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Letter #5: Team Porno Stars

GM PapaG,

What can I say here that wont send you into a fit? You finally re-posted the Porno Stars site, as I told GM Bin Laden you would if I just mentioned you a couple of times, and, as always, I was right (you're so predictable). Bin Laden asked you to re-post, even went so far as to threaten to sue, but I knew neither of those would get the job done, I knew that the thing that could make you re-create the page is the very thing that made you take it done in the first place: me. Or, more precisely, your insecurities stemming from the fact that I’m better than you and you know it. That thought has somehow created an epic feud between us that exists only in your head. So what great pearl of wisdom shall I lay before you now to further solidify your misconception that I have something against you? What great advice should offer this time which will you will take all too personally? Well I told you to change your name, and you did. I told you to change your site, and you did. I told you to grow up however, and you still haven’t.
The truth is that I have no advice to offer to you this time around, too bad I suppose since you’re so in need of some. Instead, I offer an observation I’ve made regarding your character: You're an idiot.

Before you start crying and taking down your site, allow me to explain what has lead me to this somewhat obvious conclusion. You can’t deny that you are an idiot, it is a matter of fact. In the English language, words have meanings, and as sure as this is a "letter" being read off a "screen", or you are an "idiot". Why are you an idiot? Because you can't distinguish public and private. You act in public as you should only act in private, you have no sense of shame or decency; no social filter. It's pathetic to watch and truly embarrassing to you, yet you do not seem to be aware of either. And that's what an idiot is, someone not smart enough to distinguish public and private. Someone who acts in the "village square" as they should only in the home. Hence why the English created the term "village idiot" and the word "idiot". That's where the word comes from and that's what you clearly are.

Now that you've reposted your site and seem willing to rejoin the "bashing fun" (©GM Bin Laden) I can finally address your little outburst after the website game. Did you think there was anything to gain from winning like a little bitch? My little cousin does the same thing when something doesn't go her way, but she's turning seven week, what's your fuckin' excuse?! Offended or not, anybody with the wits about them to separate public and private, or for that matter reality and fantasy, would not have gone off like that in the context of the game. But you couldn't tell fantasy from reality, so you took personal offense, and you couldn't tell public from private so you aired out your grievance in a public forum and revealed yourself as a moron in the process. To this day, you probably don't see why you should have kept your own immature feelings to yourself, do you? You don't understand how badly you embarrassed yourself? Don't you see why you shouldn't publicly flaunt things like your infatuation with a television star you don't even know? Don't you understand why you should not be proud of childish things like this?! Things like your intimate knowledge of porno stars for instance, this isn't an achievement! Get over the incessant toilet humor, move past the ridiculously juvenile team name, get rid of the pics of naked porn stars posted on your site for no real reason other than you somehow thinks it makes you cool. Let me makes this clear Hogan, you aren't cool, not even close. And let me save you the trouble of the obvious retort here, you're going to call me gay, aren't you? Let me see, because I'm not a porno junkie and I don't want to look at some naked chic whom I know nothing about except that she is a dirty, probably diseased, whore, that makes me gay, right? No numbnuts, that doesn't make me gay, that makes me smart, secure and, you guessed it, better than you. Moreover, if I did have the porn stash, I'd keep it in the closet where it belongs and not show it off like a kid who wants a reward for getting a F in school because he is too dumb to know that isn't an achievement.

Now we all know what happens next, you get all wound up and go off and try to take some personal shots at me because of this fictional feud you've imagined between us. But I've got better things to do with my time and energy than waste it on you any further for the time being. Consider this the first test of whether or not you can be more than an idiot, of whether you can accept my help and guidance. I'm sure right about now you just want to whine like a little bitch like you always do and write some stupid "Press Release". Well, the ball is in your court, "whatcha gonna do brother?"

Finally, I say once more, for your own sake, if you ever want to be able to exist in the real world without completely humiliating yourself all the time, grow up! 

As always, You’re welcome,
GM KneeCo

PS
Happy Fathers' Day Papa.