The Butcher has dozed off to a dream world. He is stuck in the Chicago area and has been there since the attacks on America occurred. Now tired and weary of the news coverage, which seems to be the same thing over and over, The Butcher has fallen asleep in his hotel room. I wonder what he is dreaming?
Scene 1:
-|- The scene is a nice day in Manhattan, New York. You can tell none of this terrorist crap has happened because in the background the World Trade Center stands tall as usual. The Butcher is walking down the street amongst the New Yorkers with a happy face on. With no destination in mind, The Butcher continues to just walk. He finds a hobo digging through the trash and kicking the garbage can in anger. The Butcher approaches the hobo. -|-
The Butcher: Why are you so angry, Mr. Hobo?
Hobo: My friend has fallen into the trash and cannot get out! It�s a portal or something.
The Butcher: No more booze for you, Mr. Hobo.
Hobo: I�m serious! Watch!
-|- The Butcher did not notice that crafty homeless man picked his pocket and stole his wallet. Now, the homeless man stands there with The Butcher�s wallet and raises it in the air so he can see. Suddenly, the hobo throws The Butcher�s wallet into the garbage and a bright light flickers in the container and then fades away! -|-
Hobo: Look!
-|- The Butcher looks into the garbage can and sees that there isn�t a wallet or any trash to be found. It all just disappeared! -|-
The Butcher: What the hell did you do that for?! Now what am I supposed to do?
Hobo: Maybe it�s in another dimension with my friend! Follow me!
-|- The hobo shows his crooked, brown teeth with a smile. He then grabs The Butcher�s left arm and jumps into the garbage can. The bright light blinds The Butcher and he pulls himself out of the garbage can and notices that his arm has disappeared with the homeless man! -|-
The Butcher: My arm! God damn it all!
-|- He jumps around throwing a tantrum as the passing public tries to ignore him. -|-
The Butcher: There is only one thing to do and I really don�t want to do it.
-|- The Butcher then jumps into the garbage can and disappears into the vortex. -|-
Scene 2:
-|- We enter a world that is unlike the one we usually know. This place resembles a form of Hell or something like it. The sky is red and looks like it is on fire. There is nothing but dirt, a mountainous terrain in the background, and a jungle before you. The Butcher falls from the sky like a baby bird falling out of its nest high in a tree. He lands on his face hard, creating a cloud of dust. He rises to his feet and wipes himself off with his only hand. -|-
The Butcher: Where am I?
-|- The hobo comes out of no where with The Butcher�s arm. The Butcher quickly snatches his arm from the hobo and puts it back on! -|-
The Butcher: That feels better. Where the hell are we and where is my wallet?
Hobo: I don�t know, sonny boy. But I must find me friend before it gets too late!
-|- Out of no where, a group of humans comes running out of the jungle being chased by a tyrannosaurus rex! They all run for their lives but some aren�t so lucky. The Butcher and the hobo look at each other scared and look like they�re going to cry. The t-rex quickly leaves after eating some people and The Butcher looks up towards the mountains. Although they are miles away, he sees that there is a rather large Arabian palace at the highest peak. -|-
The Butcher: I wonder who lives in that palace?
Hobo: Lets go see. I bet me friend is dare along with ye wallet! The only way there is to go through de jungle. So lets go before de dino come back to eat us!
-|- The Butcher agrees with the man and they quickly run towards the jungle. -|-
Scene 3:
-|- We are at the Arabian palace atop the mountainous terrain. On the top tower there stands Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein! They are both looking out of their telescopes, watching the carnage down below. Osama laughs while scratching his beard and Saddam cannot help but laugh as well. Deeper into the room you see another homeless man trapped in a large bird cage yelling for help. Osama brings the man food and places it 5 feet in front of the cage so it tortures the hungry hobo. -|-
Saddam: At last the universe is ours!
-|- Saddam Hussein pulls The Butcher�s wallet out of his military pants and raises it in the air. -|-
Saddam: We control the power of the wallet and we cannot be stopped! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Osama: Can I hold it now?
Saddam: No! How can you hold it if you don�t have any pockets in your dress?
Osama: This isn�t a dress!
-|- Saddam stands in front of a large mirror, places the wallet in his back pocket and starts so make poses. -|-
Saddam: In any event, with your band of terrorists, my brains and this wallet, we will rules the universe forever!
-|- The scene ends with Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein laughing it all off. -|-
Scene 4:
-|- The Butcher and the hobo have made their way into the jungle. They have made it through most of it so far by dodging booby traps and running from little dinosaurs. The end of the jungle is in sight and the duo is now in a mad dash. -|-
The Butcher: We made it!
