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[It’s a
normal day in Fantasy Land, and everything seems
generally right with the world until, suddenly, in a
small underground lair under a baseball field, an alarm
goes off. A smile is quickly erased from the face of
Kingpin Chris who sits in a leather chair at a large oak
wood desk in the secret GMS Headquarters.] [Chris pushes his leather chair away from the desk, stands and pulls up his pants while a tall blond emerges from under the large bureau. The tall blond is none other than Sexy Bitch, the newest member of the elite GMS squad.] Sexy Bitch [wiping her lips with her left palm]: What is it?! Chris [alarmed]: I don’t know. Better call the others while I look into this. [Moments later. Sexy Bitch and Kingpin Chris are in the reconnaissance room of the large GMS lair awaiting the arrival of the other squad members. Sexy Bitch has gotten into her uniform, a black leather cat suit, and has retrieved her weapon of choice, a long black whip. Just outside the ballpark which cloaks the lair, Bin Laden pulls up in his trusty silver Pontiac mobile and rushes to the HQ. Already prepared in his full native Pontiac uniform and Arabic head dress, he enters the reconnaissance room with Sexy Bitch and the squad leader.] Bin Laden [to Sexy Bitch]: You get here very quick I think. How you do this Bitch? Sexy Bitch: Uh… yeah… well I don’t live too far, and… Chris [interrupting]: Thank goodness you’re here Bin Laden, the alarms went off earlier, Fantasy Land is under attack. Let’s hope the others get here soon! Unknown voice: I’m here too. Chris [confused]: Who said that? MTL? Is that you? Same unknown voice: No it’s me, I’m right here! [Chris, Sexy Bitch and Bin Laden trace the source of the voice to the opposite side of the conference table and lean over the three foot high table to see Seskitim, the army trained, artillery packing, midget.] Seskitim [annoyed]: We need shorter tables! Good news though, I brought someone to help with the emergency… [Unexpectedly and uninvited, Seskitim’s sidekick Scarface enters the room.] Scarface: Hi, can I join the group? Chris, Sexy Bitch, Bin Laden [in unison]: For the last time, NO! [As Scarface, who incidentally and oddly enough does not have a scar on his face, exits, Costa, wearing his trademark black and white business suit and carrying his trusty calculator, enters.] Costa: What is going on? Chris: We aren’t quite sure yet, but Fantasy Land is under attack! Costa: Attack?! Oh, no! [Removes calculator from breast pocket and begins mashing keypad] Attacks have a 34.8% chance of success when they are orchestrated by a left hander and happen on the west side of Fantasy Land on a Tuesday or Sunday! Also, there are only four GMS members here right now, including me, of a possible total of eight which means we are only at 50%. [Panicked] What are we gonna do?! [The HQ’s automatic sliding door whooshs open again drawing the attention of Costa and waking the rest of the people in the room. Through the open door enters yankee, the proud American patriot with super stretch abilities.] yankee [in a deep, commanding voice]: Bin Laden! We meet again! [In one swift move, yankee stretches his hands halfway across the room and begins chocking Bin Laden. Kingpin Chris gets quickly frustrated] Chris: Stop that, we’ve been through this before, he is not the Bin Laden you are looking for... I said stop! [Seskitim jumps onto the table, runs up to yankee and kicks him in the nuts. Twice.] Seskitim: Yeah, knock it off you stupid American! [yankee releases his grip of Bin Laden’s neck and falls to the ground in the fetal position cluntching his midsection.] Bin Laden [rubbing his neck and struggling to breath]: My friend, I have told you before that I am not this man for whom you search. You no fuck with me no more or I get upset. You motherbitch! Chris: Stop all the fighting! We need to work together at times like this. Bin Laden [to Chris]: You are right boss, I’m sorry. [To Seskitim] Thank you for your help. Seskitim: No problem. Say, you want trade me your car for this piece of lint I found in my pocket? Bin Laden: Uh… no. Costa [punching away at calculator again] That trade would have worked out to Seskitim’s advantage if it had been made. I’d value the car at 370 times the value of the piece of lint, the fact that it is a Pontiac notwithstanding. [As Costa continues to calculate, yankee slowly gets back to his feet and the rest of the group struggle to stay awake, two more members of the elite group enter. First is PapaG, whose powers include incredible luck, immunity to AIDS and other plagues of the adult film world and the ability to leap tall hos in a single bound. Right behind him is KneeCo, the bandit, dressed in black and grey, whose skills include super strength, intelligence, good looks, great wit, super speed, X-ray vision, super stamina, and many other things. Papa G is crying.] PapaG [crying]: He was making fun of me! His super hero costume is better than mine! I want my mommy! Chris [to PapaG]: Grow up, would you? [To all] Now that everyone is here, let’s begin the briefing. KneeCo: [looking around] What about the invisible man? Is he here and I just don’t see him. Chris: No, MTL hasn’t shown up. But we can’t wait around forever, we have to attend to this emergency. [With the flick of a switch at Chris’ hand, a large screen powers up and displays all of Fantasy Land. Certain areas are flashing red on the map.] Chris: GMS, your mission is clear, you must save Fantasy Land. I’m going to need all of you to work together on this one so no more bickering. PapaG: But… Chris [interrupting]: I don’t want to hear it! You must get along. We have to find out who is behind this sinister plot to destroy Fantasy Land and stop them before it is too late. You will all take the Pontiac mobile and go to the area marked in red on this map, once there you must try to stop the attacks which, according to this, are at the hands of numerous twenty-storey-high robots. Once you’ve defeated the robots, report back to me and we’ll take the next steps toward discovering the source. Any question? Seskitim: Yeah. That’s a nice screen you got there, I have this piece of lint [holds up lint from pocket] and I was wondering…. Chris [interrupting]: No! [turns to Costa who is already calculating] Stop that! Are there any serious questions?! PapaG: Any chance of Superman helping us out on this one? Chris: Uh... no. PapaG: What about Lana?! Chris: No. Any SERIOUS question?! Bin Laden: Everyone who comes in the car will help out with gas money, no? Sexy Bitch: What’s a “robot”? KneeCo: I get to be leader, right? yankee: Will we be home by dinner? Scarface [peeking head in through doorway]: Can I come too? PLEASE! Seskitim: Seriously, final offer, who wants my lint?! [Kingpin Chris looks over the room at the bickering group of General Manager Superheroes and rubs his brow with his thumb and forefinger.] Chris: We are so screwed!
What will
happen next?! |
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