennon Collection

Well… history went the worst way possible. John Lennon died in 1980. Now now, stop weeping, I’m not finished. I’m pissed that John Lennon died in 1980, too. I wish that he had died in 1970! You know, before he did all of that garbage solo stuff. There is another alternate to him dying in 1980. Him still being alive! That would be good too. See, the way that I look at it, his image is inflated today because of his death. If he was still alive, nobody would have any respect for him. People would see him as a crappy musician with bad taste in women. Take that, Yoko!

Johnny Lang: Lie To Me ****

Listening to this cd, I’m a bit surprised at how straight-forward blues it is. I was kind of thinking that it was just adult contemporary crap. You know, like Clapton. And I guess some of it still is. Lang moves around a fair bit on this, from the chilled out (but still loaded with tasty mini-sols) blues of Darker Side and Still Wonder to the upbeat zaniness of Good Morning Little Schoolgirl (a Stevie Ray song? A song that Stevie Ray convered? I don’t know. I’m pretty sure its not a Lang original though.) But it is good, and that’s what matters. I’m going to come straight out right now and say that I’m not very good with my blues sub-genres. I’m quite sure that “upbeat zaniness” has never been a genre. Until now. His blues-jazz in Rack Em Up is quite nice as well. And then he said, “you know what? I like Clapton [Peter’s note: Crapton] quite a lot, and I think that I’ll play a “blues” song. Just like the Eagles did. It shall be called When I Come To You, in honor of me being suckered into making crap music.” Anyhow… he jumps around in lots sub-genres that I make up, and he’s pretty good at all of them… Another very good song is “There’s Gotta Be A Change” (which, ironically is right after that crappy song. Ironic because of the title. Get it? Because the Langsta was like… “no! This crap won’t do! There’s gotta be a change! Wait a second – that could be a good song! I’m back!”). Oh, wait. Nope. He apparently said “There’s Gotta Be A Change” after writing that song, not before it, because the next song is back into Crapton territory. It’s straight off of Clapton’s Pilgrim album, which is the worst insult that any song could ever get.

Matchbox may be the best song on the album, where he rocks out quite tastily on the guitar while trying to be Ray Charles with his vocals. I may be making up the Ray Charles part, but I think I’m telling the truth. I just realized that I neglected to mention the title track. Lie to Me is a pretty solid song… his vocals are cool on it, and the guitar is good too. Not as traditionally styled as the rest of the stuff on here.

Well… that’s the Langsta for you. I hope you enjoyed your time with him.

Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – Acme

Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – Orange

Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – Now I Got Worry

Journey - Greatest Hits

Judas Priest - Best of…

K

Kansas - Best of..

Kelp Records – Letters From Home (10^th Anniversary Sampler –

The Killers – Hot Fuss

Kings Of Leon: Youth And Young Manhood ****

The Kinks: Greatest Hits Volume 1

Kiss: 20th Century Masters ****+

Knebworth: 2 disc live compilation **

L

Led Zeppelin Box Set Volumes 1 + 2 (6cd's total) *****

Led Zeppelin: Early Days *****

Led Zeppelin: How the West Was Won (3-disc live) *****

Liam Lynch – Fake Songs

The Libertines - ST

Limp Bizkit: Chocolate Starfish and Hot Dog Flavoured Water (?) +

I honestly have no idea how I ended up with this cd. All I know is that I was looking through my cd’s and found this. So lo and beyhold, I have a Limp Bizkit cd. How fun.

Lit: A Place In the Sun ***

Lit: Atomic ***+

Live: Mental Jewellery **+

Live: Throwing Copper ***

The Living End – Modern ARTillery

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring *

Loretta Lynn – Van Lear Rose

Louis Armstrong: 20th Century Masters **+

Lynyrd Skynyrd: 20th Century Masters ***+

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Skynyrds Innyrds Greatest Hits ***+

M

Malcolm In The Middle: Soundtrack ***

Marcy Playground - MP3

Marcy Playground: Marcy Playground ****

Marcy Playground: Shapeshifter ***+

Marilyn Manson - Antichrist Superstar

Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals

Marilyn Manson - Smells Like Children

Mars Volta – Deloused in the Comatorium

Massive Campus Music 04/05

Matador at Fifteen

Matchbox 20: Mad Season *+

Matchbox 20:Yourself or Someone Like You ***

Matrix Reloaded (2 disc) **

Matt Mays – Matt Mays

Mazzy Star - So Tonight So That I Might See

MC5: Kick Out The Jams

Meat Puppets

Meat Puppets: II ****+

Meat Puppets – Up On The Sun

Meat Puppets – Mirage

Meat Puppets: No Joke **+

Meat Puppets: Too High to Die ***+

Metallica - Greatest Hits

More Like bootallica. Or craptallica. Or Wearelosingfanssoweshouldmakeadocumentaryallica.

Metric – Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?

The Modern Lovers – Modern Lovers

Modest Mouse - Good News For People That Love Bad News

Modest Mouse – Everywhere and his Nasty Parlour Tricks

Modest Mouse – The Lonesome Crowded West

Modest Mouse - The Moon and Antarctica

Mojo Magazine - Best of 2003

Mojo Magazine - Blues Power

Mojo Magazine - Piece of Cake - 20 Years of Ryko

Mojo Magazine - Raw Soul

Mojo Magazine – Rock! Rock! Rock!

Mojo Magazine – Red Hot Chili Peppers Jukebox

Molly Hatchet - Cut To The Bone

Monty Python: Sings ****

Mooney Suzuki – Alive and Amplified

Mooney Suzuki - Electric Sweat

The Music – The Music

N

Nada Surf: High/Low **+

New Order: (The Best Of) **

The New Pornographers – Electric Version

New Radicals – Maybe You’ve Been Brainwashed Too

Nine Days: The Madding Crowd ***+

Nine Inch Nails - Fragile (2 Disc)

Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine

Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral ****

This album is no Pretty Hate Machine, but it’s still pretty rocking. I find that my boy Trent doesn’t make this album as poppy (PHM is poppy??) as Pretty Hate Machine. It seems a bit more like generic industrial rock, even though it still blows any other industrial rock that I’ve heard out of the water.