Hobo: Yuppers!
-|- They are about 50 feet away from the end of the jungle a gun shot is heard. The Butcher turns around and looks into the jungle behind them and he notices that there is a large group of men covered in cloth from head to toe! Some are on horseback and others are running. Some have guns and others have large Arabic swords! They are all running and yelling at the couple. -|-
The Butcher: Run.
Hobo: Wha?
-|- The hobo finally turns around to see the sight and he freaks out. -|-
Hobo: RUN!!!
-|- The Butcher is already 20 feet ahead of him when the hobo starts to run. A man on a horse catches up to the hobo and takes a swing at him with his sword. The hobo ducks and the Taliban horseman rides into a tree. With amazing speed, the hobo catches up to The Butcher as they reach the end of the jungle. At the end there is a large cliff which leads to a watery grave 2,000 feet below. Across the cliff is where the mountain range is and the palace. To get to that side you have to cross a large twine and wood bridge. The Butcher and the hobo quickly run onto the bridge while the Taliban stop right before the bridge. The Butcher and the hobo are at about the halfway point of the 200 foot long bridge when The Butcher stops and looks back at the Taliban. One of them has a sword ready to cut the bridge down! -|-
The Butcher: Crap! This is like that Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom movie!
Hobo: What�s a movie?
-|- The Butcher starts to wrap himself with the excess twine on the bridge, hoping that he survives like Indiana Jones did. The terrorist raises the sword, ready to cut, when suddenly planes fly over head and start dropping bombs! Parachutes are then released from the bombs and they land right in front of the Taliban and appear to be coming to life! The bombs start to kick the terrorists� asses with Kung Fu moves, making the terrorists flee back into the jungle. The Butcher stares, amazed at what he just saw. -|-
Bomb: Take that you rat bastards.
-|- The bombs then follow the Taliban back into the jungle to fight some more. -|-
The Butcher: Did that bomb just talk?
Hobo: Every ting talk when you drunk.
-|- The hobo laughs hysterically and almost falls off the bridge. The Butcher says that they should continue on. -|-
Scene 5:
-|- We go back to the palace where Saddam Hussein is eating the hostage hobo�s food. The hobo is crying. Osama Bin Laden is playing with toy planes and crashing them into buildings like a little kid. -|-
Osama: Vroom�.crash! Ha ha ha ha!
Saddam: Yummy, this food is the greatest I�ve ever had!
-|- A right hand man to Osama Bin Laden rushes into the room breathing really hard like he�s been running. -|-
Right Hand Man: Osama, bombs have attacked the Taliban! We are out numbered!
Osama: Shut up! Can�t you see I�m playing? Vroom�crash! Ha ha ha ha!
Right Hand Man: Two Americans are headed this way!
-|- Osama and Saddam stop what they are doing. -|-
Osama: Do they have planes?
Right Hand Man: No.
Osama: Damn. Good thing we have the power of the wallet! Vroooom�.crash! *sounds like a girl* Help I�m on fire! *sounds like a superhero* President Bush is here to save the day! *sounds like himself again* Take a plane, President! Vroom�crash! Ha ha ha ha!
Scene 6:
-|- We go back to The Butcher and the hobo who have already scaled the large mountain and are now face to face with the palace. A terrorist is sitting outside the castle looking at the Taliban issue of Playboy magazine and eating a bowl of couscous. He has a machine gun hung over his left shoulder.-|-
The Butcher: How are we going to get in?
Hobo: I use to be magician.
The Butcher: Now isn�t the time to get all intimate! Damn, how are we going to get it? We just can�t walk up to him.
Hobo: I use to be magician.
The Butcher: I used to the be a wrestler but that isn�t helping at all!
-|- While The Butcher is thinking, the hobo starts to do his act by pulling a rabbit out of his pants and then pulling cloth out of his sleeve. -|-
Hobo: I use to be magician!
The Butcher: I�ve got it! We�ll use this cloth to dress up as terrorists in training and just walk right in!
-|- The hobo and The Butcher start to sort through the cloth to see what they can use. -|-
Scene 7:
-|- Back at the palace, Saddam Hussein is doing a Russian dance and laughing at the caged hobo. It appears that there is a great celebration being started because Osama and Saddam believe they have the greatest power in the world. Many of their friends have arrived and are dancing. Arabian music is being played in the background as well. Osama walks over to two Arabian women and starts to flirt with them. -|-
Osama: Hello, ladies, would you like to touch my body?
