a world where light is scarce
pain gives me solace
pain for pleasure
pain for structure
and that's all that matters
pain is all that matters
it's there for me to use
to inflict upon myself
pain - it eases the pain
pain is a refuge
pain is forgiveness
and pain is mine.

my thoughts
i can't control them
there's nothing i can do
boredom makes me crazy
the anger, it rises within me
i can't stop it
and it scares me
and yet it seems to fear me
jeer me
scream at me
yell at me
nothing i can do
there's nothing i can say
no way out
only a way in
and one can never escape it
the cuts on my arm
they help me along
i don't know how they do
they symbolize a meaning
that i do not comprehend
anger, boredom, frustration, hatred
all directed at me
from me
i don't know why it's this way
i can do nothing to stop it
all i can do is scream
and fear
and run
but i can't hide
nowhere to go
am i losing my mind?

you fear me
i fear me
i know what you think of me
it's what i think of myself
it's just the way i am
i don't like it
you don't like it
but that's how it goes
i suppose
it's not the way i act
nor is it the way i cry
nor the way i try to hide
from me, myself, and i.

soft thumping in my skull
i'm not trying to scare you
i'm finally letting you see
please don't run away
thumping getting louder
louder, louder still
pounding, shrieking, screaming
please understand that
i'm not putting on a show
i'm not trying to prove anything
it's just that
it's starting to overflow
i can't take care of it
by myself any longer
you have to see
that this is me
it always has been me
but i hide myself
because i know it'll scare you
like it scares me
i try to ignore it
i do my best not to hear
i try not to listen
but lately it's just been so near
so close to the brink
and so close to the edge
the cuts, they help control me
the cuts, i need more of them
it's better to hurt myself
than to hurt the others
they musn't ever know.

run away
before it's too late...

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