Piggy is a great song, with very nice vocals and great drums. March of the Pigs is terrific – Mr. Reznor is pretending to be furious, but then you realize that he’s not serious when he says in a cheery voice with the music stopped “take the skin and peel it back – now doesn’t that make you feel better?” He’s such a fun loving guy, without a care in the world. Good ole Trenny. And Closer is another great song – you’ve heard it, even if you don’t think you have. Once again, Trent doesn’t have a care in the world. Sensitive as ever. The album closes with Hurt, which is an amazing song. I would never think that Trent would write one of the saddest songs that I’ve ever heard, but he pulls it off.

Whereas on PHM pretty much every song great, Downward Spiral has 4 or 5 great songs and the rest are just decent. However, the cd gets bonus points for being so joyful and uplifting.

Nine Inch Nails – Broken (EP)

Nine Inch Nails – All That Could Have Been (live)

Nirvana – Bleach

Nirvana – Nevermind

Nirvana: In Utero ***+

Nirvana: Unplugged in New York ****

No Doubt: Beacon Street Collection **

No Doubt: No Doubt ***

No One Lives Forever (funky 60's compilation) *+

Nuggets Box – Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era

Nuggets Vol II – Original Artyfacts From The British Empire and Beyond-

O

Oasis: (Whats the story) Morning Glory ***+

Oasis: Definitely Maybe ***+

Hmm… definitely maybe. At first I thought it was a pretty clever, catchy title. Nothing brilliant, but solid. Then I realized that definitely maybe makes perfect sense. As in – there is certainly a possibility. That is a translation of definitely maybe. Which just makes it a deceptive title. Overhyping itself, like everying that has to do with Oasis. Anyhow…

This band really does not astonish me. However, occasionally, the Gallagher’s manage to cough up little hairballs of ROCK! Live Forever is a great song, and Up In The Sky and Columbia are also very good. On Supersonic (another good song) they make reference to Yellow Submarine. Apparently, they felt that just by referencing the Beatles, they were the Beatles. Which, means that they felt that they were bigger than Jesus. Lennon was getting carried away, and so were they. Onwards… Cigarettes & Alcohol is a garbage song. I think it was the song where Liam was like… since we’re british and all, I think that we should do a song where I exaggerate my voice more than usual and do the most annoying singing ever. And they did. Digsy’s Diner has a cool little piano solo or whatever on it. And I love the closer… called Married With Children. It’s a nice acoustic song, with good lyrics. And now the problems with the album – as with all Oasis stuff, everything strikes me as really high pitched and trebly, to the point that I hate listening to them for more than half an hour at a time. Sadly, I think that I usually find this to be their best cd…

Oasis: The Masterplan ***

Offspring: Americana ***+

Offspring: Ixnay on the Hombre ***

Offspring: Offspring **

I’m pretty sure that this album was done in ’89 or ’90, back when the Offspring lads weren’t 40 or whatever they are now. Crazy old men. I like their early stuff about as much as I like their newer stuff. Not much. On this album, they are punkier than on Americana, Smash and Ignition. Dexter and the boys don’t have anything really interesting going for them on here – it gets boring fast. Other than the first few songs (I won’t lie – I stopped paying attention around track 6), everything is a blur. Jennifer Lost The War is a solid song, with a short but sweet guitar solo on it. One of the later songs on the cd starts off with a tasty bass lick. On a low note, Beheaded is an awful song. Faintly funny, but not the least bit good. I’m going to end this review now, since I’m running late for the funerals of these guys. Old age catches up to everyone. Look out for the same joke elsewhere – or, shall I say… Ch-Check it Out elsewhere.

Offspring: Smash ***+

One Love: The Very Best of Reggae *+

Our Lady Peace: Clumsy ****+

Our Lady Peace: Gravity ***

Our Lady Peace: Happiness… Is not a fish that you can catch ****

Our Lady Peace: Live (4 track promo) ***

Our Lady Peace: Naveed ***+

Our Lady Peace: Spiritual Machines ***+

Outkast – Aquemini

Outkast – Stankonia

Outkast – Speakerboxxx / The Love Below (2 disc)

Oysterhead – The Grand Pecking Order

Ozzy Osbourne - Greatest Hits

P

Pantera - Cowboys From Hell

Pantera - Vulgar Display of Power

Paul McCartney: Wingspan (2 disc) **

Pavement - Slanted & Enchanted - Luxe & Reduxe (2 Disc)

Pavement – Crooked Rain Crooked Rain

Pearlene: Pearlene

Pearlene: Murder, Blues and Prayer

Pearl Jam – Ten **

Simply not the album that it is supposed to be. Congratulations on your debut album, Pearl Jam.

I know that there’s a good chance at the time it was made that I would have liked this album. Luckily, I wasn’t old enough to give a damn. Actually, funny story: as a kid, I would make tapes off the radio and the jewels of the cds would always be Pearl Jam and Greenday songs. The rest of the tape would have the Lion King soundtrack recorded onto it.
Damn cool kid.

Anyhow, I’ve come to the point of my life where I’ve heard so many Pearl Jam imitators that I’m sick of anything that sounds like them. Even Pearl Jam. Especially weak Pearl Jam, which is exactly what I find this album to be. It’s simply not worthy. Please Eddie, accept my apology for not liking your bland little band, despite your furiously emotional vocals (I also can’t stand that style of vocals anymore).

Basically what I’m trying to say here is that the time warp did you bad buddy. And I can’t help you out on this one.

