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[When we left our friends in Fantasy Land: Kingpin Chris, leader and creator of the elite GMS, sworn protectors of Fantasy Land, dispatched his crew to stop the attack of large robots on Fantasy Land. The crew is made up of "Stats Man" Costa, "The Militant Midget" Seskitim, "The sultry slut" Sexy Bitch, "PornoStar" PapaG, "The Native American Terrorist" Bin Laden, "The elastic patriot" yankee, and everyones favorite member of the group, the strongest link for certain, KneeCo "the bandit". At the end of the last episode, the crew were on their way to the Pontiac mobile to get to speed to the scene.] yankee: I don’t need much space, I’ll squeeze into the glove box, but I seriously don’t think all of you can fit in the car. Bin Laden: We fit my friend, no worry, no worry. Seskitim: Yeah, so shut up yankee, Bin Laden knows what he’s doing. Bin Laden: [To seskitim] Thank you my friend [opens trunk] Get in, and watch out for my stack of Big Black Butts monthly in the corner. Seskitim: I’ll never fit in there! Bin Laden: You fit, I know you fit. I put my girlfriend in here to sneak her in to drive through movie. [under his breath] at least I would if I had a girlfriend. Seskiitim: hmmm… fine. [Seskitim climbs into the small trunk, which he fits in comfortably, as the rest of the crew approach the sides of the car.] KneeCo: Shotgun! PapaG: [crying] I wanted to sit in front!! I called it while we were inside I swear! KneeCo: First off, you didn’t call it inside, or at the very least if you did it was not nearly loud enough for any of us to hear it, which means of course that it didn’t count. Moreover, shotgun rules clearly state that whoever calls the shotgun, referring to the front seat derived from its being the place where someone yielding a shotgun would sit during a car chase, must be able to see the car when he makes the call. Yet I digress, the point is that you didn’t call shotgun inside and, even if you had, it wouldn’t count anyway. PapaG: [confused by use of more than one non-monosyllabic word] Fine, take the front seat... homo! KneeCo: Very mature. Sexy Bitch: I’ve always felt more at home in the back seat of a car myself. [The crew piles into the silver Pontiac, Bin Laden drives, KneeCo sits in the passenger seat, yankee squeezed into the glove box, Seskitim is enjoying magazines in the trunk and the rest of the crew is packed into the back seat. Costa tapes away at the keypad of his weapon of choice.] Costa: We should be there in 14 minutes, 27 seconds. [48 minutes and 07 seconds later. Bin Laden is still behind the wheel, yankee is still in the glove box and seskitim is still lying down in the trunk. Costa, KneeCo, Sexy Bitch and Papa G are pushing the car down the side of the road.] Costa: Fucking Pontiac. [Finally, our heroes arrive at the scene. They release yankee from the glove box get out of the car and look ahead at three humongous robots ahead of them. The robots tower over Fantasy Land, and destroy entire city blocks with a single swing of one of their arms.] yankee: Whoa! That's a huge bitche! [Costa hits his calculator with lighting quick movement of his experienced digits.] KneeCo: [to costa] What’s the verdict? Costa: 248745.32 KneeCo: Translation? Costa: We’re fucked. Sexy Bitch: Well we have to try. We should split into teams and each take one robot. [The team all look at each other, surprised that Sexy Bitch actually made a reasonable suggestion.] yankee: Alright, me and Sexy Bitch will take one robot. Costa, you go with Bin Laden towards another. Which leaves KneeCo and PapaG to take the final one. [The teams break into their pairs and head off toward their respective mechanical adversaries.] Costa: Wait! What about... Bin Laden: [interrupting] There is no time my friend, c’mon! Costa: [following Bin Laden] Fine, whatever. [KneeCo and PapaG stand, proportionately miniature at the feet of one of the robots.] KneeCo: Now what? PapaG: Well, first I have to get changed. KneeCo: Get changed? PapaG: Yeah! I’ve got a new costume [points proudly to a large pouch hanging off his belt] I’ll be right back! [Meanwhile, a few blocks over, yankee and Sexy Bitch are standing ahead of a different robot. Identical to the other two in size and strength, this one is a little unique in that it is not entirely silver, the head is red and has a large blue “W” on it.] Sexy Bitch: So what the hell are we supposed to do?! yankee: You know, I’m pretty happy we got paired together. I mean, it isn’t a coincidence I picked you. Sexy Bitch: [puzzled] I mean, how are we going to beat this thing? All I have is my whip. yankee: You like to use that whip don’t you? You naughty girl! Sexy Bitch: [partly disgusted] Look, I think we really need to take care of this thing before it destroys any more of Fantasy Land. yankee: You know my super stretch ability applies to all of me… [looks down] all of me. Sexy Bitch: [intrigued] Really? [GM Bin Laden and Costa stand in front of the final robot as helpless as the other members of the GMS.] Bin Laden: My friend, we have no chance, eh? Costa:[tapping away] Well… [Sighs and