-|- He rubs his nipples and licks his lips as he�s asking them. They walk away instantly and Osama is left wondering what he did wrong. He finds some more attractive women across the room and thinks about doing it again. -|-
Scene 8:
-|- The Butcher and the hobo have dressed themselves in cloth. What The Butcher wasn�t aware of was that the cloth was actually clothes for an Arabian female belly dancer! They walk into the scene and it is the most ridicules thing you may have ever seen. The hobo is all dressed in green linen with his large beer gut showing. He starts to dance and act like a drunk girl. The Butcher is less enthusiastic. He�s in pink linen with his abs showing. You can see his unshaven face under the veil. He doesn�t even look like a girl. They walk up to the Taliban guard and he stands up amazed like his dreams came true. -|-
Guard: Yes?
The Butcher: *girl voice* We are here for the king.
Hobo: *girl voice* We come to rock his world.
-|- The hobo starts acting like a belly dancer and the guard gets all excited. He gets naughty thoughts in his mind and thinks of taking advantage of the situation. -|-
Guard: Osama said I could touch your breasts.
The Butcher: *girl voice* Osama Bin Laden?
Guard: Yes he did! Let me touch your breasts or I cannot let you in.
-|- The hobo pulls up his shirt showing his man boobs and the guard touches them. The guard is happy and the hobo seemed to enjoy it too much. The Butcher will not let the guard touch his chest though. -|-
The Butcher: *girl voice* No!
Guard: Then I cannot let you by. You are the most attractive woman I have set my eyes up on. I must touch your breasts.
-|- The Butcher allows the guard to go in for a touch but before the guard can even touch him, The Butcher puts him in a choke hold and knocks him out. The Butcher then takes the machine gun and puts in his large pants. -|-
The Butcher: Christ, Arabian women must be freakin� ugly!
Hobo: Hey, you�re a knock out!
-|- The hobo laughs as The Butcher stands there angered. -|-
Scene 9:
-|- We go back to the party room in the palace. Saddam Hussein is juggling Arabian swords like a pro, getting a lot of attention. Osama Bin Laden keeps getting shut down by women. He finds another woman and starts caressing her hair. He looks her deep in the eye like he�s in love. -|-
Osama: You know what would look good on you? Me!
-|- The woman slaps him in the face and runs off. Her large husband runs over to Osama and picks him up and starts shaking him, yelling Arabian obscenities. Osama reaches into his hat and pulls out a toy airplane and slams it into the man�s forehead, knocking him to the floor. The Butcher and the hobo walk into the party room and are amazed. Osama quickly sees them and runs over to see if he can win them over. The Butcher doesn�t see him coming and before he knows it, Osama has put his hands on his ass. The Butcher yells out and turns to see who touched his ass. The hobo runs off grabbing all the food he can. Osama looks at The Butcher�s crotch where the gun handle is making him look erect. -|-
Osama: Is that a gun or is somebody happy to see me?
The Butcher: No, it�s a gun.
-|- The Butcher takes out the gun and smacks Osama Bin Laden in the face with the gun. The party comes to a complete halt. -|-
Osama: Woman, why did you hit me with a gun?
The Butcher: Cause I�m not a woman!
-|- The Butcher takes off the veil and the whole room gasps in amazement. Osama can�t believe he touched a man�s ass. Saddam Hussein runs over with the wallet in hand, pointing it at The Butcher like it�s a gun. -|-
The Butcher: Hey that�s my wallet! Give it back!
Saddam: You will never have the greatest power in the world!
The Butcher: Greatest power? What makes a leather wallet so great?
-|- Saddam opens up the wallet so that everybody can see. -|-
Saddam: The power is the money! The credit cards! The driver�s license! The library card! The condom!
The Butcher: Condom?! I didn�t have a condom in my wallet!
Saddam: Then who put it here?
Osama: I did!
-|- The room gasps once again. -|-
Osama: For this disruption you will pay! For allowing me to touch your ass, you will pay some more!
Voice in the audience: Have a duel!
Osama: Yes, I challenge you to a duel. Saddam, get the swords!
-|- The crowd gasps again as Saddam Hussein gets 6 Arabian swords. -|-
Osama: We are each given 3 swords�
The Butcher: And then we try to kill each other?
Osama: Kill each other? No, that is bad! We are given 3 swords and whoever can juggle the 3 swords the longest will win�the wallet and the slave!
The Butcher: Ok.
-|- The Butcher, still confused with the culture, takes 3 swords and begins to juggle them like he was born to do this. He juggles for two minutes and then lets the swords fall to the floor. The crowd claps. Osama Bin Laden looks afraid as he grabs 3 swords and gets ready to juggle. He can�t even juggle one of them! They all fall to the floor and the crowd seems amazed that he couldn�t do it. -|-
The Butcher: I won, now give me my wallet and free that hobo from that cage!