Vedder

Was Better

Creed made me

Forgetter

Pearl Jam – Vs. ***

Two years after releasing Ten, Pearl Jam learned a lot. They ditched the crappy cover art for a damn cool thing that I’m going to call a llama (it’s clearly not a llama). The llama gives Pearl Jam a ferocious edge that the prior album simply didn’t have. Not only that, but they updated the crappy silver-cd-with-writing with a righteous orange cd. Killer.

Now onto the less important aspect of Pearl Jam: The music.

Quite a bit more interesting then the music on Ten, Vs. serves up better guitar, better vocals, better everything.

We’ve all heard Animal, and I’m a big supporter of that song.

We’ve all heard Daughter. I’m not such a supporter of that one, but I’ll give it a bit of respect.

W.M.A has such a cool bass riff, and then the guitar comes in and is like “hey, im pretty cool too”, and the drums come in and their like “yeah, lets rock”, and then Eddie Vedder comes in and says “this songs got way too much potential, let me bring it down a notch”.

More proper bass riffage on Rats… very Sublimey song actually. Not true at all. But the bass line is.

Anyhow, bottom line – a few tracks set this album above Ten. They are still simply not a great band though.

Flying through the timewarp

It’s 1993

Desperate for new music,

Pearl Jam jumps out in front of me

And I say ok.

That was easy.

Pearl Jam: Greatest Hits ***+

Peter Frampton - Frampton Comes Alive

Peter Frampton: 20th Century Masters **

Phish - Billy Breathes

Phish – Farmhouse

Phish – Hoist

Phish – Rift

Phish - Round Room

Phish - The Story of the Ghost

Pink Floyd - A Momentary Lapse of Reason

Pink Floyd - Piper at the Gates of Dawn

Pink Floyd - Pulse (2 disc)

Pink Floyd - The Division Bell

Pink Floyd - The Final Cut

Pink Floyd - Us And Them - Symphonic Pink Floyd

Pink Floyd: Dark Side Of The Moon ****

Pink Floyd: Echoes (2 disc greatest hits) ****+

Pink Floyd: The Wall ****

PJ Harvey – To Bring You My Love

The Police – Every Breath You Take (The Singles) **

The title of the cd makes me sad. I wish it was just called… The Singles. Or in honor of that stupid song (and the general lameness of the band itself) the band could rename themselves The Singles.

The cd opens nicely, with Roxanne. Not much to it, but it’s a solid song. Message In A Bottle is another solid one. Walking on the Moon is probably the best of them. Just in time for me to get sick of this band. There are the songs that sound exactly like Roxanne, and the slow ballad craps that sound exactly like Every Breath You Take. Speaking of which, it just came on. I’m going to play a game while I wait for this damn song to end. I’m going to think of as many words that begin with ‘s’ that are related to this song:

Single – Because that’s what sting should always be.

sting – What a killer bee or really deadly something should do to Sting.

Stalker

Seductless – Because Sting is an ugly bastard.

Sucker-punched – Once again, Sting’s got it coming.

Slapped

Sex? – Not for Sting!

Super-lame

Soiled – Is what happened to rock and roll when this came out.

Shitty

Sucky

Shocking

Senseless – People for linking this.

Somehow Arousing

Smite – Cammon God… do it!

Well, that’s 4:12 seconds. I must say, I’m a bit disappointed in myself.

And the rest of the cd is crap. Also, another word that I thought of after the song ended is sappy. Probably the best of all those words, actually. Sappiest song ever.

The Premiums: Recognizer *****

I would like to introduce everybody to Chris Public and Steve Vibrolux, The Premiums. And Chris Public and Steve Vibrolux would like to introduce you to something called Proper Rock and Roll.

The Presidents of the United States of America: ST

Primal Scream: Give Out But Don’t Give Up

Primal Scream – Sonic Flower Groove

Primal Scream – Primal Scream

Primal Scream – Evil Heat

Primal Scream – Vanishing Point

Primal Scream – Screamadelica

Primus - Sailing The Seas Of Cheese

Primus – Pork Soda

Primus - Tales From The Punchbowl

Prodigy – Fat of the Land

Q

Queen: Greatest Hits ****

Queens of the Stone Age – Songs For The Deaf

Queensrhyche - Operation: Mindcrime

R

Radiohead - Pablo Honey

Radiohead - The Bends

Radiohead: OK Computer ****

Rage Against The Machine - Evil Empire

Rage Against The Machine – Renegades

Rage Against The Machine - Self Titled

Rage Against the Machine: The Battle Of Los Angelas ****+

Rammstein: Sehnsucht **

Two words for Rammstein – Du Suck! Oh, you think that’s a lame joke? Well Du Goaway!  Anyhow… Rammstein were a bunch of lads that were all the rage in 1998 or so because of their hit song, Du Hast. Them and Aqua. They should get together and form a supergroup. With the Hanson brothers, too. That would be awesome.  The Hanson eunuchs could sing “mm-bop” non stop, Rammstein would cover the German beastly singing, and Aqua… hmm… I guess that they would be the chorus. Yeah – Rammstein = verse, Aqua = chorus, and Hanson = constant mmm-boppin. And they would be called – Barbie and Her Berlinian Boyband? Adolf and his Cacophony of Castration? Ahhh… I give up. I got the band together, someone else can figure out a name.

Anyhow, this, along with Harvey Danger, was my first cd. One of the two cd’s is good. This isn’t the one. The synth has occasional entertaining moments, such as in the title song and Engel, but otherwise I find this music extremely bland. It’s just industrial rock with a German guy singing. However, their cover of Stripped by Depeche Mode is really good.

Anyhow, I better run and get tickets for Du Water Bop. Because that’s what they decided to call themselves. I can’t wait for the show. Some Hanson fan is gonna come onto this site now and find out when they try to buy tickets that this is all a big lie. Because Hanson fans are stupid.

