They all loved Lily, but Remus knew that they had always resented her just a little bit too. She stole James away from them and gave him a world that they couldn�t ever really inhabit. She constructed a wall, however uncalculated her motives. James went through to the other side and ended up leaving his friends behind.

At least that�s the way Remus saw it. Peter didn�t appear to notice or care. Sirius�well Sirius did what he always did. He made outlandish plans and said daring things to entice James over to his side. It still worked, in certain ways, two years after Hogwarts. But Lily had the stronger hold now. And even Sirius Black, master of pranks and seller of dreams, couldn�t truly own James anymore.

He was practiced at the art of appearing contemplative and placid, if the need arose, and even his own parents never believed that he was capable of lying or furthering his own agenda. His friends, even knowing of his need to conceal his true identity, somehow believed he was incapable of lying, especially to them. The sad thing was that lying was Remus�s only true talent.

It was two months before James and Lily�s wedding day. Remus sat in the kitchen of James�s cottage, his usual hangout when not at his flat, sipping lukewarm tea while trying desperately to come up with an excuse to get out of spending the day with Lily.

James had asked him to keep Lily occupied while he and Sirius went on a secret two-day mission. Remus ignored the pang in his stomach as he thought about the fact that he wasn�t told of this mission until just yesterday. He sighed because he knew why he wasn�t informed though. The rumors that had been swirling around, for the past few weeks, of a traitor in their midst had put everyone on edge. And Remus knew that the fact that he was a werewolf didn�t help matters. Many thought he had to be involved with Voldemort. It was his true nature, after all, to want to be involved with the dark side. Remus couldn�t exactly deny that he didn�t feel the tug of the wolf inside, that the lure of the darker side of life enticed him. But he resisted that temptation and would never betray the friends that had sacrificed so much for him.

Of course these were the same friends that, whether they realized it or not, were beginning to believe the rumors. Remus knew that their burgeoning belief in the stories was why he was not told of the mission until yesterday, or even invited to come and help.

Remus finished his tea and stood up from the table to take his cup to the sink. As he was washing the cup, the back door banged open. Without thinking, Remus dropped the cup, it splintering into a million pieces, and pointed his wand at the intruder. Startled green eyes looked back at him and Remus realized that Lily was home earlier than expected.

Lily looked at him warily, as if expecting him to still curse her into next week. Her arms were full of packages, including a bag filled with groceries, and Remus belatedly realized that she must have kicked the door open in order not to drop anything.

�Why do you hate me so much, Remus? What have I done to you? Was it something I said or did at Hogwarts? Did I do something since then? What? I�ve racked my brain and I can�t come up with one single reason for you to despise me so. I�ve been kind to you. I�ve never told anyone your secret. I�m in love with your best friend��

Lily stopped abruptly as she noticed the fleeting look of pain on Remus�s face at the mention of her love for James. Suddenly, things began to click in her mind. Bits of past conversations began to run through her mind. Memories of stolen looks and the press of hand against hand. It all made sense to her now. She didn�t know why she hadn�t seen it before.

The next two days passed with Remus and Lily avoiding each other as best they could. The only time they ate together was when Peter unexpectedly stopped by for dinner. Remus decided that the meal, with its awkward conversation and worried glances from Peter, was the worst one of his life. But he didn�t know what to do to change things. And if he was honest with himself, he wasn�t entirely sure that he even wanted to change things.

The morning dawned bright and fresh on the day James and Sirius were to return. Remus took a shower, dressed and was heading downstairs toward the kitchen when he ran into Lily. She smelled like lavender flowers and her hair was still wet from her shower. He felt a little lightheaded, as her scent swirled around him, and he quickly stepped around her and continued on to the kitchen.

But as the day progressed, and the afternoon passed into the beginnings of dusk, Remus began to worry a bit. Missions could be tricky and there was no specific timetable in this period of war and uncertainty. But, even if James and Sirius were beginning to suspect him of ulterior motives, James would�ve at least sent word to Lily to let her know they were all right.

Remus let out the breath he had been holding and tried not to think of all the horrible things that could be happening to his friends right now. He tried not to think of Death Eaters forcing spell after spell on them, making them writhe in pain and cry out in mercy. He tried to block out the images of James and Sirius, bloodied and bruised, wasting away in a pit somewhere, never knowing what horrible thing would come next. Remus tried not to think of these things, but the thoughts continued on an endless loop for the rest of the night.

He had contacted Dumbledore, like he promised Lily, but all Dumbledore could tell them was everything was being done to find out what happened to James and Sirius. It was a typical fact-finding mission and there shouldn�t have been any major issues. But this damned war had its own special surprises and Remus knew that nothing was truly simple anymore. He was beginning to wonder if it had ever been.

He sat in James�s library again. This room had always been his favorite. It exuded comfort and warmth, two things Remus usually couldn�t find anywhere else. The afternoon light was fading and he closed his eyes in a last, fervent prayer to whoever was listening to bring his friends home. He didn�t know how long he had been sitting there like that, eyes closed and his fists clenched in frustration, but suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He said James and Sirius�s names, as if that would bring magically bring them back, and then Lily was in his arms. Her sobs echoed around the room and he hugged her as tightly as possible. Her lips pressed against his and, before he knew it, his hands were in her hair and he was lost. Bits of memories rushed back, of how he met James and Sirius, as he laid Lily down on the sofa. He thought of their first prank together, of how nervous he was that they would be caught, as he took Lily�s skirt off. He remembered how he felt when he found out that they had become animagi for him, as he kissed his way up to Lily�s neck. And when Lily finally gasped and cried out, first his name and then James�s, he thought of when James had told him that he was going to marry Lily and how that had made his heart stand still. Then there were tears on his chest, as Lily stopped him before they could go any further. His breaths finally slowed and the slow throb that had built up inside him finally subsided.

Lily collected her clothes and managed to make herself look somewhat presentable. She refused to look him in the eye and he didn�t blame her. He didn�t know what he would say to her anyway. All rational thought had left his brain and he felt helpless, almost as helpless as when he was first bitten. He hated that feeling and he hated that Lily made him feel so lost.

�I love him. And I know you love him too. I think that�s why, well, we did what we just did. We needed to be close to someone who understood that it isn�t always about death and destruction. There�s still hope and love to hold on to. I know you hate me and I think I can maybe handle that now. Because the one thing we will always have in common is our love for James. And I hope, wherever James and Sirius are right now, that they know we will never forget them.�

Remus saw Lily�s tears of joy and excitement and tried not to wince when she threw her arms around James. He didn�t notice the strange looks Sirius was sending his way, being too focused on James and Lily. He held on to James a little bit longer than he should when he came to hug him next. He didn�t notice the fleeting look of pain on Sirius�s face as he squeezed James a little harder.