My graduation write-up for the school annual was almost certainly the most controversial write-up of the year. For months between the submitting of my entry and the annual�s final deadline for coloured pages, principals, vice principals, counsellors, teachers, and editors pounded me with questions and pushed me to change the sparsely worded composition. The italicized line at the top of this page (lack of proper capitalization intentional), it seemed, was what concerned those authorities the most. It was too dark, they said, too depressing and confusing: not at all fit for the school annual. It, however, was simply misunderstood and it would take many fast-talking ten-minute-long explanations before it could be accepted as simply what it was: an ode to education, the past, present, and the future.

If ignorance is bliss, and knowledge therefore the foundation of misery and sorrow, then let us all remain suffering for where would our future lay if bliss was all humanity sought? Crafty birds symbolize the sly and slippery futures we all hold while childhood treasures remind us of lost dreams and fantasies we�ve held for our children. We remain suffering for the next generation so that they may not need to live in fear of an unjust world created by an ignorant society. By now, it may be obvious to you that what I believe to be �knowledge?goes beyond the textbooks and lectures of a learning institution-or perhaps it falls short of it. As I have come to think of it, education is a most valuable thing indeed but it is useless without knowledge and wisdom, which are gained from every aspect of one�s life. However, knowledge and wisdom alone are useful to few but those who acquire it for, you see, knowledge will help one understand how things are, wisdom will help one understand when and how to use this knowledge, but education is required to prove to the world that what you know is indeed a truth and one cannot change the world if he (or she) is the only one who understands the change. I call education a truth simply because I believe that education is merely a stepping-stone to the truth.

I have few specific aspirations for what the future will bring me. My goals in life are still shady and unclear and therefore my areas of study will undoubtedly be the same. I have currently little desire to seek out a single occupation that will be my career and even less desire to study for it alone. I am still lost. This is not to say that I have no desire to learn or study. That cannot be further from the truth for it is the learning that is keeping me �lost?and �holding me back?from deciding what will become of my future. People, of course, take those phrases too negatively. You see, the more I learn, the more interested I become and the more interested I become, the more questions there are and the �bigger picture?continually grows far greater and more mind-boggling than ever before�and so I remain lost-as a good philosopher and even anybody always remains: open minded, searching for some kind of truth in some kind of way and always coming out more lost than before, because that is how we grow. I learned from a very wise historian-teacher-philosopher-that being lost rarely ever means off course or plain stupid. After all, once we have found ourselves, where else do we have to go?

At this point, there is no way for me to choose an area of expertise to pursue. I love History, but I have barely the mind for it. Texts and documentaries only become scattered records of humanity in my mind. Philosophy has always been an interest of mine as well but not enough for me to jump into for the rest of my life. Biology has been a passion for me throughout my high school years, but there is no particular area of this vast and general topic that I would rather go into more than others-I would want to learn them all: from microbiology to macro-biology and beyond. Even if I could study simply Biology in general, how could I do so without studying Geography-another passion of mine? In high school, all these subjects are taught so broadly and, although I have heard that first year Geography, Biology, and many other courses are very similar to Geography 12, Biology 12, etc., what would I do after that first year? I look now at the list of programs available at your institution and I see choice after choice after choice and I cannot rule any of them out (except maybe French and other language studies which I have neither the talent in nor the interest): from Anthropology and Archaeology to Criminology, Women�s Studies, and Engineering Science-from Applied Physics to Physical Geography and Statistics. I cannot imagine how someone could go through their lives studying in only one of these programs. The choice I have indicated on my application form is more of a temporary compromise than anything else and will most likely change.

Education has given me the idea that my life may have some kind of meaning-what kind, I still do not know. I know that life is about making choices, but I am admitting to you now that, as hard as I�ve tried, I have not made many. I cannot tell you now what will become of me in the future, only that my education will not go to waste. Too many people have been educated so well and not learned enough to understand the implications of what gift this education gives them-their motives for doing so (becoming educated) so caught up in the almighty dollar. I would be lying if I told you that, if accepted into your institution, I would close off all contact to the outside world and engross myself in your libraries of textbooks and literary sources, for such an education would be a hollow one indeed. The high school education system has seemed so determined on teaching us all to learn about our world through notes and by memorizing details that will only be proved wrong within half a decade that I hope that my post-secondary education will be more than that. I would like to use your institution as my base support for the future-as guidance, if you will, while I take another cautious step into the world-but no more: for what proper pupil will learn only what his or her teachers teach them?

-civi Jones (aka Bowinn)
February, 2003

Her laughter snaps; crackle the desert sand
Clandestine society far from here
Raymon�the crow; cast shadows o�er the land
The empty skins of the dead from his ear.
Dare I cry; cry for her that lonely night
Separated from she by grains of blonde
I watched her take step and fall; heavy flight
And she flew in colours�though dim�till dawn.
And I wouldn�t trust her with a handshake
Though bright eyes may fool those, they naught for I
More of sorrow, not own, ne�er could she take
Clasp cold hands and watch an expert�she�lie.
By dead of night she�ll send Raymon without
He�ll find water to drown the green in drought.