Ramones - Greatest Hits Live!

Ramones: All the Stuff (and more) Volume 2 ***

Rancid - …And Out Come The Wolves

Rancid – Let’s Go

The Rapture – Echoes

Ray Charles – The Very Best Of…

REM: In Time, The Best of REM (1988 - 2003) ****

Rob Zombie - American Music to Strip By

Rob Zombie - Hellbilly Deluxe

Rob Zombie - The Sinister Urge

Rock Line 2 ***+

Rolling Stones: Forty Licks (2 disc greatest hits) ****

The Roots – Do You Want More?!!!??! –

Rush: The Spirit of the Radio (greatest hits) **+

S

Santana - Best of…

Santana: Shaman **+

Savatage - Dead Winter Dead

Savatage - Streets (A Rock Opera)

Scissor Sisters – Self Titled

Semisonic: All About Chemistry *

Ok. I already did a review for this. Somehow it died. I’m sure that I said something witty and clever in it, but retyping this, I’ve decided that this album doesn’t merit any humor. Music this bad is not a laughing matter. Bottom line, this cd reminds me of boybands, or some such lameness.

Semisonic – Feeling Strangely Fine

Sex Pistols: Never Mind the Bollocks, here's the Sex Pistols *+

More like… never mind the Sex Pistols, here’s a steaming pile of crap on your shoe. Because I’d rather that. There’s nothing good or cool about the Sex Pistols. The band is pretty bad, and the singer is awful. And screw whatever message they were sending. They can’t play music, and therefore they’re a bad band. In one day, I’ve bashed Nico and the Sex Pistols. I think one of those two things will piss anyone off. And maybe bashing The Police and that satanically bad Semisonic album will annoy people too. But I don’t care about those people.

Silverchair: Frogstomp **+

Before I talk about the album itself, I want to ask the world what the hell is up with the booklet. It’s 6 pages, and six of them have frogs on them. All identical frogs, except different colors. Three of them are green. The other three, which each have the names of the band members under them, are red, blue and orange. The green ones are on the front cover, the back cover (with the track listing), and under the third green frog, it says “on the third day god created llama”. What the hell is going on? Did some frog mother somewhere give birth to 6 little frogs (3 of which can play instruments)? And why are they all identical? What kind of sick world do we live in that values frog individuality so little? Pretty cool frogs though…

Well, I’ve now wasted enough time that I’ll probably finish writing the review at about the same time that the album ends.

It kicks off nicely, with some heavy bass wackiness opening for Israel’s Son (is Israel’s Son the red, blue, or orange one? Tomorrow is a great song (and a great day, too), and I think it was the big single from this album. I always enjoy the lame guitar solo in it.

However, after those two songs, I get pretty bored of this cd. The only other song on this cd that I like quite a bit is Shade. The rest just kinda seem like the same song repeated a bunch of times. Fuzzy music, and semi screamy mid 90’s vocals. So the songs on this cd are kinda like the frogs. 1 red song, 1 blue song, 1 orange song, and the rest are green.

Silverchair: Freak Show ***

Not too much here that’s different from Frogstomp. I would say that this one has a bit more variety, but not too much. It’s also a bit poppier, I think. It opens well with Slave, and then proceeds to bore me for a few songs until Cemetary and the best song on the cd, The Door. On Petrol and Chlorine, they got things a bit interesting by bringing in some eastern instruments, as well as a viola, a violin and a cello. It’s a pretty cool song, one of my favorites by them. It then proceeds to finish off by boring me with a few more badly done Nirvana covers. Except they changed the words. 

Silverchair: Neon Ballroom **

Simon & Garfunkle - Greatest Hits

Sloan - Between The Bridges

Sloan: Action Pact ***+

Sloan: Navy Blues ****+

Sloan: One Chord To Another ****+

Sloan: Pretty Together ****

Sloan: Smeared ***+

Sloan: Twice Removed **+

Sly and the Family Stone – Greatest Hits

Smashing Pumpkins – Gish

Smashing Pumpkins: Adore ***

Smashing Pumpkins: Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness ****+

Smashing Pumpkins: Siamese Dream ****

Soundgarden – Badmotorfinger

Sounds of Dissent – The Politics of Music (New Internationalist Comp) –

South Park - Bigger, Longer, Uncut Soundtrack

South Park: Chef Aid ***

This is the moneygrab (er… soundtrack) to an episode of South Park from the first couple years where chef got in jail or in debt somehow, and the kids tried to raise money with this charity concert thing. It opens up with classic juicy South Park theme by Primus. It heads on to a pretty crappy Crystal Method/Ozzy Osbourne tune. And then the first of the awesome songs that Chef does. And then, Rancid changes up the pace a bit with a great song called Brad Logan. Remind me to get some Rancid cds... And then, Eric Cartman (actually… the first time I typed this, I accidentally typed Clapton. Teehee)  covers Styx – Come Sail Away. Beautiful. Great vocal range. Hehe. Actually, seriously check out that cover. Its really funny. Trey or Matt… whichever one is Cartman… did a great job in a South Park kind of way. And then theres a crappy song called Kenny’s Dead by Master P. Then Chef again! Yeehaw! I hate the next song… Will They Die 4 You – Mase and Lil’ Kim backed by System of A Down. Awful. At this point, Perry Farrell felt that it was necessary to make an appearance and he performed a song called “I’m a Bastard and I’m Going to cancel Lollapalooza”. Oh wait, my mistake – he didn’t actually do that one. He decided at the last minute to cancel that song and sing Hot Lava instead. Which actually isn’t an awful song. Bubblegoose, by Wyclef Jean is a pretty solid song. I wish that the kids didn’t come in and out of it though. It would possibly be a really good song without them. And then Chef again! Followed by a young lad named Elton John. Doing a decent song called Wake Up Wendy. I’m sorry that this review is so boring by the way. The song by song ends now! Devo’s next, and Devo is cool and weird and their song here, Huboon Stomp, is good. Love Gravy by Rick James and Ike Turner is a great funk song. Ned Gerblansky (the SP character with the robotic voice thing going on) does a Feel Like Makin’ Love cover, which is shit. Although I guess its entertaining at points. The next song, The Rainbow by Ween isn’t bad. I’ve come to expect worse from Ween, although I’m still waiting for a good song by them, which I’m sure exists. If anybody finds it, let me know. Maybe it’ll be at the end of the rainbow? Sorry, that was bad. I’m going to ignore the next song, which is Chef and Meat Loaf. What the hell is Beef Stew doing on the cd? (bam! I called him Beef Stew!). Joe Strummer gets the cd back on track a bit with a tune called It’s A Rockin’ World. And then a Primus song about the South Park insane scientists. The lyrics are really funny, and the music is Primusful. And then it ends with a crappy song. So yeah, overall I’m pretty happy with this cd. There’s plenty of crap on it, but I think that there’s enough funny/good stuff to give it 3 stars. And they get points for putting together a cool tv episode with some pretty solid guests (even though the cd has some that weren’t on the show).