Osama: Not so fast. 2 out of 3 rules. Saddam, get the paper!
-|- Saddam Hussein leaves the room and comes back with two white pieces of paper. The crowd begins to cheer because they know what the next event will be. -|-
Osama: We will each get one piece of paper. We must construct an airplane and then throw it. The person that makes the airplane go the farthest wins.
-|- The crowd cannot wait to see this as the two competitors are given their paper. The Butcher makes a nice airplane and so does Osama Bin Laden. The Butcher throws his all the way across the room and looks unbeatable! The crowd claps as Osama looks on nervous. -|-
Saddam: You better not lose this!
-|- Osama turns and aims for the window and throws it out the window. Everyone runs to a window and watches as the paper airplane flies to the jungle and pokes a terrorist in the eye. The crowd chants �Osama, Osama� because he outsmarted The Butcher. -|-
The Butcher: What the hell is the next event?
Osama: Follow me.
-|- The Butcher and the crowd follows Osama Bin Laden to another room which contains�a wrestling ring! The crowd goes nuts. The Butcher knows he has this won with no problems. Osama and The Butcher walk into the ring. -|-
Osama: I love wrestling, especially the gfwa OMEGA! To win the wallet and my slave you must pin me. This is a regular rules match, no count out, winner wins all match!
-|- Legendary jobber Jose� Jose� comes out of no where in a referee suit. Randy Boggs and King Royce arrive with their announcing table ready to rumble. Here comes an Arabian announcer. -|-
Announcer: This is a Winner Wins All Match with the wallet and a slave on the line! Introducing first, the challenger�The Butcher!!!
-|- The Butcher laughs at the sight as the crowd boos him. There are a few cheers though. -|-
Announcer: And his opponent, the leader of the Taliban�Osama Bin Laden!!!
-|- The cheers for him are deafening. Osama quickly runs at The Butcher who moves out of the way. Osama falls out of the ring and Jose� Jose� is lost at what to do with all the noise. Saddam Hussein runs into the ring a hits The Butcher on the head with a chair. Osama Bin Laden stands outside the ring laughing as Saddam keeps beating on The Butcher. -|-
Boggs: Oh, this is terrible, King!
Royce: Shut up and watch the match you pussy!
-|- Saddam Hussein continues to beat on The Butcher and the crowd is loving every minute of it. Out of no where Cody and Tomorrow Man run into the ring and double power bomb Saddam Hussein onto the chair. Cody, rips open his Payne t-shirt and goes to the top turn buckle. Tomorrow Man goes to the opposite turn buckle. Cody jumps off and hit�s a leg drop on Hussein while Tomorrow Man hit�s a frog splash to complete the FireStarter! They then roll out the ring with Hussein and go into the crowd. Cody takes an empty seat next to Payne and starts a conversation with him while Tomorrow Man sits the passed out Saddam next to him. -|-
Boggs: Well that took care of that problem, King.
Royce: Damn, I love the little Hussein guy. That barrette he wears is cool.
-|- Osama Bin Laden runs into the ring and lands five quick punches to the weary Butcher. He then applies the Camel Clutch! The Butcher is writhing in pain trying to reach the ropes. Jose� Jose� just stands there thinking the crowd is cheering for him. Osama lets go and calls for his finisher! -|-
Boggs: If Osama hits the Crash Landing, it�s all over!
Royce: I�ve never seen this move before.
-|- Osama Bin Laden turns The Butcher over so he is facing the ceiling. Then he goes to the top of a turn buckle. He takes off his cap and puts on an old pilot hat and goggles. He strokes his beard and pulls his toy airplane out of it. The crowd is out of control. He aims to plant the plane in The Butcher�s forehead. He dives and misses! -|-
Boggs: The Butcher moved! The Butcher moved!
Royce: I heard you the first time.
-|- Bin Laden is up and very dizzy. The Butcher up and pulls out his pink vibrator! He smacks Bin Laden on the head with it and he falls over! No, he�s up again really fast holding his ass! -|-
Boggs: That is something we didn�t need to see. First he got hit by a pink vibrator and then he got a toy plane stuck up his ass!
Royce: Proctologist!
-|- The Butcher knocks Osama down and goes for the cover! 1...2...3!!! THE BUTCHER WINS!!! He stands up and walks over to Saddam Hussein and takes his wallet back. Then he gets the key to the cage and lets out the hobo. The two hobos are happy and start eating the banquet. The Butcher quickly awakes from his dream and checks to see if his wallet is still in his back pocket. It is, so he goes back to sleep. -|-
