I�m not a very nice person after all, I�ve discovered. Someone I care for deeply came to me confused and feeling alone and though I lent an attentive ear and did everything I could to be helpful, a part of me was selfish. We shared a moment; we shared a thought. Not-so-unconsciously I tried to take advantage of my dear friend and when they had disappeared into the night thinking there was not the slightest bit of self indulgence, I sat a moment and pondered. Was it so wrong to want something positive for myself for once? I had the very best of intentions, not a hint of lust or lack of thought for my dear companion. Everything I wanted and felt I needed came from a deep hollow in my heart where once a lost little boy wandered aimlessly in a darkened wood. I got lost in their eyes and only hoped they would lead me home. They took my breath away� I made them gasp for air. They told me goodnight� I thought mostly of good morning. Then I realized that I was wrong. I was being selfish� and worst of all, I tried to deny so. I had forbidden intentions that were not meant for removal from Pandora�s box. I was looking for affection and longing for affection. I� was not very nice� and I�m sorry.
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10/6/01