Spacehog: Resident Alien ***+

Spacehog: The Hogyssey **+

Spinal Tap - This Is Spinal Tap

Spoon – Kill The Moonlight

Stars – Set Yourself on Fire

Steppenwolf: 20th Century Masters ***

Steve Miller Band: Greatest Hits 1974-1978 ***

You know what sucks? When you find out that a cd is scratched to the point that it’s really annoying to listen to at times. Like this one. If I’m lucky, the scratches will avoid the 4 or so tracks on here that I care about. Because there isn’t much here. Get what I'm saying? I think you do.

I’m going to try to describe Steve Miller. Picture the Eagles. Now multiply the cool factor by two, turn up the rock 1 notch, turn down the country 2 notches. Throw a bit of solo Clapton into the pot, and you’ve got the Steve Miller band.

“Take the Money and Run” and “The Joker” are easily the best songs on the cd. Fly Like An Eagle and Rock N’Me take third and fourth place. Other than those, there isn’t really anything all that great on here. “Threshold” is pure filler – a minute of lame synth with no musical value whatsoever. Most of the songs are pure generic rock (hence the Clapton + Eagles concoction), with nothing interesting about them. Steve’s vocals are nothing to write home about, and I always struggle to respect a band that uses three guitars and does nothing interesting with them. So, Steve, take the three stars and run. Be grateful.

Steve Vai - Flex-Able

Stevie Ray Vaughan: Greatest Hits ***

Stiltskin: The Mind's Eye ***

Stone Temple Pilots – Core

Stone Temple Pilots - Thank You (Greatest Hits)

The Stranglers – Greatest Hits

Stray Cats - Live and In Studio ***+

NO WAY! Live AND In Studio! At the same time! Its like, 2 for 1 mega deal day! Or maybe it’s just a cd with a really bad title that Walmart threw together to try to appeal to suckers like me. Because I have not seen mention of this cd anywhere else. I think I have the only copy. Some random Walmart employee went home, downloaded some bootlegs, wrapped it up nicely, and pocketed my money. Good for him – he beat the system. And me.

Opens with a great song – Stray Cat Strut – which you shall all download immediately. Just not this version, because the quality is crap. Maybe that Walmart employee went to the studio where they were recording, and put a $5 (walmart) microphone beside the crack in the door.

To the credit of this cd, or the Stray Cats, or the walmart employee – whoever deserves credit – the ‘Cats cover some good 50s rock songs on here… Summertime Blues by Eddie Cochran, Beautiful Delilah by Chuck Berry, and Buddy Holly’s Oh Boy. Notice that I said “the ‘Cats cover some good songs” and not “the ‘Cats do some good covers”. Summertime Blues and Beautiful Delilah are both good, but Oh Boy isn’t so hot. The vocals are a bit annoying. Really annoying, actually.

Just to allow time for the cd to catch up to the review, I’ll describe the Stray Cats sound a bit. They are pretty much 100% uptempo rockabilly. There really isn’t much more to say about them than that, actually. Is there even such thing as slow rockabilly? They are led by Brian Setzer, who is a solid vocalist and a good guitarist.

This cd is actually a good cd. Other than Oh Boy there aren’t any bad songs. But the quality is so bad. Rumble In Brighton is a really good song. Setzer’s vocals make Rock Around With Ollie Vee sound like it was done in 1958 or some such year, which is cool. In fact, a ton of this cd sounds like its from 1958 (or some such year). Rock This Town is a great song, and really well done. I’m starting to like Setzer’s singing more and more. It’s such good rockabilly singing. Bottom line? Live AND In Studio gets 3.5 gold stars. There are only a couple really good songs on here, the quality is bad, and I’m convinced that it’s not a real cd. Which brings me to my next awarding of stars – that Walmart employee gets 5 stars and a promotion, for being so damn sneaky.

The Streets – A Grand Don’t Come For Free

The Strokes - Room On Fire

The Strokes: Is This It ****

Good evening. I’m just going to shake off a month of rust. It’s been a while. [shakes]. It’s off now. Time to rock. I’ll admit that I jumped on this bandwagon after it didn’t exist anymore. I was a little slow discovering the Storks. Heehee. Storks. However, I don’t know what happened to the people that were on the bandwagon. Maybe the music police broke up the party. You know, the one’s that go around declaring that crappy music is the only way to be. Music Nazis, I guess. So, after the music nazi’s had made sure that nobody was listening to good music, I came along, found the abandoned bandwagon, tied a couple of horses to it, and rode off into the sunset. The Storks flew above me, serenading me with their beautiful sing-song voices. (Here is an artist’s rendition of that life-changing event) Even though one song doesn’t really differ much from the next, they’re different enough to make me happy. I cherish Julian’s voice, which I’m not going to try to describe. Mostly because you all know what it sounds like. Same goes for me trying to describe their sound.