puts calculator away in his suit’s breast pocket] I think it might be time to get the first ticket the hell out of dodge. Bin Laden: Good idea! You have money? Costa: What? Bin Laden: Give me your money, I have a good idea my friend, no worry. Costa: [reaches into his pocket and hands Bin Laden a roll of bills.] that’s 473$, which I expect back with interest. I’ll be calculating the interest on a weekly basis, placing 5% interest on the capital... assuming we survive that is. [Costa looks up to realize that Bin Laden is already long gone.] [Meanwhile, back at the first team of two, PapaG returns, proudly displaying his new superhero outfit.] PapaG: What so you think? KneeCo: Well...ugh... it’s kind of... PapaG: Nice, huh?! KneeCo: Yeah, it’s nice, but well, it’s just my uniform in a different color. PapaG:[on verge of tears] Homo! KneeCo: Whatever, so what are we going to do here? PapaG: Not sure, you got any ideas. KneeCo: I could easily defeat this thing, but that would be too easy, and since I don’t believe in unfair fights, I’ll let you take care of this! PapaG: [suspicious] You don’t actually have any powers, do you? KneeCo: [defensive] Yes I do! Watch this! [whistles] [Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, raccoons appear in the hundreds and attack the robot from all directions. They climb up the huge metal beast and claw at it. After opening up the body they begin gnawing at the wires and circuits. Within moments, the robot short-circuits and falls with a huge crash to the street. As quickly as they came, the raccoons disappear in every direction. KneeCo smiles as PapaG begins to tear.] [Meanwhile, a helpless, confused and scared Statsman looks around and sees an annoyed Seskitim arriving.] Costa: Damn, I thought we forgot something. How do you get out of the trunk? Seskitim: I kicked once and it broke open. Costa: Fucking Pontiac. Seskitim: What's going on? Costa: Honestly don’t know. [looks up] Do you hear that? [Seskitim and Costa look up and see a large passenger plane flying quickly toward the robot. They notice someone jump out of the plane moments before it crashes into the towering robots, blowing both the robot and plane to pieces. The man that jumped out of the plane, Bin Laden, parachutes to safety, landing next to Costa and Seskitim.] Seskitim: Nice of you to drop in. Bin Laden: [to Seskitim] Haha, clever Seskitim. [to Costa] Did you hear that clever thing he say, if not, you’re missing out! Costa: What? I’m right here, of course I heard, and it wasn’t that clever! And where the hell did you get the plane?! Bin Laden: Bought a ticket, like you said. Costa: Wait a minute, that was a regular flight? What about the passengers?! Bin Laden: Dead I assume. Costa: [shocked] Good God! [Costa begins walking away, Bin Laden and Seskitim follow.] Bin Laden: What? What I do? [The entire crew of the GMS, excluding the always M.I.A. MTL, meet up in front of the one remaining robot. The robot, much to Seskitim’s chagrin, is destroying the Fanatsy Land's short & tall clothing outlet. Sexy Bitch’s hair is messed up and yankee, with a smile that extends from ear to ear, has a whip scar on his left arm.] PapaG: We have to stop that thing before it reaches the XXX video store! Sexy Bitch: We just can’t figure out a way to stop this thing. We tried... [BOOM! Sexy Bitch’s sentence is cut short as a rocket flies from the robots finger and blows the blond bombshell to pieces. The remaining members of the GMS are stunned. The robot’s red head slides open revealing a man sitting in a command chair inside.] Coco Bin Laden: Oh my God! It’s the Willis! Williis: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers! [sinister laugh] I killed that bitch you got to replace me, consider it payback for destroying my robots, but I’m in a good mood, so I’ll let the rest of you live to witness the destruction of your precious Fantasy Land before I finally do away with all of you. [sinister laugh] See you soon, General Manager losers! [With that, the large “W” of the robot’s red head slides closed over the hatch and the robot, thrust by rockets at its feet, flies off into the skies away from our bewildered heroes.] yankee: Willis you rogue! Come back here! KneeCo: I think our best course of action right now is to return to HQ and report to Chris. [The crew start walking back to Bin Laden’s Pontiac mobile.] Seskitim: [to KneeCo and PapaG] So what are you guys like out of the closet now so you’re dressing alike? KneeCo: Don't look at me, I got ripped off. PapaG: No, mine is better! See [points down] I got newer buckles on my boots! Bin Laden: [shocked at sight of his car] My trunk! [running up to his trunk which has been busted wide open] Who did this? Seskitim: [nervous] Must have been Willis! That bastard! Bin Laden: Oh no! He took my whole collection of "Big Black Butts" too, that Mother Bitch!! Costa: Willis stole all your porno mags? Bin Laden: [upset, reaching for something in the trunk] And all he left is a stupid piece of lint!!
What will Kingpin Chris have to say about the failure of
his crew? |
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