.Homepage of Fantasy Baseball's
 Raccoon City Raccoons
State of the Union Press Conference.

Question # 1: So you’ve made a lot of changes recently, how do you feel about your roster right know?

GM KneeCo: These were always planned moves. We intended to make some switches going into the second half, hence the cryptic "big things brewing" tidbit in the last rumor mill before the trades. There are some players we will miss, of course Kent and Sweeney are star players and Pudge could always tear it up if he gets back to playing like he can. At the same time, Soriano is one of the best players in the league and is very young. In all likelihood he will be one of the five or so "keeper" players we would be allowed for next year. We are also hoping the speculation about Derek Lowe’s second half being affected by high pitch counts doesn’t come to fruition. We picked up top prospect Josh Phelps for the catcher position, and we have been very happy with the rookie’s performance to date. There have been more switches made, but there’s no need to chronicle them all here. All and all, we are quite happy with the line up right now.

Question # 2: If you had to pick 5 "keepers" right now, who would they be.

GM KneeCo: Hmmm.... Bonds, Soriano, Morris, Jeter, and one more... Glaus maybe, but I’d feel insecure about leaving Hunter off the list. We'll see I guess, I don't think the issue of protocol for next season has been resolved completely yet anyway. A lot can happen between now and then.

Question # 3: Like more trades?

GM KneeCo: Always a possibility, I’ve always said everyone is always on the block if the right deal were to come along. There is still some time before the deadline, I might make more moves, but, like I said before, I am happy with the lineup so I don’t necessarily feel the need to.

Question # 4: How do you feel about the Park Exers' controversial Operation Kilo India Lima Lima Raccoon?

GM KneeCo: Yes, I’ve heard of that. I haven’t actually visited it though, I don’t waste my time paying attention to GMs whose teams are more than two months back. Not to discourage GM Seskitim I think the stuff he’s put up recently, taking our "fantasy land" and killing the joke and such, has been really a nice effort, and that’s really all you can expect from Seskitim; he’s a little slow you know so he’s like a pre-schooler, you have to encourage him. Good job Seskitim! You want a cookie?

Question # 5: What about Coco Bin Laden's proposition to accept your suggestion for resolving team of the week ties if you give up Rodger?

GM KneeCo: Never! Rodger is happy here and we wont let him fall into the hands of those Pontiac bastards! All the other GMs, unable to create their own mascots, are jealous and keep picking on Rodger, but the fans love him and he isn’t going anywhere. It’s all a joke anyway, Bin Laden knew all along that my method was better and just held out on giving me the week 13 trophy which I deserved. Not only would I have whipped him, just look at how many records we got that week! But I set up a challenge and lost, so let him have the trophy, I've got plenty of those. At least now the ties will be resolved the logically way, but Rodger isn’t going anywhere!

Question # 6: Speaking of team of the week, you just got another one. How about the big win against Porno Stars last week?

GM KneeCo: Well I’m not so immature that I’d brag about that, I’m just proud of my team and have no further comments on the win.

Question # 7: Really?

GM KneeCo: Hahaha, no! It is very, very difficult to get a shutout. We nearly did it against the Park Exers in week 13, but they got the most useless stat from us: singles. We finally got the shutout and it couldn’t have come at a better time then against the Porno Stars. We knew going in that Porno Stars beat us twice, in weeks 2 & 9, and had been assuming they’d win this one too since the introduction of the PWO site. Needless to say, we really wanted this one.
He pointed out that our combined score was 22 – 12 in his favor, so we beat him by a margin large enough to give us the lead for the whole year. It’s now 28 – 22 Raccoons.
GM PagaG once made fun of us for being in fourth, so we put him there and it took his place in second.
All and all, we simply kicked his ass in every way.
And the best part of course is that we shut him out. Shut outs are very, very rare and if we are still at this a couple of years from now I’m sure we'll be able to count all the shutouts on one hand and we’ll still be talking about the time I kicked Porno Stars ass.
All I have to offer PapaG now is some more advice: update your site! If I were you I’d update my page and get rid off all the evidence of how dumb I made you look, although I doubt we’ll be hearing from him again for a long while. Oh, and would you like some salt to go with that foot?

Question # 8: Any final comments?

GM KneeCo: Not really, the regular season is almost over and the playoffs are right around the bend. We will be fighting tooth and nail to finish strong. Ideally of course we want first, but we would be very happy with second since both first and second get the crucial first round bye. The playoffs are really going to be tough, anybody can take it, but I believe in my Raccoons and I really believe we are the best team in the league.