I especially like Soma, Someday, Last Nite, Trying Your Luck, and Take It Or Leave It. And those solo’s on Soma and Last Nite? Juicy. Short, but juicy. It’s like orange juice... you can have a big glass, but if there’s not enough orange in there, it’s just watered down. But each of those short solo’s contain the juice of 19 oranges.

So, the Storks get 4.5 stars.

Stroke 9: mix ***+

Styx: Greatest Hits ***

Styx: Greatest hits Volume 2 (cassette)

Sublime: 20th Century Masters (greatest hits) ****

Sugar Ray: Floored **+

Sugar Ray: Lemonade and Brownies **

Sum 41: All Killer No Filler *

Oh god they suck. Why must they be so bad. And why do I own this. Its pure whiny bland lyrics backed by plain, generic music. And that’s all the thought I'm giving to this one. Also, the Bradley theorem:

Generic + Whiny + 41 + Boring = 41

Sum 41: Half Hour of Power *+

It is possible that this cd is deserving of two. But as they say… innocent until proven guilty. And these guys are innocent of rocking. They didn’t even have to plead insanity. Because there is no doubt that they ever rocked. I’ll admit that there are some ok moments on here. Well, one, really. It opens with an ok instrumental. It makes me think that Sum 41 was framed. Somebody wanted me to think that they were guilty of rocking a little bit. But I am a judge of law and I don’t fall for those shenanigans. Court dismissed.

Supergrass - Supergrass Is 10 - The Best of '94-'04 ****+

First off, I would like to say that I feel bad for Supergrass living next door to Sum 41 on my list. They’ve got the good neighbor – bad neighbor thing going on. Supertramp on one side, Sum 41 on the other. I should evict Sum 41. Anybody want some (sum) cds? Anybody? No? Or, another option to solve the neighbor situation for Supergrass would be to sqeeze in another neighbor. You know, make it a duplex. It’s tough though. What bands are between Sum and Supergrass? I could try to get into the Super Furry Animals, I guess. But not too much. If I got into them too much, I would feel bad for them too, and have to squeeze another band in there. But on with the show… Supergrass. I would like to say happy 10^th birthday to them. I would like to also say that this is a scrumptious cd. Inside of the cd, there are 718 calories of rock per song. So fatten up. Songs such as “Pumping on Your Stereo”, “Alright”, and “Mansize Rooster” are a few of the exceptional tracks on the cd, although all of the songs range from good to awesome. Supergrass are masters of clever, catchy lyrics, rocking piano and synth parts, and nice guitar work. I wouldn’t say that there is any amazing musicianship in this band, but all of the parts come together beautifully for Supergrass, with a sound ranging from awesome groovy licks to pretty electronic stuff to ballady piano tunes. I actually regret not buying all of their albums. And now to file a complaint with the landlords about those boring little shits nextdoor…

Supertramp: Breakfast in America ****

Supertramp: Crime of the Century **+

Supertramp: Crisis? What Crisis? ***+

Supertramp: Even in the Quietest Moments… ***+

Sympathetic Sounds of Detroit  ****+

Jacky White, you’ve done gone and did it again. Mister White noticed that there were some rockin’ Detroit bands that weren’t getting the recognition they deserved. So, he gathered up 13 Detroit bands, such as the Dirtbombs, The Von Bondies (before they got biggish, and before JW hated them), The Hentchmen and the Soledad Brothers. Every song on here is good, and every band on here deserves to be known. Also, the White Stripes have a great previously unreleased song on here.

T

Ted Nugent - Cat Scratch Fever

Ted Nugent - Weekend Warriors

Ten Years After - A Space In Time

Tenacious D: Tenacious D ****

The Black Widows: Arocknaphobia **

The Cars - Greatest Hits

The Clash: Live from Here to Eternity ****

The Clash: The Singles ****

The Cranberries - Bury the Hatchet

The Cranberries - To The Faithful Departed

The Cranberries - Wake Up & Smell the Coffee

The Cranberries: No Need To Argue **+

The Cure - Staring At The Sea - The Singles

The Doors: Best of (2 disc) ***+

The Doors: The Doors ****+

The First 1000 Years of Hip Hop (MTV Compilation)

The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots

The Flaming Lips: The Day They Shot A  Hole In The Jesus Egg (2d) ***

The Libertines: Up The Bracket ***+

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones: Let's Face It ***

The Not: Retrospective ****

The Presidents of the United States of America: II ***

This album is after they got really popular with a few songs from their first album, like Lump, Kitty and Peaches. So they followed

up with this one, which I'm pretty sure nobody liked. So anyhow… Clinton plays guitar, Washington’s on bass, Franklin Roosevelt sings and dances (That was really mean of me. I sincerely apologize to all who got the joke), Nixon is drumming, and George W. Bush sometimes shows up with pots and pans and bangs on them. Because that’s all he’s capable of.

Get it? Because the bands called the Presidents of the United States of America? So the players are the presidents. You’ll laugh later.

Anyhow – to me, this album is pretty hit or miss. I think its miss or miss with most people, but I enjoy parts of it. It’s largely novelty rock, but not so much that it’s annoying. I also never find the lyrics funny, so I hope I'm not supposed to. The Presusas, as I’m hereby gonna call them so that I don’t have to write all 98 or so letters of their name, are kind of in between rock and comedy. Sometimes they’re able to rock out, and sometimes the lyrics are good. And sometimes they don’t rock and they lame talk. Sorry about that… I just wanted to rhyme.

The album opens well with Ladies and Gentlemen, asking all listeners if they are ready to “rok”. They lose points for trying to spell it like that. I also enjoy Volcano, Bug City (which has decent lyrics), and Bath Of Fire. Another good song, which I'm not going to manage to sell well with my description of it, is Froggie. It, I think, is about a rock and roll star that happens to be a frog. He sings, he dances. And then he gets overhyped by Rolling Stone. He ends up overdosing. All this is set to bluegrass-rock, which I don’t think has been or ever will be a genre. Even in this song. Other than that, they’re style kinda grows old after a while, with lame humour and a lack of rock. The music seems really generic, but at the same time there is something unique about them that I can’t pin down. And I’m not going to. You’ve all heard The Presusas, and know what they sound like.

The Refreshments: Fizzy, Fuzzy, Big & Buzzy ****

The Simpsons: Sing the Blues *+

The Smiths - Meat Is Murder

The Sounds

The Stills – Logic Will Break Your Heart

The Stooges

The Stooges - Fun House

The Tea Party: Transmission **

The Tragically Hip: Fully Completely ****

The Tragically Hip: Trouble at the Henhouse ***+

The Unicorns - Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?

The Velvet Underground: Loaded ***+

The Wallflowers: Breach ***

The Wallflowers: Bringing Down the Horse ****

The Wedding Singer Soundtrack

The White Stripes: De Stijl ****+

The White Stripes: White Blood Cells ****+

The White Stripes: White Stripes ****+

The Who: The Ultimate Collection (2 disc) ****

They Might Be Giants – Flood *+

45 minutes of crappy polka music and futile attempts at humour. Birdhouse In Your Soul is the only real saving grace for this cd, but as they say, it takes 2 to tango. And even more to make a cd that isn’t total shit. Like this one. 

Third Eye Blind: Blue ***+

Third Eye Blind: Out of the Vein ***+

Third Eye Blind: Third Eye Blind ****+

To The Edge And Back (90's compilation) ****

Tragically Hip – Phantom Power

Trans-Syberian Orchestra - Beethoven's Last Night

Traveling Wilbury's - Volume 3

Treble Charger: Maybe It's Me ****

Treble Charger: Treble Charger ***

Treble Charger: Wide Awake Bored **

The Trews – House Of Ill Fame

Twisted Sister - Stay Hungry

U

Uncut Magazine - Clash Tribute

Urge Overkill – Saturation

Urge Overkill: Exit the Dragon ***+

V

Van Halen: For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge *+

Van Halen: II **+

Van Morrison - Best of…

Van Morrison: Super hits **+

Velvet Underground - Best of… (Rock!: ****+, “art”:*+)

For a while I was struggling with how I would go about grading this. So get prepared for a breakthrough in reviewing technology. A brain-walloping, some might call it. I just hope that you don’t call it that. I sure don’t. This final grade for the cd is hereby broken down into two sections. The ROCK! section, which includes all songs sung by Lou Reed, and the “artistic” section, which includes all songs sung by Nico. Get it? I’m glad for you. For those that don’t know what I’m talking about, Nico is the monotone voice that can be heard on some “artistic masterpieces”, such as Femme Fatale and All Tomorrow’s Parties. On the other hand, there is Lou Reed, owner of one of the coolest voices ever. You know, the guy with the ROCK AND ROLL masterpieces. None of that “artistic” crap. Anyhow… Heroin is an amazing and really creepy and disturbing song about soccer. Er… Heroin, sorry. My mistake. Stephanie Says and Pale Blue Eyes are rather pleasant ballads. “I’m Waiting For the Man” is Lou Reed at one of his higher coolness levels. But the cool goes off the charts on the last two tracks. Sweet Jane and Rock and Roll. Sweet Jane is an unbelievable song. You’ve all heard it. But it’s amazing. Rock and Roll as well, to a somewhat lesser degree.

So –

ROCK! Section (Lou): ****+ (no matter what else the dude did…  Heroin, Sweet Jane, I’m Waiting For The Man, Pale Blue Eyes and Rock and Roll get the 5 stars.

 “artistic” section (Nico): *+ (um… she’s a monotone gimmick)

* Alright… well, after posting this review for the first time, Chris and I had a nine hour or so discussion about Nico and the VU. I only differentiate between Nico’s “art” and Lou’s “ROCK!” by the voice. The music is generally the same. I just really really hate her voice, and even though Chris likes it because he actually likes her voice, I’m under the (possibly completely wrong) impression that a ton of people like her voice simply because it’s so crappy and doesn’t belong in rock music. Kind of like a painting of a spoon in an art gallery that sells for $938404 in an art gallery. Kind of an “oh its labeled art so we better admire it otherwise we’ll feel stupid” kind of thing. Sorry if I’m completely wrong on this, or if I offend people. Actually, I fully expect to offend people with this and would be mildly disappointed if I didn’t. But I am sorry if I’m wrong. Regardless, Nico’s voice sucks.

Violent Femmes - Add It Up (Greatest Hits 1981-1993)

Dobbins Report

Von Bondies - Pawn Shoppe Heart

Their name is Bondie. Von Bondie(s). 

W

Warped Tour 2004 (2 disc) **

Let me introduce you to this 52 track beast of a punk compilation. As much as I wanted to turn it down, I couldn’t make myself do it. It was $12, and had 52 bands. I figured that I would like at least a few. Anybody up for a track by track? I’ll keep it short and sweet. Rapidfire. Multiball. All those things. New Found Glory – No News Is Good News (Anybody who likes these guys needs New Found Music. No New Found Glory is Good New Found Glory), NOFX – American Errorist (Good bass, cool solo, no effects), Flogging Molly – To Youth (I’m sorry, but the whole Irish thing seems like such a gimmick. It’s not a bad song, but they’re just flogging a dead horse with the Irish thing. Not Molly. Unless Molly’s a dead horse), Anti-Flag – Rank-N-File (I like this one, and I don’t know why. It seems like such generic punk. The singer is good, I guess. And they have a nice band flag.) Since the last band joke was so lame, I’m only going to talk about tracks that I really like, really hate, or that have names that I can make fun of. Thursday – Tomorrow I’ll Be You (What day of the week will tomorrow be? Because if its Thursday, then the band Thursday will be tomorrow. Therefore being Thursday. And You. And Thursday will be everyone that listens to this song. Unless they don’t listen on a Wednesday. Get it? Anyhow – I don’t really like this band… the screaming very rarely does it for me, and I’m not too fond of the music either), Bouncing Souls – Anchors Aweigh (Instead of being a band, because they aren’t very good at it, they should be shoes. And change their name to the Bouncing Soles), Yellowcard – Breathing (I really like this song, actually. Um… soccer!), Pennywise – Something To Change (as an old saying goes - Pennywise, Good Music Foolish), Motion City Soundtrack – Capital H (It’s a decent song by a band that I like quite a bit. As for the name? You can come up with something this time), Atmosphere – The Keys To Life Vs. 15 Minutes of Fame (out of the middle of nowhere (as if it flew out of the sky… the ATMOSPHERE) here’s a rap song. Not bad by rap standards, but still not very good), Sugarcult – Destination Anywhere (Another song that I like quite a bit. It’s less punky then most stuff on here. It’s a pretty sweet song. Like sugar. And they have a cult following), 1208 – Fall Apart (I love this band name! In 1208, Columbus sailed the ocean… The band name just emits an aura of significance), The Lawrence Arms – Alert the Audience (arms aren’t enough in this age of rock), Avoid One Thing – Armbands and Braids (What am I supposed to avoid? This band? Armbands? Braids? Tell me, please!), Stutterfly – Gun In Hand (Brilliant. Not a butterfly, but a stutterfly!), Near Miss – Now Rectify (these guys are really cocky. They aren’t even near hits), Lightweight Holiday – Keep On (Lightweight holiday – what holiday are they talking about? Not Christmas, because Santa’s fat, not Halloween, because kids are fat… I’ve decided that this joke isn’t going anywhere, so on to the next song). I’m at track 26 of the 1^st cd, and I’m so bored of the Warped Tour. So I will bless cd one with a 2/5. Actually, I’ve been impressed a few times by the bass players on this cd, so I’ll give the cd a 2.5/5.

And now onto cd 2. For another 80 minutes of me being bored, perhaps. By bands with dumb names. Good Charlotte – My Bloody Valentine (more like…. Bad Charlotte), Taking Back Sunday – A Decade Under The Influence (Well… if they’re Taking Back Sunday, they can take back Thursday as well. Because I don’t like that band. BAM! Two Thursday jokes), Simple Plan – Crash And Burn (oh good. Simple Plan. You know what else would be a simple plan? Stopping making crappy music), From Autumn To Ashes – The After Dinner Payback (This is just shit. Why did they even bother naming this song? Or even the band. The band name should just be The Obnoxious Screamers, and the song should be Screaming Obnoxiously. Or if that ones taken, Obnoxious Screaming. Or Screamnoxious. Or Obnoxcream), Fear Before the March of Flames – On The Bright Side, She Could Choke (refer to the blurb about The Obnoxious Screamers), The F Ups – I Don’t Know (Wow. That’s such a hardcore name. Those guys are my new idols. Because they’re the Fups). My God… when will this cd end. I’m so bored. I think I’m at about the 140^th minute of this compilation now. 20 more to go. On the entire cd, there were no songs that I really liked. A few (Coheed and Cambria, the Real McKenzies, Throw Rag, Pepper) were pretty good, but generally it was just really monotonous. Which is why cd 2 gets 1.5 stars. I know, it’s harsh. But 2 stars total? Like… I just gave this compilation two stars for free. I paid 12 dollars for it, spent 160 minutes of my life on it, and gave up two of my gold stars. Those stars don’t grow on trees, you know. I don’t just grab them out of thin air.

The Waking Eyes - Demo

Warren Zevon - A Quiet Normal Life… Best of

Ween – Mollusk *+

What am I supposed to like about these guys? The music? They lyrics? I mean, they have a huge cult following I think, and I just don’t see why. The music is garbage weird polka and the lyrics are just forced humour garbage. At least it seems forced. Maybe they just don’t know that they aren’t funny. Or I don’t have a sense of humour. Actually, I think this album is meant to make fun of prog rock, which makes me respect it a bit. The title track is kinda funny, and the music for “I’ll Be Your Johnny On The Spot” is cool for 2 minutes. And then they come up with “It’s Gonna Be Alright”, a sappy, crappy love song that can only be taken seriously. And then they follow that up with pure novelty crap “Waving My Dick In The Wind”. Who the hell are these guys? If I want infantile humour, I’ll consult Tenacious D. If I want slow love songs, I’ll look somewhere other than Ween. I don’t understand it. It’s like a secret club, and I don’t know the secret handshake. And I don’t want to.

Weezer Tribute Album

Weezer: Blue****

Weezer: Green ***+

Weezer: Maladroit ***+

Weezer: Pinkerton ****+

Weird Al Yankovic - Greatest Hits (2 Disc)

Weird Al Yankovic: Bad Hair Day ***

Wheatus: Wheatus **

Whirlwind Heat – Do Rabbits Wonder?

The Who – Who’s Next

Wilco – A.M.

Keller Williams – Home

Woodstock 94 (2 disc) ***+

X

XTC – The Compact XTC (The Singles 1978-1985)

Y

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fever To Tell

Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue

Yellowcard - One For The Kids

Yellowcard - Underdog EP

Z

Frank Zappa - Zoot Allures

Frank Zappa - Hot Rats

Frank Zappa - The Grand Wazoo

Frank Zappa - Waka/Jawaka

The Zutons – Who Killed The Zutons?

ZZ Top: Greatest Hits ***+